CURIOUS INDEX, 12/18/09

by Orson on Dec 18, 2009 9:53 AM EST

Wayne Terrell since the day he was born. We're hungover, and in times of crisis we flee to the classics for comfort. Drop that shit, Super Brokers.

Oh, Wayne Terrell. We like to think you ended up as the Ghostface Killah of Kingsport, TN, wandering the town slowly in terrycloth robes and pointing at people and nodding, rubbing the spot on your neck where your freshly inked "WAYNE TERRELL SINCE THE DAY I WAS BORN" tattoo sits. Thoughts like this make the gin halo we're wearing feel just a little less heavy this morning.

Pat Hill FUCK YEAH. The Fresno State coach wants you to seize the day by the throat and clean your wounds with salt and bleach:

"Winning is everything," said Hill, who just signed an extension with Fresno State to remain as coach into the foreseeable future. "That’s what it’s all about. Everything’s about winning, whether you’re scrimmaging or you’re playing tiddlywinks or whatever it is. The American way is about winning. That’s why people move to the United States so they have a chance to win and be successful in anything you do. If you don’t like winning, go to another country where everybody does the same thing."

Take your ass to Belize or Gabon with that weak shit, non-winners. The coaching world's Courage Wolf will take Fresno State into the New Mexico Bowl, and you bet your ass he's taking home the...um...weird New Mexico Bowl pottery of victory.

Speaking of winners. What's more American than greasing the wheels with campaign contributions? Answer: fake tits, putting a laser sight on a billy club, and Johnny Paycheck boxing a bus full of drunk nuns.

Kippy is your destiny. Sometimes head coaches have head coaching names. "Mack Brown" is not a moniker given to assistants; no that, dear friends, is a name given to a leader of men, a kisser of babies, a builder of programs. Kippy Brown, on the other hand? Yeah, that's someone who is never going to be a head coach anywhere because there will be that awkward moment when someone says "Coach Kippy," and everyone falls over laughing, and then you resign and go back to coaching wide receivers and hating your parents for giving you an assistant's name.

The Fear-O-Meter. Kidney stones should really be higher on this scale. (Best blog name ever, btw, especially for a Northwestern blog.)

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Comments

+1,000 cocktails for “Sippin On Purple”

As for Pat Hill’s comments the only acceptable response is:

AMERICA, FUCK YEAH! Lick my nuts and suck on my balls!

by InTheBleachers on Dec 18, 2009 10:05 AM EST reply actions

I think Pat Hill just saw “Patton” for the first time.

by gosouthgohard on Dec 18, 2009 10:12 AM EST reply actions

Mock if you will, but Kippy Brown is a bad mamma-jamma. He he turned out some super-stud WR’s in his past tenures at UT. Just for that, I hope your hangover worsens substantially.

by Vol on Dec 18, 2009 10:13 AM EST reply actions

Best youtube ever. Merry Christmas, everyone!

by DoubleDawg05 on Dec 18, 2009 10:16 AM EST reply actions

Thanks for the Friday demotivational video. I feel confident I won’t get anything a ‘tall done now. BTW – was that english those fine folks were using? – accent was so strong I couldn’t be sure (ya’ll).

by doc on Dec 18, 2009 10:23 AM EST reply actions

Laser sights on a billy club is awesome. And BTW, it’s “lick my butt and suck on my balls” in America Fuck Yeah!

by Brizzle on Dec 18, 2009 10:26 AM EST reply actions

@Brizzle

thanks

by InTheBleachers on Dec 18, 2009 10:28 AM EST reply actions

Sippin’ on Purple is a fantastic blog to be sure, but real the most dangerous game is Battleship: 100-cup beer pong, 30 beers a side, 17 cups contain shots of everclear arranged like the ships in the boardgame.

Of cours real men, Pat Hill-esque men, warm up with a few games of beer die first

by NU Wildcat Offense on Dec 18, 2009 10:37 AM EST reply actions

What sort of Nancy is afraid to find a picture of a kidney stone? Just ask Howard – I could have pissed out a more frightening specimen than that pantywaist could ever imagine.

