SEC CHAMPIONSHIP: ANXIETY AND ITS MANY VARIETIES

wtf is a dementor?

Shaun Alexander*

ALABAMA DELENDA EST

Unless you meant to spell it phonetically, as it was pronounced by his fans here in Alabama.*

And while we’re at it, who’s this “Shawn Alexander”?

(Don’t worry, most Tide fans never could spell his name properly, either.)

Most of my anxiety stems from flashbacks to that ‘05 game no matter what’s happened since. Just have to keep the paper bag nearby and take a few deep breaths.

@5 in their defense Shawn does have more than 3 letters. Isn’t that pretty much the ceiling for people from Alabama?

@1

Read Harry Potter. Or search the internets. Explaining it would be even more awkward without a frame of reference. But basically, they suck out peoples souls.

Pretty good write up. Now could you please pass me my wallet?

It’s the one that says bad motherfucker.

@ 2, 4, 5: Dang, I knew we Bama fans would jump on the spelling error, but not that fast.

@ 7: Oh yeah? Well, I’m from Birmingham, and I once connected two triple-point bonuses via a 7-letter word in Scrabble. BAM! Who’s looking stupid now, Gator?

Finebaum Dept:

Who does Finebaum predict will win this game?

@10 – What’s Scrabble? Is it like Halo?

Orson, did you just invoke Dan Quizzenberry on EDSBS? I know you’re not a big baseball guy so I’m going to help you out before COTG notices you just compared His son Timmy to the immortal Dan Quizzenberry. COrrect it, and with a quickness son. You don’t need to thumb your nose at COTG the day before your team plays in the SECCG.

I"m not feeling good about this game.

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get fried gator in Phoenix, AZ?

BurritoBrosShits @ 3: +17 cocktails on the Cato. Well done.

@3

Ancient Chinese Secret beat me to it. But ill throw in an extra +25 cocktails.

If anyone is fit to raze Bama and sow the ground upon which it once stood with salt, it is Scipio Tebowcanus.

This settles it. From here on out, I suggest referring to under-achieving linemen as Waffle House All-Americans.

Chris Leak felt like he went to the dentist after that hit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txqiwrbYGrs
(peep the shirt. you can’t tell, but the kids wearing his finest jorts.)

Childhood abuse: Shane Matthews throws a pass, Antonio Langham catches it, and 17 years later Sean Penn accuses us of kiliing his daughter and we don’t deny it…

jakldawg @ 17 – If we do that, Sam Young and Chris Stewart will put IHOP, Denny’s, and Perkins out of business in one day.

And Paul Duncan will turn into a patty melt with bad footwork.

repeat after me Orson and it will all be better….

they almost lost to Auburn…..they almost lost to Auburn……. they almost lost to Auburn

there….feeling better already I imagine

Chuckles—

Orson and I go way way back, and back in the day (the early 90s) he was a HUGE baseball fan— hardly a day went by without watching Peter Gammons on Baseball Tonight, and at one point Orson was actually able to get me to understand the infield fly rule. For Valentine’s Day our senior year at UF, we went to a Gator baseball home game with a bucket of Publix fried chicken. As late as ’99 he was still getting giddy when his favorite team won.

Don’t read his loathing of baseball as that of someone unexposed to its pleasures— view it as the searing post-strike, post-scandal hatred on the flip side of the coin of devoted fandom.

OTG is a God of Vengeance…and he is a Bama fan…he will liken the front 7 unto the plagues upon Egypt, and Tebow unto the Pharoah. When all is said and done Addazio will look back upon the scoreboard that is Sodom and turn into a pillar of salt despite the warnings of Meyer.

I understand you wanting to use that “almost lost to Auburn” bit for calming sensations, I don’t blame you, I’d probably do the same…just block out the “we almost lost to Arkansas whom they completely embarrassed” and you’ll be alright! =)

100+ cocktails for “the unstoppable dysentery of defeat”.

WC@21 – doesn’t it make you sad that AU’s best game of the year was still a loss?

Actually I screwed that up, maybe Meyer is the Pharoah and Tebow his first-born….triple post’d! Ok back to work.

Is that Popozão?

Demeco is to Leak as Danny is to the Bama secondary (x6)?

I thought dementors were in prison…at least that’s what Prison Mike told me

@21

Small comfort, I’m sure. Tebow lost to Auburn every time he played them.

Sullivan013

blocked extra points are the warning farts announcing the approach of the unstoppable dysentery of defeat

… and there’s todays word-manna from heaven. COTG be praised.

#24, probably your point, but on head to head transitive, we can go back and forth all day, remember UTenn and LSU, who, despite the scoreboard, Florida dominated from start to finish and was never in danger of losing to?
Fla struggled with two that Bama crushed (Arky, Miss. St.), and Fla. dominated two (LSU and Utenn) that Bama barely escaped.

Fla can take comfort in the way Auburn’s D-line got to McElroy time and again, because Fla’s D-line is better than Auburn’s. Bama can take comfort in that Dunlap’s DUI perhaps eliminated the truth of that previous sentence.

If this game comes down to a field goal by either team, I’m gonna shart my puking self with piss out my nose.

Which all means nothing.

