EDSBS THE MAGAZINE | VOL. 2 ISSUE 11

Thank God for Minnesota. And I’m not even religious.

Weis:

 “Hey, we almost schematically advantaged our way into almosting beating their third string.”

Wannstache quote FTW.

Oh, come on. Botching a 4th quarter comeback should be worth at least a 5-year extension on Pear Bryant’s contract.

This is how much Der Freek has got into my head:

When watching the Stanfurd beatdown of USC, all I could imagine was that sequence out of Boyz n the Hood when Ricky gets gunned down, in slo-mo. Except the car filled with Steve Sarkisian, Chip Kelly, and Jim Harbaugh as the gunner, Pete Carroll was the Morris Chestnut character (wearing a shirt with “A Better LA,” natch), the words “USC Dynasty 2002-2009” after the fade out to black — and all set to the strains of Boyz II Men’s version of “It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday.”

I have seen the future and it is a tandem color team of Matt Millen and Charlie Weis. Because the WWL just wants to piss us off.

Who the hell can find Bristol, Connecticut to burn something down anyway?

That headline made me laugh out loud in the library. I hope you’re happy, because I just got shush’d.

@ 5:

You are a young Kubrick. That is the greatest premise for anything that I have ever read in my whole life.

I anoint you: Cyborg!

See, not only is EDSBS Magazine entertaining, it’s informative… I had no idea about the Louisville “victory” until I read that headline… /looking into Krag1N1 vaccine

If Freek can make the scenario posited by #5 into a gif, he deserves any and every CFB Blog award out there, in addition to Avogadro’s number of cocktails.

@ Counter Trap: If ESPN can track down Willingham after Weis gets fired, they’ll be able to collect the whole set of Notre Dame coaches!

@ Ancient Chinese Secret: And if they get the whole set, what can they redeem them for?

Krag1N1: Unlimited cocktails for that.

@ 12:

Probably not a National Championship.

I wonder if the ads in the back of the mag include coaching seminars from the sweater vest:

“Punting is Winning”

I bet Belichick would pony up the $2999.00 or suitcase of beer it would cost.

God I enjoyed the Big Ten game at Heinz Field today.

Has anyone come up with a reason why Texas is better than Cincinnati yet? Other than the fact that Texas was good in the 70s?

9-4/ohyeahjustforgotthat/uscschedulecakenextyear/

Why only Texas?

We’re still waiting for someone to tell us why Florida, Alabama, or any of these other ranked teams are good.

As an example of cherry picking data to prove a point (don’t ask me what point, there’s one in here
somewhere, I swear), I’ll point out Florida’s offense without its 2 non-conference puff pastry games
averages 27.62 points, and would rank 59th in the nation. Interestingly enough, Florida Atlantic ranks
slightly higher at #55, averaging 27.9 points per game.

This is not a knock on Florida, but on the futility of the current college football system to determine anything,
much less the “#1 football team in the country”, whatever that means. Unfortunately, it means very different
things to different people. For anyone with a need to be logically thorough and reasonably objective, well,
why am I talking to you lot – you’re probably watching NCAA basketball or playing chess somewhere while
you sip your lattes.

College football truly lives amidst junkies and roadies high on homerish tribal causes, defenders of their
faith, the irrationally self-proclaimed pure, the moonstruck hero wannabe kidz and the vicariously living
aging. It is these sad victims upon whom the current corporate interests which run college football feasts.

Sorry, I now return you to your regularly scheduled program of “you suck, no you suck” and “my conference
is better than your conference” and “why the hell are you ranked above me” and “ah fuck it, where’s the beer”.

ok, who’s got tickets to Flower Drum Song? fess up!

Very amusing. Please have all the plant materials, horse shit and Buckeye debris cleared off by noon on January 2nd. Sincerely yours, Mack and Nick

@17 – See that number after the dash? See how that number is either a zero or disproportionately smaller than the one preceding the dash?

Merriment and Glee Dept:

I notice a lot of happiness on this site and on radioland and on newspaperland and on TV land because USC got whacked up and down the field on Saturday. Wow…

…Even in defeat, Pete Carroll brings happiness to the college football world!

Let’s sing-a-long:

     Number one….

