IT IS A DARK, DARK DAY FOR WHITE SKILL ATHLETES
by Orson on Oct 27, 2009 2:30 PM EDT
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PrintPossession receivers, gutty linebackers, all-heart fullbacks, that one weird fast dude Iowa always pulls out of a cornfield, and kickers unite in mourning: Minnesota wide receiver Eric Decker will miss the rest of the regular season with a sprained arch in his left foot, presumably strained while running too fast and exceeding the factory specifications laid out in the Caucasian Model Owner's Guide. A moment of silence, please.
I wanna stand with you on a mountain...
Decker takes his 758 yards receiving and 5 TDs full of wan brilliance with him, meaning the burden of being the foremost honky skill athlete falls predictably to running back Toby Gerhart, who even more predictably plays for Stanford, is majoring in management, and has a profile that does not mention any of the following words: "nimble," "fast", or "speed." Toby, you're our only hope now. Take strength as thousands of slow-footed but determined white athletes have before you: in the completely plausible Rocky 3 training montage's final sprint sequence.
(HT: FOTP, who was on the very same track mid-stream with us here.)
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I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
by Riley Cooper on Oct 27, 2009 2:36 PM EDT reply actions
Navy still has slotbacks named Doyle and Finnegan, and a fullback named Murphy, they’ll pick up the slack. They could probably beat Minnesota anyway.
Service academy speed, baby.
by thatswhenthewho on Oct 27, 2009 2:50 PM EDT reply actions
Wat’ bout Tebow’s Roommate?? Dat white boy can run a pattern..
And whens the last time you saw a Honky line up at Corner? I mean on a BCS conference team? Better chance of seein a Rosenberg at Defensive Tackle
Frank “I have a Scheme” Drackman
by Frank Drackman on Oct 27, 2009 2:51 PM EDT reply actions
Somewhere, a little piece of Jason Sehorn’s heart just died.
by Jack Fact on Oct 27, 2009 2:54 PM EDT reply actions
Well I’m standing next to a mountain
Knock it down with the edge of my hand…sorry, wrong generation.
Anywho, a guy named Toby probably has to be “tough” and “hard-nosed” as his bio says.
by ohiodawg on Oct 27, 2009 3:22 PM EDT reply actions
Jordan Shipley, Kerry Meier. All we crackers got left.
by nwkshawk on Oct 27, 2009 3:31 PM EDT reply actions
GT has a white safety who runs a 4.3. But his heart asploded, so he’s taking a medical redshirt. More out-of-warranty usage issues, iianm. With a name like Cooper Taylor, he can always make it as a country music singer.
by Golden Hand on Oct 27, 2009 3:41 PM EDT reply actions
Cody Grimm is going to use all his “football IQ” on TJ Yates Thursday night.
by DeepFriar on Oct 27, 2009 3:43 PM EDT reply actions
Sean Lee is finally healthy again. Penn State has a white receiver who caught 3 tds saturday
by kirk on Oct 27, 2009 3:57 PM EDT reply actions
If not for a piss-poor offensive line and JV quality quarterback, Arizona State’s Chris McGaha would be impressing the nation with his deceptive speed as a possession receiver.
by Big Jon on Oct 27, 2009 3:58 PM EDT reply actions
@6
Good old Dustin Fox is the last white cornerback I can remember on a powerhouse D.
Started opposite Chris Gamble on the ’02 OSU championship team.
Speaking of OSU, I can’t remember the last time they DIDN’T have white guy in the top two at WR
Sanzebacher, Hartline, Gonzalez …
by JJ on Oct 27, 2009 4:01 PM EDT reply actions
I don’t think Gonzalez counts as a white guy.
by twogreattastes on Oct 27, 2009 4:17 PM EDT reply actions
@10:
Gee, a white safety runs a 4.3 and develops “Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome”. I mean… it has White in the name! Clearly it’s a conspiracy! White people just don’t run that fast!
by Not You on Oct 27, 2009 4:17 PM EDT reply actions
They just don’t make ’em like Steve Largent anymore.
by dgdawg on Oct 27, 2009 4:33 PM EDT reply actions
@18 And he was playing a hybrid safety-linebacker position called the WOLF!! Wake up, sheeple
by Golden Hand on Oct 27, 2009 4:36 PM EDT reply actions
Zibikowski supposedly ran a 4.4 which is how he got out of position so fast. But you’re forgetting about Taylor Mays and Riley Cooper who . . . What? You gotta be shittin’ me. With those names?!
by Harris on Oct 27, 2009 4:39 PM EDT reply actions
Texas has two… Jordan Shipley and Blake Gideon. Gideon’s fast. but he sure knows how to drop an interception
by Scott on Oct 27, 2009 4:42 PM EDT reply actions
…and somewhere in texas, sam mcguffie waits quietly, patiently, ready to take over the world…
by ed on Oct 27, 2009 4:55 PM EDT reply actions
Kansas Scatback Jake Sharp has been electronically timed running 4.27— but has also been dealing with a stress fracture in his leg this season. The plot thickens?
by KennyGregoryRockThaCradle on Oct 27, 2009 5:11 PM EDT reply actions
I still think the real unsung hero is Ed Wang of Virginia Tech at 6’5" 305 lbs.
by Anonymous IV on Oct 27, 2009 5:30 PM EDT reply actions
Who cares what color any player is, as long as they the best at the position. Nothing better in college football to be talking about?
by Rob on Oct 27, 2009 7:06 PM EDT reply actions
Further proof yet again that Minnesota is located entirely on an Indian burial mound.
Can’t think of a school that takes more bad breaks than these guys. Worse yet, winter is coming.
by B-Money on Oct 28, 2009 12:00 AM EDT reply actions
Seeing Billy D. and Rocky cavorting in the water gives me hope that racial harmony is within our grasp.
by Craig on Oct 28, 2009 6:17 AM EDT reply actions
Yea, there’s a white kid for PSU that caught 3 TDs (Graham Zug), but he’s not even the best fast white guy on the team. Derek Moye will be the Eric Decker everyone is talking about next year.
by Buck walleye on Oct 28, 2009 10:19 AM EDT reply actions
Craig @33 – I’m laughing so hard I’m crying… for some reason I’ve never equated the late great (remember Drago kilt him) Apollo Creed played flawlessly by Carl Weathers with Billy Lando D Williams…. awesome.
He would pour you a hennessey and then knock your ass out..
by atlantadomer on Oct 28, 2009 12:30 PM EDT reply actions
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