EDSBSGPS: WHERE WE AT, WEEK [GULP] 11

Couch in my terry cloth robe, I gave the velour a rest since Miami has too much swag for a Heel like myself to play into their lifestyle.

I’m wading the through the garbagefest at noon by mellowing in the hyperbole of Doc Walker and watching Houston Nutt fail.

My Heels take on the U at 3:30 so I’m locked in with Stanley the ibis on the grill and hope in my heart.

After that a random circulation of games to soak my tears in.

Rock over Knoxville, Rock on Baton Rouge.

Trying to learn the arts of voodoo before 3:30. Influencing Addazzio’s playcalling is my aim, but I will be satisfied with stuffing him full of needles and roasting him over a fire.

If that fails, my friends and I will be trying to kill ourselves while playing the DIVE drinking game.

Continuing with my bad habits and poor lifestyle choices: Fl-Georgia was watched from Iraq, Fl-SC is live from
Afghanistan! My drink of choice is water with immodium. Sumthin’s trying to kill me and it’s not an angry bearded
poppy farmer.

As if being deployed during football season isn’t bad enough-Beeeeeeeeees! at Duke is the start, then Caleb
Sturgis versus SOS. If that game is too exciting I can switch to the premier Big Eleventeen match-up of Iowa
versus THE Inedible Tree Nuts

At least I get to see it.

out!

I left the comfort of my California couch and headed eastward to Charlottesville, VA. Skipping all games
except BC at UVA where I’ll be watching Al Groh somehow saving his job again.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees (players, not even counting the Tech fans) outnumbering home fans in Wallace Wade Stadium (basketball season opened at Cameron Indoor last night, so no one in Durham remembers there’s a football team any more). Afterward, a random sampling of whatever is on as I celebrate clinching a berth in the ACC Championship Game. Will be monitoring Awbarn at the mutts closely to watch the suffering get worse in Athens. Oh, yeah, and more of the end of the Weis era under the golden dome.

GT@Duke at noon (live from my basement)

Followed by an afternoon of buying plane tickets/hotel reservations for Tampa.

Watching the girlfriend give a speech to a bunch of retired teachers for almost the entire duration of the noon games. I’m considering taking legal action. Afterwards, the following:

3:30: Seeing all the talent and hype builds up my confidence, and I start thinking that THIS is the day UF breaks out.

4:00: Well, not a great start, but at least SC isn’t moving the ball.

4:45: “Why do I bother watching the games? It’s like Groundhog Day.”

5:30: “Winning is all that matters. Yep. Nothing else.”

6:00: after watching the 9th surrendered sack of the day “Texas will murder us. Modern Warfare ‘No Russian’ style.”

Midnight: My eyes hurt.

November night game in Athens. Better than heaven.

UNLV @ Air Force, live in the snow at Falcon Stadium.

Orson, no matter how badly you want it to happen, Utah is not beating TCU today. It most likely will not be close.

On the way to Red Stick with the 4 year old for the annual Father-Son game (you know the one…where LSU plays some patsy and we can leave shortly after halftime…the one I can’t even give tickets away for???). This year it’s LSU vs. The Fighting Bradshaws from up north LA. I’ll be relatively sober this time…on account of the boy being with me.

Just finished Gameday, Corso went to the bathroom 4 times, apparently he was hungover. Now waiting for gametime and nursing a flask of crown.

At HQ Control here in the Metroplex.

The main event:

Ft. Worth Relevancy Bowl (Utah @ Toads) – The biggest game in Tarrant County history, even bigger than any played at JerryWorld (until the Super Bowl comes, that is).

The undercard is below.

Afternoon Session:

Spurrier Bowl (Gators @ Cocks) – The Over-Under on visor throwing is set at 5.

Ore-Ida Bowl (Idaho @ Boise State) – It’s All-Righta! This game should really be played at Heinz Field.

Big 11 Championship Game (Iowa @ tOSU)

Night Session:

La Tech @ LSU – Jarrett Lee was named late as the starter at QB. Fear The Fade Route, which Crowton will let him throw when he’s backed up to his own Goal Line. Ugh.

On The Menu: Jimmy John’s subs, with beer accompaniment obbligato.

Morning: Practice LSAT

Afternoon: Stanford-USC

Early Evening: Utah-TCU

Nighttime Levels of Inebriation: Depends on if both the Trojans and Utes lose or if just one of them does. God help my wife if they both win.

Vandy vs Blue Mist
Flo Rida vs South Cackalacky
API vs Cobb County White Girls Finishing School
Bama vs New Miss
Cal vs Arizona (live on KGO 810 AM, as I have basically decided to Bryan Anger my tix and just go all in on the Tide not humiliating me down the stretch)

All accompanied by large amounts of coffee, bourbon, and self-loathing. Go Dores.

