CURIOUS INDEX, 12/21/2009

by Orson on Dec 21, 2009 10:16 AM EST

Sun Belt Pimpin'. You can't handle the realness. Dwight Dasher ran for 202 yards, passed for 162 yards, and just had to be all kinds of dramatic in coming back from not one, but two disastrous-looking injuries in leading MTSU over Southern Miss 42-32. (The turf appeared bent on devouring Dasher's ACL with mysterious snags of his cleats all night.)

The balls moment of all balls moments in the game came when MTSU went for it on 4th and 1 on the USM 48 in the 4th. The whole sequence is at the 6:48 mark or so, and bears watching just to see what one mobile quarterback can do to a defense (i.e. split it like a Viking axe splits a skull.)

For Sunday night before Christmas watchin', the New Orleans Bowl cannot be complained about in the least, even with JC Pearson (aka The Black Bob Davie) footbaw'in his cliche-speak all over the place.

He's a very important man doing international things of great importance. The guy who paid to put a Range Rover in Reggie Bush's um Joe McKnight's girlfriend's name is worth the trouble of investigation alone. Scott Schefter, in his own words:

In an e-mail, Schenter said he was in Johannesburg, South Africa, "finalizing a major business deal," and complained The Times had not given him adequate opportunity to respond to questions...

...My personal life was put in the open without the opportunity to comment (I had to disclose to my wife of the other cars I have purchased or helped buy for other women)...

...Smart Bullets Inc. has a patent to turn nuclear wastes into valuable metals, eliminating nuclear wastes and actually turning it into usable materials. The company also, called Smart Bullets because a protein (monoclonal antibody) attaches to a medical isotope (radiation) and attaches itself to the cancer cell and shoots off the radiation only attacking the cancer cell without hurting the healthy cells (this being a smart bullet)! My father, Dr. Robert Schenter, ex-director of National Association of Cancer Patients is the chief scientist and world authority on medical isotop production. We are looking to use this technology for AIDS/HIV, arthritis, cancer, and other diseases. Also, did you see my patent on Actinium-225?

So this is all clearly a misunderstanding between Joe McKnight, a reporter, and a VERY IMPORTANT MAN who wants to be NUKE BULLETS TRUMP while keeping a University of Washington Marching Band Van in his driveway and owning the rights to "shaqcancer.com." Got it. This practically explains itself.

The Henry Hill of coaching. Baby, I'm sorry. Here's the mummified hand of Wallace Wade and and $500K in cash. God, we'd be such an awesome wealthy person if Baby from the Cash Money Millionaires hadn't already stolen our bit. Happy Birthday. Here's a million in cash. It will take something like that to rectify Mrs. Saban's anger, most likely, but totally worth it since it's probably built into his contract along with the oatmeal cream pies made from the blood of the innocent that keep Saban strong.

Ohio State loses position of cosmetic importance. The Buckeyes lose wide receivers a-plenty for the Rose Bowl, but the line doesn't budge, because we all know the spread doesn't change until the punter gets into trouble. That's why Tressel keeps them locked in a hyperbaric chamber for the month leading up to big games.

The interim interim coach is very excited about the opportunity. Florida says they'll be motivated, which all teams suffering huge letdowns say before immediately engaging Operation Letdown. They do have an advantage in that Cincy is getting decapitated and then re-decapitated with the loss of not only Brian Kelly, but the hiring away of Jeff Quinn, their interim coach who took the Buffalo job. The interim interim interim coach has yet to be determined.

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I’d rather try to steal a biscuit off T. Cody’s plate than piss off my wife by forgetting the anniversary

and god help me if I miss a birthday

by WarChiziken on Dec 21, 2009 10:27 AM EST reply actions

Dasher was a freaking treat.

However, Schenter is the real morsel for devouring today. He is absolutely the real life most interesting man in the world. Consider this:

He’s found a cure for not only cancer but also a way to rid the world of nuclear waste AND they are the same thing!

He buys cars for women.

The man is benevolent. He gives so much and now it seems like the NCAA is just going to ruin this awesome plan that he has for our planet. No more Nuke-Bullet-Cancer-AIDS-Cure-Disposal of Nuclear Waste-Photon Blaster-Laser-Teleporting-Time Machine for you.

by InTheBleachers on Dec 21, 2009 10:29 AM EST reply actions

I would like to complain about the SLANDEROUS LIE published about Ohio State above. It is simply NOT TRUE that the punter is kept in a hyperbaric chamber. The wide receivers are:
http://www.warroomreport.com/draft/rankings/wr/gonzalez.htm

by Todd on Dec 21, 2009 10:31 AM EST reply actions

Johanna Michelle Beltran – is she considered a ‘hostess’ by USC?

Slimy bastards.

by bitterhorn on Dec 21, 2009 11:03 AM EST reply actions

I mean, I know the joke is absolutely worn out, but is this not the perfect time for a “does not have time for this shit” reference?

by Tater Salad on Dec 21, 2009 11:13 AM EST reply actions

Saban said “I made a nice card.” God, please let someone get their hands on the homemade card Saban made for his pissed off wife .

by Vol on Dec 21, 2009 11:28 AM EST reply actions

Vol:

He also said it was a day late and a dollar short.

Somehow I doubt it was a dollar short.

by Tater Salad on Dec 21, 2009 11:37 AM EST reply actions

What a damn fortuitous name for a dual-threat QB, can can put up over 200 yd/gm. And, it’s alliterative to boot.

In other news, Doc Saturday is reporting the Cincy interim coach, Jeff Quinn, will stay at the helm through the Sugar Bowl. Who would want to move to Buffalo right now? Reports of the need for an interim interim interim are exaggerated.

by SC_Eer on Dec 21, 2009 11:55 AM EST reply actions

This Schenter person has to be a wastrel idiot son who got all his money from daddy (the apparently genuinely accomplished Dr. Schenter). His type is familiar to me, right down to the bizarre, butthurt, bragging, byzantine, badly-in-need-of-heroic-editing e-mail that was clearly conceived by a profoundly disordered mind.

There is no why on Earth that he earned enough money to be buying vehicles for other people on a whim by dint of his own effort and intelligence.

I would not, however, be surprised to learn that he got a 5 on his AP U.S. History exam.

by Blog Goliard on Dec 21, 2009 12:28 PM EST reply actions

That MTSU game was great. Dasher KILLED the USM defense.

by Rocky on Dec 21, 2009 12:33 PM EST reply actions

Schenter does appear to be a clown, but even clowns are not allowed to provide illegal benefits to players.

by bama_buck on Dec 21, 2009 2:18 PM EST reply actions

Im sure Mrs. Saban will get over it…to quote Entourage:

Mrs. Ari (doesn’t want Ari to pick up his phone during couples therapy): I ask for one hour of a day for his undevided attention, and I can’t even have that.
Ari: You could have it if you want to live in Agoura fucking Hills, and go to group therapy. But if you want a Beverly Hills mansion and you want a country club membership, and you want 9 weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, then I’m gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a motherfucking wednesday.

by Brian on Dec 21, 2009 2:32 PM EST reply actions

Why isn’t Bob Davie the White JC Pearson? Racist.

by Harris on Dec 21, 2009 2:57 PM EST reply actions

from the LA times article linkd:

“Documents in the Los Angeles County Registrar’s office show that in May 2008, Schenter registered two companies, ‘Brighter’ and ‘USC Marketing.’ Schenter said in his e-mail that USC stood for United States China Marketing.”

United States China Marketing!!! And I thought shaqcancer.com was funny. Unbelievable

by victory drive on Dec 21, 2009 9:52 PM EST reply actions