     USC will not be…

     …and…

     Neither will you….

da, da, da, da, da, da, da…

I always found our nation’s core values to be overrated and empty.
@17 – Fiddler on the Roof said it best, “Tradition!”

@15: Because Texas wouldn’t give up 45 to UConn. Definitely not in points and maybe not in yards until the backup defense comes in.

@15. Not that these are particularly scientific, but recruiting rankings are one predictive yardstick. Based on those alone, Texas and USC should beat everyone else eleventy-billion to two. Of course, UGA should be Top 10, so not so scientific. But with nothing else to go on, Texas’ blue-chip studs + similar results = higher ranking than UC. Sagarin rates Texas having the No. 50 schedule, vs. UC having No. 65, so there’s another “objective” measure. Now, name ONE reason Cincinnati should be ranked higher than Texas, Bama or Florida. Or TCU (No. 48 schedule), for that matter. We’ll wait.

Krag1N1 = WIN

@24:

I have no objective reason why Cincinnati should be ranked higher than Texas. Just wanted to hear the rationale.

I have to agree with both 15 and 24. Sure, there’s no legitimate reason to rank Cincinnati over Texas, but there’s also no legitimate reason to rank UT over UC. Aside from pure speculation, there’s no way we can know which one is better, so we let the rankings be determined by other factors. Texas is ranked higher because they were good last year and, to a lesser extent, they were good a really long time ago. Pretty bullshit if you ask me. If it comes down to it and both teams are undefeated (and either Florida or Bama finishes their season strong), Texas will go ahead of Cincinnati – Cincinnati, who will have beaten a probable Top 10 team in Pittsburgh.

No doubt Cincy is good but they play in a conference where the other top “power” team, The Wannastaches, were beat by NC State, who was beat by 3 TDS by Dook, which was pummelled by the BEEEEESSSSSS 49-10. That begs credibility.

Yes, I’m biased. And after watching Satan hand our lunch to us Sat night, they are the best we’ve faced. We hung with UF, GT, LSU & Houston (go figure them out) but not them.

I’ll give you the rationale, you see, what it all revolves around. . . BOOM MOTHERFUCKER! Now rationalize that. Also, being an angel’s breath away from playing for the national championship the year before helps your preseason rankings for this year. Also, winning ten games for 8 (now 9) consecutive seasons will get you up into the higher rankings, even if you play in a church league. Also, winning the national championship last year and returning your entire team except for your offensive coordinator and making a commitment to play an entire season on the dive play gets you ranked high just for straight moxie. Also, Jordan Shipley is Colt McCoy’s roommate. So there’s that.

Until USC fans stay for the entire game, they don’t deserve to win. With 10 minutes left in the 4th quarter left, the exodus began.

There were as many South Carolina fans at the Gator walk (I guess to see Timmy) as at the Cock Walk.

What is wrong with the South Carolina fan base? I’ll take grumpy Gator fans over that any day of the week.

Also, congratulations for bringing up the rankings prematurely and guaranteeing the Bearcats a good Wannstaching in 2 weeks. If you think I’m joking just ask the 2007 West Virginia Mountaineers.

It’s an unbelievable time to be a Pitt fan. I’m just trying to figure out when the wings fall off off thise plane.

Friend, your plane doesn’t have wings. It’s kept aloft with pure moustache mojo…and when that runs out, look out below!

@20,

Still think that number would be the same if you played anybody worth a damn?

1. -

You’re USC, you’re supposed to win championships because you have all the best players. (Or so we’ve been told.) You’re not supposed to get your head kicked in by a bunch of nerds while their coach laughs and goes for two so they can hang half a hundred on you.

@28,

Because the transitive property always works in college football, and there is no parity what so ever.

@35

As I am not a college football team, nor have I professed my allegiance to any particular one, I’m not sure how you expect me to quantify that.

However if it’s stats you’re looking for, look no further than our good friend Jeff :

http://www.usatoday.com/sports/sagarin/fbt09.htm

Some weirdness going on. The numbers of the comments don’t remain consistent. This leads to a whole
dance of people in their replies pointing to a comment number that’s now incorrect. I’ve noticed that
some posts which appear much later (hours, next day, not minutes) get inserted into an earlier slot.
Would have thought comments would be fairly straightforward FIFO (first-in, first-out), in-order
sequencing. is there something holding up random or selected comments (moderator approval) for some
reason?