In the Classic City, tailgating next to a dumpster plenty large enough for Willie’s body after Malzahn playfakes him into a stroke by halftime. And Orson, you need two? I got two.

Inside network control for Auburn and Georgia.
Curently watching McCluster run like a Prius over Papa Kiffin’s D.
Then on to the Gators lack luster preformance over the Ball Coach
Then a round robin of Auburn and the Pups, Bumma and State and watching the Stach beatdown Clausen III.

Anyone else hear the line after Dexter McCluster scored his third TD?
“Well I’ll tell ya, this tennessee defense is a McCluster right now.”
I don’t know who the play-by-play guy is, it wasn’t Buerlein, but I laughed out loud.

I will continue this day drinking Milwaukee’s Best Light before attending an AU/UA hate orgy at a friends place for tonights games.

If the fact that Lane Kiffin looks like Seth Rogan is not a running joke yet, it should be.

I’ll be at work from 4:00 to 10:00, streaming Sturgis v. Spurrier on cbssports.com, God willing. I haven’t checked to see if that’s the game they’ve chosen yet because I don’t want to prematurely ruin my day.

Recovering from the Wf’nV gamewatch hangover. We wuz jobbed.

Early watch: ACC round-robin, Spiller/Wolfpack, BEEEES/Devils, ’Noles/Deacs

Midday: Gators/Cocks and whatever ABC’s pimpin’

Eve Watch: Sullivans Island Volunteer Fire and Rescue Squad Oyster Roast under the Big Tin
with probably ND/Pitt on the big-screen inside the shack.

Kecalf Bailey @ 15 – The Play-By-Play announcer is Craig Bolerjack.

@ The Lesser Santini

+ 1000 cocktails and a hearty “thank you sir” to you for your service to our country. Stay safe over there in Opium Land.

Manning the couch today, slugging down the whiskey sours and watching Crompton 2.0 attempt to bust the Nutt and the Rebels. Then it’s the Spurrier Bowl followed by the Wareagletigerplainsmen taking on the Ginga Ninja and Jawja.

For the next 15 football minutes, I am an Ole Miss fan. Tennessee has been a bit too full of themselves lately.

Tennessee is gettin’ McClusterfucked, well and often…

Giggity.

The nerd shown at the GT/Duke game wearing a GT football helmet pretty much sums up the nerd-grads from GT.

That said, BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES to the ACC Championship Game. GO JACKETS; STING ’EM!

Can we please hear some more about Monty Kiffin, Defensive Mastermind?

Jacory Harris may need comforting tonight. Watch out, ladies.

Has no one told Stanford that they’re only allowed one PAC-10 upset per season? They’re up by 7 over USC in the 3rd…

Having about 15 friends over to watch Bama later. I made in the neighborhood of 5 gallons of beef stew, a shit-ton of cream-cheese filled chocolate cupcakes, and 3 different kinds of dip for chips.

The mates are bringing their own damn beer so they won’t drink all mine. RMFT, bitches.

It would be nice to eek out a win at SCar. Just sayin’…

Their D is playing lights out at the moment. I mean, lights out.

Did Meyer let Addazzio coach the D this week?

Yea, Kiffykins got his ass handed to him! These SC gamecocks are a little friskier than I expected.. My
Orange went down to Red Cardinals ugh.

Umm. Pete? USC is not supposed to have its ass handed to it twice…..not saying, just saying

USC gets drilled at home by Stanford.

Can’t wait to see how many places they rise in the rankings.

So since Stanford is 7-2 now and has put up back to back 50-spots on formerly top 10 teams… do you think its within the realm of possibility that they could sneak into the top 25 this week?

Since you know, its Stanford, and everyone knows that means they’re fucking horrible by default?

Miss St. doesn’t have smoke machines to use during their run onto the field….They use fire extinguishers

Stanford going for 2 up by more than 30 against USC… the personification of Revenge of the Nerds

I seem to remember people expressing some doubt when Orson wrote a post about Oregon’s victory over USC signaling a sea change in USC’s dominance of the Pac 10. Today’s game just proved what many of us already knew— Orson is a genius.

I didn’t watch the whole Florida game, but it seems like it’s not really about “execution” when Tebow takes 3 steps to start an option play and both he and the pitch man are already covered by defenders a yard behind the line of scrimmage.

PS. I don’t know what the fuck happened to Washington. After the LSU game, I thought they were gonna be a bowl team. But after beating USC, they completely shit the bed.

@32: by “they” I mean USC.

Either Steve Addazio knows exactly what he’s doing and is going to open up some magical untouched chapter of the playbook for the “important” games, or he continually tells himself “They won’t expect the dive THIS play!”

I seriously wasn’t hating him that much until I started to pay attention and realize that like one out of ten runs goes somewhere that is not straight up the middle.

Why were all those USC fans dressed up as empty seats? Seriously though, the USC fans are the most fairweather fans I’ve ever seen.

