CURIOUS INDEX, 11/11/09

Those uniforms really are awful. Completely FUCKING awful!

Mizzou … “Beast Mode”?!?!?

WTH does that even mean?

The LSU tigah eye print gloves are pretty cool, though.

Oh Orson,

Ed Orgeron would be a mighty fine treat in Memphis. He’d be coaching games with a barbecue bib on.

As for the helmets, can you imagine the confusion with officials if these “real blood” helmets came out?
 
I can see Ron Cherry now,“Personal foul on #24 offense. He was makin’ ’em bleed”

What’s amazing is that Nike had the stones to name one of their new uniform combos Tradition. As in… that thing we kick in the nuts all the time

So not only did we beat Washington, we stole their gear too? Burn in hell, nike.

Those gloves are pretty sweet though…

Mercifully, it is only for one game that the Buckeyes have to wear these new threads. Now if Nike would just put the gray back in our home jersey sleeves, I would forgive this latest transgression.

Nothing about how the LSU gloves double as part of a Pale Man costume for Pan’s Labyrinth aficionados?

Coach 20/20 is starting to sound awfully redactedish. And I don’t know if that’s “correctable” even with “explosives”.

http://blogs.palmbeachpost.com/gatorbytes/2009/11/10/florida-oc-steve-addazio-talks-a-lot-about-the-gators-offense/

For every great coach, there is an awful assistant coach hire. I’d really like to see Addazio move up to the press box, just to y’know, try something different.

If TCU has “blood lines” on their helmets, why doesn’t Florida have alligator teeth on theirs? Wait…it’d look terrible? Oh, right…

Anyone out there that doesn’t HATE these new unis? This is one of those weird developments that doesn’t seem to have any purpose at all.

Holy cow, those uniforms are awful, but I guess that’s what happens when you let the marketing people run the asylum. I might get rid of HD in the interest of preserving my eyes.

Just for fun, if your favorite team is not already among Nike’s victims, what do you think the Swoosh would come up with for your space-age uniforms? Slogans would be appreciated.

The unis are awful (except for the Texas unis that look about like their previous ones) but I think the gloves are pretty cool – special props to the Eye of the Tiger and The U.

@Ancient Chinese Secret

Nike would probably throw some argyle in there to play up the basketball angle and the slogan would be something cheesey like “HEEL YEAH” or “BEAT THE TAR OUT OF ’Em”

Looks like UT was the only team w/ the cajones to tell Nike that they would be using their traditional unis. The only change to that uni will be using a throwback helmet.

8 – I like his “fell off the pickle boat” line. Are pickles normally transported on boats and what is the consequence of falling off said boat?

To anyone who dares to argue that this UF team is not the greatest of ALL time, I ask what other team could be 9-0 with this man as the offensive coordinator?

“The only change to that uni will be using a throwback helmet.”

The state of Texas with “DKR” on the hip and the “TEXAS” on the waist of the pants are different.

If you ever want to see an alabama fan shit himself (and I know you do), just mention changing our uniforms to them.
We have a knack for making every little facet of our football program some carved in stone unbreakable tradition, when in reality everything from how we run onto the field to the color crimson we use has been tweaked numerous times over the years.
The worst part is that the university and some of the fans want to make it a tradition that we play “Sweet Home Alabama” at the end of the 3rd quarter.
I’d rather get donkey punched than listen to that song all the way through.

Seeing all these crazy uniforms kinda makes me happy Auburn stuck with Russell when Nike came knocking on the door. Probably would have ended up with some like eagles with tiger paws or something equally ridiculous…

1. - I think Nike got a hold of us for the Florida game. We came out with Texas Tech’s unis and a hastily applied G on the helmet.

I’m suddenly thankful my school has a contract with Adidas.

@20

Safety Dan I’ll go the other way. I’m pissed we only have Nike and Nike Elite. I’m ready to go fulltime Jordan Brand across the board.

@ 20…you and me both. 100 cocktails to Adidas.

As for Kellen Winslow: First class asshole. I may have to watch that game this evening, just so I can enjoy seeing my boys whip his sorry ass for four quarters again.

I may be alone here, but I love those uniforms (not the white so much, though). Strangely, hate the gloves.

Orson jokes about Mike Slive blowing 30k that he just had Layin’ around. Apparently Urb not only will have
his wife write the 30k check, but doesn’t know how much is in his checking acct, and doesn’t give a shit

@ #17 -

Could be worse. Could be “Freebird”.

I have always thought LSU’s away-at-home unis were pretty solid. This is certainly a step in the wrong direction (mostly because they lack any signifier of LSU). But the worst uni twist I have seen – and, please, thems that knows tell me if my memory is broken – was Dinardo breaking out some awful gold uniforms for the GODDAM FUCKING INDEPENDENCE BOWL! nadir, please meet rock bottom. And they looked kraft macaroni powder orange on TV.

And I don’t care what OS says about Adazzio. Anybody that can put pickles and cats together in a sentence about a perceived lack of offensive production in OK in my book.

Stupid Nike, doesn’t realize it’s not “The U” it’s “Da U”. Get it right, chumpspanks.