Florida is like the smoking-hot virgin; you’d give your left nut for it but you’re a little disappointed afterwards because your expectations were skewed from her hotness.

Alabama is like the homely girl-next-door; sure there are other girls you’d rather plow, but this little girl will put it on you like it’s her duty. And once she does that thing with her tongue on your balls, you can’t get her out of your head.

Question now is, which one is gonna make you blow your wad.

Ltrain – although it seems easy to compare games of “A vs B” and “A vs C”, it is also obvious that some teams progressed and improved throughout the season – Tenn and MissState are two great examples this year

Auburn sure as hell would not want to play Tenn again … my guess is they would probably get beat by a touchdown. Lord knows MissState improved, so Fla(who beat MissSt by 10pts) struggling against them in late Oct does not mean Auburn (who beat MissSt by 20+pts) is better than Florida.

Look at it like this… Alabama beat both Tenn and Auburn in close games…late in the season. Florida handled it’s toughest games late in the season(SoCar, UGA, FLState) with aplomb – a sure sign that they are ready to step up the pressure for a big game

my guess…. FL 28 UA 10

sorry Bama boys, not this year… now go do better in the Sugar bowl, ya hear?

Speaking for the other camp:

I still have PTSD from the Hightower facemask penalty. Just ask the dog.

I still have flashbacks to Gene and Mal calling a draw play on 4th and 13 trailing 24-23 in 1994.

Reciprocal of the Zow photo: If McElroy gets hurt…the thought of Star Jackson at the controls makes me crawl into a fetal position in the hall closet.

What if Mark Barron lets (insert name of receiver here) just run by him like Darvin Adams did?

Two words: Lousiana. Monroe.

When we hit the t-minus 24 hour mark—I’ll start drankin’.

I actually suffer from some of the disorders mentioned here, and take a few meds. If this game comes down to something like a last minute drive and a field goal to win it I am going to start chewing up Xanax so that I don’t pace myself into cardiac arrest

@Counter Trap – if McElroy gets hurt…screw the redshirt put McCarron in there I say

WarChiziken -

By your own admission, Tennessee was a team who improved as the season progressed, so Alabama struggling with them later in the year would make sense. MSU, who purportedly improved as well, was drubbed by Alabama a couple of weeks after the Tennessee game. Two of Florida’s three biggest games may have been Georgia and FSU, but neither of those teams are worth a shit, especially defensively. FSU was even without their only bright spot in Ponder. On paper these two teams look almost exactly the same. I expect UF to win because Tebow is a better QB than McElroy, but it won’t be 28-10. More like 23-17 or the like.

If I were to give a detailed analysis, I’d say that Bama has to throw the ball far downfield to keep the gators
from putting 9 or 10 in the box, and that Cody has to win the key matchup with the Pouncey twins or Florida
will dive play us to death.

However, being a Bama fan, I’m forced to rely on the 3rd year Alabama HC Magic, where bad coaches win
10 games or SEC titles (Curry, Shula, Dubose) and good ones win MNCs (Bryant, Stallings).

With the proficiency of both defenses and the well documented problems of both red zone offenses, I don’t
see a lot of TDs. Someone 15, Someone Else 13.

Thought Bama had it won last year. All they had to do was keep pounding the rock, but they went pass wacky and gave up their advantage. Any chance Saban goes Fulmer on us again?

Annunaki has 2 Ns!

Bama fans repeat… they almost lost to arkansas…they almost lost to arkansas…they almost lost to arkansas…and state…

@21 If it makes YOU feel any better, just remember … we love moral victories…we love moral victories…we love moral victories…

Now everyone’s happy!

TCOAN – Admit it, though, that Publix chicken made the night… that stuff is pure chicken gold.

(appreciates the chicken distraction from the knot forming in his stomach over tomorrow’s festivities)

1. Lol i know, but im special…like a snowflake

I have much anxiety about this game because of the undefeated season implications. If the Tebow Child can really kill that curse, I may never have to fret about college football again. (Okay, maybe in 2011.)

Orson:

In my experience, Georgia fans tend to stay swollen and inflamed year-round, even when they have a winning season.

[moar claritin]

1. cicncysooner beat me to it, but it must be affirmed

“because blocked extra points are the warning farts announcing the approach of the unstoppable dysentery of defeat.”

that’s gold, pure gold………..you just don’t find that over on the ESPN……..you just don’t……….and that’s why I’m here and not there

a flagon of delicious bourbon for you Mr. Swindle

FLORIDA DELENDA EST < ALABAMA INVICTA < ALABAMA DELENDA EST < TEJAS INVICTA

Rolando McClain, Rolando McClain, Rolando McClain…oh shit, what have I done…runs like hell

After reading #22, +100 cocktails to Orson for doing that and still getting her to marry you. Nothing says Valentine’s Day like college baseball (against what was certainly a horrible opponent, because no one good ever plays each other in February) and fried chicken. Even if it was Publix fried chicken.

Good to know Florida fans are worried about this game too.

I’m not worried about Greg McElroy waking up with the body and skills of Tim Tebow.

@51 I am sorry, I started to say it but it is too easy.

Solely for the Dan Quisenberry reference, this Royals fan is now cheering for Florida today. May Florida play with the rage of a thousand Pine Tar Game George Bretts.