TIM TEBOW DISMISSES GEORGIA MATCHUP AS "AS MEANINGLESS AS ANY OTHER."

by Orson on Oct 27, 2009 11:41 AM EDT

Tim Tebow, clad in an ironic t-shirt reading "IRONIC T-SHIRT," announced that this year's Georgia-Florida game "won't be any different than any other time the two schools meet" during Florida's weekly press conference on Monday.

Appearing disinterested and unshaven, the star quarterback answered questions in a low mumble as reporters asked him about the upcoming matchup with historical rivals the Bulldogs.

"I don't really see how this matchup is any different from any other matchup between two groups of athletes from adjacent and arbitrarily drawn geographic regions. It's not going to be any more special, because football isn't special. Nothing is special. Not even love, which is a lie. A dirty, filthy lie."

Tebow dismissed last year's 49-10 victory as "just another game."

"I mean that. Just another game, a meaningless distraction I put myself at the center of to keep the boredom away. I'm so numb even the thrill of violence doesn't do anything to me anymore.

You think it meant something because they danced on the endzone two years ago? How do you remember what happened two days ago, much less two years ago? Every day is the same: hours and minutes shot to pieces by time's arrow. I wish I cared enough to go on about how miserable this all makes me, but the only thing I hate more than explaining things to other people is listening to my own, despicable voice. Its the vanity of hate."

Tebow, who has struggled this season as a passer and has appeared to press at times when Florida moves into the redzone, said the offensive coaching staff was not to blame for Florida's scoring troubles.

"The staff isn't to blame. Not the staff that's here, anyway. It's not like they're going to be here next year, or you'll be here next year, or even tomorrow. You could die right now. My voice could be the last thing you hear. How do you live second to second knowing the last thing you would be doing wouldn't be looking into your child's eyes, or watching the grass wave in the wind, but holding up a tape recorder so you can catch the empty, meaningless waves of sound coming from my voicebox? You might already be dead. Ever thought of that? Huh?"

"You probably haven't. Most people don't. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH."

Urban Meyer attempted to interrupt on several occasions, only to be interrupted by long exhalations by the Heisman-winning senior quarterback.

Tebow also dismissed claims he was pressing and trying to hard to make things happen on the field.

"With our defense, I don't even really have to try. I don't have to be there. I could send in a body double. I could just take knees three times and then punt. Maybe I'll do that. I could. You could do anything at any second. I could go open a bakery. Spend the rest of my life making pies. Feeding people until they're so fat they can't see out of their little piggie eyes. AND THEY'D THANK ME FOR IT. THEY'D THANK ME FOR IT!!!"

"Hell is other people." He then shook his head, stayed silent for a moment, and left the room.

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…..BAWHAHAHAH!

by Kevin@LSU on Oct 27, 2009 11:49 AM EDT reply actions

Sooooo he’s been working out with Jay Cutler to prepare him for the NFL I take it?

by MightyMightyMitzu on Oct 27, 2009 11:49 AM EDT reply actions

You sheeple just don’t understand Tim T-emo.

by yellowpools on Oct 27, 2009 11:51 AM EDT reply actions

Hey, it turned out fine when Cutler worked out with Ted DiBiase and Rowdy Roddy Piper, right?

by Vandy J on Oct 27, 2009 11:53 AM EDT reply actions

I think I like Emo Tebow better than the real one.

by Billy Sims 'Fro on Oct 27, 2009 11:54 AM EDT reply actions

apropos of nothing, selections from the Sartre cookbook:

I find myself trying ever more radical interpretations of traditional dishes, in an effort to somehow express the void I feel so acutely. Today I tried this recipe:

Tuna Casserole
Ingredients: 1 large casserole dish
Place the casserole dish in a cold oven. Place a chair facing the oven and sit in it forever. Think about how hungry you are. When night falls, do not turn on the light.
While a void is expressed in this recipe, I am struck by its inapplicability to the bourgeois lifestyle. How can the eater recognize that the food denied him is a tuna casserole and not some other dish? I am becoming more and more frustated.
…
Today I made a Black Forest cake out of five pounds of cherries and a live beaver, challenging the very definition of the word “cake.” I was very pleased. Malraux said he admired it greatly, but could not stay for dessert. Still, I feel that this may be my most profound achievement yet, and have resolved to enter it in the Betty Crocker Bake-Off.
…
Camus came into the restaurant today. He did not know I was in the kitchen, and before I sent out his meal I loogied in his soup. Sic semper tyrannis.

