CONSPIRACY! KIFFIN REPRIMANDED, TINFOIL HATS FOR ALL.
I told you thurr was a conspiracy! Toldja!
First I was right about Houston Nutt communin’ with the Trilateral Commission, and a then ah told you about the radioactive worms the NSA done put in my tomatoes to keep an eye on me. Then you laft at how ah spotted the Zionists workin on me through the presenze of their agent Seth Roggin in all them Judd Apataw movies tryn to tell me my penis was an atenna transmittin’ Palestian propagandah to the masses to give them a reason to make movies. The cops arrestin me fah showin’ it to ‘em that night at Slankey’s Tavern on 3 for 1 Natty Light night only PROVES HOW REAL THE PENILE BROADCASTIN’ WAS!
And now ah done got another one! Wake up, sheeple! Iss right in God’s own sport!
Lane Kiffin, in his first year in the SEC, got his second reprimand from the conference office today. The Tennessee head coach was scolded by commissioner Mike Slive for his public comments since Tennessee’s 12-10 loss to Alabama.
That’s a violation of the SEC Code of Ethics.
CONSPIRASAH!!! First they get Florda and Alabama in the game, then the Antichristabama appears in thah sky, then as foretold in tha Mothman Propheseez the Werechild dooz battle with the Tebowantichristabama till one of um goes to the BCS and takez control of the guvmint through nappin’ cells in the FDA and ATF. IT’S ALL CONNECTED AND CAN’T POSSIBLY HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH A GREATER FEAR OF PEOPLE BEING MASSIVELY INCOMPETENT IN AN ANARCHIC AN CHAOTIC WORLD NO SIR. I seez it all!
Editor’s note: Lane Kiffin moves one step closer to being Planet Doofus’ Stone Cold Steve Austin. He’s pointing at McMahon! Has he no respect for the Commissioner!










1
Holly says:
Because if there’s one thing to be afraid of, it’s condemnation from a website that publishes Paul Finebaum.
October 26th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
2
ShaneTCU says:
Is that photo from the grove? (Now waiting for Ole Miss death threats to commence)
October 26th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
3
Vandy J says:
Poor Hello Kiffy. He needs somebody else to blame. Otherwise, people might look at him choosing to run out the clock and take a chance with a shaky kicking game, rather than trying to make a play with a suddenly resurgent offense against a reeling Bama defense, and conclude that he pees sitting down.
October 26th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
4
Alabama ManDance says:
Those damn baby vaccinations are inoculating us from the truth!!
October 26th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
5
Tanner says:
Holly, I think you should be happy about this. If Lane acts up again and they suspend him, I think Monte takes the reins, giving you guys a good shot at winning out.
October 26th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
6
Mark Mangino says:
You know what this is all about, don’t you? BCS. That’s what made a difference today in the game… Dollar signs.
October 26th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
7
Stacy Kiebler Luvs Me says:
Kiffin vs. SEC Refs:
Though not a fan of Kiffin, I would take his side over the dumb SEC Zebras any day of the week.
October 26th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
8
The Tusk says:
Good point. Thankfully we have Mike Slive to point out for all that Kiffykin is still the biggest whiny bitch in the SEC. I’m sure that even VolQuest and the other less squalid corners of the orange intertubes would publish that kind of news.
When even Spurrier’s tape-helping-the-kicker comments look mature and reasoned by comparison, wow. Just. wow.
October 26th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
9
Stacy Kiebler Luvs Me says:
Shorty Dept:
When Kiffin and Saban met after the game, it looked like Saban was a midget, I mean “little person”, whatever. Is Saban just a hair over 5 feet tall?
October 26th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
10
Tim James says:
The SEC has a Code of Ethics?
I’d imagine it has a clause that allows Mike Slive to declare the conference champion unilaterally during a national state of emergency.
October 26th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
11
okiedomer says:
wait…there’s a bar that has a 3-for-1 natty light night?
why am i just now hearing about this?
