GEORGIA VERSUS FLORIDA: A COMPETITIVE CORRELATIVE

its not so much the sunday alcohol ban that causes insufferable sadness during nfl sundays, as it is the sunday chik fil a ban.

“Dragons live forever, but not so little boys”. You’re growing up, Orson Swindle. You’re practically all the way there now.

Awesome Possum Dept:

Heck of a post, some inanities:

a) Thanks for no ACC b.s. today.

b) Los Angeles’ current Mayor (Antonio Villarai-cheater) failed the Bar exam FOUR (4) times! Beat that FL.

c) I watch 2 1/2 Men (hate to admit to this one and hate to admit that I get some good laughs watching the show…and the nerds show right after this one….)

d) Florida is favored by around 16 points. I think FL will win but not by this many points.

e) (Except for Hotlanta) Florida pretty much whacks the rest of Georgia in probably everythang….even babes….

Also, Florida has 590,000 miles of coastline and 77,892 lakes. But no, they need OUR water. For some fucking oysters. Cocknoses.

Things that make me want to kill Georgia: No bars in Oconee County.
Things that make me want to kill Floriday: Old people, and sand.

At least in Savannah you can go to a bar on Sunday and get booze to go.

In defense of the mayor of LA, the California bar is the toughest in the country. There were always a bunch of paralegals who just got out of school, failed the bar, and had to work while waiting to take it again. Florida, however, has a particularly easy one (by score and reputation), partially because the precedents are pretty recent (according to a lawyer friend in Miami). My question is this. Which city is more dangerous, Atlanta? or Miami? I find both two steps away from Jakarta, where I had the pleasure of spending way to much time in growing up.

Is this why you were soliciting musical recommendations earlier? I was going to suggest anything by Pop Will Eat Itself, because depending on which album you pick up, something was bound to meet your requirements. But then I got sidetracked with actual work. Sorry.

Only one slight correction, O

“Chainsaws and shotgun sales go through the roof just before and after one [hurricane]”

It should read:

“Chainsaws and shotgun sales go through the roof just before a hurricane and through the empty space where the roof used to be after.”

Interesting themes emerging…..Atlanta vs. the rest of Georgia, Florida vs. the elements, And scary crazies o’plenty in both states. Picking the tie was statesmanlike and apropos.. As a UGA fan, I’d take that tie if I could get it.

In Georgia, we also have……

Natural Disasters: Atlanta, which is worse than a Hurricane. Which leads me to…..
Trash: Atlanta craps on an entire state with their defilement of the Chattahoochee.

And there’s no way Georgia wins the inanity in governance when Sheila Jackson “idiot” Lee represents Florida.

Wow. I’m now thankful that I live in a safe, secure city like Memphis.

No wonder my two favorite smells are chlamydia and gonorrhea… thanks for letting me know why that is with that STD statistics webpage…

The trash on the roads is jarring when you first move to Georgia. Ten years later you think nothing of driving over a mattress while cruising down 85,

Did Not Know That Dept:

Wow…did not know that a young Cheese-Burglar Weiss was in the movie Deliverance squeeeeling his heart out….

Say what you will about Sonny Perdue – his potential replacement, John Oxendine looks like he should be chasing Spider-Man around on a glider in his spare time (seriously, check out the hair) and his political attack ad plays like the work of a lunatic with access to all the clip art in the world:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qszg68MVM40

@11, Sheila Jackson "idiot" Lee represents a Houston district. Perhaps you are thinking of the “Go Gator!” lady?

If so, please compare/contrast to Cynthia McKinney.

Ack, ignore the Oxendine link posted in #16, this is the real one.

http://www.wikio.com/video/1826496

Gentlemen, gentlemen. For parsimony’s sake that is “Governance” with a capital ‘G.’ As in governors, because if you like we can throw out every inept, terrible, and possibly mentally handicapped politician on the books in both states, but we’d be here for the rest of our lives.

Terminator vs. Skeletor Dept:

Swindle: At least your States (GA and FL) do not have the Terminator and his wife Skeletor-Face for Guv’nar and first lady. Our Austrian makes Minnesota’s Jesse the Body Ventura Churchillian…but me digressessss….

Another brilliant post, but the part that transcended mere creativity to total genius was your line about “miasmic theft-based economies of most lower-class Southern cities.” Maybe it’s funnier to me because I see proof positive of your assertion every day on the local news, but a fine job nonetheless.

