OH LET'S JUST GET ALL PREMATURE WITH THIS, ALABAMA

The state of Florida used the Alabama Athletic Department’s math model as a guideline for the 2000 Election recount.

Godamn it

/shakes head

my god I hate these people.
That is embarassing to me as an alabama fan.

Whenever I see a car that has a sticker on the back that motif (big initial, “The blahblah” underneath), I assume they are terrible, terrible people. Regardless of what the sticker says.

Right now some Auburn fan is composing a treatise on how Alabama claims too many national championships.

I still don’t know what to do with all my “ThreePete” t-shirts

Etch:

I think that treatise you speak of is known as the Auburn Creed. I assume the two are the same, because that’s apparently all Auburn fans are allowed to talk about.

Re the sticker, I second haybeav’s Goddammit.

BAMA fans are such douches…

…as for bammer…just throw in the usual…“many’s the slip twixt the plate and the lip”, “don’t count your chickens before they hatch”, “don’t outrun your coverage”…of course, it really doesn’t matter which number they put on it because only a few of them are valid…might as well make it 27 or 39 or any other number that comes to mind. It reminds me of the Gators ’84 national championship…a wonderful time and the same level of credibility…

1.) In the spirit of ITAT, I believe that website was created by some Auburn booster organization to jinx and embarrass Bama

2.) Someone please trace down the owner of that site so we can shove a swarm of those tarantula hawks right up their ass

Damn the hell hole who came up with this. The scary thing is they are out of stock, which means they will be on plenty of rusty bumpers by next week. Fucking karma jinx fairy will be taking note of this.

Oh yeah, you can just bet that’s on the boards in the ‘horns locker room. Can’t wait for this game.

Texas.

Fight.

I don’t even know why they’re playing the game. It’s a disgrace that the Rose Bowl would even let two-time Heisman loser Colt McCan’t and the rest of that band of church-league champions on the field. They’ll be lucky if the Tide take a knee against this vagabond compilation of Friday Night Lights has-beens. Go ahead and put championship number 14 on the board as well cause they’re nothing in the future that can stop COACH Nick Saban.

So who is 2005 USC in this version? Kudos to these Alabama flim-flam artists – I doubt there will be many refund requests in the event of the unimaginable.

Regarding the Sticker: What a shitty font he picked, C’mon man, can we get some Kerning, some, y’know, typography?
Regarding the Number: This IS college football we’re talking about, the single most fucked up championship system in all of sports, with every season open to interpretation in such a way to make Nostradamus look like a math book and Revelations read like a cake recipe. He very well could be claiming Alabama has that many championships right now. I personally wouldn’t mind if Auburn fans went around claiming 2. Play with dirty diapers, you’re gonna smell like shit .
Regarding the Douches: Yeah, lots of BAMA douches. I’m sorry, I’m sure they’re coming out of the woodwork this year.

Goddamn Swindle is loving this shit. Makes me wish I had pulled for Oklahoma last year.

Fuck me in the goat ass.

It’s just as funny though that Auburn fans want to try to act like the final arbiters of championship legitimacy, as if they have any idea what would constitute a championship football team.

I think the fact that Auburn fans can recite from memory Alabama’s team record and final poll finish from a year prior to WWII (the real one, not the one David Housel was talking about) says all you need to know.

If Auburn fans are jealous of it, it obviously counts for something.

What can we say, we’re assholes. So’re Texas fans. It evens out.

The best thing about this game isn’t the hate we direct at each other, it’s the nearly universal feeling of “I hope the earth swallows the stadium with both teams, coaches and fan bases inside of it…” that both programs engender among both rivals and casual observers. Combine that with the massive media fellating both programs will get between now and 7 Jan and we’ll have heads asploding across the southern half of the country in no time.

Nothing beats an Auburn or A&M fan frothing at the mouth about the unattainable success of their in-state rival.

@9

There is no such thing as a swarm of THawks. THawk doesn’t have, need, or want friends.

PeterPumpkinhead says:

1.) In the spirit of ITAT, I believe that website was created by some Auburn booster organization to jinx and embarrass Bama

This is exactly what this is, along with making fun of bama fans for buying anything related to alabama. The two founders are huge aubs, went to bama law school, hate bama even more.

