STYLISH WAYS FOR URBAN MEYER PAY A THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLAR FINE
by Orson on Nov 6, 2009 1:34 PM EST
51 comments
Urban Meyer has been fined $30,000 for his comments about SEC officiating, the logical endpoint of the SEC backing itself so far into a corner re: officiating. As Holly suggests, the proper greeting to this (as it is for so many things) is a thoroughly lazy wanking motion in the direction of the SEC offices, but not so for Meyer. He still has to pay the $30K, but no one has defined form of payment.
We have suggestions.
--7 freshly circumsised and adoptable Filipino baby boys. (No questions asked.)
"Yeah, seven. But it'll cost you. Bob Tebow Ministries doesn't run on prayer and happy thoughts alone.
--600,000 nickels delivered in cheap garbage bags.
--1749 copies of this (ON SALE) classic by seven-time Pulitzer Prize Winner and astronaut Mike Freeman.
--Check written from his Cayman Islands account. (Takes days to clear, sure to draw IRS audit.)
--Three live Siberian Tigers. Black market prices, and surely available on a moment's notice in Miami.
--Coupon for five favorable calls made by SEC referees in the game of their choice.
All are roughly equivalent to $30K or so, and should suffice in making Mike Slive feel more Roger Goodell-ish by the moment.
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Nickels? How bout pennies…and they’re all glued together.
by zzgator on Nov 6, 2009 1:37 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I would go with stripper dollars, because they have that worse-than-stinkpalm smell to ’em.
by collegegameballs on Nov 6, 2009 1:43 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
$30k for 7 Filipino boys?
That seems a little steep Orson.
Oh NVM, they’re circumsized.
by Yeah BoYeeEe on Nov 6, 2009 1:44 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Why do I have no doubt at all that Orson actually has done research on Siberian Tiger black market rates in Miami?
by KennyGregoryRockThaCradle on Nov 6, 2009 1:46 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Kiffin chooses to pay his fines by appearing in Enterprise commercials. A savvier marketer would have employed his school colors, though. “Orange or White?” “Both!”
by Laugh on Nov 6, 2009 1:46 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Hope Urb voluntarily doubles it, donates half to New Eyes for the Needy.
by Rich on Nov 6, 2009 1:47 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
So, does this fine go into general SEC coffers…to then be distributed back out to member schools? Can we break the fine into different forms of payment and specify which form should go to which school?
by zzgator on Nov 6, 2009 1:54 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Kenny..#5,
This research might simply be walking in Miami and being solicited several times for, among other things, black market tigers.
by tzubear on Nov 6, 2009 2:00 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I stand corrected. Glad I don’t like to gamble!
A friend of mine owned a company that made industrial lubricants (!). He lost a bet for $100 and paid it of in quarters dropped into what was essentially a five gallon bucket of vaseline.
by ohiodawg on Nov 6, 2009 2:02 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we will all be lucky to survive.
by Sean Glennon's Jersey on Nov 6, 2009 2:03 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Why settle nickels or pennies, when you could write 3 million one-cent checks? And write, “Personal Foul, #39, Georgia” in the memo on each one.
by TrevJo on Nov 6, 2009 2:04 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Give him Monopoly money, and the deeds to Baltic and Mediterranean Avenue.
by Brian O'Blivion on Nov 6, 2009 2:13 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
surely just the deed to detroit would suffice..
by bigthirsty on Nov 6, 2009 2:16 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Not sure the deed to Detroit would even cover half of it.
by zzgator on Nov 6, 2009 2:18 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
@15:
The deed to Detroit would be acceptable, but where would the other $29,950 come from?
by Not You on Nov 6, 2009 2:21 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I’ll give you my 2 cents…. 1.5 MILLION TIMES
no seriously…. he should just tell them to blow it out their ass…. and dare them to kick him out of his job…. he has a lot more to do with income to the SEC than Slive does
by WarChiziken on Nov 6, 2009 2:21 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Whatever amount of eye corneas come to 30,000 dollars delivered in paper sack with a note that states, “Eye see U.”
by Anonymous IV on Nov 6, 2009 2:27 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I think we have no remunerated the cost of saying “no comment.” The cost is 30 large.
Perhaps Urban could tell ‘em to deduct it from UF’s BCS bowl payout?
How’s that for a little hubris!
by DHC on Nov 6, 2009 2:30 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I’d encourage Coarch Meyers to call upon the Gator Nation to pay this pissant slime…..Slive that is, this significant sum.
After the fine is paid….can we apply the extra amount to the SEC Referees Lasik Fund?
by Landshark on Nov 6, 2009 2:31 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Usually, the winning SECCG team carries around the SEC banners, holding them aloft in front of the fans.
This year, said team commits exactly $30,000 worth of damage.
by DHC on Nov 6, 2009 2:44 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
damn you #16 and 17 for being funnier..
by bigthirsty on Nov 6, 2009 2:45 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I got 3 white women Corch can have… worth about $30k… only slightly used…
by Chris Rainey on Nov 6, 2009 2:47 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
The SEC needs to lighten up and just enjoy football
//Jim Delaney
by DanF on Nov 6, 2009 2:48 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Check should be directly made out to the Officials.
by Itismemc on Nov 6, 2009 2:59 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Re: Coupons…
No wonder the calls went against Arkansas. There’s no way they’ve got that much cash lying around. Foley sleeps with higher bill denominations than that.
by Will on Nov 6, 2009 3:09 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
How about 100 $300 gift certificates to Pearle Vision, to be distributed to the various SEC crews as needed?