October 26th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
12
The Tusk says:
TJ@10 – there is, but it reads better if you imagine Mike Slive as Dean Wormer:
There is a little-known codicil in the Southeastern Conference charter which gives the commissioner unlimited power to preserve order in time of conference emergency. Find me a way to bury UT (you know, beyond hiring a 13-year old to be your HC).
You live next door. Put Rogers Redding on it. He’s a sneaky little shit, just like you, right?
The time has come for someone to put their foot down. And that foot is me.
October 26th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
13
Jack Fact says:
Kudos, Kiffykins, on becoming the first head coach to earn more SEC reprimands than victories.*
*tally does not include “moral victories.”
October 26th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
14
Tim James says:
Oh, newspapermen…
I’ll have a lot more to say on this subject in Tuesday’s column.
I’m riveted to my seat, anxiously refreshing Kevin Scarbinsky’s blog page!!
October 26th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
15
The Ghost of Jay Cutler says:
@2
No
October 26th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
16
Crabapple Buck says:
The SEC Code of Ethics – If you ain’t cheatin’ you ain’t tryin’!
Holly is spot on.
October 26th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
17
Kerwin4two says:
The SEC is behind the flouridation of our water supply. We must protect teh VITAL FLUIDS!!!
October 26th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
18
MrRedDevil says:
Slow clap…
October 26th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
19
Tater Salad says:
If ever a UT fan wonders why fans of other teams think Kiffin is a spoiled brat crybaby bitch, well…
October 26th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
20
TideDruid says:
ha…. ha ha…. A HA HA, A HA HA HA! A HA HA, A HA HA HA!
Sorry, my inner-Mandark had to come out. Carry on.
October 26th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
21
etsuVol says:
I reprimand Mike Slive.
Also, I like how people can both agree that the SEC refs suck yet call Kiffin a whiny little bitch.
October 26th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
22
lhb98 says:
@10:
This would still be a better tiebreaker system than the Big XII.
October 26th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
23
TideDruid says:
@21
You don’t think both are possibilities?
October 26th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
24
etsuVol says:
When he first came around I thought Kiffin should STFU for a while, but he’s grown on me, and it’s become increasingly clear he knows what he’s doing. Nobody still wants to give him any credit (my team had the flu! my team was tired! Tennessee wasn’t REALLY trying to win!) but seeing him take 2 top-ranked teams to the wire in their own places makes me believe when he gets some players in here, Tennessee is heading in the right direction. Crompton passed for 265 yards against the Bama D at their own place. That’s almost twice as many as Snead. Johnathan! Crompton!
October 26th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
25
etsuVol says:
…but specifically about Cody taking his helmet off, I don’t think that should matter. Make a f-in’ field goal. Cody lined up across from 6-4 332lb Jarrod Shaw, not one of the Sullins midgets. Kiffin is getting second guessed about letting Cromps throw 1 or 2 more, but hindsight’s 20/20.
/threadunjacked
October 26th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
26
Tater Salad says:
etsu:
The SEC refs suck because they have made some horrendous calls in big games. Calls that could have completely changed the outcome of said games in the final minutes of those games.
Kiffin is a whiny bitch because UT lost on a blocked field goal, and after the game, Kiffin:
(1) Bitched about the penalty discrepancy between the two teams, going so far as to say that it affected his playcalling at the end of the game (not running more plays besides Hardesty to the middle of the field), and saying he would have to keep that in mind the next time they travel to Tuscaloosa. He even went so far as to say he would get a reprimand but it didn’t matter because UA and UF are undefeated.
(2) Insinuated that Alabama intentionally made the headsets malfunction. With UA’s OC in the booth, and UT’s DC on the field. That resulted in a 3 and out.
(3) Complained that Cody’s removal of his helmet should’ve been a personal foul that resulted in a re-kick. No matter that that is completely incorrect.
(4) Complained about all of this after the following events occurred in the last 4 mins of the game: Mark Ingram lost the first fumble of his collegeiate career, Berry recovered. UT scored a TD. UT recovered an onsides kick. UT moved the ball about 30 yards to get into field goal range.
Not taking anything away from UT because they made all of those plays. But Christ.
