As a die-hard Michigan fan, I say a loud amen to the kill the keys movement. Stupidest. Cheer. Ever.

Speaking of dirty, Jerry Hughes is gonna scare the living shit out of Max Hall, resulting in the soiling of his Mormon underwear-chastity-belt-thingy.

So sad. 7 years in T-town, and I drank a Mississippi River’s worth of Yellohammers, but never knew of the unicorn fucking.

For those of you watching Bama/UT in HD, those are not crop circles on the field. It’s from Lance Thompson walking/knuckle-dragging during warmups.

Doesn’t the Unified Theory of Grohmentum at least predict a reasonable possibility of a Virginia upset? Or do we have to wait a few more weeks?

I still am afraid of going to Charlottesville. My only explanation is that Bobby Ross must have peed on Jefferson’s grave or something back in 1990 drunk after the victory celebration.

It was Bill Pullman, not Bill Murray

Bill Murray, as Dr. Venkman, would have pushed Independance Day into legendary realms.

Unfortunately, we stuck with President Bill “Nukes-oughta-do-the-trick” Pullman.

Hey, for an over-the-top big budget “remake” of War of the Worlds, I still get a little chill during Bill Pullman’s speech before the final battle in Independence Day.

Key janglin’ = turned into pig food
I am with you all the way on that.

#4: That’s what the Unified Theory of Grohmentum would like you to think, isn’t it?

And while we’re on the topic of the Emmerichs’ cinematic oeuvre, who’s up for a field trip to see 2012? I’m not kidding. It’s gonna be the Citizen Kane of disaster porn.

The Beavers will play like mad hatter cough syrup induced rodents that they are, but this game is @ USC and the Trojans seem to be self aware now. They dont accept the “relaxing cigarettes” from us anymore before games so Oregon St. will keep it close until midway through the secound quarter. Then- que sera.

I’d rather have President Egon.

Chickens from the Mid-West Dept:

I hope BC throttles the Notre Dame non-Fighting Chickens…

…amazed they dropped BC from their schedule….

…and added Western or Eastern or Southern or Northern Michigan, from the dreaded MAC Conference…

ND ought to join the MAC conference and be done with it!

ND loses to BC AND Navy, prompting an epidemic of giggling-induced hernias across college football fandom.

Oh, and BEEEES!

So here’s how it’s gonna happen with USC. The Trojans will:

1. Pound Oregon State into particulate matter.

2. Lose to Oregon RANDOM EVENT NUMBER 11 IS GENERATED

3. Win the Pac 10 outright and the Rose Bowl after Oregon collapses and ends up dropping exactly one more conference game than USC.

Stone.

But, But Dept:

1. 14 – But, Charlie and his acolytes will say that they almost beat USC twice and that is worth another multi-year extension.

Holly, my only question is what’s John Cusack doing in what is so clearly a Nicholas Cage movie?

Orson,

Dude. You picked Cal over Oregon and Oregon whupped Cal’s sorry a$$ 42-3.

I mean, a little respect, here, please.

However, as those of you east of the Tebow line might not be aware of the whole
“Chip Kelly is Bill Bellichek’s lost twin” soap opera angle, you should be aware
that all Oregon injured people are “day-to-day” unless actively undergoing
brain surgery. Jeremiah Masoli was on the field practicing, making him
“dayer-to-dayer”. And I’m not making that up.

• And * it’s Washington week. Unless Jeremiah Masoli is actively undergoing
  surgery, has stopped breathing or gets kidnapped by aliens, he will be
  playing. And kicking a$$.

You heard it here first. Oregon kicks Husky a$$, Masoli runs, throws and
does his usual quiet Tebow-of-the-West-Coast thing, LaMichael James
spins, flies, burns up the field in his usual quiet Barry-Sanders-of-the-2009-NCAA
thing, and Oregon defense (they of the biggest invisible ammo a team has
east of the Tebow line fame) stifles Jake the Fake and his Husky supporting
cast to a meager 10 points. [OK, Jake’s actually awesome, best quarterback
in the college game, but still].

Cmon’ Orson, watch some Oregon games, O revered one (except BOISE
FRICKING STATE), and you will become a believer. I just know it.

