ALL HAIL THE ALPHABETICAL! JIMBO SLICE DEMANDS IT!
Jimbo Slice says this is how a lawya eat, and you best get over to the Alphabetical. This week’s topic include the metaphorical relationship between lobsters and USC, the Simpsons Completion Theorem, the Michigan fanbase doing it to themselves, they do, and that’s what really hurts, and kind words about the city of Athens, as close a place to actual live college heaven for all demographics as is humanly possible. Treason, you say, fellow Florida alums? Perhaps, but with Jimbo Slice on our side we fear nothing.
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1
GoneGator says:
No treason; sadly, Athens is on everybody else’s schedule but the Mighty Gators and remains the forbidden fruit of the Gator fan.
Instead, we get Groundhog Day in the pit of Jacksonville, where all the games run together. One day, when Georgia stops asking for first class tickets and only red M&M’s in the locker room from the taxpayers of Duval County, we’ll get to visit Athens, yell “Automatic for the People” all weekend long and enjoy the best roady in the SEC with the rest of the conference.
Until then, the trip to Atlanta (10 of 19 SEC East Championships) will have to suffice.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
2
Silver Britches says:
Flattery will get you everywhere gentlemen.
I was hoping for a photo diary of the trip though, Swindle.
I remain ever suspicious of complimentary fancy talk,
Silver Britches
November 16th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
3
Harris says:
Shit, if any player in the country has the right to separate himself from his oafish and clubfooted teammates, it’s Golden Tate.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
4
MrRedDevil says:
That picture + “Jimbo Slice says this is how a lawya eat” = Funniest thing ever.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
5
MrRedDevil says:
Orson, we’ve gotta get Jimbo Slice to wear one of these shirts.
http://shop.tapout.com/index.cfm?fa=shop.detail&productId=4009&parentId=3680
November 16th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
6
zzgator says:
You’re right Orson…as this picture demonstrates…Athens is just a little slice of heaven on earth.
http://www.ajc.com/multimedia/dynamic/00253/uga-tailgate_253504c.jpg
You know what’s amazing? Jacksonville looks like this, too after the WLOCP. This somehow ties into your recent comparison of the states of Florida and Georgia and the propensity to discard refuse anywhere and everywhere by the denizens of one of these states.
Meanwhile in Gainesville you get tailgating like this…
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_9qT69lhb2xU/SrlHfanpidI/AAAAAAAADtY/2UktNZHNjfM/s400/florida-party-girl-tailgate.jpg
So I guess we all have our trash.
*And yes, I have attended a game in Athens…and no it wasn’t when UF played there.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
7
Big Jon says:
+1 re: Athens as a visitor. It’s like Valhalla with sweet tea.
November 16th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
8
I'm A Lasagna Hog says:
One has to wonder, does this mean that USC sticks to magnets?
November 16th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
9
bama_buck says:
Aaaaaaaargh! My Groin!
George C. Scott in “Man Getting Hit by Football.”
November 16th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
10
Barbecue Hashmark says:
re: Jimbo Slice.
Where is the “Un-See” button, please?
November 16th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
11
DevilGrad says:
Do the Michigan fans at least get the Mark Ronson cover occasionally for variety?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLPVXo6Zr9Y
November 16th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
12
Tim James says:
Did you forget your Dorito salad picture?
November 16th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
13
PSUGuru says:
If you’ll notice, the link in the Alphabetical for http://www.sbnation.com/ncaa-football/players/10122/Lee_Ziemba describes his position as “Offensive Linesman”. Must be a popular position this year…….maybe as popular as Offensive Field Judge or Offensive Replay Booth Official…..
November 16th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
14
Golden Hand says:
Re: Athens. I shall have to attend sometime for a non-GT game. The Bulldog faithful are neither polite nor welcoming that weekend (nor would we want them to be). Personally, I prefer Chapel Hill. Similar town, fewer crazed, anti-Semitic street preachers. Slightly higher class of redneck sidewalk alumni. Much more attractive stadium, too, if smallish. Too bad about the UNC football team, but I don’t go there for them.
Oh, and the beees scored 49 in that walkover, not 41.
November 16th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
15
Gen. Stoopnagle says:
Shouldn’t it be *ARP* Athens *ARP*?
November 16th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
16
Crabapple Buck says:
Who knew that sweatervest covered up such an impressive physique? Can’t wait for Saturday when he punches RichRod out of a job.
November 16th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
17
Gen. Stoopnagle says:
@1: And this is the only sensible reason we fight to keep the game in Jax: just to deny UF something. One thing. Anything. A trip to ATH it is. Take that! *runs away*
*poof* The Ginger Ninja appears! Announces Good, Old Fashioned Hate is an 8 pm kick. *poof* And like that… he’s gone!
November 16th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
18
Coop says:
F is for Frogs.
