THE SEC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME BET, 2009

Last year Todd ended up singing "Higher" by Creed, a truly painful moment for music, art, beauty, and most especially Todd and anyone who listened to Todd sing it. Make a bet that Alabama will win, though, and pay the price--which Todd did like a man who lives up to his wagers.

This year, in an effort to top the agony of having to sing Creed, we only have one song that we could agree on as being so horrible, so intolerable, so completely excruciating to the ears and soul that it could stand up to the wager. It is a tale of fucking mutant animals, killing agents of the federal judgment, alcoholism, and dodging creditors. It is, without a doubt, one of the worst pieces of musical and lyrical excreta ever squeezed from the foul colon of Satan himself.

It is: "Rocky Top."

We're pretty sure that by singing lead on this over a karaoke track we will force our bodies to instantly grow a chinstrap beard. A straw hat may appear from thin air, as well. We're willing to take that chance in the name of forcing Todd to sing this ode to cromagnon living and bear/cat sodomy in the name of football, though. If you'll excuse us, we have to set out for the Alabama team hotel with a towel soaked in pure swine flu virus, because we can. Not. Lose. This. Bet. (Seriously: we might rather paint our bait and tackle to look like Big Al and post pictures on the internet rather than do this.) (And now someone is actually going to make this bet.) (EXPECTO HORRIBILIUCUS!)

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