WEEK 12 PICKS: A WEEK SO SPARSE WE ARE MOVED TO HAIKU
by Orson on Nov 20, 2009 4:06 PM EST
52 comments
This week's crop of picks covers a week so sparse and uninviting lichen might turn its most noselike organelles up at it. Thus, we return to the quiet, spare austerity of Japan's ancient poetry form, the haiku, to express our emotions regarding week 12's slate...which is mostly, like the majority of haiku, about staring at not much happening whatsover.
(10) Ohio State at Michigan
Holly-san:
Understand: God is
Done with you, Wolverines, and
Charles Woodson is fat
Orson-san:
This is not your fault
Greg Robinson. Blame
you, though? Feels so right.
North Carolina at Boston College
Orson-san.
North Carolina
Throws passes down the field three
yards at a time. FAIL.
Holly-san:
BC still alive
In hunt for chance to lose A-
CC title game
Oklahoma at Texas Tech
Holly-san
This one's completely
Inconsequential, which means
That Bob Stoops is safe
ChimpokomonOrson:
Red headed stepchild,
Come home. Bob Stoops, your daddy,
serves belt for dinner.
Connecticut at Notre Dame
Orson (As The Dude In The Bag From Audition)
UConn, team of pain.
(Real pain, not the funny kind
like Notre Dame's kind.)
Holly-san.
Run up the score, Weis,
Browns need a new offensive
Coordinator
(14) Penn State at Michigan State
Holly, Who Will Apologize to the Chinese When they Apologize to Her for their Crimes:
Pitt '04, your
Title of worst BCS
Team is in peril
Orson-tekkimaki.
Spartans, Joe Pa kicks
Onside like a true master.
So yeah, you are fucked.
(8) LSU at Ole Miss
Orson-tsu Maru, The Delinquent Hello Kitty Character.
Coming off big win.
Favored. Should have easy win.
GIGGITY! You lose.
Holliikittabura, The Ancient Art of Belly Lint Calligraphy:
Favored by four points
(or any): Nutt's kiss of death.
And have a great day.
Vanderbilt at Tennessee
Holly, Whose Boyfriend Is The President.
Vols' clean record was
Looking almost Vandy-esque
Thanks a bunch, Nu'Keese
Orson, chugging whole cans of "Black Boss" Coffee.
Vandy has nearly
Perfect scoring strategy
If football were golf.
(25) California at (17) Stanford
Orson, Singing "More Than This" in an inside-out shirt.
Harbaugh tries two point
Conversion on a field goal.
Pac-10 refs: "Okay!"
Holly, Destroying Scale-Model Tokyo In A Foam Rubber Shark Suit.
Add new program: Stop
Toby Gerhart. TedfordBot
Shows blue screen of death
Kansas State at Nebraska
Holly, Giggling and Nodding Furiously In High-Pitched Voice.
Both teams still alive
In hunt for chance to lose the
Big 12 title game
Orson, Being Drowned By Hitman Monkey.
The autumn leaves stir.
Leaves fall. They lie, dead. Just like
Nebraska's offense.
(11) Oregon at Arizona
Orson, Wishing a North Korean Motherfucker Would.
Tucson is a great
town for home invasions. This
will be one of them.
Holly, Breaking A Rude Gentleman's Arm In Subway Car.
"Mike Stoops loses foot-
ball games" is a thing of the
Past. Except today.
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52 comments
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Orson,
do you not know where O’Brien coaches or did I wiff on your haiku’s meaning?
by gtne91 on Nov 20, 2009 4:11 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
No, it’s just the byproduct of blazing too quickly through the picks. Corrected.
by Orson Swindle on Nov 20, 2009 4:15 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
As an Asian-American, I often speak in Haiku form. For example:
I ordered this rare.
Now you will be judo chopped.
Fucking dumb gaijin.
by BurritoBrosShits on Nov 20, 2009 4:16 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Contract extension
Can not save you now, Fat Man.
Edsall will end you.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Nov 20, 2009 4:23 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Don’t take this to heart.
Ya’ll really suck at haiku.
Style points for trying.
by GamecockTony on Nov 20, 2009 4:26 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
genius!
Think Schnelly could put out his top 25 in this fashion? probably not a good idea
by wareagle on Nov 20, 2009 4:29 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I don’t like Haikus.
Their format is very strict.
Thus, I softly weep.
by NatiJacket on Nov 20, 2009 4:32 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Cherry blossoms fall
No mascot for Kentucky
Damn good dawg, Uga
by Golden Hand on Nov 20, 2009 4:35 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Paul Johnson signed a
One year contract extension
Per the AJC
Uga the seventh
Will always be remembered:
He never beat Tech.
Sad day for Seiler’s.
Family pets should never die.
Dog died too young.
by CincyJacket on Nov 20, 2009 4:41 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
The two year wait ends.
We. Will. Bring. PAIN. Count. On. It.
This one’s for Dennis.
by gamedaytribe on Nov 20, 2009 4:52 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Smokey sends his sad
Regards for his friend Uga.
Ice bags in the sky.
by Vol on Nov 20, 2009 4:55 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
As the Fall winds down,
crappy games look sad to me,
need more Holly’s boobs.
by dirt sandwich on Nov 20, 2009 4:56 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Holly-san
You did horribly
With Umich
Woodson’s last game stats:
2 forced fumbles and a sack
Plus game-ending pick
by BlueBulls on Nov 20, 2009 5:01 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Angry Horned Frogs.
