EDSBS THE MAGAZINE | VOL. 2 ISSUE 13

Hey, come on. Even Chan Gailey can beat Auburn (twice).

No comment on the other teams.

Normally teh funny is hidden at the bottom. Today’s edition, at the top. Nothing is laugh-out-loud funny quite like verisimilitude.

Bravo Holly

Pete Carroll: big hypocrite or biggest hypocrite?

So I was reading a blog the other day about how Florida doesn’t want to schedule Miami because they don’t want to lose their extra home game every few years. So of course the Miami fans start talking their nonsense about Florida not wanting to play them yada yada.

Well until Miami joins a real conference their fans are not aloud to talk about another team’s schedule especially any team in the SEC. The ACC straight sucks. The end! Both division champs just got beat by middle of the pack SEC schools. If Miami is so great it should walk away with the ACC every year but that isn’t happening.

Pete Carroll is the Most Interesting Man in the World Dept:

For those of you on the East Coast who were sound asleep, induced by drinking sorrows away throughout the day, here is the Play-by-Play:

1. USC was up by two TD’s with less than a minute to go.

2. USC takes a knee, game over. (At this point the rivalry game was definitley not a beauty contest, more like two drunks slapping each other around.)

3. ucla’s Rick Neuheisel calls a TIMEOUT! He had two remaining. So, Carroll, to not give the ball back to ucla near mid-field, runs a play.

4. THE PLAY – now this was a thing of beauty – a bomb, that had the dummies from ucla confused and they left the USC guy wide-open.

5. NON-Harbough Extra Point – USC then kicked the extra point. IF USC had gone for TWO, then that would have been Harbough-like.

6. USC fans went nuts (including me) and it made our day. The ucla dummies NOW try to act tough and tried to cross to USC’s side to RUMBLE. That would have been a joke, the USC guys would have pounded them in the dirt, like they did throughout the game.

7. Bottom Line: ucla’s Rick Nueheisel is no match for Pete Carroll. Harbough will get his next year, whether he is at Stanford or mosies on over to Notre Dame. It ain’t gonna be pretty.

“30-24, put that on your fucking rings.”

Never doubt that the ghost of Reggie Ball can emerge at any moment to lead the North Avenue Trade School to a 4-loss season.

Sir:

Is it too early in the comment thread to again blame Doug for the provocative headlines and stunning lack of investigative journalism in this week’s issue of EDSBS THE MAGAZINE? This week’s Lexington is nothing short of shameful.

And also, what’s with the Calvin Klein ad on page 26? That’s not appropriate for a family-friendly publication.

Sincerely,

Angry Internet Person

Is it just me or does it seem prophetic that Alabama may witness the second coming of the Utah Shovellin’ Saviour in the First Week of Advent Game aka SEC Championship?

Maybe God is teaching us one of those Old Testament lessons.

In their defense, the ACC (more specifically, Georgia Tech) absolutely OWNS the two sub-500 SEC teams. So, you know, there’s that.

I think we all know I’m a fan, but I’m realist enough to see that Georgia Tech does not “own” either Vandy or Miss St. Yeah they put up the most points against the former and second most against the latter despite long SEC schedules for both, but gave each team’s offense an opportunity for their best games of the year.

This is not news.

Side note: I am really enjoying Orson’s attempt to get Ron Prince in the mix for the Virginia job. If this thing makes it on ESPNEWS he is a golden god.

Plus we can use this link again!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6h9NiEQCQsI

Do as I say, not as I do.

Good Golly, Miss Holly… the “remember the Maine” zinger was priceless. +1000.

You should change your name to Stella, because you’ve got your groove back.

Never Lost It Dept:

@ Joe C: Holly has never lost “it”, she has always had “it”. Now, Swindle there, on the other hand, well he lost “it” for a while, but he now has “it” again and is back at full strength.

I wonder how Doug fared on his naked midnight run in the chilly night
air. I, myself, had a wonderful jaunt with minimal shrinkage.