1) The ACC is better than the Big East, at the minimum.
2) Your conference sucked, relatively speaking, last year, and they are not that much better, this year. Tech is going to destroy UGa, and we are going to do what we always do to SCar, FSU will not give UF a game, admittedly.
However, you, like last year, have two very good to great teams. They would rape and pillage the ACC. However, after you get past Alabama and Florida, and it is in that order as Alabama walks out of Atlanta as SEC champions, you have a bunch of mediocrity.
To argue that the ACC is so terrible is pure SEC bias, “we are better because we care more and we certainly cheat more,” blah blah blah. Go have sex with your cousin in an Alabama trailer park with that logic.
Having said the above, the other letters were nicely done.
November 16th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
19
Stacy Kiebler Luvs Me says:
Best Writing Explaining USC’s Recent Demise Dept:
From the A-Z List: Swindle described USC’s recent doomsday descent in the best way I have read… thus far. (Glad Swindle is getting $ for his writing). And, here it is:
” L is for Lobster. The book The Secret Life of Lobsters has more sex and violence in it that most episodes of True Blood, and has the added benefit of being slightly less embarrassing to trot out in conversation. Lobsters are social creatures, which is convenient for fishermen (who can count on a crowd surrounding baited traps) and for big, mean alpha lobsters, who in their prime can keep a whole harem of female lobsters and a cowed crew of competitors in check with their ability to wallop lesser crustaceans into line with their huge claws. (USC is the big lobster here. We swear there’s a point.) Big alpha male lobsters face one competitive problem, something illustrated in vivid detail in the book. Lobsters must molt their shells, and when they do they are often too weak to stand. The researchers profiled in the book observe what happens in their lab when they arrive one morning to find their biggest lobster gone, and the remaining smaller lobsters suddenly strutting around the tank like prize peacocks. The videotape from the night before told the tale: it showed the biggest lobster molting, and then waiting helplessly at the end of the tank while the smaller, bullied lobsters crept along the bottom with murder on their mind. If you haven’t watched the fourth quarter of the Stanford/USC game, you’re missing some quality lobster vengeance. USC, wracked with injuries on defense, inexperience on offense, and an ungelled offensive coaching staff, lay crippled at the end of the tank, and lobster Harbaugh was all too happy to take advantage. Going for two to make 48-21 an even fifty is taking revenge, but missing it and then getting it anyway is something far, far beyond that.”
November 16th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
20
zzgator says:
Crabapple…you just demonstrated another difference between the Big 10 and the EssEeeSee…we would be starting a “Keep Rich Rod” website, not hoping our coach makes him lose his job.
Sheesh.
November 16th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
21
Crabapple Buck says:
zzgator – he is already a goner. We are just finishing the drill. Its a humanitarian thing to do. They handled their last search so well, this one should be more high comedy.
We also need Michigan to be at least decent. They are dreadful now. They were an wrong officials call from losing to Indiana from losing every conference game. We can debate the ND win as lucky or not since it was really two mules fighting over a turnip. The national perception partially rides on the competence of UM football. Being 8-4 with a loss to tOSU is at least better than what they are now.
November 16th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
22
westbrooke says:
@12 Tim James: Yeah, I was looking for that too. A google image search turned up quite a variety of things called Dorito Salad, so I’m not really sure how to gauge the quality of the offering, but it sounds magnificent.
November 16th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
23
Walter Sobchak says:
The metaphor between Kimbo Slice and an Ohio State University is very fitting. If you browse the old youtube clips, you see the aforementioned Mr. Slice dominate against punks and piss poor bouncers. But when faced with decent competition (Stanford perhaps?) they fold like Orson trying to flip over a tractor tire at a training camp (Yes we have long memories). As always brilliant insight Mr. Swindle.
Interesting sidenote. It appears that the Colorado Athletic Dept is so broke they can’t afford to buy out Dan Hawkins. So more mediocrity continues and they will be MORE broke next year. HA HA HAHAHA Coach For LIFE!!!!!
November 16th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
24
KennyGregoryRockThaCradle says:
Unfortunately, President Todd Reesing no longer plays for the University of Kansas football program. He was replaced at some point this season with “Rodd Teesing,” an inaccurate, indecisive quarterback completely lacking in lateral quickness. They look the same, they talk the same, they wear the same number, but they are absolutely different people. This may surprise some of you, but 5′10 qbs without scrambling ability tend to struggle against decent competition.
RIP TODD REESING.
NOBODY LIKES YOU, RODD TEESING.
Also, there’s a growing “fire MC Marky M” movement among the Jayhawk faithful. Really goes to show how delusional a program can get after one special season.
November 16th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
25
spack says:
“R” would have been better if the sign had said “In Soviet Russia, Superfrog picks YOU.”