by jdub on Oct 27, 2009 12:03 PM EDT reply actions

Since they only started playing circa 1990, can you really call Georgia a “historical rival?”

by Silver Britches on Oct 27, 2009 12:05 PM EDT reply actions

You left out the prepared statement he opened with:

“I am bored with love
and it’s passionless limbs
that drape over my bed
in a lethargic state of impotence
while wearing the same red heart
my soul picked up hitchhiking
off highway serendipity

Now here we are
alone in togetherness
trying to build dreams
with two by fours and glue,
but even a home
won’t tie us together
when our hearts live alone

Poetic vows cliched
into nothingness
like all words do, eventually
and we allowed
our bodies to become
another pair of hollow shadows
that make love to a wall
instead of each other
and we wonder why
the roses are dying"

by Biggus Rickus on Oct 27, 2009 12:07 PM EDT reply actions

Nice Bettie Serveert reference…

by Texas Sized BS on Oct 27, 2009 12:10 PM EDT reply actions

Later that day, Robert Smith-Tebow and Mohammed Al-Tebayii were seen at a coffee shop together, although I didn’t catch what Mohammed ordered because he told my girlfriend that he hated seeing her knees.

by Turd Ferguson on Oct 27, 2009 12:12 PM EDT reply actions

Didn’t realize Tebow was an actor as well.

http://deathbitchlover.ytmnd.com/

by DrBundy on Oct 27, 2009 12:18 PM EDT reply actions

“We stared at each other without blinking, and everything came to a stop there between the team, the crowd, and the sun, and the double silence of the marching band and the gatorade jugs. It was then that I realized that you could either throw or not throw.”

by Eric on Oct 27, 2009 12:30 PM EDT reply actions

Camus can do, but Sartre is smartre.

by Etch Westgrin on Oct 27, 2009 12:30 PM EDT reply actions

IIANM, in the Georgia media guide, the series ran only from 1964 to 1988. All other scores were voided unilaterally by Georgia, because the Bulldogs were without the services of one Vince Dooley (aka the Mark Richt of the ’80s).

by Golden Hand on Oct 27, 2009 12:46 PM EDT reply actions

@13

Well Scooby Doo can doo-doo, but Jimmy Carter is smarter!

by Jalps on Oct 27, 2009 12:53 PM EDT reply actions

I think Tebow would make a good camwhore.

by Tim James on Oct 27, 2009 1:07 PM EDT reply actions

Ah, the senior year career crisis. Times like these, as the commercials say. I suggest that Tebow should punt the footbaw and go to law school instead of the NFL.

by Ancient Chinese Secret on Oct 27, 2009 1:26 PM EDT reply actions

Concrete Cyanide would be an awesome name for an emo band.

by Jack Fact on Oct 27, 2009 1:33 PM EDT reply actions

What’s with the upside down limp johnson holding the ribcage together?

by ohiodawg on Oct 27, 2009 2:09 PM EDT reply actions

Baudelaire would also be proud. In related news, apparently Morrissey collapsed on stage in the UK in the last few days because he just couldn’t take it anymore. True story. Now the weight of the world’s ennui is really on Tim’s shoulders.

ps. is meta-meta irony on a t-shirt the height of douchebaggery?

by haveagreatday on Oct 27, 2009 2:13 PM EDT reply actions

I think Rick James said it best: F*** YO’ COUCH, LAWYA!!

by the boy least likely to on Oct 27, 2009 2:48 PM EDT reply actions

I find guilt in such humor

by notamused on Oct 27, 2009 3:25 PM EDT reply actions

Wihow Timmy’s gone an spun ’imself right round, ’e has.

by Grampaw Fug on Oct 27, 2009 3:55 PM EDT reply actions

“Uninterested,” college boy. A scientist can be very interested in an experiment’s result, yet maintain scholarly disinterest. Being uninterested is a whole different taco. Hey, wake up!

by English Hitler on Oct 27, 2009 5:30 PM EDT reply actions