DEDICATION GOES TO THE GRAVE AND BEYOND
by Orson on Nov 4, 2009 2:01 PM EST
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Ours could be any number of things:
--"STILL MORE MOBILE THAN CHRIS WEINKE"
--"THERE WERE FLOWERS HERE BUT PHIL FULMER ATE THEM"
--"YOU'RE AT THE WRONG TOMBSTONE MIAMI'S SWAGGER IS FOUR SPOTS DOWN AND DIED IN 2002"
--"IF TIM'S RIGHT I'M IN HELL RIGHT NOW GO GATORS."
--"CANCER: NATURE'S ORIGINAL UNSTOPPABLE SPREAD OFFENSE."
--"NOT DEAD--JUST HIDING FROM ED ORGERON."
Please leave your own personalized epitaphs below, and salute Mr. Smith, an American hero, and JBoxt1, who found this brilliance.
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Smilin’ down on Ringless Bo from the Pearly Gates
by Major Onions on Nov 4, 2009 2:10 PM EST reply actions
I’d be surprised and disappointed if there aren’t a number of Longhorn graves already reading “IT’S [DATE OF DEATH] AND OU STILL SUCKS.”
by Holly on Nov 4, 2009 2:12 PM EST reply actions
Better recruiter than Dan Hawkins, more mobile than Cody Hawkins.
by Ambitious Drinker on Nov 4, 2009 2:14 PM EST reply actions
I may be dead and in hell, but at least I’m not in Wisconsin.
by WhiteSpeedReceiver on Nov 4, 2009 2:14 PM EST reply actions
BE WAITING FOR YOU IN HELL, RON ZOOK.
TURNS OUT PRAYING TO TIM TEBOW IS FROWNED UPON.
by Gator Bone on Nov 4, 2009 2:17 PM EST reply actions
“Made it to 61 with more hair than that fag Jimmy Clausen”
by fluffy_bunny_feet on Nov 4, 2009 2:17 PM EST reply actions
Ed Zaunbrecher called, he wants his bubble screen back.
by gibby on Nov 4, 2009 2:19 PM EST reply actions
“Even my grandchildren will be outlived by Joe Paterno”
by NittanyJackets on Nov 4, 2009 2:21 PM EST reply actions
“GONE TO WATCH THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFFS, AND TO HEAR:
TOUCHDOWN, RED GRANGE! ILLINOIS SCORES, BUT OREGON STILL
LEADS IT BY 4!!
BECAUSE SURELY, SURELY, THEY WILL HAVE IT RIGHT IN HEAVEN."
by gamedaytribe on Nov 4, 2009 2:22 PM EST reply actions
“APPARENTLY I WAS WRONG, A CINCY-BOISE STATE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME WILL KILL ME”
by zzgator on Nov 4, 2009 2:23 PM EST reply actions
“Garner’s knee was not down!” reference to “The Play”
by Anonymous IV on Nov 4, 2009 2:24 PM EST reply actions
“If I’m with Timmy and Danny then I’m in Heaven. If I run into Nick Saban, I must be in Hell.”
by RanchyBalls on Nov 4, 2009 2:25 PM EST reply actions
I’D RATHER BE DEAD IN TUSCALOOSA THAN LIVING IN AUBURN
by BamaTaxMan on Nov 4, 2009 2:26 PM EST reply actions
“Unlike Tubs, I actually left Oxford in a pine box.”
by Bunkie Perkins on Nov 4, 2009 2:28 PM EST reply actions
“YEP, HELL IS AS HOT AS AN AFTERNOON GAME IN THE SWAMP”
by RanchyBalls on Nov 4, 2009 2:29 PM EST reply actions
If I’m here, it’s because I was forced to watch the WVU-Pitt game from 2007 again. Funny thing is the devil had it waiting on me when I got there.
by John on Nov 4, 2009 2:31 PM EST reply actions
Six feet under and still taller than Nick Saban
by A drunkards ramblings on Nov 4, 2009 2:31 PM EST reply actions
“FINALLY ELIGIBLE TO PLAY DEFENSE FOR WILLIE MARTINEZ”
by Joe Tereshinski IV on Nov 4, 2009 2:33 PM EST reply actions
“Who are these dogs blocking my view of the scoreboard?”
by lhb98 on Nov 4, 2009 2:35 PM EST reply actions
Warning Contents Within Box, unlike VT Trophy Case
by Institutionalised on Nov 4, 2009 2:36 PM EST reply actions
“I’ve died. That’s another national championship for Bama.”