November 16th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
26
collegegameballs says:
Jimbo rocks a beard of bees in the summertime.
November 16th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
27
Spacemonkey says:
@23 – Clearly subtlety is lost on you
November 16th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
28
Geori says:
Orson,
Thanks be to Belichick and Johnson. They must have made you take a calculus class to get your master’s at Tech.
November 16th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
29
DHC says:
My two (non-work related) trips to Athens were for mid-week basketball games between UF and UGA. Hence, I have no frame of reference for Athens as a town but it certainly sounds like a great place to catch a college football game.
That being said, I only recall the many odd looks I received when, as Marty Kuisma gathered himself for a random free throw, I screamed out at full blast, “GO BACK TO RUSSIA!!!!”
November 16th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
30
RAW says:
Even as a former Techie and hater of all that is the UGa football program; I have it admit, Athens is a college-town second to none. Females? Extraordinary. Local bar drinking age enforcement? looser than Willie Martinez’s defense. Proximity to ATL? allows a Techie to return to his life of academic disparity, devoid of women in about an hour’s drive. Plus, Athens has some inexplicable x-factor that permeates oneself and allows time spent there to become a euphoric haze of booze and sundresses
November 16th, 2009 at 10:01 pm
31
commodore_dude says:
@7:
You have summed it up perfectly. Since I get 6 Saturdays a year I think I’ve been taking it for granted since graduation, but I’m gonna remember that one and appreciate it more than ever this weekend.
November 16th, 2009 at 10:11 pm
32
Techie says:
Athens certainly is a fun town. This Techie will also give props.
Only other one I can compare it to is Ann Arbor, where I’ve lived for two years, but Ann Arbor doesn’t have the same music scene.
November 16th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
33
Golden Hand says:
@17 Dammit, Stoopnagle, I would expect you to get it right. It’s CLEAN, old-fashioned hate. It’s right there in the book title.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
34
meg says:
Having spent multiple years in both Ann Arbor and Athens, I much prefer Athens except that Ann Arbor had far better Indian and Middle Eastern food. Ann Arbor also had mostly shitty bars compared to what can be on tap in Athens. Still, I thoroughly enjoyed my time in the 8Ball.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
35
CoopDawg says:
Glad you enjoyed our fair city. Its always a little more fun when the Dawgs win. My girlfriend works at Five Star and will hook you up for the free pub next time. You can even pick the Kool-aid for the day. I suggest Red, it accentuates ADD nicely.
As a Dawg fan, I must say I am falling for RAMBO, he appears to be made of the amount of kick ass his name implies. If we can beat the Nerds, the season will at least end positive and we can Free Willie and hire someone with some marbles to be his Col. Trautman for the next 3 years.
November 17th, 2009 at 3:31 am
36
ohiodawg says:
Coop – Let’s make it broader than SEC bias. From the point of view of someone in Cincinnati, I can assure you that the ACC sucks and is at best the 7th best conference.
SEC, Big Twelve, Pac 10, Big East, Big Ten, Mountain West, ACC.
Piling up wins against each other means someone is winning the cripple fight.
Putting aside the lame OC schedules (Jackson State anyone?), consider Clemson, UNC, FSU, UVa, Wake Forest, BC and Duke. they’re colorful, but they stink. I know, Miami and Clemson are BACK (or not); UNC, FSU and Wake are about to turn the corner. Duke and Maryland, well, ok, they really do stink.
I won’t say anything against either Tech because I think they’re both good teams.
People like the weather and they have great basketball. But that’s it.
I await statistics of dubious validity…..(OMG, Clempson is 6-5 at home against SEC teams with losing records when they play night games. How could you not know that!)
November 17th, 2009 at 7:42 am
37
Kevin@LSU says:
Instead of Athens or LSU, I made a trip to Columbus for the Big 10 champ game. Friday night was fun. Whole lotta bars to spend money in but as for Gameday, I was unimpressed. Streets were dead until 11or so. It was a different kind of tailgating I suppose but they all swore by it. Also, some Buckeye fans apparently hate LSU as I found out Friday. Not all, but some. Other than that. Good times.
November 17th, 2009 at 8:43 am
38
DanF says:
Athens is the only SEC college town I’ve had the pleasure of visiting – I was hoping they were all of that caliber.
I’m biased and it is far away but Happy Valley is an trip, however, the hipster/independent music scene obviously pales in comparison.
November 17th, 2009 at 9:19 am
39
CA Dawg says:
@6
What you fail to mention is that was a modern art installation. Students were asked to create a symbolic representation of Willie Martinez’s typical game plan and they went the literal route instead…
November 17th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
40
CraigT says:
Calculus is freshman math at Tech. We love doing those calculations.
No one is going to hit Kragthorpe with a cricket bat. They make baseball bats on Main Street in Louisville.
November 17th, 2009 at 5:14 pm