October 26th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
27
Tim James says:
Kiffin really may have unlocked a superior recruiting strategy: talk lots of shit to get your name in the news, play conservatively with the help of some great defense to keep games close, and people naturally think you’re a winner in waiting.
Even the fans love it: they’ll be happily chattering away during the entire offseason about nearly beating the eventual SEC (BCS?) champion. It’s like Ole Miss and Auburn in Florida’s championship seasons, except without the win and even more insufferable about it (perhaps for that very reason).
October 26th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
28
BamaCPA says:
Hey, if you can’t actually beat a good team, get some free pub by being a whiny punk. Yeah, I see why the Vols like this guy. Let us know when he gets past “almost” on the field.
October 26th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
29
the ex-croominator says:
Well this is all just so silly, I mean just because Kiffin is an enormous TOOL and gets reprimanded, what makes everyone think there’s some VAST conspiracy to ensure Florida and Alabama fight for the national championship…
http://www.clarionledger.com/article/20091026/NEWS/91026015/MSU+s+Mullen+reprimanded+by+SEC
…oh. Carry on.
October 26th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
30
etsuVol says:
I’ll take almost beating 2 #1’s on their own field if we’re a program on the rise. One was supposed to “drop a safe” on UT and the other one had to resort to singing “we just beat the hell out of you!” after surviving a 2-TD underdog by 3 missed or blocked FG’s, and both had to pull out multiple excuses on why the margin of victory wasn’t larger.
Kiffin and crew have sold me. Better days are ahead.
October 26th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
31
Bamaleg says:
etsuvol
Better days would almost have to be ahead. I use the term “almost” because it is evidently a word very familiar to the vol faithful – as in almost beat Florida and almost beat Alabama.
October 26th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
32
Tim James says:
etsuVol, the moral victory against Florida actually looks weaker as the season goes on. Florida has been handing their opponents the ball and stalling in the red zone all season, but nobody wants to step up and win the game. At this point, Tennessee is just a faceless member of the crowd that could’ve upset Florida. Careful, all those prized recruits might go to Mississippi State instead.
That said, I think next year they will finally beat the Gators again. Five years in a row is too long of a streak and nobody on the defense is going to stick around another season.
October 26th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
33
arlo says:
Can it be much longer before two HCs get into a fist fight at midfield after the game? To paraphrase Bryant, the same things always cause you to win. When you lose, there’s just a new set of excuses.
October 26th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
34
Epic Combover says:
Has anyone ever seen Monte Kiffin and Big Ern from King Pin in the same place at the same time?
October 26th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
35
Three Days of Orange says:
The media coverage of Kiffin’s comments vs Mullen’s says a lot.
You guys need to understand one thing about Kiffin: he has converted a hungry fan base
who haven’t been REALLY excited about football since the 2001 SEC championship game.
We actually don’t care TOO much about what the rest think right now. If Fulmer was coach,
we’d be 2-5 or 1-6 right now and the FLA and ALA games would have been blowouts.
Really. Really. Have you seen UT since 2001? Of course we’re excited we played y’all
close. If you notice, UT’s “close” games versus FLA and ALA both “informed” the media
and casual fan about how “bad” the Gators and Tide are. You can’t have it both ways.
Florida and Bama can’t be relieved to beat UT and think Kiffin is a bad coach without
admitting that they aren’t top ten teams. Actually considering that, of course you can have
it both ways: you’re good SEC fans.
October 26th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
36
Three Days of Orange says:
I’d love to hear a Georgia fan weigh in on this….
*crickets*
Please complete the SEC circle of life and beat the damn Gators in Jacksonhole, FL
October 26th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
37
Tim James says:
You’re oversimplifying. Florida and Bama are top ten teams because they have league-leading defenses and everyone else is weak this year. Kiffin came in with an excellent gameplan, the team had some nice defensive play, and just enough offense to keep things honest. He still made a few questionable calls late in the game and then made a fool of himself in media comments afterwards, in order to draw attention to his team. No big deal either way.
October 26th, 2009 at 9:35 pm
38
Herb says:
See NC State’s record, circa the Monte Kiffin era.
October 26th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
39
zzgator says:
I must have missed the mass expression of “relief” out of Gainesville after we beat the vols. Moral victories must warp perception.
