CURIOUS INDEX, 11/19/09

Take a bow, Woody. From his comfortable, scarlet and gray bungalow in hell ("Heaven: too effeminate for my liking. Schembechler loves the place. Pansy.") Woody Hayes gets the necessary salute this morning, both for dotting the I in a smashing pair of grey slacks, but also for helping to create Urban Meyer, blessed be his name and his chins. Mille gratz, Coach Hornrims.

Everyone does that, sure. Mark Mangino can be rough, sure. This without context certainly qualified as "rough" talk to a player, with a possible toe across the line of baseline dignity infringement (even if Mangino were black, from a terrible upbringing, and saying this from a position of commonality.)

"Don't yes sir me, or I will send you back to St. Louis so you can get shot with your homies," Brown remembers Mangino saying.

What takes this quote from former Jayhawk Raymond Brown into the Asshole-o-sphere is that when Mangino said it, Brown's brother was recuperating from being shot in St. Louis. Mangino also threatened coaches with their jobs in front of players and generally behaved like a complete asshole to everyone and anyone around him. Defend it by saying "it wins games," and then look at 95% of all other coaches in the universe who do not act like complete assholes.

Partial assholes, cyborg performance evaluators without souls, hopeless charisma junkies (COUGH COUGH Houston Nutt,) fast-mumbling braheims, sparkle-eyed lunatics, outright con men, and earnest paternal types: they're alll part of the coaching ranks, yes. But how many of them are sold for spare parts the instant they hit a rough patch?

He chose...poorly.Zach Collaros failed to attend a mandatory diversion program required by the court that heard his fake ID citation in May, and should appear in court today to explain why/how that little oversight occurred. Collaros received the citation while presenting a fake Tennessee ID at a bar called "The Holy Grail" in Cincinnati. Advice for facing the judge today and surviving with your head intact and without receiving a maximum (though unlikely) 180 day jail sentence? The penitent man kneels.

Football r dum. If you know a heel who insists on the stupidity of football, just show them this and encourage them to fuck themselves with a route tree. (HT: Smart Football, of course.)

Mmmm, a delicious fisk. Besides foiling potential hotlinkers with pictures of a man exposing a good stretch of his lower intestine, the internet's oldest trick is the fisk, the line-by-line dismantling of a shoddy piece of rhetoric. It's old, it can be done very, very poorly, but fortunately BHGP is very good at it, especially when hitting up Maisel, who normally borders on the unfiskable.

Bonus Dog Strangulation Anecdote. In response to yesterday's post on how much harder Harvard/Yale used to be (you know, before tetanus shots, antibiotics, and padding ruined our fine sport,) Alasdair (a Harvardian himself) wrote in to let us know just how little of the hardness we really knew about. 1905 may have involved deaths, but 1908 got straight to pagan animal sacrifice. Jackie Sherrill, you ain't shit:

I saw your post on Harvard football being gangsta, and I must say that any discussion of turn of the century Ivy League football would be woefully incomplete without mention of Harvard coach Percy Haughton's motivation techniques before the 1908 game against the Yale Bulldogs. To wit:

"Legend has it that Haughton dragged a bulldog out before his players and strangled it before the wide-eyed disbelief of his players."

Considering Yale's other nickname is the Elis, I believe current Harvard coach Tim Murphy would probably have to choke a certain New York Giants quarterback before this week's game to even compete with his predecessor.

Don't answer the phone, Eli. Those Ivies are trixy, and you don't want your bleached white skull to become a prop in a Skull and Bones initiation ceremony before it has to. (And it will, Eli. Oh, it will.)

(ps. Strangling a bulldog in front of a horrified crowd isn't a big deal, as Florida does it in Jacksonville all the time.)

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