CURIOUS INDEX, 11/10/09

by Orson on Nov 10, 2009 9:59 AM EST

YIP YIP YIP YIP. Happy birthday, cultural touchstone and formative experience:

MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH. Totally. Totally. Totally. Totally. SENILE. SENILE. SENILE. SENILE.

Bowden: "You mean when they got it (momentum)? Well, actually … you know, they had to kick off to us. We had a what? A three-point ….? Did we have the lead at the half?"

TELEPHONE. TELEPHONE. TELEPHONE. TELEPHONE.

Reporter: "They went ahead and then you guys came back."

Bowden: "Huh?"

Reporter: "They went ahead and then you guys came back again."

Bowden: "Did we get ahead of them again after that?"

Reporter: "Yeah."

Bowden: "Then we got back ahead, huh? Umm, it was going that way, you know it? I felt very comfortable that if they could score, we could score. That’s the way I felt, you know it? We’ve done it all year. But then we started turning the ball over."

AP-PUL-SAUCE. AP-PUL-SAUCE. AP-PUL-SAUCE. AP-PUL-SAUCE.

You were just benched for a guy with one arm. Zach Collaros will not start for Cincinnati against West Fuckin' Virginia on Friday, yielding to one-armed Tony Pike, who played brilliantly last year with a broken non-throwing arm so suck it, logic. Pike was the established starter before injuring the same arm and having the METAL PLATE IN HIS ARM SHIFT INSIDE HIS ARMFLESH. Football players are tough and you are not and this is your reminder of that.

Oh, everything. That seems easy to fix. Urban Meyer has identified the problem with Florida's offense, and it's everything. Cool. Glad we're clear on that now, Coach. The transition has "not been as smooth" as anyone has wanted on the coaching staff, lending credence to the theorized Addazio succession plan: Addazio will leave and become a head coach somewhere in the offseason, Scott Loeffler will move into the OC spot to bring Brantley along and morph the Meyer offense into something friendly for a pocket passer like Brantley, and all will be sunflowers and shiny new flamethrowers for the Florida offense again.

Suck it, recession! Coaching salaries going up despite the economy, but seriously when was the last time you saw a homeless and jobless man walk in shoeless and call a decent game on defense? We mean, except for Joe Lee Dunn, that is.

Punch, don't lie. You know this is fiction, because T. Boone would build nothing but the shiniest outhouse of all shiny outhouses.

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This part was omitted from the interview on the site

“I need my die-puh changed cause I made a doo-dee. And wuh is mah crans? Me and Joe Puh-Tern-Uh hab got sum Tiny Toons collar-in books tuh werk on before Anne touches mah pee-pee.”

by Yeah BoYeeEe on Nov 10, 2009 10:14 AM EST reply actions

Ah but Jimbo is definitely the answer, it will all turn around once he is making all the decisions. Looking forward to Jimbo hiring the lesser known Stumpy Bowden as Defensive Coordinator for next year.

by Kerwin4two on Nov 10, 2009 10:19 AM EST reply actions

I really thought that Kelly would cite concerns over Pike’s arm as the reason to start Collaros against WfVA. I guess playing with a cast on for much of last year makes that position somewhat untenable.

by ohiodawg on Nov 10, 2009 10:19 AM EST reply actions

Lord knows if any other CFB coach sounded ANYTHING like Bowden did in the presser they would be out of there pronto

FlaSt fans better hope he is letting Jimbo or someone else hold the reins…

by WarChiziken on Nov 10, 2009 10:26 AM EST reply actions

I would not necessarily call football players “tough” so much as “stubbornly brave, to a fault”. c.f. the Jahvid Best Endzone Drop.

by wfguiteau on Nov 10, 2009 10:29 AM EST reply actions

I know that Bama’s football program pays for itself and almost all of the other athletics teams. Also, Saban’s money doesn’t come from the same place that professors’ money comes from, it is largely paid by boosters. I’m willing to bet that there is a similar situation at most big time CFB programs.
I’d hate for the facts to get in the way of USA Today’s awesomely insightful article…f’n commies.

by Kecalf Bailey on Nov 10, 2009 10:30 AM EST reply actions

I do love shiny new flamethrowers.

by MrRedDevil on Nov 10, 2009 10:32 AM EST reply actions

Reins? If the old man is driving himself to work everyday then Tallahassee has serious issues. Both pedestrian safety and football demise related.

by Yeah BoYeeEe on Nov 10, 2009 10:43 AM EST reply actions

Yip. Yip-yip-yip-yip-yip-yip-yip-yip-yip.

But I’d like ‘em a lot better if they hadn’t been my team’s defensive coordinators for the past three seasons.

by DevilGrad on Nov 10, 2009 11:18 AM EST reply actions

Can’t get that Urban Meyer blog thing to show up. The previous story appears, but not that one.

by Tim James on Nov 10, 2009 11:18 AM EST reply actions

I wonder if the Martians would be interested in a Defensive Coordinator position?

OP-TION. OP-TION. YIP YIP YIP FULL-BACK PLUNGE YIP YIP YIP.

by Ancient Chinese Secret on Nov 10, 2009 11:18 AM EST reply actions

That’s not fair to Bob and Joe Martian (yes, those are their real names). Just because they can’t speak any English doesn’t mean they’re not much smarter and coherent than Bowden.

by JD on Nov 10, 2009 12:08 PM EST reply actions

ESPN is reporting that Collaros will start for Cincy:

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=4641137

Somehow, I trust you in this matter

by Mr Dizzle on Nov 10, 2009 12:26 PM EST reply actions

The Yip Yips are my ringtone. Seriously.

by Holly on Nov 10, 2009 12:35 PM EST reply actions

@13 Kelly decided that Pike would be the starter if healthy. Today it was determined that he wasn’t quite there and so Collaros would start.

“Kelly told the station that starter Tony Pike, who is recovering from surgery to his non-throwing forearm, “is not there yet.” "

by CincyJacket on Nov 10, 2009 12:39 PM EST reply actions

I’m likely missing the joke horribly here, but according to the Muppet Wiki: http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/The_Martians

The martians first appeared on Dec 17, 1974, so how is it their birthday? Or is it Sesame Street as a whole’s birthday?

/always loved those martians

by SafetyDan on Nov 10, 2009 4:46 PM EST reply actions

Bobby, Wilford Brimley called and said you are late to his party.

by Brian O'Blivion on Nov 10, 2009 5:01 PM EST reply actions

Anyone else think the Sesame Street characters were the basis for the scammer aliens in Bender’s Big Score?

by Tanner on Nov 10, 2009 9:41 PM EST reply actions

The joke is that Bowden has regressed to the point where he thinks and acts like the Martians.

And today is Sesame Street’s 40th birthday – November 10, 1969.

by JD on Nov 11, 2009 12:22 AM EST reply actions

Holly – My God, we must have been seperated at birth. My ringtone is “TELEPHONE, TELEPHONE, TELEPHONE” over and over. People think I’m…well, for lack of a more PC term, flat retarded.

by Miss Horn Dawg on Nov 11, 2009 10:33 AM EST reply actions