ALL HAIL THE ALPHABETICAL! NEIN! (AND A NOTE ON WEIS)

When I was a kid, I always wanted to be an Assistant Construction Manager/ Estimator….and wouldn’t you know it Orson, that’s what I got. DREAM REALIZED.

/Searching for booze

This news appears to literally be breaking the internets as we speak. Open up more tubes, please.

Also, I have removed my name from consideration as Notre Dame’s next head football coach. Just sayin’.

If you find any actual ND fans that really believe Meyer is a candidate for the ND job (and, yes, I recognize that they DO exist), you take them and you hit them. You hit them right in the head.

It won’t work, y’know. Little bastards are irony-proof. (Lovely read, though.)

ND fans who really think Meyer is a viable option deserve a good kicking.

That said, recruiting wasn’t Weis’s problem. Clausen-Tate-Floyd as as good a triumvirate as any in the country, Chuckles pirated away T’eo from The Humanitarian, slipped Kyle Rudolph away from Brian Kelly and Holly gnashes her teeth regularly at Tennessee missing out on Harrison Smith (Take him back!). It was the actual coaching part Weis couldn’t do. Too often his teams looked flat and under-prepared and his defenses were an insult to the very concept of defensive football. Weis was probably somewhat hamstrung by administrators who aren’t going to give any coach the complete dictatorial powers enjoyed at the football factories (Meyer, as I understand, is allowed to strangle up to eight freshman each year for his own amusement), but “uninspired” and “bad defense” hardly seem like insurmountable structural problems. Had Weis managed to land Hunter and Trattou, we might not be having this conversation.

Recruiting hasn’t been the problem. I would even wager that the offensive side of the ball did fairly well under Weis’s tenure. However, his teams seem to forget how to tackle after the first series. I’ve been told by fairly reliable folks that Stoops is interested. Certainly, money is no object, even in this economy. For some strange reason, boosters value football over the mortgage- I think it has something to do with the relative pride of having a winning football team over the pride of being solvent. /shakes head quietly.

“5. Toby Gerhart: never seen him play, but golly, that’s a lot of touchdowns. Never heard of a black guy named “Toby,” though. Curious."

If it helps, Gerhart is totally willing to change his name to Kunta Kinte.

In fifth grade I dressed for career day as an attorney…WHY DIDN’T SOMEONE STOP ME SOMEWHERE ALONG THIS ROAD??!!

Notre Dame may hire me if they wish. I’ve never held a position higher than LB coach at a high school in MN, but I’m cheap, I’m willing to live in Indiana, and I’ve never lost to Navy.

Just save time and hire Ken Niumatalolo. It will just kill Navy’s recruiting class.

Unfortunately, I did lose to Navy on NCAA once, but that was only because it was that very special day where the computer decides that you must lose at all costs. Flautabritches must get his.

I am undefeated versus digital GERG, though, which is nice.

Harris… “triumvirate” …exact word I wouldve used. Now I’ve got to look that up.

Another weekend, another two-minute hate directed at Bill Stewart. A solid win over a Top Ten-ranked opponent isn’t enough on its own, it had to be because both coaches were “attempting to lose the game first.” DickRod can shit the bed for two consecutive seasons up at AA, but Holly still gets all dreamy-eyed just thinking about him.

Stew’s “charmed life” is one horrendously overturned call on the field from being in position to become BE champ with a win over Rutgers next week. All with a first-year starter at QB and a very young OL; I’ll take it.

Am I the only one who doesn’t entirely get firing Charlie? Looking at the offensive side:

Clausen 68% Completition Rate, Average 8.8 Yards Per Attempt (28 TDs / 4 INTs)
Allen and Hughes, both backs with 50+ carries, both averaging over 4 yards/carry

Notre Dame has never lost by more than 7 points this season. Now if you’ll pardon me, it seems more like the problem is defense. Charlie was, if I recall correctly, hired as an offensive mastermind and he seems to have done well there. Defensively not so much. It seems to me the better solution might be something like taking numerous truckloads of money to find some blossoming young defensive coordinator and bringing him in to run the defense and as an assoc head coach. Instead Notre Dame’s going to burn their program to the ground, ensure the seniors leave early and all that. Seems dumb.
  
Stat Source: http://msn.foxsports.com/cfb/team/notre-dame-fighting-irish-football/stats

Does this mean a blue/gold version of the “No, I will not coach your traditionally successful school” shirt is coming to the EDSBS store?

The Wedge Antilles reference just made me laugh out loud like the nerd I really am

The stock market actually had a pretty sharp rally after the offical word of Weis’ firing got out. Guess they figure the economy might see increased spending soon.

Harris, to stick with the theme, you forgot to mention the Meyer strangle is done with the force a la Darth Vader.

Paul Johnson to ND, many universes would be better off.

@ Dan

On that same line of reasoning, Notre Dame could’ve easily gone 2-10 this year. But, from what I heard from a Notre Dame buddy, the fact that he los to Navy twice in 3 years is enough to fire him.

@11 i hate it when that happens… I lost in OT to Okie Lite last night in OT after a unneccessarily rediculous explosion in scoring. apparently my top ranked 2015 Husker Defense (stuffed with four and five star man beasts) forgot how to cover a post route, the hitch, the smash, and the flare, along with a complete lack of willingness to stop a RB without allowing him five yards first.

Someone explain to me, why in the name of the Crazy Old Testatment G*d (COTG) would anyone not the COTG could deal with the expectations of the South Bend Faithful? not that the COTG would actually want deal with them. I’m just hoping that He smites them.

Or perhaps he already has? somewhere, Ty Willingham is smiling.