GIGGITY BOWL & BEEEEEES!! God bless you Swindle. I especially love the understated but still poignant BEES.

At this point, Charlie should coach for life, I don’t want Notre Dame to be good, I don’t want any of their players to fulfill their true potential (a common theme in the rust belt), I want their contract with NBC to continue for eternity because they blow every big game. Charlie provides everything I would ever want: Failure. Plus, if hes fired, anyone would be an improvement over Charlie and that pisses me off. Oh, and I’m rooting for BC, and that is hard for someone born in New England with a complete and utter hatred for everything Boston related, it defies the very fiber of my being.

The UF MSU game reminds me a lot of the Bama MSU game in 1992. Bama was heavily favored & jumped out 20-3. We came roaring back and scored to make it 25-20. But, a player did not get off the field in time, so we wound up kicking a FG to make it 21-20. We held and the leading punt returner in NCAA history (at that time) muffed the punt and Bama scored a TD and went on to win 30-21.

I think this game could minic that. One thing I did remember from that 1992 game was that it was in November and it was the 1st time Bama had pased on 2nd down all year.

Up with New England Dept:

1. - I lived near Boston for a while and ended up loving everything about that place, including all sports teams (except Celtics, of course). I thought all nearby five-staters liked the Boston teams…learn something new every day.

Talking about Oregon State’s next great innovative team-themed product is much more fun than how badly we’ll get beat by USC.

Having lived in the Commonwealth of MA for three years, I can attest that the Boston Kool-Aid is strong, but sometimes the treatment doesn’t take.

1. “You may all go to hell (Boston) and I will go to Texas”- Davy Crockett .
   I’m from Hartford (New England’s flushing toilet) and I find most Boston fans to be the most insufferable individuals outside of Columbus Ohio. The problem is that i hate baseball and growing up with Sox-Yankees arguments every five minutes causes one to question their own sanity. Once Boston won that world series, the total maximum asshole-doucheness levels possible within humankind were shattered as Boston fans took both levels to atmospheric heights.

USC should go Old Testament on the Beavers, but Mike Riley is one shifty motherfucker and the Rogers brothers are actually interstellar aliens with evil super powers. They’re the Coneheads of the Pac-10.

B-Ball Dept:

1. I do not like to see baseball either. Love to play it, though. But, you would think that after all of those frustrating years of losing, a little doucheness is to be expected and tolerated. I Imagine what would happen if the Cubbies ever win a World Series. Now that would be world-class douchebag-ness of Emmerichs’-cinematic-oeuvre-proportions (apologies to Holly for stealing some material here).

And as a student at TCU, I cannot tell you how many times that I tell people from New England where I go there are two sure-fire reactions: 1) I’m somehow a religious zealot, but I wouldn’t be if i went to Saint (Insert Generic name) in New England. 2) When I tell them that we are good in football they reply either a) good? Oh, your DII, or b) I’d take Uconn/BC (whatever they’re closer to)

Clemson @ Miami? I needs to know who to pick. Spread was at 5.5 I thought…

29

The only relaible line on that game consists of white powder in South Beach.

#28. It seems people in New England think the same about TCU football as other people here in Fort Worth

( = not giving a flying fuck )

Its a little odd, as they’re decent and all, but I’ve been to a TCU and a Southlake Carroll game in the past year, and its not even close.

Love the New England hating! It’s cathartic just to hear it. Lived in Beantown for almost 5 years now and yes Techie, the Kool aid is strong, but does not always take. It doesnt take with those who are REAL fans of sports not named baseball. Especially transplant real fans. I would even argue over half of Red Sox nation are not really Baseball fans either, just Sox fans- there is a difference in that label that they dont understand.

ShaneTCU- We have all been in a conversation with Boston fans like the one you describe in post 28. These same people probably watch no more than 1 or two BC/Uconn football games a year and yet are surfire experst about the team. To say nothing of the fact that in thier minf nothing, including TCU, exists outside of New England. They are all townies to varying degrees.

Sorry to hear you are from Hartford man. Thats tuff, but hey you got out right? It could have been Woonsocket RI, so it could have been worse.

