CURIOUS INDEX, 12/16/09

by Orson on Dec 16, 2009 9:52 AM EST

Happy Joe-lidays.

Our sources say your holidays need Joe Schad lurking outside your door waiting to ask you about your interest in the San Jose State job. He also hears that the spirit of Christmas is interested in using coaching's most dynamic young character in a holiday spectacular where, despite being unjustly passed over for the UVA, ND, Cincy, and Kansas jobs, Ron Prince learns the true meaning of Christmas while trapped in a snowed-in bowling alley with colorful cast of characters. Ron Prince is Ron Prince in The Prince of Christmas: When The Holiday Spirit Strikes. (You bet your ass there's a scene where he helps an orphan throw a magical bowling ball through a wall of ice to free them all.)

Cincinnati gets Butch. Butch Jones will be the new coach at Cincinnati as the Bearcats nab Central Michigan's coach for the second time in four years. Butch is now the most overrepresented name by percentage in D-1 football with a whopping total of two coaches named Butch.

Anchors Aweigh. In the sci-fi proposals for Big Ten expansion, Navy is certainly the London Gentleman-classy suggestion for conference play, even if it's not quite geographically harmonious with the Big Ten's traditional footprint. Also, it turns the Big Ten into America by brand, and you'd hate America by rooting against them (unless they balance out those Commies in Madison, and then we're merely even in the accounts of conference patriotism.) The SEC remains the most red-blooded American of conferences by percentage of American cars owned, guns fired willy-nilly, titties flaunted openly, and education shunned in favor of gut decisions. If you doubt this, remember our trump card in this department.

It's still rollin'. The weirdest chapter in Alabama football history, recounted nicely by Team Speed Kills. As he points out, in the long run it all worked out, even if Bama had to go through the embarrassing rebound date of Mike Shula before landing Nick Saban.

Plenty to go around. The Year in Schadenfreude kicks the dead horse of Charlie Weis one last time, but it just makes such a satisfying thump when kicked.

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Orson, I beg to differ with the fact that the SEC has the most American cars owned per fan. The native footprint of the Big Ten, the Rust Belt, is the natural environ of the American car. If you show up at a Michigan tailgate with a Honda, you will be lynched, even if you happen to have on Michigan colors.

now if you’re including rusting out cars in front of trailers, then the SEC may edge us out.

by Dan on Dec 16, 2009 10:06 AM EST reply actions

Dan— Hey, those cars’ll run, man. We just gotta get some parts, and some paint, and you know…good as new.

by Orson Swindle on Dec 16, 2009 10:07 AM EST reply actions

Every time I look at that picture of “Teh Nutt”, my eyes can’t help but be drawn to #84 in mid thought about why he ever decided to come to Arkansas. Priceless

by haybeav on Dec 16, 2009 10:10 AM EST reply actions

You might beat the south in “running american cars” but we’ve got more cars in our sideyards than you. Just like the colors on the flag them cars don’t run.

Nice to see the Ginger Ninjas forgettable season doesn’t get forget by This Year in Schadenfreude

by InTheBleachers on Dec 16, 2009 10:17 AM EST reply actions

I believe it’s spelled “educayshun,” Orson.

by Go Big Rev on Dec 16, 2009 10:18 AM EST reply actions

@1:

Shit’ll buff out.

by Joe Dirt on Dec 16, 2009 10:35 AM EST reply actions

I thought when I clicked through the link to Nutt that it would be your picture of Les Miles declaring his love for PCP. I guess the SEC has two trump cards.

by aorist9 on Dec 16, 2009 10:45 AM EST reply actions

I’ll go ahead and agree with Dan and say there are more domestics up in the midwest than down here in the south.

Sure, the south might have way more pick-up trucks than up north but even then, a lot of them are Toyotas. And cars, forget about it. 90% are imports and of that 90%, 70% are of the German heritage.

by Kevin@LSU on Dec 16, 2009 11:09 AM EST reply actions

Carlos Dunlap prefers domestic cars, imported liquors. My sources close to Ron Prince confirm he’s a Chevy man of tip harris proportions.

by You bet your ass on Dec 16, 2009 12:04 PM EST reply actions

There are exactly half as many coaches named Butch as there are black head coaches. That’s fucking sad.

by Big Jon on Dec 16, 2009 12:06 PM EST reply actions

These haters….first I come up with Randy Edsall to rile people up and now Navy in the comments yesterday evening, I’ll be sittin’ by the mailbox waitin for the royalties to roll in blogosphere…

by Brian on Dec 16, 2009 8:39 PM EST reply actions