@ Dan: Yes. There are two guys on that team from whom I know what I’m getting every game: 1) Golden Tate will play his balls off and give the Irish chances to win they don’t deserve and 2) Harrison Smith will get torched in coverage and commit a backbreaking personal foul. Everybody else, less so with Clausen, is perfectly capable of shitting himself week-to-week, if not play-to-play. His teams lose to inferior talent, they’re too often unmotivated and he has to take responsibility for hiring those sucktastic defensive coordinators in Brown and TE-NU-TA.

@14 ask Bill Callahan how well that worked out. Eventually the rest of the CFB world will figure out what the SEC and certain Mid Majors have known for years. In order to consistently win at football you must be able to stop the other guy from scoring.

IMO they should fire the fucker if only becuase he told his Defense to allow Gerhardt to score again so they could get the ball back with enough time to maybe tie the game back up again and go for OT. (At least that is what it looked like to me)

I am of the opinion that there are no certainties in football, chip shot field goals and goal to go TDs primary among them. Make them earn it.

Completely agree Orson on Neusheisel. Pete was a little bitter too after Harbaugh went for two on him earlier in the year, so he had an itchy trigger.

Oh, and how the hell did Al Groh last for NINE YEARS? He must have some naked pictures of someone with farm animals.

How can Urban Meyer pass up the chance to become Grand Inquisitor at Notre Dame? He can prowl the sideline wearing a black robe over a leather Rob Halford-type dom outfit.

Seems to me The Church’s team would be the natural outlet for the Corch’s dark visciousness.

i’m willing to bet that lou holtz is the only man in america who actually has completed the dream job trifecta: x-wing pilot, adult film star, notre dame head coach.

Notre Dame should have no problem finding a coach to return them to the promised land. They just have to drive that armored car down to Florida and throw some shiny at Darth Urban and he’s gone. Sorry to say. Let’s just face it, the domers have enough money in their endowment to make Scrooge McDuck blush and a willingness to spend it.

As a USC fan, part of me is sorry to see Charlie actually get the ax.

I wonder what he is going to do with that “USC owns Charlie Weis” hat that he was keeping in his office.

Dream job? Who didn’t want to be a pension actuary when they grew up?

/sheepishly going off into a corner, crying.

OK—as long as we’re into Star Wars analogies:

Jerry Jones is the real emperor here, Orson.

And that thing in Texas is the Death Star.

You would’ve been an A-Wing pilot if you wanted ess eee see speed.

Minor quibble:

Bear Bryant also won the SEC at Kentucky, so Saban wouldn’t be the first coach to win the SEC at 2 schools.

It is a moot point, since the Gators took notes on Auburn’s defensive game plan, and have the athletes and depth to carry it through for the full 60 minutes.

I’ll be glad to take the ND job. Unlike Mike Price, I’ll get the contract signed before I visit Mons Venus on a recruiting trip and get fired, then head back home with a cool couple million and go back to cleaning mold and digging up USTs, living happily ever after.

Drake—in the modern era where you had to win a championship game. He’d be the first. But it’s a necessary clarification.

I agree with Orson’s primary sentiment – that Urban Meyer will not be ND’s next coach – but to suggest that the reason has anything to do with lack of shady, amoral, filthy rich boosters is ludicrous. It’s fun playing “spot the private jets flying over campus” on football weekends. The private jet traffic is practically the only reason South Bend Airport even exists. The endowment is the biggest in the country this side of the Ivies the last I checked. The money is there.

The pure fact of the matter is that Meyer’s position at Florida right now is infinitely better than the ND job, and any rational ND fan knows it. I’m sure that Swarbrick will make the call, just so he can say that he did, but he can’t honestly be expecting him to say yes. Now, were Meyer at the same point in his career as, say, Bob Stoops (several successful years followed by a few years of clear decline and the dreaded “can’t win the big game” label)? Then maybe there’d be a little traction to the story. But Meyer isn’t there yet and probably won’t for another decade or two.

Not that I think there’s anything to the Stoops rumors. I won’t lie, as a ND fan and alum, I’d be thrilled to have him as a coach, but I just don’t see it. They aren’t QUITE so sick of his act at Oklahoma yet, as this weekend’s beatdown of OSU proved, and he doesn’t have any tangible ties to the program that would make him want to leave what is a pretty damn good job in and of itself.

Not to nitpick, but Imperial Pints are 20 ounces.

/nitpick

Something to bring Georgia and Georgia Tech fans back together. The collective schadenfreude directed at Pear Bryant.

Re-uniting a state, one coaching carousel at a time. Thanks, ND!

It was Wannstadt vs. God-Coach RR in 2007, too.

With a 4-7 team, not a 9-1 team with a road win over ND.

QED2UMF

Oh, and Notre Dame picked a bad week if they want to interview Paul Johnson.

No, not The Game That Shall Not Be Mentioned Further.

He signed a contract extension last week.

And now for someone completely different…Hire Al Golden from Temple if you’re ND. He can coach and seriously…ND getting a coach from Temple would be funny.

@ PAK

I think if you re-read the intro, you’ll see that Orson wasn’t saying that ND wasn’t crawling with boosters. He was proudly stating that his team’s boosters are up to the task of engaging the ND boosters in a bidding war and keeping Urban at his current job.

Scuttlebutt I’m hearing is that it’ll be Stoops’ to turn down.

Thanks for mocking jewelry commercials and people who buy jewelry, and the cookie monster

@ 43:

http://www.newsok.com/bob-stoops-im-going-to-be-at-oklahoma-next-year/article/3421502?custom_click=lead_story_title

and DAK, any supposed OU fan who wants Stoops fired will be taken out and shot with Switzer’s airport gun, and their have body wrapped in John Blake’s twister mat before it’s dumped in Lake Draper.