CURIOUS INDEX, 12/16/09

Happy Joe-lidays.

JOE XOXO
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Our sources say your holidays need Joe Schad lurking outside your door waiting to ask you about your interest in the San Jose State job. He also hears that the spirit of Christmas is interested in using coaching's most dynamic young character in a holiday spectacular where, despite being unjustly passed over for the UVA, ND, Cincy, and Kansas jobs, Ron Prince learns the true meaning of Christmas while trapped in a snowed-in bowling alley with colorful cast of characters. Ron Prince is Ron Prince in The Prince of Christmas: When The Holiday Spirit Strikes. (You bet your ass there's a scene where he helps an orphan throw a magical bowling ball through a wall of ice to free them all.)

Cincinnati gets Butch. Butch Jones will be the new coach at Cincinnati as the Bearcats nab Central Michigan's coach for the second time in four years. Butch is now the most overrepresented name by percentage in D-1 football with a whopping total of two coaches named Butch.

Anchors Aweigh. In the sci-fi proposals for Big Ten expansion, Navy is certainly the London Gentleman-classy suggestion for conference play, even if it's not quite geographically harmonious with the Big Ten's traditional footprint. Also, it turns the Big Ten into America by brand, and you'd hate America by rooting against them (unless they balance out those Commies in Madison, and then we're merely even in the accounts of conference patriotism.) The SEC remains the most red-blooded American of conferences by percentage of American cars owned, guns fired willy-nilly, titties flaunted openly, and education shunned in favor of gut decisions. If you doubt this, remember our trump card in this department.

It's still rollin'. The weirdest chapter in Alabama football history, recounted nicely by Team Speed Kills. As he points out, in the long run it all worked out, even if Bama had to go through the embarrassing rebound date of Mike Shula before landing Nick Saban.

Plenty to go around. The Year in Schadenfreude kicks the dead horse of Charlie Weis one last time, but it just makes such a satisfying thump when kicked.

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