You can tell the person that created the sticker is a God fearin’-redblooded-constitution lovin’-republican-american… that design is a theft of the:

           W
THE PRESIDENT – sticker

what if you were a bama fan that had Triskaidekaphobia…. life would suck

god damnit. Texas = national champions.

Thanks bamatards.

As much as I hate these stickers (and all similar little square stickers and the people who buy them) and the premature nature of them, that outcome is looking about as inevitable as the crash that the 2010 Gators will experience once Tebow leaves.

Tupac:

Seems we know some of the same people.

What is sad is that they have gone onto Alabama message boards promoting it as some huge Bama fan’s project.

What a load of road apples. Here is a link to the registration for that domain name. Anyone know what it all means?

http://whois.domaintools.com/13championshipssticker.com

the endorphin storm going on in my brain since the SEC Championship game is showing no signs of abating…if we win the MNC…i’ll tattoo #13 on my face ROLL TIDE MOTHERFUCKERS

Write Texas off all you want. I hope the media rolls with this theme until the game.

Your SEC tears will taste sweet and delicious.

Hey, Bamafan, if you didn’t even win your conference, you shouldn’t claim a national championship for that year (1941).

This is NOT good. First the Heisman, then this. We are so fucked against Texas now. Based on my reckoning, we’re at negative 1500 karma, and we know karma is a mean little bitch.

Or, to quote our one of our host’s classic rants: “Fuck fuck fuckity fuck the fuckers”

Quel ironie tragique!

This piece just happens to be the thirteenth anti-Bama snark attempted by Orson since Lawrence Saban and the crimson Bedouin horde left his retreating column of gators crushed and strewn like Nike-white cole slaw in the desert, with hokey italicized block F’s, no less.

Aqaba!

No.
Fucking.
Prisoners.

Call it whatever number you desire.

It is coming and it is our time.

Hey, state fan, I …

Oh fuck it, I can’t stop laughing.

Excellent! In case things go sour, the Tide can’t just hold on to these until their next NC title since it’s sporting a copyright date.

The copyright is the best part. They expect the rest of the world to pay them anytime the number 13 is used in future? (Does it have to be a badly kerned number 13?)

Or is it the shade of crimson that they’re copyrighting?

Oh! I know! They’re copyrighting the concept of “Championships”, which they alone will have the right to license in future at their sole discretion.

Wait, Alabama people already act that way…

hailstate @28:

I wholeheartedly agree that “if you didn’t even win your conference, you shouldn’t claim a national championship for that year”.

Though why don’t you try telling that to the 1985 Villanova Wildcats, the 2003 Florida Marlins, etc., etc….

(Yes, I am implying that those playoff systems suck and fail to provide a fully valid result. Especially the baseball system: if you can’t determine who the best team in a division is over a 162-game schedule, what the hell could you possibly expect a best-of-seven series to prove?)

It only matters if you think it matters…..

@33:

I love the copyright on 13 as well. If you can be presumptuous enough to assume a 13th championship, you can be presumptuous enough to start copyrighting numbers.

I still don’t think this beats the Wildcat fans pouring onto the sidelines, followed by Wildcat fans sheepishly climbing back into the stands.

Worse and Worser Dept:

I do not know which I dislike more, Bama or Texas. Bama for being the Notre Dame of the South and Texas for beating USC in the BS-BCS game a few years ago.

It is like who does Tiger Woods dislikes more right now:
a) Mistress No. 2 – The blonde floozy that makes those types of videos.
b) Mistress No. 3 – The blonde floozy that sold his texts to the National Enquirer.

(((I know, I know, material is a little weak, but what can you expect on a late Friday?))))

Saw it, gave a “humph” and moved on. I’m pretty sure that doesn’t count as composing a treatise on bama’s claimed number of titles. What I do know is that this is the first Auburn post on the topic and the bama fans have already created a straw man and argued it down to chaff.

Says more about their feelings of persecution than ours.

PT

I have no dog in BCS title game. Hypothetically, however, we can all agree that were Colt McCoy to grow back his glorious preseason mustache in the weeks between now and the game, the outcome of the game would be a foregone conclusion, right?