Florida coaches have posted a list of dry counties in Georgia on Brandon Spikes’s locker this week for gameday motivation.

i’m staying on the STD kick… you should’ve added something about The Villages retirement community… Apparently STDs are running rampant through there, old people STDs (not your everyday run-of-the-mill young people flesh eating disease). And they say life is good… 9:1 female to male ratio… Georgia doesn’t have that… Georgia does have Cumming though.

Herschel set the record in 31 games says:

And there’s no way Georgia wins the inanity in governance when Sheila Jackson "idiot" Lee represents Florida.

Uhmm… Sheila Jackson Lee is form Texas….

“Naturally, being insubstantial, dim, and tan, he has been mentioned with some seriousness for the Presidency”

Certainly seems appropriate given recent trends.

“Florida has Midwestern Bucktard Juggalo Trash lurking around Tampa and Orlando defacing late-90s American cars with all varieties of things written in either the "NO FEAR" font or the industry standard Gothic Lettering.”

Having read this, I promptly laughed deep and hard, then accidentally sharted.

Thanks a lot, Orson.

@1 Hell. Yes. There is something programed in everyone’s mind to crave Chik-Fil-A on Sundays, just so that you can be reminded that you can’t have it. It’s terrible. I’d boycott the place out of principle but the sandwiches are too good. They also have figured out the perfect blend of syrup and carbonation for their cokes.

@23 – Indeed, Cumming is trying its darndest to become the Scum and Villainy capital of Georgia. Rich white kids + money + nothing to do because it’s all strip malls + extremely conservative upbringing = sex, drugs, alcohol, and a shit ton of teen STDs. I have the unfortunate pleasure of being raised there. Somehow got through it all unscathed. I think. Except going to UGA, I guess.

@28 To this day, I still think the town of Cumming was created on a dare, after the locals had had a healthy chuckle over Intercourse PA and Big Bone Lick State Park in KY.

Yes, we Flordians are the most prepared for the Zombie Invasion. However, the invasion would not be noticed, and the zombies would acclimate quite well. I dare say they would raise the average IQ, and reduce our crime rate.

Lots of states have odd alcohol laws. Grocery stores aren’t allowed to sell alcohol in PA, and all the liquor stores are owned by the state.

Putting Miami in the “Florida” category is like the Price Is Right game with the two scales. You watch them sway up and down, and think they’re relatively even, but then the scale on the right hits the ground, and you realize it was never a fair fight to begin with.

Miami is one part Sopranos, two parts banana republic. It should secede and form its own nation called Crapistan.

“Chainsaws and shotgun sales go through the roof just before and after one, making Florida the state most prepared for a zombie invasion.”

You mean they haven’t already taken over SoFla? How the hell do you explain Century Village, then?

I’m officially requesting one of these for the Thursday before Rutgers and Syracuse play. I’m thinking Lon Gisland Frank and Vinny from Ho-Ho-Kus can match wits on the epic NY v. NJ: Who’s Got Better Hair? debate.

Prohibiting the sale of booze on Sundays is un-American and should itself be prohibited by Imperial Decree. Looking right at you, Indiana.

My wife, who has lived in Atlanta all her life save for a seven-year exile in Macon, visited California for the first time this summer and SQUEALED with delight when she saw liquor for sale in the grocery store.

@17 Do not even talk about my former Congresswoman. She has retired the trophy for crazed, ineffective congresscritter. All others can only hope in vain to imitate.

Red Raider @ 32
“Putting Miami in the "Florida" category is like the Price Is Right game with the two scales.”
True, so true.

Here’s a joke I learned in Venezuela:
Name the three largest cities in Latinoamerica.
Ciudad de Mexico
Buenos Aires
Miami

when you wake up on sunday in georgia and you want some beer, just get in your truck and drive to tennessee and get two six-packs – one for the ride home and one for when you get there. easy peasy.

We had a Chick-fil-a in the LSU union that was a welcome site after a midterm or any other test.

which state has more meth labs?… which state has the most creative meth lab arrest (i.e. the travelling meth lab in a car that gets pulled over, the motel meth lab run by hookers and pimp, the daycare meth lab, etc)?

