MICHIGAN VERSUS OHIO STATE: AN EDSBS INSTANT PARTISANSHIP GUIDE

Sweet Baby Projectile Vomiting Jesus….Nickleback???? At least give us Journey, even if they are from Michigan. “Classic” Rock goes on….and on…and on…and on…

And Great Lakes Brewery > Bell’s, we like our microbrews in OH too, but not for tailgating. Tailgating is for drinking eleventy billion beers

A certain brusqueness to a Buckeye’s locution.

If you are from WfVU:

Then Ohio State.

We wish infinite pain and suffering on Rich.

Rich Rodriguez, his little French elf of a quarterback, and everything that Michigan stands for must be destroyed.

Sigh….go Buckeyes.

[Head explodes.]

I’ve not been around many Michigan fans. Seems like Michigan=Vanderbilt, based on your description.

This pretty much sums it up.

FREE HAT!

Forget Nickelback, what about Nickel Creek? Or maybe I should just stay in the south…

Re: That Thesis:
Looks better than most of the masters I’ve seen. Seriously. That + “fellatio cabana” = WIN

Last I looked Coors Light is the flagship whizz of Buckeye fans here in C-bus.

So all Michigan and Ohio State fans listen to shitty music? And, Orson, I love your shit, but you are a total beer fag.

Nickelback. That’s low. Feelings were hurt. Even if it’s true.

Go Bucks!

I would say the behavior is similar in Michigan v. Vanderbilt, but it is an entirely different persona. Michigan can recall a proud football tradition of just a few years ago and we pummel ourselves about not being able to achieve it anymore. From what I have seen of Vandy, nobody cares.

Correction: We drink Busch Light by the 30 pack, it doesn’t come in 24 pack suitcases here.

Michigan alumni= arrogant assholes.

OSU fans= just assholes.

You people are blocking the library!

re: nickelback

FUCK YA!!! O- DIDN’T PICK CREED! We’re moving up in Fearless Leader’s imaginary football centric world

oh, and in regards to beer: bottle openers are bullshit.

Regarding being a beer fag: we have preferences, but ultimately not very picky. You can’t be at a tailgate.

Which of course leads to the conclusion, Orson, that you’d LIKE to be…you just can’t. Ergo…beer fag.

1. —

Michigan is like Vandy in that it’s filled with smart kids. However, the differences are: 1) the winters are so cold and unforgiving in Meechigan that it kills any excitable thoughts folks in warmer climates have, thus killing the drink/fuck/fight urges native in any 18-22 year olds, and 2) the ennui is so thick you could slather it on pancakes. Like, Dostoevsky’s Notes From the Underground-level.

any representation of michigan as the choice of someone seeking the lesser of uncouths is ridiculous. i give you the first lady of michigan football:

http://ymswwc.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/rich-rod-family.jpg

and the student body:

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/3TzlG9aIJnk/SYo8iwD1dQI/AAAAAAAAAIY/nwrLH6xHcI/s400/umhomos.jpg

buckeye nation will accept your admission of fault by including the latter link above the fold.

Okay, I can stomach all the bad beer(is there really such a thing?) and all the “bro” comparisons and even the goatee cracks(all true), but fucking Nickelback?

I know there are fellow buckeye bretheren who worship at the altar of bullshit Canadian faux rock, but please, understand, that they are in the minority. Most of us Buckeyes(crossing my fingers at getting to a 51% majority and not stuck at 49.5%) would sooner guzzle Bells beer out of a glass no less, than subject ourselves to something that is so obviously a subversive propaganda bomb (via Michigan of course) for an abortion on vinyl. Do you think it’s a coincidence that they are from Canada and Michigan abuts Canada? Shit John Candy was full of it, don’t go to war with Canada(IMDB Canadian Bacon), bomb Ann Arbor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So Ohio State = Kenny Fucking Powers?

Each year I just hope the home team loses this game, so as to maximize the misery.

@Brizzle – so, to sum up: drinking low-alcohol beer, watered-down and created specifically for people who don’t like the taste of beer = manly, while drinking actual beer with more alcohol = fag. Got it.

Let’s try a conference partisanship guide: If you had to have someone read this to you or skipped over 3 or more big words – SEC. I take back all those nice things I said about you before. GO BUCKS.

And now we see where peer pressure leads to tragedy…higher alcohol content = more manly, apparently.

Gotcha.

@zzgator- this is why real men drink only rubbing alcohol, or sterno. Preferably Turfman’s Sterno.

@24 – Oh hell yes!

So you’re telling me that Kitty Dukakis was more manly than any of you?

zzgator- yes, have you seen her husband?

