CURIOUS INDEX, 10/19/09
by Orson on Oct 19, 2009 8:31 AM EDT
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Ever get the feeling you've been cheated? Good morning, Razorback fans! While the SEC will prepare its blanket form letter "Dear [INSERT TEAM NAME HERE], the [PENALTY GOES HERE] in [GAME] should not have been called" in Birmingham, Florida did fall to number two in the AP rankings behind Alabama while maintaining its number one status in the first round of BCS rankings. Remember, in case those seem cracked, there's always the pure PCP of Sagarin rankings. BEEEEEEEES are at number 10; Arizona is at number 14. Don't read them all at once, or you'll end up fighting ten cops naked. (The colored text explains what you already may know, which is that Sagarin does not take margin of victory into its calculations, and that JEFF SAGARIN is ALSO the author of TIME CUBE.) The Gators did hold on to the number one spot in the Coaches' Poll and the Harris Poll, followed by Oklahoma, "WOO USA NUMBER ONE!", Beer, Puppies, and the 1995 Nebraska Cornhuskers. #bothpollsarecrap This Week in Schadenfreude should be fun. Or at least the equivalent of this thanks to the continuing regression of Terrelle Pryor at quarterback, something so prominent in the loss to Purdue this weekend that Todd McShay posited a move him to wide receiver or a role in the Wildcat for him instead of, you know, actual quarterbacking kind of stuff. Eleven Warriors has the full excoriation of Pryor's performance, but he may not be entirely to blame, since Jim Tressel's never needed one of your fancy commie "quarterbacks" to win, and likely never will. (You know, except against, um...Purdue.) Call Krenzel and have him prepped for some fast plastic surgery in Cozumel. Eligible or not, he was the best that man ever knew, dammit. Mark Ingram status: Sitting in ice bath for entirety of today. Tuesday: rotor replacement and light cardio. Wednesday: refueling at local air force base (pure Jet A, smoothie form) polishing of cowcatcher, 14 hour power nap. Thursday: open to the public for four hours of adoration and compliments. Friday: RAGE BUILDING. Saturday: do something like running for 242 yards like he did on Saturday against South Carolina, because he is a terrifying machine right now, and worthy of whatever worthless trophies you care to throw in his path. He will crush them and continue on to the horizon, because that is what train-men-monsters do instead of prissing and nancying around with ribbons and medals. TEAM NAME down, totally about to lay down and die. When we see that headline instead of this one, we'll know journalism has taken a step towards writing more interesting headlines. (Especially since ND showed no signs of dying at all in that game.) Correction: some brave souls have already taken the lead here. We're certain it was over something very important. The number one and number two saddest sentences written about anything in college football appeared in sequence in the New York Times story on the stabbing death of Jasper Howard, the UConn cornerback stabbed to death early Sunday in a brawl outside a university sponsored dance on campus. The second saddest, from UConn coach Randy Edsall: "There’s nothing in my job description that says you have to identify bodies, and that you have to make the phone calls to the parents, but that’s part of the job." Edsall had to identify Howard's body around five in the morning after three hours of surgery failed to save the 20 year old's life. The saddest line follows. Edsall said he also spoke with Howard’s girlfriend, who he said was pregnant with the couple’s first child. Yeah. Good morning to you, too. Let's not forget the important thing here, though: someone has respect. They also have a first-degree murder charge, too, but everything has its price tag. One last quote comes from punter Desi Cullen, team captain. "To hear the news he is a father ... and that [the child] will grow up without a father tears me apart. As Jazz looks down on us, I can promise his son or daughter will have 105 uncles. We will be better men because of Jazz." We don't know. Go hug someone. Don't stab people. Be human. Avoid being a total asshole and try not to kill anyone. This isn't hard. |
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Is Connecticut one of those pansy-ass states without the death penalty?
If so, can we somehow get this case shifted to Texas?
by GamecockTony on Oct 19, 2009 8:38 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Rather sobering but well said Orson. Reminding people to be human is something that has become uncool in our uber self-centered culture but sometimes it needs to be done.
by Tractorr on Oct 19, 2009 8:50 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
no bitchin’, no whinin’ allowed, thanks Orson for helping us to not feel sorry for ourselves.
anyone and everyone saw that game for themselves, opions are like assholes………………
You are the balm for the officiating boil that has grown on the ass of the SEC
This saturday is the game Hawg fans have been pointing to for a loooong time anyway.
Hootey and his bunch are in for a good ol’ Stone County Mule fuckin’
(Freak-wouldn’t HDN look good as Adolf?)
by rzbker1974 on Oct 19, 2009 8:53 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Re: the last story…
Fuck you, Orson…making me cry at my desk first thing on a Monday morning. grabs tissue, bawls
by the ex-croominator on Oct 19, 2009 9:26 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Well said on the UCONN tragedy. Can’t add anything to that.
What I can add is that this is our first real hate week of the season. In light of that fact, Eric Berry is a pussy.