Hahaha!
Just be glad they didn’t put a 23 on there, or whatever ridiculous number of championships they usually claim.
Funny how other programs could claim massive amounts of championships but decided that championships such as the Tuscaloosa P.T.A championship doesn’t count…

Holy monkeyballs, did someone say Tebow was leaving!!

∞ Championships
∞ Cocktails for All
Hopefully that is showing an infinity symbol. Cheers

This is showing all the classic signs of an upset. Good team getting absolutely no respect (OSU in 2007 doesn’t count, as there weren’t any good teams that year – themselves included) opposite the Heisman winner and a team whose fans (and, for that matter, some in the media) have already anointed as champs.

Horns win.

As an appropriately superstitious and typically paranoid Bama fan I can only say that these stickers must be the creation of Auburn fans knowing that they can change the outcome of the game by whipping up the Longhorns with Bama hubris while at the same time jinxing Bama with something like this.

As for us Triskadecaphobiac Bama fans, we’ll just rejigger the MNCs and start claming 14 if Bama wins – kind of like the way they number the floors in a high-rise (bet y’all didn’t think a Bammer would know about that tall-building shit, eh?).

And as for the outcome of the game, Oh Dear Gawd, I just don’t know… Its just as silly to think Bama’s going to blow out UT based on the Longhorn’s performance against Nebraska as it was to expect UF to blow out Bama based on the Tide’s performance against Auburn.

RTR!

When people ask why I’m not going this year, I say because bama will be playing in the next two or three. Rtr.

1. and #20 – lollin’g

Bama fans are douches???? So, does douche make Tebow cry and Urban have a heart attack too?

I’m just wondering.

Get used to 2nd place artboy.

32-13

And for all that talk of overconfidence and the Heisman Jinx…. a quick reality check. The only time it’s a bad thing to be overhyped, or have a Heisman Trophy winner on your team for the BCS Championship Game, is when you’re from the Big 10 or Big 12, because you have been overhyped all season long.

Suck on that. Don’t you all understand why Fat Phil tried to kill Alabama in 2001? Because if you can’t railroad us into oblivion, we will rise up and dominate your ass.

Enjoy the view of our large Elephant asses while you try and catch up. This is our sandbox now Bitches.

Could someone from Bammer help me on this…..

Has Bammer ever beaten Tejas? Yes, they got screwed in the 1972 Cotton Bowl. Bigtime. Painful to me.

BTW, 1941 is a HUGE stretch for a NC. Who gave it – Colliers? The Sattiday Evening Post? The Eutaw Messenger?

If my poor memory serves me right, didn’t they play the Rose Bowl at Dook that year, which always determined the true NC team?

alex hamilton — are you for real? (Based on the five years I spent living in Alabama, you sure seem like a familiar sort of Bammer, even if you’re not quite in Phyllis from Mulga’s league.)

If so, I’ve got two questions:

1) So what position do you play, exactly? ’Cause you seem to be talking like you personally made Tebow cry.

2) You really don’t see how karma will jump up and bite you in the ass someday, do you? Maybe even someday very very soon. Just ask any Georgia Tech fan how that can go down. (Try to find one of the ones who were so intoxicated by the one-in-a-row winning streak against UGA that they felt it safe to dance on UGA VII’s grave.)

Oh, and please stop bringing disrepute to the name of my second-favorite Founding Father. KTHXBAI. (My first favorite is of course George Washington, as is required of all real Americans as a matter of natural law and not open to debate.)

Karma? Karma is for people that dont understand blocking and tackling….and need some sort of mythical “spirit” explanation of why a team will win. And, I’m glad you’re out of the State of Alabama. You belong in a state like Florida where people under 35 think running their mouth is a spectator sport.

Write it down. As long as Alabama does not turn the football over (and by the way, we didn’t turn it over against the media’s Greatest Football Team of All-Time, The 2009 Florida Gators nor did we have a single holding penalty), Alabama will win the game. We have a Heisman Trophy winner at running back, who does Texas have running the ball when McCoy isn’t running for his life? Texas has given up 31 sacks this season. The only two defenses that they played in the top 20, were Oklahoma and Nebraska. Texas couldn’t move the ball on either team.

 We have four All-Americans on defense…..and Texas has one. We are a match up nightmare for any defensive coordinator. Is there a better tight end in college football than Colin Peek? Pick your poison. Try a new defense. McElwain figures it out and still beats you. We got this.