Meanwhile, Al Groh has ’em right where he wants ’em.

I’m a USC fan, and I like Pete Carroll generally.

But, the last touchdown was super-douchey. It really did’t make the score any more humiliating. I mean, 21-7 or 28-7 doesn’t really look that much different. But, still, given the circumstances, it was uncalled for. But, the look on Nieuheisel’s face was priceless (he’s also a douche).

I don’t have a horse in the race, but I thought Pete was OK with what he did. He was trying to run out the clock. Ricky wouldn’t let him. Pete decided that he would score and teach Ricky a lesson. Ricky didn’t like the learning experience. Too bad. He should have let Pete run the clock out. Ricky can just get over it. BTW, fuck ’em both.

When a team is taking timeouts to prevent running out the clock, then that team is making at least a token effort to win the game.

Unfortunate the term is such a cliche, because COACH Rick Neuheisel was quite literally asking for it. If USC’s primary goal was embarrassment, then they wouldn’t have knelt the ball on the snap immediately prior.

“Playing competitively till the very end”* goes both ways.

• made-up quote

I hate Southern Cal, but have no problem whatsoever with the final TD. The Trojans were trying to take a knee to run out the clock, but the Bruins started burning timeouts. You can bet they would have tried to add an even more meaningless (in that they didn’t even deserve to get the ball back) window dressing touchdown had Southern Cal kneeled then punted. Why is it ok for one team to act as if the outcome is still in doubt, but take offense when the opponent does the same?

If the Bruins didn’t want the 4th TD, they should have let the clock run. Or, you know, played defense. UCLA was trying to make the score look closer than the game, and it jumped up and bit them. Serves them right.

I also think every UCLA player that walked to midfield with remaining eligibility should receive a one game suspension. I thought the same about the UGa guys that rushed the end zone a couple years back, but I think they learned their lesson anyway – don’t poke the man-eating lizard with a stick.

I’ve said it before…

The ACC is the most competitive conference in this damn league.

… or em, the most notorious and curious collection of bullshit teams in the Country. I can only blame Ron Cherry and the entire fucking state of Florida !

Go Tigers, beat Tech!

I agree with that the SEC circle jerker should continue unabated, but GT was the only team to beat anyone at all from the SEC, let alone two teams.

I don’t think anyone understands the fact that Ron Cherry could declare these six SEC teams ineligible and give the championship to the guy holding the first down marker.

Also, I have to thank Georgia Tech for entertaining me all season. For some reason their enjoyable offense made up for the awful defense, unlike Florida whose great defense did not make up for the horrid offense. Every one of their games was miserable, except maybe Georgia, Florida State, and Troy.

(The lesson is that expectations are a curse.)

Here’s to a 4-8 season next year for both teams!

Anybody who thinks the USC-Stanford and USC-UCLA situations are the same is clueless.

Harbaugh made a jerky move and the primary audience was the other Pac 10 coaches and future recruits. It wasn’t that big of a deal and nobody on USC was going to start a fight over it. Carroll put in the back ups in the 4th quarter of that game.

As others have pointed out, Neuheisel clearly asked for it when he took the time out following a kneel down.

Wait, Ricky Billboard calling a TO makes Carroll’s decision to go for two after U$C’s first touchdown against WSU this year OK how, exactly? Carroll was worried that the Cougars were so enraged by the 69-0 beatdown he’d administered the year before (tied for U$C’s largest shutout victory ever, no?) that they’d sandbagged the intervening year’s worth of games as part of a diabolical plan to catch the Trojans unawares and wrest the “biggest upset ever” mantle from the Cardinal?

@5 Repeatedly spelling Stanford’s coach’s name “Harbough” makes you look like a dauche.

I wish I could hate Georgia to death………

Carroll’s reaction when someone piles it on USC: “What’s your deal? What’s your deal?”

Carroll’s reaction when USC piles it on someone else: Clapping and fist-pumping and laughing while the whole team runs up to the sideline to point and laugh.