October 26th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
40
zzgator says:
And all you “we almost beat two number one teams so clearly we’re a program on the rise” should bear in mind that [Name Redacted] denied uga a shot at a national title in 2002, beat the 2003 national champ LSU Tigers in Baton Rouge, and won in 2004 in Tally where even Spurrier was perpetually stymied. So feel free to think you’re getting “better and better”.
October 26th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
41
Three Days of Orange says:
@zz38: the relief has dissipated with multiple escapes – my primary point was that your “immoral” win
over the Vols “warped” the media into the belief that the Gators were overrated. #2 anyone?
Maybe the gators are blase, but the Tide are relieved. We’ll see who’s overrrated.
@zz39: Fulmer didn’t quite leave Kiffin the same goodies that Majors left him when he rose to power in
Knoxville, nor when Meyer rode into Gainesburg. Florida in 2004 is a better comparison to Tennessee
in 1992. Tennessee in 2009 is a better match with Alabama 2007. Obviously, Vol fans hope Kiffin can
even come CLOSE to the job Saban is doing in ALA now. We’ll see obviously, but I can tell you us ig’nant
mountain princes in Tennessee is excited.
Moonshine, bitches.
October 26th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
42
zzgator says:
Yep…moonshine would explain it.
October 26th, 2009 at 10:34 pm
43
Phocion says:
@41: zzgator FTW!
October 26th, 2009 at 11:53 pm
44
Grampaw Fug says:
Twenty bucks the Kiffin kid picks his nose.
October 27th, 2009 at 1:58 am
45
NBlue says:
I think its awesome that UT has had 2 moral victories this year. Perhaps next year they can get 3 or even 4! That would be incredible. At 3-4, its obvious that Lame has the team going in the right direction and we can certainly look forward to more moral victory progress next year without Eric Berry as he is really holding the Vollies back . . .
October 27th, 2009 at 7:52 am
46
hobeg8r says:
After the Gators were screwed in 2004 at UT, I don’t remember any Gator fan calling our loss a moral victory. I also don’t remember [Name Redacted] whining about it though he had every reason to. As I recall, he was given the option of not having those same refs call another game. I’m just tired of Smokey ate my homework excuses. Tennessee lost. Move on. There’s nothing to see here.
October 27th, 2009 at 8:34 am
47
Brandon says:
The trilateral commission is the real deal, though. I suggest you do more research into the New World Order and the dirty history of the USA (google: MKUltra, COINTELPRO, Monarch Program, Federal Reserve Scam, Tuskegee, Jap Internment Camps, human radiation experiments, Iran-Contra Drug Running, US psychops program, DARPA, HAARP, US Sponsored Death Squads, and so on and so on.
I know this site has nothing to say about these things, and I am a gator, but at this point in time we can no longer call what’s going on a “conspiracy theory” (a term actually conjured up to discredit whistleblowers and gov skeptics. I realize there are many so-called rednecks and people who can’t articulate themselves when they ramble on about “CONSPIRACHA!”, but, there are also many, many more well educated (whatever that means) people from various backgrounds who simply looked at facts and drew the conclusion that our government is directly tied to corporate interests. It’s pretty simple. When you mock people who merely are aware of the con game running our society and show your opinion that we are all illiterate, dumb witted morons, it simply makes you appear ignorant. Mocking people who know the truth, no matter how dumbly stated it is and it can be some homeless guy tripping on PCP screaming “LIES, all LIES”, as you know, this psychological tactic doesn’t actually invalidate the point of their argument…it’s merely a diversion to draw the audiences attention to the fact that the person vocalizing such things is a…1.)redneck 2.) hillbilly 3.) moron 4.) paranoid schizo 5.) druggie 6.) person who doesn’t have a mastery over the english language. So, that makes the argument wrong, I suppose, since we should all wear suits and slacks and slick our hair back when we look straight into the camera and tell you the God honest truth, cause I would NEVER lie to you. I’m like your father figure, just look at my nice appearance and smooth sounding voice.
October 28th, 2009 at 12:34 pm