CURIOUS INDEX, 12/21/2009

Sun Belt Pimpin'. You can't handle the realness. Dwight Dasher ran for 202 yards, passed for 162 yards, and just had to be all kinds of dramatic in coming back from not one, but two disastrous-looking injuries in leading MTSU over Southern Miss 42-32. (The turf appeared bent on devouring Dasher's ACL with mysterious snags of his cleats all night.)

The balls moment of all balls moments in the game came when MTSU went for it on 4th and 1 on the USM 48 in the 4th. The whole sequence is at the 6:48 mark or so, and bears watching just to see what one mobile quarterback can do to a defense (i.e. split it like a Viking axe splits a skull.)

For Sunday night before Christmas watchin', the New Orleans Bowl cannot be complained about in the least, even with JC Pearson (aka The Black Bob Davie) footbaw'in his cliche-speak all over the place.

He's a very important man doing international things of great importance. The guy who paid to put a Range Rover in Reggie Bush's um Joe McKnight's girlfriend's name is worth the trouble of investigation alone. Scott Schefter, in his own words:

In an e-mail, Schenter said he was in Johannesburg, South Africa, "finalizing a major business deal," and complained The Times had not given him adequate opportunity to respond to questions...

...My personal life was put in the open without the opportunity to comment (I had to disclose to my wife of the other cars I have purchased or helped buy for other women)...

...Smart Bullets Inc. has a patent to turn nuclear wastes into valuable metals, eliminating nuclear wastes and actually turning it into usable materials. The company also, called Smart Bullets because a protein (monoclonal antibody) attaches to a medical isotope (radiation) and attaches itself to the cancer cell and shoots off the radiation only attacking the cancer cell without hurting the healthy cells (this being a smart bullet)! My father, Dr. Robert Schenter, ex-director of National Association of Cancer Patients is the chief scientist and world authority on medical isotop production. We are looking to use this technology for AIDS/HIV, arthritis, cancer, and other diseases. Also, did you see my patent on Actinium-225?

So this is all clearly a misunderstanding between Joe McKnight, a reporter, and a VERY IMPORTANT MAN who wants to be NUKE BULLETS TRUMP while keeping a University of Washington Marching Band Van in his driveway and owning the rights to "shaqcancer.com." Got it. This practically explains itself.

The Henry Hill of coaching. Baby, I'm sorry. Here's the mummified hand of Wallace Wade and and $500K in cash. God, we'd be such an awesome wealthy person if Baby from the Cash Money Millionaires hadn't already stolen our bit. Happy Birthday. Here's a million in cash. It will take something like that to rectify Mrs. Saban's anger, most likely, but totally worth it since it's probably built into his contract along with the oatmeal cream pies made from the blood of the innocent that keep Saban strong.

Ohio State loses position of cosmetic importance. The Buckeyes lose wide receivers a-plenty for the Rose Bowl, but the line doesn't budge, because we all know the spread doesn't change until the punter gets into trouble. That's why Tressel keeps them locked in a hyperbaric chamber for the month leading up to big games.

The interim interim coach is very excited about the opportunity. Florida says they'll be motivated, which all teams suffering huge letdowns say before immediately engaging Operation Letdown. They do have an advantage in that Cincy is getting decapitated and then re-decapitated with the loss of not only Brian Kelly, but the hiring away of Jeff Quinn, their interim coach who took the Buffalo job. The interim interim interim coach has yet to be determined.

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