“Phil, General Neyland is here, and he’s with Majors. They are not happy.”
“Et tu, season ticket prices?”
“The real Orson Swindle would not let me die with his name.”
“Died while hurling Smokey at Bevo and Ralphie. Worth it.”
“Even in the afterilfe (insert ironic, unrespected awesome year/team of your choice) gets shafted.”
“Fifty yard line, Coke and peanuts. Heaven.”
by Kenny on Nov 4, 2009 2:36 PM EST reply actions
“just hiding from Mike Golic, the world’s biggest hypocrite…even after Nuti-Systems”
http://www.usatoday.com/sports/football/nfl/2006-10-25-pileup-cover_x.htm
“Golic, who played in the NFL from 1986-93, says his most memorable anything-goes moment came while with the Philadelphia Eagles. On the bottom was one of his closest friends, then-Eagles punter Jeff Feagles.
“Two guys had hit him, and by the time I got over, there were a couple of guys on his back,” Golic says. "I reached down and I started choking the guy. I just started squeezing.
“I was just, as we like to say, getting his attention.”
by Mich-Placed Gator on Nov 4, 2009 2:38 PM EST reply actions
HELL WON’T BE SO BAD
I’VE ALREADY BEEN TO PITTSBURGH
by SC'Eer on Nov 4, 2009 2:46 PM EST reply actions
“I told you I wanted to be cremated you bastards”
“But Pete Carroll told me I was an angel!”
by dc trojan on Nov 4, 2009 2:51 PM EST reply actions
“Who Knew, God actually does see EVERYTHING that you do”
by Phocion on Nov 4, 2009 2:52 PM EST reply actions
I discovered the App State Hot, Hot, Hot video for EDSBS.
It was all a downhill rocketsled ride of fame and style from there.
by Kenny on Nov 4, 2009 2:52 PM EST reply actions
“With a liver that ended up as dense as Les Miles he never had a chance”
by A drunkards ramblings on Nov 4, 2009 2:54 PM EST reply actions
“BURIED ALIVE AFTER BEING DECLARED DEAD BY SEC OFFICIATING CREW
CREW PRIVATELY REPRIMANDED
WIFE GIVEN LIFETIME BAN FROM ALL GAMES FOR QUESTIONING CALL"
by Paul on Nov 4, 2009 2:55 PM EST reply actions
F DEVERY HENDERSON
WHO KNEW THE WHOLE LOUISVILLE SECONDARY WOULD BE DOWN HERE
by AbG on Nov 4, 2009 3:00 PM EST reply actions
Just having a few drinks with Bud, Bryant, Rockne, McKay, Hayes, & Schembechler.
by Anonymous IV on Nov 4, 2009 3:05 PM EST reply actions
“Unlike RichRod, I really will be here as long as they’ll have me.”
by paco on Nov 4, 2009 3:12 PM EST reply actions
IT’S COLD DOWN HERE. HAS CHARLIE WEIS FINALLY BEATEN A DECENT TEAM?
by Gator Bone on Nov 4, 2009 3:16 PM EST reply actions
“Stiffer than Mike Price in a Pensacola strip club”
“Cheated death almost as long as Bear Bryant cheated at bama”
by A drunkards ramblings on Nov 4, 2009 3:18 PM EST reply actions
“WINNING FOREVER AND EVER, AMEN.”
“THESE REMAINS ARE STURDIER THAN ANYONE NEUHEISEL PUTS UNDER CENTER.”
by Signal to Noise on Nov 4, 2009 3:21 PM EST reply actions
OK, I’LL ADMIT IT: JABAR GAFFNEY NEVER HAD POSSESSION.
by Gator Bone on Nov 4, 2009 3:21 PM EST reply actions
A. Thanks, Mr. Smith.
B. “IT’S DARK IN HERE. JUST LIKE AUBURN’S NATIONAL TITLE TROPHY CASE.”
by Counter Trap on Nov 4, 2009 3:22 PM EST reply actions
“HERE MY BODY LIES…EXCEPT FOR MY BRAINS, WHICH JOE PA TOOK”
by Gator Head Funnel on Nov 4, 2009 3:22 PM EST reply actions
I’d rather be really dead in Auburn than with the living dead in Tuscaloosa.
by Sullivan013 on Nov 4, 2009 3:24 PM EST reply actions
For those of you still up there hell is Auburn 3 Miss State 2 on a constant loop except this time Tony Franklin is given a lifetime contract.
by A drunkards ramblings on Nov 4, 2009 3:24 PM EST reply actions
Anonymous IV @47:
Amen.
