Happy Veterans’ Day. To all soldiers, real and imaginary. LT. WINSLOW REPORTING FOR DUTY.

Tennessee’s Middle Linebacker Spot Made the Mistake of Stealing the Hope Diamond. That’s the only possible explanation for the curse that has Tennessee down to its third string Mike, Herman Lathers, who of course has fallen prey to the curse brought onto the Vols when Nick Reveiz ripped the huge gem from the head of a Buddha in a subterranean palace deep in the jungle. Lathers has an undisclosed blood disorder that has his platelet count below normal, and may necessitate a splenectomy sometime in the future. In other news, you can function without a spleen.

YAW BEE BAW DEM HIRIN’! Please, please let this happen.

Dazzling bad taste in all directions. FOTP has the roundup of Nike’s crimes against uniforms and the schools they represent, though we have to admit the array of gloves is mesmerizing. (The Buckeye gloves really do, at a glance, look like marijuana-themed handgear for the aspiring NFL wideout.) This week’s victim is TCU, whose Nike redo is demure in comparison to others and features “BLOOD LINES” on the helmet as an homage to Horned Frog’s mythical ability to shoot blood from his eyes. Until Nike actually makes helmets for TCU that bleed, though, they’ll be a few inches short of the goal line of complete surreality.

Lookin’ good (between the 20s) Everything’s great, everyone’s beautiful, business is good, and life is perfect.