Bill @ #14-

You joke, but I actually did fuck up the front bumper and underside of my Civic by driving over a box spring on 285 coming home from work a couple of years ago. Traffic was fast and heavy and I passing that perpetual construction hell hole that is the Lawrenceville Highway exit— the person in front of me had time and room to swerve but I hit the damn thing square on. It made a horrifying noise, tossed the whole front end of the car in the air, but I landed in the right direction, so I just drove home cursing the sorry piece of shit who left their bedroom set ON THE FUCKING HIGHWAY.

People in this town just do not know how to act. And I’m from Tampa Bay, so that’s saying something.

“When it comes to methamphetamine, Georgia needs help.” – http://northgeorgia.timesfreepress.com/news/2009/may/08/georgia-meth-lab-seizures-rise/

I almost forgot the other reason I detest the backwards state of Georgia: according to an old article I’ll never forget, state laws helped kill Dogwood Brewing Company.

http://atlanta.creativeloafing.com/gyrobase/Content?oid=oid%3A17287

It wasn’t the best beer in the world, but memories of free beer on Thursdays at the brewery during college still bring a smile to my face.

Break the Dawgs in half for Dogwood Brewing, Brandon Spikes.

Florida’s just the right shape for some gigantic Old Norse god to grab the whole thing and rip it off the North American mainland like a chicken leg and chuck it into the middle of the Atlantic.

How is Texas on the list twice for syphilis? Is it just like Blazing Saddles, where we just really like syphilis so we say it twice?

no beer sunday is just a way to promote tourism in our neighboring states. they all come to georgia to fly out of atlanta so its reciprocation. every georgian has made the hour plus trek to the closest of alabama, florida, tennessee, south cackilac to purchase their 4-pack of 24oz. camoflauge can High Lifes atleast once. that trip has been budgeted in to most sundays of my life for 8 years now. this alone is why macon is the single worst city to live in, its dead center… can you imagine how much more good music the Allman Bros. could have made if they werent driving 4 hours every sunday in the name of sweet nectar?

DUDE!! Big Trouble summed up the state pretty well, even if it was very Miami-centric. Also please consider the film version of Striptease. When Burt Reynolds hollers out, “Manischewitz!” I die laughing every time.

There is also a Climax, GA.

There must be an alternate universe where Atlanta has Chick-fil-A’s and Green’s open on Sunday. Hopefully it will be found in the next 50 years.

@29

Even funnier, there is a Siemens plant in Cumming.

If memory serves, they also had water tower – thin, white and with a bulb on the top that said “Siemens”. In Cumming. Seriously. The first time I saw this after moving to Georgia from Los Angeles I about laughed myself to death.

Channing Crowder was recruited out of Georgia. He learned to hit/kill in the ATL.

“Like Milton Berle in a cock-off, we’ll only pull out just enough to win, since you don’t even deserve to see the whole thing.”

I think (hope) that sums up the Gators’ offense to date.

Regarding the shotguns/chainsaws, Florida prepared for zombie attack in wake of hurricanes idea, I remembered that the University of Florida is perhaps the only such state institution to have their own zombie attack emergency action draft plan in place.

PDF link to the screenshot here.

To which I must say, bravo.

(Reported by MSNBC)

.

49 is an example of why it’s not Georgians’ fault:

Demogrpahic studies show that over 50% of Atlantans are not, in fact from Georgia. And a large number of them are from up North. Apparently Northerners don’t know how to tie shit down in the back of their trucks.

I spent a couple summers in South America and EVERY TIME I told someone I was from Florida they would ask me if that was in Miami.

Things that will also kill you in Georgia: choosing to mow your lawn on a Saturday afternoon, thus making you the living, breathing equivalent of a moving carnival target. No really, this happens. Choose one of those leafy, historic intown neighborhoods and it’s probably better to mow with a push reel under the cloak of darkness, just to be on the safe side. Oh Atlanta indeed.

All-biny.
That’s right. I call the town All-biny.
Deal with it.

Having lived in both states, and in the glorious cities of Macon and Tampa, I am now a proponent of eugenics.

I think with an influx of latin flair Georgia is catching up. As opposed to the Puerto Ricans who will change your oil for $10 while improperly disposing of waste or cubans who will trade rocket bags for Ed Hardy Outerwear, Georgia proudly boasts Mexican migrant workers which line up in front of Quik Trips leering at any shape, size or age woman imaginable. Though Florida police departments are more willing to allow COPS to film with them, the all-time best COPS episodes are in the 404.

To think us notherners were stupid enough to fight a war to bring you back in the fold.

I totally got roped into thinking this was going to be funny by the Early Cuyler picture.