Which was more unnatural—Lt. Winslow’s facial contortion at the end of that clip or the Jahvid Best “this is why humans can’t fly” play?

haveagreatday: It appears that the Indy Bowl of which you speak was versus Notre Dame and it was white hats, gold jerseys and white pants.

http://www.youtube.com/user/thatguywhodigsmusic

Long live Under Armour… but the cards are stacked against us in the UF game… garcia may revert to a bumbling idiot trying to hit his camouflaged receivers…

@7, Is it… Is it really you? Fucking BILL BRASKY?… I usually share your stories and thought you were just a myth. Is it true that you wear a live rattlesnake as a condom and that the Brasky family crest is a picture of a barracuda, eating Neil Armstrong?

@ #25 -

Your memory is correct. Mac N Cheese orange jerseys and white letters/numbers. Commentators bitched all game about not being able to read names and numbers on the jerseys.

Oh, snap, Urbs is paying that fine out of his wife’s allowance. Bet SOMEBODY has a shitty Christmas.

Those unis are proof that gay men have branched out from punishing women through fashion, and are now taking on jocks.

i haven’t checked with anyone, but can pretty much guarantee that if you are 18, 6’2", 235 lbs, you absolutely love this shit.

I saw that Tomahawk Nation beat out EDSBS in the Sports Media Challenge, that’s right… the Noles beat the Gates in something this decade, history may stand still from this point forward.

is there any truth to the rumor that nike is also adding their magical touch to clemson’s all purple unis? like adding rhinestones? talk about a mindfuck, rupaul with a helmet, running full speed and on a mission to kill you…

@28, 30 – many thanks, kind sirs. How could I forget the streaker?! That’s how you tackle, my friends. Wrap up!

Killing Is Our Business.

Business Is Good.

Those Nike jerseys suck all that is good and pure from college football…

Oh and EdO would be an effin retard to consider the memphis job…. wont happen in a million years..

I would pay money to see what Nike would do to LSU’s uniforms.

Do non-Oregon Pac-10 schools contract with Nike? Wouldn’t that be subsidizing an opponent?

Thanks for the VD shoutout, but “soldier” is not considered a compliment by sailors and Marines. I’m not sure about airmen; as a paramilitary organization, the USAF kind of looks up to the Army. :P

I liked the white LSU helmets from that game, though. I will say this, although the new UF uniform is modern, the helmet is retro. The white helmet with the gray facemask. If the F is on the side, then at least they got part of it right.

40 – Yes, most of the Pac-10 schools are Nike teams.

All you jokers made fun of Oregon, but it turns out the kids love it. Furthermore, the schools make out like bandits because for every one of you complaining there are ten fans that are going to drop $120 on another replica jersey.

As to Lt. Winslow – as a veteran who actually was in a war, that completely fucking pissed me off at the time. Still makes me mad every time I hear somebody in the sports world using a ‘war’ analogy. When you have to fucking kill somebody to win your game, come back and tell me all about how your are ‘going to war’ with your team mates. Let me know when you go 28 days without a shower, sleep for less than 4 hours a day and eat fucking MREs caked with sand and grit like the talcum powder coating your privileged, pampered ASSES! Then you can talk about war. Fucker.

Those Buckeye gloves give you a real good grip on the blunt, even when your friends fish lip it.

As a one-off, I could give a shit about whatever seizure-inducing combo Nike puts together.

As a Clemson fan, that’s probably because I’m somewhat used to outlandish uniform combos.

I will, however, say this: FSU’s black helmets are sick. THAT is how you do a black helmet (looking at YOU, Gramb… I mean Georgia).

About the only good thing that might come of this is that Nike makes Texas wear white pants that aren’t the thickness of pantyhose. The pantyhose that Texas wears (when every other team that wears white can somehow avoid) are one “tradition” I could do without.

Good lord, it’s like a fucking uniform apocalypse. At what point did every major college program in the country give Phil Knight license to destroy their program traditions?

At what point did foobaw fans become little girls excited over what to wear to class tomorrow? Howard does not approve. (Unless, of course, there are suspenders).

“The kids like it” is not a response that moves me. 18-year-olds like a whole lot of dumb crap.

That goes quadruple for 18-year-olds who are star athletes.

It’s their job not to be pandered to, but to learn from people who are older and know better—to learn about things like the value of tradition and good taste, and not letting evil idiot marketers make you chase slathering after each passing 15 minutes’ worth of trendy bling.

Oh, wait. Sorry. Just had a moment there when I slipped back into thinking of college students as people engaged in some sort of educational pursuit. Carry on.

@ 43- first, thankyou for your service.
i understand your thoughts on the “war” analogies.
what about nike dubbing their new fashion line “combat gear”?

@39 click that linky-loo up there and send your dollars to me.

Also, I was at the Indy Bowl in 97 and the nice part about those bright jerseys was being able to see them through the smoggy sleet.

@50 – You are welcome. I was happy to serve (and VERY happy to be out).

Was not aware of Nike’s marketing angle until today. Yep, pretty offensive. Probably won’t make much of a difference, but they will definitely be hearing from me.

So THAT’s the secret of TCU’s success: Titanium pants closure rings that are 65% lighter than regular hardware.! At least these uniforms vaguely resemble college football uniforms.

Now, Oregon is another story. Taking the money from Phil Knight so Nike can dress them in clown suits is just sad. Then again, Oregon DOES get a walkover win every time they roll out those new millenium electric banana “traditionals” as their opponents never recover from the initial shock. Truly Hideous!

pcb@53:

Bitchy, much?

No, it’s not sad at all. They like the uniforms just fine, thank you.