IF, while watching the game, you’re sitting on
   
   a Chesterfield
THEN
  Michigan

IF
    a beat -up couch already soaked with lighter fluid
THEN
    Ohio State

Being a non-Buckeye fan from Ohio I say this is a pretty spot on description of Buckeye fans. Yes, even the Nickleback. If you go into a bar in Ohio you can’t go half an hour without Photograph being played, they just can’t help themselves. Although I would substitute Natty Light for Busch Light, they love that watered down shit.

I fall into the Michigan camp on almost every one of these…but I’m an Irish fan. Fuck Michigan straight to hell. I’d happily set up a fence around Ann Arbor, napalm everything inside it, and camp outside with a shotgun to shoot anyone who tries to leave.

Go Bucks!

They tooook arrrrrr jobs!!!

Very true tzubear.

Fat Charlie the Archangle…

IF
a beat-up couch soaked with lighter fluid and sitting next to a life-sized replica of Rich Rod soaked with lighter fluid
THEN
Wf’nVU

Oh, and Columbus > Gainesville in all things.

Gainesville is The shit hole of all shit holes.

Gainesville > Columbus in number of crystal trophies won in head to head competition.

And in pretty much everything else, except perhaps cold weather wardrobes.

And yes, I’ve been to Cbus. Many times. Even to a game at the Shoe.

devidee,

Gainsville must be interesting then. I have been to Ohio. Whenever I think of the state I think of the movie Gummo. It’s that bad.

This canard is just plain tired. You can’t get into OSU with a 3.5 high school GPA these days and scores of us Buckeye fans prefer the Smiths and Bells over Nickelback and Busch. Hell, I was at an OSU-Iowa tailgate drinking Mimosas just last week and I’m not even gay! Have you stopped to consider which state has more metropolitan areas? Or which state is famous for its crackpot militias? In fact, there have to be more ice-fishing, gun-toting, Old Milwaukee’s Light drinking hayseeds in Michigan than in any other state. And let’s not even talk about that hilljack Dick Rod and his trailer park wife. Just because Ann Arbor has more per capita effete, existentially alone douchebags than any other city in America does not make all Buckeyes pizza delivery boys and gas station attendants.

#25

Spot on, though it runs deeper than that.

It would be too easy to root for OSU this year because, well, fuck Michigan. Nothing wrong with that line of thought.

But holy hell, think of the consequences. What if UM got smart and got rid of DickRod. What then? They might then get back to Schembecklerhoweverthefuckyouspellit good – you know, good enough to get crushed in Rose Bowls and disillusion the fanbase, good.

Nope, this years it’s UM. OSU’s season is headed for another dismemberment by [insert non Big 10 team] in a BCS bowl. That ship will right itself.

UM by a nose. The bigger picture of both programs suckitude depends on it.

infinity cocktails. the best “preview” any of us in ann arbor this weekend favoring Michigan will read..

At first I was inclined to agree with Hossnfeffer @ 3 about giving infinite pain and suffering for Rich Rod. He was one of ours. He loved us up and made us feel special. Then he dumped us like the nasty dregs of that Dairy Queen milkshake that’s been sitting in the console of the truck for a few days when Ann Arbor came calling with her larger assets and higher, more rounded profile.

However, in concocting that mental image, I remembered this passive-aggressive-psycho ex-girlfriend I once had from Ohio, and all I can say now is, “Go Blue!”

@42- your non sequitur notwithstanding, some Buckeyes are also proprietors of meth labs, or taxidermists.

Anyone know where I can find the “most interesting man in the world?”

-signed, xx

Charlie Crist

“And Great Lakes Brewery > Bell’s, we like our microbrews in OH too, but not for tailgating. Tailgating is for drinking eleventy billion beers”

Nothing wrong with drinking eleventy billion Two Hearteds and Kalamazoo Stouts.

Gainesville sucks, bro.

These comparisons always seem a little surreal. Anyone who has been to Kalamazoo, Grand Rapids, Saginaw, etc. know that there are more camaro-driving-natty-light-drinking-busboy-tip-earning-nickelback-listening-douchebags-named-Zach-or-Trent-with-girlfriends-named-Brittany-or-Tiffany per capita than virtually anywhere. Well, maybe less than the inland empire but close.

Ann Arbor does bust the curve and pull the average up. Great college town.

Light beer was invented to market beer to women.

Bobby Smeltz says: “In fact, there have to be more ice-fishing, gun-toting, Old Milwaukee’s Light drinking hayseeds in Michigan than in any other state.”

They are the ones in green and white.