Pussies.

by Schnelly on Dec 18, 2009 10:52 AM EST reply actions

I turned off the sound to that video and listened top Iggy pops ‘The Passenger’ instead.

The combo worked well.

by tzubear on Dec 18, 2009 10:53 AM EST reply actions

Was the last guy in that video the villian from Roadhouse, Ben Gazzara?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lN5zGTIkwTc

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Dec 18, 2009 11:09 AM EST reply actions

Great quote from Pat Hill, but what does Pat Hill know about winning? 8-4 aint winnin brother! However the rest of the world can suck on the Great American Sac. Now slap me in the face so my face can feel motivation!

As for Kippy, yeah there aint nutting you can do with that name but remain with the Vols.

by Shawn on Dec 18, 2009 11:13 AM EST reply actions

Mr. Clutch with the grey poupon put me over the edge. I’m talking tears and wheezing. 100 cocktails to anyone who can transcribe his lines.

by haveagreatday on Dec 18, 2009 11:14 AM EST reply actions

Charlie Carson (maple syrup guy)… shames Bubba Sparxxx while gaining the title of best white southern rapper… the great grandkids are proud of your youtube celebrity, sir…

by Cocky Scar on Dec 18, 2009 11:33 AM EST reply actions

You’ve got to be careful of chinchillas though. I have a friend who had two of them as pets, and when they get angry or cornered, they could projectile urinate with accuracy — usually aiming for the eyes. Not exactly something “fear” — but really really nasty.

by diamondm on Dec 18, 2009 11:44 AM EST reply actions

#8,

re: beer die

Yes please.

by Big Jon on Dec 18, 2009 11:50 AM EST reply actions

What if you keep winning, but don’t like it?

Brizzle – How about a litle artistic license for the holidays: rimchew and a sac wash?

by ohiodawg on Dec 18, 2009 11:52 AM EST reply actions

Super Broker Shuffle-has sex appeal and tight beat but it is lacking….
I just think it could use more zazz… I’m just saying.

by Malcontent Mike on Dec 18, 2009 12:22 PM EST reply actions

Rimchew? LOL doesn’t sound appealing to me, but to each his own.

by Brizzle on Dec 18, 2009 12:22 PM EST reply actions

FLYING SHARKS

That’s it, we’re fucked.

@8, that game probably has a higher mortality rate than Russian Roulette. Damn.

by To Hell With Georgia on Dec 18, 2009 1:32 PM EST reply actions

Maybe Pat Hill should actually win the WAC once or twice before he lectures us all about how important winning is.

by Doctor Strange on Dec 18, 2009 1:47 PM EST reply actions

Orson,

Is Dabo the exception that proves the assistant coach name rule or a hole in your thesis? Or is it just proof that the Clemson AD is functionally retarded?

by cbl on Dec 18, 2009 2:08 PM EST reply actions

If you’re not clicking through to the Auburn Names post on Sippin’ Purple you are missing out…

by PeterPumpkinhead on Dec 18, 2009 2:49 PM EST reply actions

I wonder if the good proprietors of this website ever thought the day would come when the head coach at Notre Dame (or at least the intern responsible for obtaining deli recommendations via Twitter) would read their offerings. Well done, sirs.

by ds on Dec 18, 2009 2:53 PM EST reply actions

I would just like to encourage more references to Kingsport, TN, as I spent many a car ride from Southwest VA anxiously awaiting my trip to the Fort Henry Mall to get free Chick-fil-A samples, play in the arcade, and spend the rest of the time split between Software Etc. and Foot Locker.

by FreakPower in '12 on Dec 18, 2009 4:55 PM EST reply actions

I thought that guy wandering the streets of Kingsport might be Wayne, but upon closer inspection, it was Rep. James “Jimmy” Quillen, who’s ghost continues to roam the countryside, howling at the moon for his lost ETSU football team. I wonder if the Angry Old Testiment God invoked by Holly got a case of mistaken identity, for He smote the East Tennessee landscape with white death and they all be froze with Wayne, Jimmy Q and the ETSU team…

by acchalfbreed on Dec 19, 2009 2:13 PM EST reply actions