And you don’t know a damn thing about American History. I had a 5 on the AP exam and a 4.0 at The University of Alabama. You just skimmed The Federalist Papers in your dorm room when you weren’t beating off to Penthouse forum.

Actually, Texas also has a 3rd teamer on defense, so they have 2 on defense, not one All-American.

Anyone that want’s to put money on Texas needs to put their money where their mouth is. I’m sure that you will have plenty of books in Vegas that will love taking your lunch money.

hamilton are u saying that because bama has more all-americans and “blocks and tackles better” that they’re going to win? well, that’s good to know. off to vegas i go to put the house on the mighty tide, who couldnt beat utah last year. oops did i type that.

and youre right, texas didnt move the ball well against either OU or Neb. yet, they won both games anyway. strange.

Wow. I really didn’t care who won. And then Alex posted as if Alabama’s going to win not only this year, but the next 10 MNC’s. Ask USC how that worked out for them.

Go Texas.

@25 looks like they paid the extra $2 so their contact info wouldn’t be listed in the public WHOIS database…

The arguement about the ‘12 national titles’ can be completely disregarded because the only people on Earth who actually believe Bama has 12 national titles are…drum roll…bama fans. So they can spout that shit from the highest mountain and it will fall on deaf ears.

And holy fuck do I Bama fans. Not all of you, but enough to where that blanket statement is applicable.

Wes, no way in hell are you doing this BAMA fan.

I, for one, do not own anything with 12 or Got 12 on it. I do not believe we have twelve, I honestly believe 11 and if we win this year it would make 12. 1941 is a bullshit claim, I would rather they claimed 1945, 1966 or 1977, each year some selector awarded us their MNC. That being said…

…Tuck Fexas /"\

Dear Alabama 2009,
Please let us know how this works out for you.

Sincerely,
The 1983 Nebraska Cornhuskers

I love how this turned into a Bammer-Barner flame thread…except all the posts I see are from UAT fans, except for one (well, now two) from Auburn fans.

Dear Texas, if you want to beat the Tahd, load up the box and make Greg McElroy beat you. Not saying it will guarantee a win, but it gives you your best shot. 7-5 Auburn coached by “5-19” Gene Chizik did it and almost stole a win. Oh, and running the Annexation of Puerto Rico on offense now and then might help too.

Dizzle, did you not see what happened to UF when they loaded the box against Bama?

And take your “almost stole a win” moral victory and shove it where it don’t shine because it is now insignificant. AU’s best vs. Bama’s worst = Bama still wins. It’s been almost a month ago and you’re still whining about it.

The following people need to QFC:

1. People bitching about the sticker: Its not university affiliated in any way shape or form. Any jackass can put anything they like on a sticker and sell it. This just happens to work because of the fact there are too many jackass Bama fans that will buy anything with 12 or 13 on it. I went to law school with the founder, and even though he’s an Aub, he’s a smart Aub.

2. Orson: Its been two weeks now. The healing can begin now, you sad little misshapen man.

Brandon -

Care to point out to me where in my comment I was “whining”? Reading comprehension fail. And this year’s IB was far from Auburn’s best. It was definitely our best defensive performance, but Chris Todd had a pretty awful game. He routinely overthrew receivers in the middle of the field. I’m surprised there weren’t more turnovers.

Exactly, the defense played it’s best game of the year while the offense maintained its progressive slump that started back against Tennessee. But whatever, the game is done and over and Auburn had its chance to beat the ripple. The best part however is the points Auburn scored were all on plays Gustav had been running all season, guffaw…

alex hamilton,

Wow. That was fabulous. Thanks for a good laugh.

The rant about your AP scores was especially priceless. (You obviously have no earthly idea whom you’re dealing with here.)

Please do put your entire life savings on Alabama. It’ll make the schadenfreude that much sweeter if Texas can pull off a win. (“If”, not “when”…since unlike you, I am not suffering under the delusion that I already know exactly how it will go down on Jan. 7th.)

I thought the common practice was to skip to the 14th national championship.