The e-mail required for commenting still “will not be published” correct?
Puke inside of a pumpkin orange/snitches.
by Tater Salad on Oct 19, 2009 9:33 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I’m feeling a lot less stabby today thanks to that last paragraph, O. Highly unusual for me on a Monday, no less. EDSBS has powerz.
by DrBundy on Oct 19, 2009 9:42 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
It seems like “Don’t stab people” would go without saying. Alas, things have gotten awfully shooty/stabby in late 20th/early 21st century America.
by Biggus Rickus on Oct 19, 2009 9:44 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I will never have a clue how a disagreement in a bar can go so far that someone gets stabbed. It just seems contrary to having even a shred of what used to be human decency and restraint.
by wfguiteau on Oct 19, 2009 9:48 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Just when I was getting ready to get my hate on for slUT, the last story kicked me in the balls.
I don’t want to go all puppies and kittens here, but it is just a game (even though we all act like it isn’t), and a healthy shot of perspective is a good thing. Let’s restrain the hate (at least until November).
That being said, nothing sucks like a big orange (still).
by BamaTaxMan on Oct 19, 2009 10:01 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Just when you think you’re safe TIME CUBE rears its ugly head. And he spoke at GT several years ago.
Now we know where Chan Gailey got his offensive game plans.
by yoyofutbawl on Oct 19, 2009 10:39 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Terelle Pryor doesnt see a problem at UConn…. “Not everybody is a perfect person in this world. I mean, everyone does … kills people, murders people, steals from you, steals from me.”
Geez – that quote seems even worse now.
by Cock D on Oct 19, 2009 11:02 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
My condolences to Jazz Howard’s family. What a crying shame to have his life ended that way. Like Orson said, go hug someone.
by SC'Eer on Oct 19, 2009 11:05 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!
Bees are sad and angry about UConn tragedy. Bees will swarm and tear down a goalpost in his honor.
by mlennard3 on Oct 19, 2009 11:16 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
UConn will be coming to the Mohole this weekend, and there’s already been online buzz about doing something in recognition of this sad event — teams coming on the field together, a moment of silence, something. I hope the athletic department can figure out something that will be appropriate and fitting.
On a happier yet slightly annoyed note, why no love for true freshman Eugene Smith stepping up big time against Marshall on Saturday when Jarrett Brown went down after being sandwiched? A little should go to the coaching staff too, for putting in a conservative package for the youngster until he got his wits about him.
Geno finished the day 15-21 for 147 yds, with a 33-yd TD strike and a 14-yd laser beam on 4th and 10. Pretty good for stepping in under those conditions. Heck, under ANY conditions.
by An 'eer with a beer on Oct 19, 2009 11:21 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Ingram should upgrade his smoothie to JP-7 (SR-71 chow), if they still have some on hand. With the higher flash point he will be less likely to burst into flames.
by North 2 on Oct 19, 2009 11:36 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
@15
But if that happens, we significantly decrease the chances of hearing Verne Lundquist say “HE’S ON FIRE!” a la NBA Jam on a Saturday afternoon.
by UFmegood on Oct 19, 2009 11:49 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
"We just didn’t handle the adversity in the game real well," a mystified A&M coach Mike Sherman said in trying to pinpoint exactly what happened at KSU.
Yeah, that seems like a good explanation of why your team was losing 59-0 early in the third quarter against (obviously unranked) KSU.
by allaha on Oct 19, 2009 11:55 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Last story puts it all in perspective…
However,
FlaU and the refs can Still all suck my nuts.
Freek should replace Tebitch with a zebra. Then it would be more appropriate.
Rebels will have their asses handed to them this weekend. Start thinking up excuses now, Giggity!
by Urohog on Oct 19, 2009 12:08 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
The Sex Pistols are responsible for the alt-rock scene of the last 30+ years in Atlanta. One of those “everyone who was there started a band” kind of things.
As a small town Georgia boy, I remember being 9 years old and hearing on the playground (from kids with older siblings) about the Pistols show in Atlanta. It was absolutely shocking stuff. Now Lydon occassionally has nice things to say about the British monarchy. Oh well.
by Left to Right on Oct 19, 2009 12:18 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Sagarin isn’t perfect but I like his computer poll the best because he takes strength of schedule seriously. It’s well past time that teams play creampuffs and don’t get penalized in some way.
by dajo9 on Oct 19, 2009 2:07 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Tater- Eric Berry doesn’t need e-mail he reads the code.
by socraticsilence on Oct 19, 2009 3:21 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
@ #8 – A L C O H O L…
I realize it doesn’t make everyone stabby, but it does render most peoples’ judgement skills moot, and that manifests itself in many ways… like stabbing someone irrationally.
by PeterPumpkinhead on Oct 19, 2009 4:10 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Which is not to excuse the waste of human life who did this… He should still be fried. If you know you have bad judgement when you get drunk, you should prepare for that by like, you know, not carrying a knife.
by PeterPumpkinhead on Oct 19, 2009 4:13 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
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