This has been a hilarious thread. Instant Classic. Comedy gold. And particularly appreciated
after this morning’s slate of crap.
Orson, when you want to take a day off, just repost this in its entirety. We wouldn’t object.
by gamedaytribe on Nov 4, 2009 3:26 PM EST reply actions
“I FINISHED THE 2ND GREATEST ‘FLORIDA FLOP’ AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY HEADSTONE”
by Gator Head Funnel on Nov 4, 2009 3:26 PM EST reply actions
JUST FINISHED TALKING WITH BOBBY DODD. HE SAID IF I WANTED TO MEET WITH BEAR BRYANT, I’D HAVE TO TRY DOWNSTAIRS.
by Techie on Nov 4, 2009 3:27 PM EST reply actions
IT’S BETTER HERE THAN IT IS IN TUCSON
ESPECIALLY THE SMELL
by BIg Jon on Nov 4, 2009 3:31 PM EST reply actions
APPARENTLY I WAS A GREAT COACH THAT ENDED MY CAREER AT SAKERILINA
by Cocky Scar on Nov 4, 2009 3:31 PM EST reply actions
“KILLED BY A BRICK FALLING OUT OF CENTURY TOWER ON THE DAY TEBOW GRADUATED”
by zzgator on Nov 4, 2009 3:33 PM EST reply actions
“APPARENTLY THE ALLIGATORS IN LAKE ALICE ARE REAL”
by zzgator on Nov 4, 2009 3:34 PM EST reply actions
“WOULD OKIE STATE PLEASE WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP ALREADY??? WE COULD USE THE SNOW DOWN HERE.”
“WHAT GIVES? TEBOW SAID I WAS FORGIVEN!!”
by CincySooner on Nov 4, 2009 3:52 PM EST reply actions
“I REALLY DID HAVE ANAL WITH JIM TRESSEL”
by fluffy_bunny_feet on Nov 4, 2009 3:54 PM EST reply actions
“killed by an usher for cheering at Notre Dame Game”
by tzubear on Nov 4, 2009 3:58 PM EST reply actions
“This death… helps our program more than you’ll ever know.”
by gatorphunk on Nov 4, 2009 4:16 PM EST reply actions
SEC! SEC!
TEBOW’S RECORD STILL HAS FIVE PERSONALITIES TO GO
THANK GOD FOR SUNDRESSES, BOURBON AND DADDY ISSUES
by CA Dawg on Nov 4, 2009 4:17 PM EST reply actions
SO THAT ELI WOULD STUMBLE
I HAD TO SELL MY SOUL
SO NOW I’M HEADED
TO WHERE OLE MISS FANS TOLD ME TO GO
by chuy on Nov 4, 2009 4:40 PM EST reply actions
- “HUH, BRANDON COX DID SELL HIS SOUL FOR 2005”
- “THE CYNIC IN ME SAYS LOOKING CROSSEYED AT BRANDON SPIKES WAS A BAD IDEA”
- “JESUS HATES SPURRIER TOO. LOOPHOLES, I GUESS”
by Will on Nov 4, 2009 4:52 PM EST reply actions
THIS IS CORRECTABLE
I’LL LEARN MORE FROM DYING THAN IF I HAD CONTINUED LIVING
by URBN G8R on Nov 4, 2009 4:57 PM EST reply actions
Spending an eternity in hell with the tide
Dawg and LSU fans all by my side
Now Dye and Shug are in heaven
Tubs would still have a job with seven
But now we are left with Chizik so I said fuck it and died
*Actually kinda glad Tubs is gone but what the hell
by A drunkards ramblings on Nov 4, 2009 5:00 PM EST reply actions
American by birth
Southern by the Grace of God
Thank Jesus I didn’t have to go to Mississippi State or LSU
by BigRebOne on Nov 4, 2009 5:10 PM EST reply actions
“I’m down here kicking Bill Callahan in the nuts.”
“Eddie, you know you didn’t earn that little man giving the stiff arm. Here ya go, Tommie.”
“62-24”
by Brizzle on Nov 4, 2009 5:16 PM EST reply actions
“THIS IS BULLSHIT”
“FUCK YOU PENN WAGERS”
by Brian O'Blivion on Nov 4, 2009 5:35 PM EST reply actions
—>"’Unlike Tubs, I actually left Oxford in a pine box.’"
