EDSBS » 2009 » November

November 5, 2009

FACTOR FIVE FIVE FACTOR PREVIEW: VIRGINIA TECH AT ECU

Welcome to our Factor Five Five Factor Preview of Virginia Tech at East Carolina. The Factor Five Five Factor Preview examines the Thursday Night Game, featuring the Virginia Tech Hokies versus the East Carolina Pirates. Tonight’s game will feature YARRRRRRRRRRR pirates, so someone is surrendering the booty tonight.

Bad. Ass.

Enjoy.

Category one: Nebulous Statistical Comparisons of Dubious Validity. Virginia Tech’s offense has been better than its dismal usual this year for two reasons: the improved run blocking of the Hokies offensive line and the emergence of Ryan Williams, the freshman running back who enters the game with 930 yards rushing and 10 TDs. (more…)

Filed under: Atlantic Coast Conference, Blog Buddies, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Mid Major Conferences by Orson Swindle

[ 19 Replies ]

PENN STATE STANDS NOT FOR OVERLY FRIENDLY LIONS

Nittany Lion Drawn By Tom of Finland: Here, Terrelle. Take a tissue. I know how hard it can be.

Terrelle Pryor: Thanks, I just…I just try so hard.

Nittany Lion Drawn by Tom of Finland: I know, I know. Hey, have you been working out?

TP: Oh, like you wouldn’t believe. I’m so…sore. I just need someone to touch me and tell me it’s all gonna be all right.

Nittany: Oh, let’s just give those sore shoulders a rub and see what happens… [CUE MUSIC}

(The shirt’s been recalled, of course. But the Tom of Finland Nittany Lion attempting to turn Terrelle Pryor lives on in your hearts and in your pants.)

Filed under: Big 10 Conference, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football by Orson Swindle

[ 33 Replies ]

NOIR RICH BROOKS CONTEMPLATES THE MONTH OF NOVEMBER

Another cold day, he thought. His breath snapped in front of him like a frozen ghost. It disappeared as quickly as a married woman leaving your bed: suddenly, and sure to return in a few sad, empty seconds. He’d been breathing for years. It didn’t seem to help.

He thought about pouring a scotch. He poured a scotch. (more…)

Filed under: Blog Buddies, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Southeastern Conference, noir rich brooks by Orson Swindle

[ 40 Replies ]

COLORADO FANS DON THE COLOR OF RAGE: POWDER BLUE

Colorado once wore power blue uniforms without shame and with regularity. Correction: there probably was some shame involved since the team did it from 1981-84, a span including ten wins out of 44 games. If that sounds familiar, it should; it’s about three wins less than Dan Hawkins 13 win total in year in year four of his coaching tenure.

We swear this happened. Look:

Colorado fans have opened the first official act of nonviolent resistance this year by starting a Facebook group asking fans to wear powder blue to the game on Saturday against Texas A&M. It’s only fair, since Colorado’s football team has been engaged in an act of nonviolent resistance to opponents all year long.

Filed under: Big 12 Conference, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football by Orson Swindle

[ 18 Replies ]

CURIOUS INDEX, 11/4/09

SINGLE TEAR LULZ. We hope there’s space in the Musee D’Orsay, because we’re hanging this there whether they like it or not.

Block C tracks down the geniuses behind this piece of breathtaking artwork, presumably showing Hillary Swank with a wig and the facepaint from an Empire of the Sun video on watching Bobby Bowden walk into the sunset with suitcases full of Florida State’s money.

Spikes, full game. Brandon Spikes is out for the entire Vandy game in order not to be a “distraction.” In response, Lane Kiffin continues to make us love him just a little bit:

“I did see the rerun,” Kiffin said. “It was pretty bad but we’ll worry about our team and what we can control. We’ve got a lot of work to do. Obviously, he’ll discipline his team – or not – however he feels.”

No, that a royal we. He’ll play a vital part and will respond by hiring his close personal friend Chuck Amato, an innovative young coordinator and recruiter who also brings the novelty of being the only three-breasted coach in college football.

OH SCOTT JURGENSEN I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I AM ACTUALLY GONNA MURDER YOU. Urban Meyer, a real stickler, could face some kind of real live disciplinary action from the SEC for his complaints about officiating, though we can’t imagine it coming in the form of a suspension. If Charlie Strong is the head coach for a suspension, you will know it by the sight of Steve Addazio being thrown off the side of Vandy’s stadium. (Not because we know about any personal beef, but simply on the principle of Addazio’s unacceptably low asskicking quotient this year.)

The redemption of the Dennis Dixon curse. If anyone should be allowed to get silly early about a possible national title, it’s Oregon, who is certainly owed some back credit by the college football universe for the heinous case of Dennis Dixon and the slight flick Crazy Old Testament God gave his ACL two years ago. Without that Dixon is a clearcut Heisman winner and the Ducks’ ambition knows no bounds, so in repayment for that go ahead and look forward to the eventual gutting of whatever Big Ten team you face in the Rose Bowl. (Unless it’s Iowa, where you lose despite having 600 yards of offense and allowing less than 250 yards total to the Hawkeyes. You have no choice.)

Ohio State Throwbacks: Ohio State throwbacks are like a degree past throwbacks, since Ohio State’s already so blue-ribbon retro in everything they do (down to, you know, what they actually do on the field) that throwback doesn’t quite cover what an Ohio State retro jersey truly is. Pleistocene would be a better word, but whatever you call it it will look quite awesome versus Michigan.