@39- I’m counting roughly four that he seems to really REALLY like- 1) dive, 2) pitch to left (this actually worked twice today!) 3) 3rd and fewer than 4 yards- well, that’s Tim’s to run straight forward …
wait. only 3. I suppose I could count all the play option (but really that just looked like a collapsing O-Line, and Tebow tackled four yards behind line of scrimmage- repeatedly); and whatever route Cooper’s running (two dropped passes, wide open! ok, maybe that first one was slightly overthrown)
Speaking of, even prior to that ridiculous and frightening head/neck jarring flip Tim took- didn’t he seem slower, sluggish and just CONFUSED today? It just seems like he can’t read down field- once again, I saw Nelson open several times, when Tim could have dumped it to him for an easy 5-7 prior to anything Nelson picked up on the run. I’m talking OPEN- not in a play route where he is set up to block for receiver. WTF was that toss Timmy late in the game after the last interception of Garcia? i thought maybe Jesus himself materialized and batted that one down (couldn’t believe it wasn’t picked).
Happy to have the W, but seriously- we shouldn’t be counting on Sturgis – how many points left on the turf today? Sloppy play and over dependence on Defense alone to save the day does not win championships. SECCG looking scary…

Having groused (i hear Oson tsk-tsking the world’s grumpiest 10-0 fan base), new perspective to be found in a fresh cold beer-and time to watch the Bama game. oh, and I was most happy with Brandon James and some key Defensive plays today. sigh. my alma mater- Go Gators.

LaTech ran a fun trick play to take the lead at LSU before halftime, including a Tebow style jump-pass that I’m sure LSU hates by now. Don’t miss it on SportsCenter.

We’re just grumpy because of those points left on the table. The gameplan wouldn’t look so bad with a few more catches and a few less called sacks and negative plays.

Why, why did Crazy Old Testament God have to mess up Ricky Skanzi’s ankle so that Ohio State would waste everyone’s time and embarrass the entire Big Ten again in a BCS game.

On the other hand, he did let USC get the shit kicked out of it by a bunch of nerds.

TCU is beating the holy living bejeezus out of Utah.

Thanks for the update JD; though I pay Verizon a buttload for a ton of useless channels, shown choice but DENIED on the clicky. Is this game blacked out by CBS college sports east of the mighty mississip -?

DKR re: TCU
"It’s not so much what he gets into and carries away but what he falls into and messes up."

Domers are getting run over by Pittsburgh. Their tackling is horrendous, they’d have a hard time bringing me down.

Well, at least Bama looked decent versus a 5 loss team…….actually completed some passes and actually broke up some passes on Defense….everyone keeps picking on Marquis Johnson, and I think it has made him step his game up since he was the weak link last year at the end….I really hope we win the SECCG so we dont have to play TCU….they are pretty freakin good…

A little late, by about 12 hours…

Morning slate: in the Grove by 9 am, steady supply of coffee at the J-School tent before hitting Vaught-Hemingway.

Kickoff: “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” cast leads the Hotty Toddy on the PoweTron. Note to self; research possible Ole Miss ties to NBC’s “Community” and see if Chevy Chase is available…with the old SNL “landshark” suit. THIS MUST HAPPEN.

Halftime: run into Clay Travis on the ramp deck who I met at book-signing night before; stupidly ask “enjoying the game?” then facepalm myself (on the inside).

Post-game: celebratory Natty Light and Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka. Tweet apologies to Mr. Travis.

Evening slate: Mount Cody vs. More Cowbell. Menu: filet (rare), baked sweet potato and more sweet tea vodka.

Well, I guess we know what Charlie Weis is gonna blame this loss on.

Notre Dame was fucked on that incomplete pass overturned as a fumble.

They were also fucked for most of the second half when they forgot how to tackle.

Oh, it was a bad call but the play before should have been grounding. Clausen was being tackled in the tackle box and the ball did not cross the line of scrimmage.

Watching the Pitt defense was painful to watch also. There were a number of plays I saw where they seemed to wait until the ND player made the catch before moving to make the tackle, you certainly don’t want to get in there and try to break it up.

And Carolina beats Miami… again.

Just because you want Miami to be back does not mean they are. We gave the world the blueprint for picking Miami apart.

Tech, enjoy beating UGa. Celebrate it with everything you have. Because on the first weekend of December, we are not going to give you a 14 point head start.

After we destroy those inbred redneck Yellow Jackets, actually it is merely their HC who is of that ilk, Penn State is next in Miami.

We saw Joe Pa once before in the state of Florida. Same result.

Oh, and I did not bother mentioning SCar. They are, and will always remain, SCar. We own you. Clean up our home away from home before we arrive. It is more our house than yours. Nothing further needed on this topic.

Let me just say : It’s Great To Be A Florida Gator. Florida’s #1 in every poll that means anything, and FSU’s not even listed in “others receiving votes.” Life. Is. Good.