I was gonna try one, but we clearly have a winner here dingdingding
by PeterPumpkinhead on Nov 4, 2009 5:53 PM EST reply actions
BEING HERE IS JUST LIKE LIVING IN ATHENS, OHIO
by DevilGrad on Nov 4, 2009 6:08 PM EST reply actions
…along these same lines, my beloved Uncle Doyle passed away a few months ago. He was the favorite uncle of every one of my cousins, and his funeral was the first time in my entire life that I saw every single 1st cousin on my Mother’s side at one time.
I traveled home to Jacksonville just 3 weeks after I had been there from Michigan, and other cousins came from Texas…..that’s how much everyone loved him. I almost have a tear typing this….he was a big influance on my life, and he really shaped my personality in many ways.
He was a HUGE Georgia Bulldog fan, and of any team that was playing Florida, and a HUGE practical joker. He teased my Dad, me, and my brother-in-law non-stop about being Gators (especially during the 70’s and 80’s). He would always wear the hat of whatever team was playing the Gators that week, no matter who. I loved getting under our skin.
…well, I guess you could say I got the last laugh when I stuck the “GO GATORS” bumper sticker on the bottom of his casket.
…the picture below was taken last year during the SEC Championship week…..and he still was doing the hat thing.
by Mich-Placed Gator on Nov 4, 2009 6:47 PM EST reply actions
“NEBRASKA & NOTRE DAME STILL SUCK? OK THIS IS WORTH IT THEN”
by cob on Nov 4, 2009 7:40 PM EST reply actions
This literally warmed my icy cold heart. Thank you, sir. Continue pumping gas, wherever you are.
by robert on Nov 4, 2009 8:17 PM EST reply actions
“I tried to cheat death as much as Lou Holtz, but I failed.”
by Clemson2311 on Nov 4, 2009 8:34 PM EST reply actions
“HE ONCE KILLED A BEAR WITH HIS LEFT HAND WHILE PLEASURING YOUR WIFE WITH HIS RIGHT”
by Kevin@LSU on Nov 4, 2009 9:24 PM EST reply actions
Watching Joe Roth throw the Rose Bowl-winning touchdown.
by AERose on Nov 4, 2009 9:49 PM EST reply actions
SOMEONE TELL JERELL POWE WHAT THIS SAYS
by Hawgustus Caesar on Nov 4, 2009 10:01 PM EST reply actions
by Mich-Placed Gator on Nov 4, 2009 10:06 PM EST reply actions
I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO ROCK AND ROLL HEAVEN
BUT THIS FLORIDA A&M BAND IS PRETTY GOOD
by Delicious Pundit on Nov 4, 2009 11:04 PM EST reply actions
I love that he got a purple heart…hope he was buried in an orange coffin
by Troan on Nov 4, 2009 11:15 PM EST reply actions
2 R’s in Jerrell Powe, by the way….not that he would notice. …and you could add a good number of Seminole names to that as well.
very well done, @ 101
by Mich-Placed Gator on Nov 5, 2009 1:53 AM EST reply actions
@92- thanks for sharing that memory…great tribute, and summarized the entire spirit (and the mirthful laughter) in the post. how great that you have these memories, and connection with your Uncle. That’s the heart of our love of this game- the team affiliation, the rivalries, the love of the game- sure. but, the connections- those last, and are bigger than all the minutiae of our football discussion, cheering, arguments and “glorifying”. Doyle will always be with you- how nice.
by TampaGatorGal on Nov 5, 2009 3:31 AM EST reply actions
“Is this Iowa?”
“No, it’s heaven. Although I can understand your confusion, given the highly improbable outcome.”
by TB on Nov 5, 2009 7:31 AM EST reply actions
THE LEGEND OF MT. CODY? BULLSHIT!! I COULD’VE BLOCKED THOSE FIELD GOALS FROM HERE!
SOIL’S TOO ROCKY DOWN HERE, AS WELL.
by thetennesseethumper on Nov 5, 2009 9:19 AM EST reply actions
@110 thanks. you would really have to understand who Uncle Doyle was in order to really appreciate that little story. Even though we never once pulled for the same college team playing a game (even if it was somebody like Michigan St. vs Iowa on TV, he would find out who I wanted to win and pull for the other team), I and everyone in the family, adored him.
His jokes, stories, and demeanor ALWAYS had people smiling, sometimes aggravated beyond belief, but still smiling in the end.