I’d say they should be delivered by the Florida offense, but you might want to bring the kicker along just in case…
by Ricky Stanzi's Bitch on Nov 6, 2009 3:28 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I can just see him walking into the SEC office, pulling out his pimp roll of $20s and just calmly counting out $30,000 one crisp $20 at a time… and yelling at the secretary each time she interrupts his counting so he has to start over again… I sense tension in the SEC office lol
by The Holy Grail on Nov 6, 2009 3:28 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Next time Urban should just blame it all on the refs’ fat little girlfriends.
by zzgator on Nov 6, 2009 3:38 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I seriously cannot believe this. What a bunch of bullcrap.
by BullGator on Nov 6, 2009 3:40 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
1, 2, 3, 4, 5…Corch Urban Meyers shouldn’t take that Slive jive.
Love,
Corrine Brown
by Jim Grizzle on Nov 6, 2009 3:50 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Maybe he can pay with the dried up, tender foreskins of all the Philipino boys Tebow circumcised.
Can you let this issue die now
by Mr. Tu on Nov 6, 2009 3:53 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
100+ cocktails to you #34. It will be interesting to see whether or not Lame Kitten receives a similar sanction from Slive. My hope is this is all a set-up to come down hard on him next time he opens his mouth, but I don’t think Slive & company are smart enough to concoct such a nefarious scheme.
by g8rslm on Nov 6, 2009 3:56 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Urban won’t pay a penny. Jimmy Sexton will write the check. Happily.
Then Urban will start appearing with Kevin Trudeau on late night TV promoting his new book titled “Real Things Mike Slive Doesn’t Want You To Talk About” .
by yoyofutbawl on Nov 6, 2009 4:30 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
BREAKING NEWS
AP Gainesville, FL. Tim Tebow just turned two loaves and five fish into USD $30,000. SEC Commissioner Pontius Pilate Slive had no comment.
by Jim Grizzle on Nov 6, 2009 4:40 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
This is basically the greatest thing to happen all year. Now we all get to look forward to next year in Knoxville, when we find out exactly what $30,000 is worth on the field. I’m guessing a fake punt while up 25 and 1 minute remaining, followed by Urban holding his hands up in a “T” next to the side judge, staring at Kiffin and making him sweat. This will all be followed by Urban foregoing the postgame handshake in favor of having $60,000 made to rain on Kiffin by various benchwarmers and walk-ons.
by italiangator on Nov 6, 2009 4:50 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Urban should just pay with the money inside little fillipino foreskin wallets. When you rub em, they turn into little fillipino foreskin suitcases.
by Brizzle on Nov 6, 2009 4:54 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Just something to think about… Urban Meyer makes $4M a year, has a $24M contract for six years.
College football refs make somewhere in the region of $500 – $900 a game in the BCS division.
They’re not allowed to publicly comment on the game. When they do their job perfectly, they’re
invisible. When they screw up, they’re reviled by one and all. I’ve never seen a game where
people came away saying, wow, that that was terrific officiating! Sucks to be a ref, I bet. Why
would you want a job that sucky? Well, you probably didn’t get to go to college, for a start….
I’ve looked at the clips of Taylor Mays trying to decapitate James Rogers a zillion times now.
While the ref was right in front, he actually had his head turned and was looking at the other
end of the endzone. By the time he turned his head to see what was happening, Mays had
already moved away and the helmet was off. I think he just missed it altogether.
This is not a defense of the refs or of the NCAA or Meyer’s fine.
It’s pointing out that bullying the refs is a rather sordid sport – like beating up the maid who
doesn’t make any money. If officiating is incompetent, they should do something to improve
the quality of officiating (raising their paygrade would be a start).
If its sucking because of some more sinister reason like actual corruption or personal homerism
and the refs are trying to influence the game, we should be investigating that and throwing
them out of there, if not jail.
Either way, Meyer had plenty of ways to deal with the situation rather then vent in public
and win PR brownie points against guys who make no money, get no love and can’t fight
back.
Just my take (and I’ve done my share of ref beefing).
by gamedaytribe on Nov 6, 2009 5:09 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Pay it with monopoly money; and, send Slive a very large Dildo with a jar of vasoline. That should do the trick! :)
by BigRebOne on Nov 6, 2009 5:23 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Does anyone need more reasons why UF (charter member of the SEC) really, really hates this conference?
/persecution complex
//awaiting standard “Well you jort-wearing, redneks can jus’ pack it up and leave!” commentary from “old school” SEC fans.
by DHC on Nov 6, 2009 5:41 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Classic douche baggery, since Urban wouldn’t say I will. Slive you’re a big pussy.
by Lane Kiffens Nueron on Nov 6, 2009 7:34 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
@26
Chris those had better be some Ole Miss quality slightly used white girls if you’re passing them out 3 for $30k.
by Yeah BoYeeEe on Nov 6, 2009 8:39 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
If you’re one of those conspiratorial types, this 30,000 looks less like a fine and more like a “We’d like our last weekly payment in advance, Urbie. And really, we don’t need your help in making this look legit.”
by Big Head Zach on Nov 6, 2009 9:48 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Easy. Just raid his personal stash of Tebowalmighty memorabilia. Those toenail clippings, pubic hair from the shower drain and used jocks should sell great on e-bay.
by doc on Nov 7, 2009 9:57 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
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