Doesn’t matter if His Coachness called a timeout. You still didn’t have to run that play.

Brian @22.

UCLA have something to say about GT being the only team to beat an SEC foe this year. Especially given they did it on the road.

Anyone who repeatedly spells it “U$C” should perhaps hold off on accusations of douchiness.

The SEC actually had a great regular season, only losing 6 OOC games. Most of them were pretty bad teams, but at least no one lost to Louisiana-Monroe. And it could have been even better, but lame old Tennessee and Georgia ruined it for everyone.

@29 – That’s def true, but I was highlighting ACC teams in that case.

@ #4— Now I, for one, will admit that Miami isn’t back in the true national spotlight yet and shouldn’t have been pushed all the way up to #9 earlier in the season after just 2 games, but at least The U is willing to take on anyone across the country (including cupcake Florida A&M, but that’s for The Marching “100” and the popularity of both schools in South Florida).

In contrast, I smh at how Florida scheduled 3 cupcakes (Charleston Southern, Troy, and FIU) this year, so they’re already halfway of being bowl-eligible. Well, at least the Gators are playing the other Miami, USF, and FCS powerhouse Appy State next year, so we’ll see what happens w/Urb’ and John Brantley next season.

@22, 29 and 32:

OKLAHOMA STATE – GEORGIA.

How can you forget the Jawga Ginga Ninja’s coming out party of hilariously underthrown passes to AJ Green?

If the SEC had a FACEBOOK page, it would unfriend UT and UGA and SCAR at the beginning of the year, then refriend them after this past week…..
But holy INTS Jevan Snead…..You got handled by the Starkvillers? Coach O is rolling over in his structured payout money….

There has been far too little discussion thus far of Max Hall and his ingenious creation, the devoutly Mormon, married, vengeful, hate-spewing shitkicker persona. If he were here, I would offer to buy him a beer, which he would of course refuse, so we’d get him a nice Sprite and then toast each other as he poured it over the head of the nearest Utah fan whilst cocksmacking them with a leatherbound Book of Mormon.

I don’t care if he had to apologize, he spoke the truth and it was a tiny moment of brilliance.

USCe over NC State
Bama over Va Tech
LSU over Washington
Auburn over Wf’nVA
Arkansas over TAMU
USCe over Clemson
Fla over FSU
UGA over GTech

Yes, UGA lost to Okie State, and Tenn lost to UCLA (which nobody outside of Knoxville cried over), but the rest of the SEC OOC losses were by Mississippi State and Vandy… the only two SEC teams not to qualify for a bowl.

Bowl season should be interesting (except for the lack of SEC/PAC10 games)

Yeah, too bad it was a down year for the SEC….

next year nobody from OOC will want to play MissState…. hell, I wish we didn’t have to play them

as for Vandy, well, they are probably still hung over from last year anyway

This is AMERICA Dept:

@ 26 Princess Lightfoot – You’re calling me a douchebag for not spelling “Harbough” correctly? Listen, you are the douchebag, calling out spelling mistakes.

Is it my fault Harbough’s grandpa could not get an American name when he went through Ellils Island? He should’ve gotten a good American name, like “Hamburger”.

1. had it right.

USC at 21-7 was in victory formation, happy to take a knee with 54 seconds left. UCLA decided they wanted to continue playing, which is fine. However when Neuheisel made that call, he lost the right to expect USC to stop playing. At that point, call whatever f*cking play you want to call, and see if their defense can stop you.

Stanford situation was completely different. I didn’t have an issue with Harbaugh scoring again. We didn’t stop them, so they got their touchdown. The choice to then go for 2 vs. kicking an extra point was not about running up the score, it was choosing to poke your finger in my eye, unprovoked.

On a totally unrelated note….Marshall, go hire Gus Malzahn as HC. Have him hire Todd Dodge as OC….and watch the fireworks unfold. It would totally be like 85 to 78 type scores with Houston.