He would go to great lengths for practical jokes…for example a neighbor whom he didn’t care for once went on vacation. While away, Doyle put everything from their yard (deck furniture, potted plants, pool toys, EVERYTHING) on the roof of their house and arranged it perfectly, and then peeked out the window, dying laughing when they got home at their reactions.
He would also do anything in the world for a friend or family member. My parents helped him out when he first got out of high school, and he never forgot it.
I showed my Dad the bumber sticker and ask if I should and he couldn’t stop laughing….just shook his head yes. Once Uncle Doyle’s casket was at the cemetary (in Glennville, GA) I walked over before the crowd had gathered and kneeled down out of view of my Dad, who was watching from the church reception hall. I couldn’t do it. I put the bumber sticker back in my jacket pocket, but nodded and smiled at my Dad once I stood up.
Later that afternoon, the entire family was gathered at my Aunt’s and we’re all sharing stories of crazy stuff Doyle did (and he would have put a Go Dawgs stickers all over our caskets) My Dad, in the funny ways he tells stories, shared that “Doyle will be spending eternity with Go Gators on his casket……” to the people it would aggravate the most, fellow dog fans. OMG they were PISSED and wanted to go dig up the coffin right then. There was serious outrage….half the family was laughing til they cried, a qtr didn’t care, and a qtr was so pissed they were spittin’ fire….they were the big time Dawg fans, so it was awesome.
I did tell my Aunt Carol (Doyle’s widow) in private that I really didn’t do it. She smiled, gave me a hug, and said she wouldn’t tell anyone that it’s not on there and that it’d be our little secret. Now my EDSBS family knows along with my Aunt Carol that “Go Gators” isn’t actually on the bottom of the casket…..but don’t tell my Dad. He’s still smiling and laughing when he tells people about this….4 months later.
by Mich-Placed Gator on Nov 5, 2009 11:16 AM EST reply actions
“I WOULD LIKE TO APPOLIGIZE FOR LIVING. I PROMISE I WILL NEVER LIVE AGAIN. YOU WILL NEVER SEE A CORPSE BE DEADER THAN THIS ONE RIGHT HERE FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY. GOD BLESS.”
by CincySooner on Nov 5, 2009 12:00 PM EST reply actions
“1-2-3-4-5 dem commercials told me not to drink and drive”
by Doyle Hargraves on Nov 5, 2009 2:31 PM EST reply actions
WE’VE LEARNED A LOT FROM THIS DEATH. LOT OF THINGS WE CAN WORK ON IN PRACTICE FOR NEXT TIME.
by Techie on Nov 5, 2009 2:36 PM EST reply actions
“Holy Shit, God ISN’T a Notre Dame fan!”
“BYU, God says to stop praying to Him for wins, he says it should be obvious after those ass-rapings in your own house that he wasn’t helping”
“FUCK MICHIGAN!!!”
by idahobuckeye on Nov 5, 2009 4:45 PM EST reply actions
“THANK YOU, AUBURN, FOR HIRING GENE CHIZIK. 36-0!…….TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!”
“SUCK IT KIFFYKINS!”
by Mr. Pelican Pants on Nov 5, 2009 7:09 PM EST reply actions
@72:
HE WAS A MAN, BUT HE WAS NOT FORTY.
@everybody
BLED CARDINAL AND GOLD. LITERALLY. (BLOOD PLASMA, ANYONE?)
(or)
BY THE TRANSITIVE PROPERTY, TROY POLAMALU WAS LOVED.
@100:
Nice sentiment; well done.
by sasmall on Nov 6, 2009 2:08 AM EST reply actions
“WHERE IS THAT LEAP YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT MICHIGAN?!”
“HEY RICH ROD, BO SAYS HE WANTS HIS TEAM BACK”
“YARRRRRRR”
by idahobuckeye on Nov 6, 2009 10:21 AM EST reply actions
Mich-Placed Gator- i just tracked back and saw your post (who knows if you’ll ever see this?) but, like Kenny said, GREAT, great story! thanks so much for sharing that follow up and further insight into the beloved character he was- right on down to his send off! (too much!)- Uncle Doyle lives on, always. What a truly great story of FAMILY- and all our families’ crazy drama (SO on point for FL-GA folks, but same inherent truth for all great fan rivalry stories). very cool. thank you.
by TampaGatorGal on Nov 8, 2009 12:24 AM EST reply actions
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