@ tzubear – I lived in Providence RI for 5 years and there you get the stupid New Englander fan attitude in combination with the “chip on the shoulder about Boston” just to spice things up.

Whenever I see the name Woonsocket it immediately reminds me of some stupid local news promo on a Providence which had locals shouting “cool like…” and adding “me,” or their town name – one demented soul shrieked “Cool like WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOnsocket!” and it haunts me to this day.

@29 Climpson plus the points. Dabo may not be smart (that’s a little like saying Dick Cheney has an unpleasant personality), but he seems to have figured out what an offensive line is for, and C.J. Spiller + Jacobi Ford > Jacory Harris. The Tiggers have all sorts of large, unpleasant types on defense, and they’re older than their similar Miami counterparts.

The Maryland loss was just something Ralph Friedgen does occasionally to screw with people. Dabo loves losing close games, so don’t take them straight up, but they’ll prolly beat Miami if they can stay away from the need to last-minute strategerize.

I assume all Boston fans are exactly like Bill Simmons, i.e. myopic douchebags who are insufferable in victory or defeat.

Who’s more pickalicious tomorrow, Crompton or Snead ? I’m taking JC in this showdown.

Hate to Admit to This Dept:

Have seen just a few innings of playoff baseball, though both the Dodgers and Angels, were or are still playing. But, I was hoping the Angels would lose so that I could catch a few innings of the Boston-NY series. Hate to admit to this…and in the memorable words of DC Trojan…

…I will now take me coat.

DC Trojan- Hilarious in it’s horror. I can picture the offender now.

Biggus Rickus- I am not sure which case is worse, victory or defeat. I remember a townie coworker of mine from Lynn or Everett complain for the entire afternoon how “if 5-6 plays had gone the other way the Sox would let the [World] Series slip away!”. He was actually pissed about it.

tbone, the point of the argument wasn’t that people in Fort Worth care about TCU, it was that people in New England only care their local teams (which is normal) but they then claim themselves to be the definitive source of information on said LEAGUE. Plus, I never said Texans were very different from New Englanders, I see more kids dressing preppy on the this campus than I do back in CT.
Thank you everyone for the support of my traumatic childhood in the shithole that is New England.

@ShaneTCU – while we’re on the subject, I made a few round trips from DC to southern VT this summer as the wife and kids were glorying in a 1950s-style summer up there, and the entire (alleged) highway system of CT and especially the state troopers in charge of dealing with accidents in “greater” Danbury can die in a fire.

@dc trojan – You bring the gas, I’ll bring the matches.

The movie theater would never survive a field trip from even a baker’s dozen of this crew. Ironic, huh?

I believe I am correct in understanding that this time Emmerich hits the White House with an aircraft carrier. Words fail.

Happy culmination of the first hate week of the season fellow bammers. And to the vols as well.

Here’s hoping all vols traveling to t-town have a wonderfully shitty time during the hours of 2:30 pm and 6:00pm CST tomorrow.

@Holly, et al.

We should all converge on Swindle in Atlanta and go see at at the IMAX Theater at the Mall of Georgia the weekend it opens.

how can one think of “2012” after exposure to scenes from “willow” and “howard the duck”?

Holly…

Just wanted to let you down gently…

Frank Broyles “death” (aka retirement announcement) was announced 979 days ago and his “burial” (last day in office) was 662 days ago.

The spirit of Frank Broyles is still alive and well last seen on the Dr. Phil Show a week or two ago (not kidding here), but his regime is no longer in power and his office has been moved 1.5 miles down the road from the Reynolds Razorback Stadium.

“RIP” Houtson Dale Protectionist

The Trojan’s offense is somewhere between bad and mediocre. Yes, they had some success against the generous ND defense, but Oregon State should make things more difficult. USC is very talented, but their offense isn’t clicking yet.

I’d like to mention that Northwestern allegedly appropriated the key-jangling on kickoff once upon a time as a way of saying “You just scored on us again? Ah, well. Seeing as how you’re going to be in our employ soon enough, bring our car around front, won’t you?”

I mean, allegedly. That’s better than the “key play” crap, right? Does that upgrade us out of “pig food?” Or at least to the Purina One of pig foods?