Psmith says: "camaro-driving-natty-light-drinking-busboy-tip-earning-nickelback-listening-douchebags-named-Zach-or-Trent-with-girlfriends-named-Brittany-or-Tiffany "

Again, in green and white.

“Pull your tongue outta MGoBlog’s a**hole. Dog’s do that. You’re not a dog are you Gary?”

Great Lakes Brewery is one of the few good things about Ohio, but to suggest its existence means Ohioans love their microbrews like Michigan is to ignore the fact that Great Lakes is about the only microbrew of note from that state of backwards knuckle-draggers, whilst Michigan has many awesome purveyors of actual beer. And I already bought my mini-keg of Two-Hearted for tomorrow (so I can get good and numb early).

“Great Lakes Brewery is one of the few good things about Ohio, but to suggest its existence means Ohioans love their microbrews like Michigan is to ignore the fact that Great Lakes is about the only microbrew of note from that state of backwards knuckle-draggers, whilst Michigan has many awesome purveyors of actual beer. And I already bought my mini-keg of Two-Hearted for tomorrow (so I can get good and numb early).”

Hey now, Great Lakes isn’t the only one. There’s Hoppin’ Frog and, um, uh… yeah.

Dammit, O.

Still no Wayne?

As that patent-leather shitheel Lewis Grizzard once put it, Ohio State-Michigan is like watching two mules fight over a turnip. It’s mildly diverting, but you don’t really care who wins.

Michigan is Vandy if Vandy were a public school four times its size. Similar smarts, but Vandy kids are stuck up about Daddy’s money and which private high school they went to. Substitute smug Republicanism for emo ennui.

My limited impression of Ohio State fans is that they’re Georgia fans, only the hot girls wear Buckeye jerseys and jeans instead of sun dresses. Michigan fans are UNC fans, only the hot girls wear sweatshirts and jeans instead of sun dresses. I’m rooting for the meteor.

Oh, and roast in hell, Lewis Grizzard, funny sumbitch though you occasionally were.

@Bobby Smeltz – I’ll hang out with a ice-fishing gun-toting hayseed over someone who listens to Nickelback any day, and doubly on Tuesdays.

Columbus is a wonderful city. Unfortunately, OSU’s campus is like the inside of a butthole. A butthole full of Asian organic chemistry grad students.

And who the fuck put ennui on a word-of-the-day list?

“And who the fuck put ennui on a word-of-the-day list?”

LOL! Maybe because it’s friday, one week from Thanksgiving and we are all denying the sad fact that this season is almost over. : (

It would seem that the 2 favorite things of EDSBS commentators are racism and beer.

As a Spartan, I can only say “Michigan sucks, Ohio State swallows, and Ann Arbor is a whore.”

"Michigan sucks, Ohio State swallows, and Ann Arbor is a whore."

Ann Arbor will do anything if for a craft beer. Seriously. Anything. Yes, even that.

Goddamnit. I’m sipping my last Oberon of the year as I write this. I love Ohio State but I hate the fans. Thus, do I hate myself? Fuck Michigan & Nickelback.

While Michigan fans would love to hold their heads high (mostly to keep their noses above the stench of their own economy) and appear intelligent by drinking craft beer, they are all now to damn poor to afford anything but Old English 40’s.

Oh, and ’the fuck dude? Chuck Palahniuk is the bomb!

@23

Oh HELL YES. Just try to get 12 oz of a Carling’s Black Label down and then tell me there’s no “bad beers.”

I’ve been drinking for longer than most of you here have been alive, and I have yet been able to choke down one serving of that swill, even from an ice-cold keg.

And DickRod? Choke and die, asshole. Your career peaked and then self-detonated between the hours of 7 PM and 10:30PM on 1 December 2007. Choke… and… die. (Career-wise, that is, not actual mortality-wise).

This post may be few hours old, and thus dead to the world, but no—I mean no one—makes fun of Bell’s. I have had Bell’s Oberon shipped to me (in a “foreign country” that Marines spend a lot of time in) from a random liquor store I found online in Virginia. It may have cost over $100 for a 24 pack, but I made a profit and still drank 12 beers.

Fuck OSU, Go Blue.

$10 for one beer in Afghanistan/Iraq, huh? wow… no way they are paying you enough to be there

@#69,

Thanks for what you do, there aren’t enough dollars in the world to repay you.

That being said……………..I hope your team melts like a styrofoam cup full of gasoline, we’re brining the matches.

Florida fans are funny because they actually believe they aren’t rednecks with three teeth.
When in reality, they are rednecks with three teeth.

You live in the Confederacy.

Columbus > Gainesville.

We burned your cities once. We’ll do it again.