COCAINE TIGERS: THE MEMOIR, ROUGH DRAFT, CHAPTER FOUR

by Orson on Dec 3, 2009 1:32 PM EST

(Photo: Clemson mascot watches as an effigy of the South Carolina mascot is burned. Via.)

OMG THEY'RE BURNING A CHICKEN ALIVE WHO ARE THESE SOLDIERS SHIT DO THEY KNOW I'M HIGH THEY PROBABLY KNOW I SHOULD RUN BUT THEN THEY'LL START SHOOTING AND I'M NOT FASTER THAN BULLETS WAIT AM I HAHAHAHA NO BUT IF I HAD MORE COKE WE COULD TRY YES THAT'S AN IDEA IS THAT THE CHICKEN SCREAMING OR IS THAT JUST IN MY HEAD NO THAT'S SOMEONE IN THE CROWD THEY ALL KNOW YES THEY KNOW BUT WHAT I THINK WE NEED TO DO AFTER THIS IS WALK AS COOL AS WE CAN PAST THOSE SOLDIERS WHO KNOW WE ARE HIGH ON COCAINE AND REAL SLICK JUST WALK PAST THEM BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW OMG THEY KNOW THEY KNOW BUT TO HELL WITH IT WE'LL GET MORE COCAINE AND A PYTHON BECAUSE HAVING A HUGE PYTHON SOUNDS REALLY COOL WE'LL NAME IT BARTRAM AND HE'LL BE A PROPER GENTLEMAN AND YES WE NEED MORE COKE LET'S GET SOME MORE BUT FIRST MY GOD THEY'RE BURNING A CHICKEN MASCOT ALIVE AND IT IS SO AWESOME I'M GONNA CRY---

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Mmmmmmmmmmmm, fried chicken

Always good for the munchies when you come off the coke high.

by drb on Dec 3, 2009 1:52 PM EST reply actions

I never thought of that tiger being a coke fiend, but take a look at those pupils. I could run down that hill all day with some of that shit.

by Old South on Dec 3, 2009 2:01 PM EST reply actions

Why was the Clemson tiger keeping company with Nazis in that picture?

by Tim James on Dec 3, 2009 2:14 PM EST reply actions

HE’S JUST GONNA DRINK SOME MORE TO MELLOW THINGS OUT YEAH THEN MAYBE TRY AND GET WITH THAT CHICK FROM DOWNSTAIRS WHO’S PRETTY HOT AND COULD BE INTO ME I’LL JUST INVITE HER UP AND SEE IF SHE DOES COKE AND THEN IT’D BE COOL BECAUSE WE COULD PARTY AND SHIT WHO’S THAT WATCHING ME? IS THAT A COP? NO ALRIGHT BE COOL GOTTA TAKE ANOTHER BUMP TO KEEP THINGS GOING

by Whohah on Dec 3, 2009 2:22 PM EST reply actions

ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER thinks this post owns.

by chaimy4life on Dec 3, 2009 2:23 PM EST reply actions

Al la Tom Hanks in ‘Big’ – I don’t get it. I mean, it’s a building that turns into a robot.. who wants to play with a building? HMM ORSON? WHO WANTS TO PLAY WITH A GODDAMN BUILDING!??!

by ALGator on Dec 3, 2009 2:54 PM EST reply actions

@5 – nice to know there are other AV Clubbers here.

by Gamecock'n'Balls on Dec 3, 2009 3:07 PM EST reply actions

damn that stream of consciousness sounds just like my coke-crazy gf from the ’80s… especially the night her dealer came over with a coke spoon the size of a gravy ladle

by WarChiziken on Dec 3, 2009 3:17 PM EST reply actions

This may be my favorite recurring piece. 8-Ball the Tiger.

- I remember my friend in college with his buddy the dealer and a comically large bag.

by ohiodawg on Dec 3, 2009 3:42 PM EST reply actions

Is that a second tiger standing next to Cokey mcCokerson?

And if so, is it on fire? Just saying – 8-Ball may have good reason to be worried here….

by Red and Black on Dec 3, 2009 3:47 PM EST reply actions

/strikes match, bounces it in a line through the air…
What’s this?… Richard Pryor running down the street…

by Cocky Scar on Dec 3, 2009 4:08 PM EST reply actions

This is sounding all too familiar.

From my experience, apropos of tonight’s game though, Columbian marching powder seemed to have been more widespread in Oregon than in Columbia, SC.

by dogtown gator on Dec 3, 2009 4:54 PM EST reply actions

Mixing soliders and drugs makes me think of Gravity’s Rainbow. Does that mean that Paul Johnson is a maniac bisexual obsessed with rockets, black dudes and rocket fast black dudes? Well, maybe he ain’t a bisexual… but he is crazy about scoring.

by Geori on Dec 3, 2009 5:23 PM EST reply actions