Mediocre Cowboy team.
This will not be good.
by Smyth on Nov 20, 2009 5:05 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Filed under nothing?
Not even “haiku” or “cool”?
Pick something, Orson.
by gamedaytribe on Nov 20, 2009 5:19 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
You guys suck at writing haiku. Each line is supposed to stand on its own….its not just one sentence on three different lines!!
ugh.
by wreck17 on Nov 20, 2009 5:21 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
All SEC schools
Tremble at four damning words:
“Going to Shreveport.”
by Petie on Nov 20, 2009 5:23 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Revenge. Hate. Rose Bowl.
PAC 10 crown. Saturday can’t
come fast enough here.
by gamedaytribe on Nov 20, 2009 5:29 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Charlie Woodson pwns
Would have beaten Florida
Manning has weird head
by now_a_hoo on Nov 20, 2009 5:31 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
You slurp Black Boss, but
Tommy Lee chugs the Rainbow;
I’ll just leave this here
by Kelly on Nov 20, 2009 5:33 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Knoxville slumbers now,
Neyland as silent as a
fugitive Prius
by PDXgonegator on Nov 20, 2009 5:33 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
wreck17 pain
strict adherence to structure
impairs sense of humor
by waka waka on Nov 20, 2009 5:35 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
wreck17 @ 13"
Bet you told poets
that poetry should rhyme, right?
Anal crybaby.
by gamedaytribe on Nov 20, 2009 5:36 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
@13 Hey, dude!
How much did you pay for this?
Orson, Holly rule.
by Golden Hand on Nov 20, 2009 5:40 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
(glaring at Holly)
’04 Pitt to PSU?
You cut deep. I swear revenge.
/runs away crying because it might be true
by jd on Nov 20, 2009 5:42 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Somebody should name their band Anal Crybaby.
by twogreattastes on Nov 20, 2009 5:51 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Is it STILL Friday?
When will Saturday come? Now?
Now? Now? Still no? Sigh.
Now I understand
Orson’s wish that Ev-ver-rrrry
Day Be Saturday.
by gamedaytribe on Nov 20, 2009 5:53 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Nice illustration
Crimson Tide will crush the Mocs
Warm up for next week.
by Alan on Nov 20, 2009 5:57 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Anal Crybaby,
The proper haiku structure
is five-seven-five.
Basho and Li Po
strung many sentences through
these little stanzas
also, Tim Tebow
is hung like a Clydesdale, and
Holly knows firsthand
by PDXgonegator on Nov 20, 2009 6:02 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
International
Is for Houses of Pancakes
Not Florida schools
by Threepwood on Nov 20, 2009 6:47 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Don’t we know you guys well enough to call you Orson-kun and Holly-chan?
If that’s too informal for you, I vote we go right up to Orson-sama and Holly-sama. You guys are gawdz, after all.
by An 'eer with a Beer on Nov 20, 2009 6:58 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
RichRod takes his notes
“Fall dominance in the MAC
fails to scare Big 10.”
(I even worked in the seasonal reference)
by Techie on Nov 20, 2009 7:05 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Buckeye fans help the
lake plants flourish in autumn.
Diagenesis.
by Techie on Nov 20, 2009 7:14 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Orson and Holly
revered guides to CFB
jesters with keyboards
by Warchiziken on Nov 20, 2009 7:34 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Tech losers abound
Recently on Orson’s blog
Please Clemson, prevail
by NRBQ on Nov 20, 2009 7:54 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Um, hello Holly
Hawaii 07 thinks
Pitt 04’s awesome
by PW on Nov 20, 2009 7:55 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Ah, but PW @37, it’s much more poetic for Penn State 09 to out-suck Pitt 04.
by SC_Eer on Nov 20, 2009 8:15 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Be that as it may
Hawaii 07 sucked
donkey balls, my friend
by PW on Nov 20, 2009 8:38 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Pitt ’04 worse
Than ’05 FSU ’Noles?
Unbelievable.
by O-Fries on Nov 20, 2009 8:43 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
autumn is fleeting.
passions of battle, rise. fall.
only two games left.
by thetennesseethumper on Nov 20, 2009 10:17 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Division one ball –
Not intramurals, brother!
can’t afford buyout?
by gimlio on Nov 20, 2009 10:32 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
C Dub won big games
unlike whiny horse face
Brady is better.
Rings!
by scalz1 on Nov 20, 2009 10:36 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
South Florida Bulls
Annihilate Louisville.
No one gives a shit.
by JD on Nov 20, 2009 10:58 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Tide has scrimmage game
Cody bench presses whole team
Blueberry beer rocks
by Fatboy on Nov 21, 2009 12:28 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
Ingram’s father incarcerated
Cody: one huge fat-ass
Regardless Auburn doomed
by Wes on Nov 21, 2009 1:34 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Aww, poor Georgia Fans.
They must rely on others
Their team can’t beat Tech
by CincyJacket on Nov 21, 2009 1:55 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Just want to point out
That 17’s a Techie
As if there were doubt
by Doug on Nov 21, 2009 3:39 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Holly, FSU
called, says “Worst BCS? Hey!
Our ’05 team wins!”
by FatTen on Nov 22, 2009 9:17 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
Holly and Orson
Buy way to much into the
anti-coach Nutt memes.
by Th Ghost of Jay Cutler on Nov 22, 2009 12:23 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Pity the Tide fans
Haiku challenged forever
But the team is strong
by WarChiziken on Nov 22, 2009 2:12 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
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