UT really struggled against the 2 decent defenses they faced this year. They have played 2 teams in the Sagarin top 30, Bama has played 7. If Bama runs the ball and pressures McCoy, or does one of the two very well, they win. UT has to run the ball consistently, and that will be a real challenge.

You’d rather sandpaper a wildcat’s ass than get between Nick Saban and a NC. Mac Brown, on the other hand, has laid an egg there before….

Paging overconfident Alabama fans…paging overconfident Alabama fans…all Alabama fans inclined to think MNC number shinty-six is in the bag already…

Please pick up the white courtesy phone. Pat Hill is on the line from Albuquerque for you.

It isn’t premature. Being ranked #1 going into the bowls is enough to claim a national title win or lose (see 1973 Sugar Bowl).

Bama rolls. Tebow cries again. End of Story. Thankyoumuch.

I thought their Fulmer Cup win was championship #13.

Texas took advantage of this hubris with USC, another upset is brewing

Wallace -

Mac Brown, on the other hand, has laid an egg there before….

Texas has never lost a BCS game, and won its only BCS title game, in a similar underdog fashion. Nick Saban, on the other hand laid an egg in a BCS bowl game last season. I’d love to listen to Finebaum the day after a Texas victory.

@Wallace _waderides So far we are undefeated in BCS bowl games. And our last national championship came at the Rose Bowl against an undefeatable juggernaut. But your confidence is totally warranted Bama is an undeafeatable juggernaut . Swagger on Tide, swagger on

Don’t know what the fuck all the fuss is about, TCU-Boise is the real national title game, anyway.

I don’t really know what the big deal is about “Texas beat the last undefeatable juggernaut so they’ll beat Alabama.” Who does Texas have besides Colt McCoy and Jordan Shipley? Honestly. They don’t have any players with the swagger and moxie that 2005-2006 team had. There is no Selvin Young, Jamaal Charles, or Limas Sweed. No Vince Young, no Michael Huff, no Mr. Griffin to come sweeping out of nowhere to completely fuck up USC’s receivers. This Texas team doesn’t hit anybody and they hate getting physical. That 05-06 team loved hitting, loved mixing it up and actually, well, they LOOKED fucking cool the way they ran around daring teams to try touching them. This Texas team survives, throws small routes and calls it an offense, has no running game to speak of, and Colt McCoy becomes a deer in headlights when he’s under heat.

Alabama will physically roll and crush any dreams Texas may have had. Texas was way overrated this year and everyone knows it. Alabama. Will. Fucking. Destroy. The. Horns.

90% of the Miami Dolphons WRs are white. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN???

I would like to nominate the following for the Pete Carrol Win Forever EDSBS Comment of the Decade: “you don’t know a damn thing about American History. I had a 5 on the AP exam”

Vernon here’s got a job. Vernon’s got prospects. He’s bona fide. What are you?

@63

While I think Alabama should win the game, I won’t bet money on it.

But I can speak from personal experience on getting high grades in History at Alabama. Harder than falling off a bicycle, but not as hard as wallpapering a room correctly.

kinda reminds me of the scene from good will hunting, in the Hahvad bah. “Fuckin skiin trip!”

Alex- im under 35, live in florida, and dont run my mouth remotely close to what you have provided this fine board, AP 5 included, even though The University of Florida has won 2 out of the last three BCS National Championships. One thing you have not addressed is the requirement in Alabama for every male under the age of 35 to have the “Tuscaloosa Swoosh” haircut a la JPW and the rest of the “bammers” Never in my life have I seen so many douchey guys wearing the same crimson sweater, penny loafers and prairie-dog-pelt-in-the-eyes haircut.

@74:

Earl Thomas, Sergio Kindle, and the Acho brothers laugh at this statement.

Ok, obviously at least 3 of you guys know who did these stickers… SPILL IT!!!

I promise we won’t hurt them… physically… but there has to be some form of retribution here.

@ 79

Haha, sorry. I just don’t see this Texas team as physical like the one 4 years ago. These guys haven’t proven themselves at all the past couple of years. You can point out the RRS last year but that’s about it.

Howard Schnellenberger is still laughing and saying Texas doesn’t play physical. These guys are S-O-F-T and it showed against Kansas State twice, OU, Nebraska, Ohio State…

I would have liked to see Boise in the national championship game too….