YE GODS, MAKE WAY FOR A TRUE WIZARD
An enchanted meadow. In Missouri.
Oh, Knights of Auldwyn! You shall ne’er triumph against our merry troupe, assembled from only the most enchanted wooded glens and dales? Forsooth, relent in thine advance or taste our magick, the strongest in all creation and Boone County!
Knaves of Auldwyn, more like it! The Tigers Templar hath a boot steak for your dinner, for this be our land you hath traipsed upon! We shall avenge the disastrous dealings of when last met, and reclaim the Sword of Everlasting Wisdom!
They brandish $55 broadsword purchased at flea market.
Nay! The Sword of Everlasting Wisdom remains ours thanks to our new and powerful wizard!
We see no new wizard among your ranks! And don’t be a dick, Steve. You know you can’t bring a new member in without advance warning. Total dick move, especially when by rule we’re playing a level down thanks to last week and with no real magical capabilities now that our elf broke his leg.
‘Tis not our fault your elf can’t hold his mead, and hath taken a grievous fall in the parking lot of yon Outback House of Steak. Indeed, if your elf were so magical he would heal himself, no?
THEY LAUGH A MERRY LAUGH.
So not cool, Steve. There’s fucking pins in it. He looks like a busted-ass cyborg.
Anachronism! That’s a one hit point foul on Knights of Auldwyn! Note it! Note it!
My children, please. A great wizard has come to bring harmony to these woods by whipping your asses. I CAST SNUGGIE OF IMMORTAL PROTECTION.
That’s not even a real magical item in our multiverse!
Oh, I don’t think you can get realer than this, bitch. I CAST ASTRAL ERECTION SPELL! BOOSH!
He waves his hands dramatically.
You mean “astral projection?”
No.
RETREAAAAAAAAAT!!!!
Huzzah! The Great Wizard hath made the Tigers Templar victorious again!
(HT: PunkOnDeck and Doc Saturday.)
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1
Land of Os(borne) says:
They brandish $55 broadsword purchased at flea market.
The only people who buy swords are 1) people who really know how to use them or 2) people who really hope they’ll someday be in a position to use one.
/S.P.Y-d’d
October 16th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
2
I'm A Lasagna Hog says:
That is exactly how much I paid for my broadsword (made in Pakistan!). And I definitely fall into category 2, with a slight smattering of category 1.
October 16th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
3
BurritoBrosShits says:
‘Tis not our fault your elf can’t hold his mead, and hath taken a grievous fall in the parking lot of yon Outback House of Steak.’
Good God man…..
October 16th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
4
Larchlion says:
This is about how I imagine the bwblv group picking a barfight.
October 16th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
5
wfguiteau says:
I work on a federal site that logs all internet activity. I really hope a bored IT guy starts surfing through people’s browsing lists and comes across this.
October 16th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
6
CincySooner says:
Today’s Thing That I Did Not Know Yesterday:
The onomatopoeic spelling of getting an errection is “BOOSH”.
October 16th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
7
KennyGregoryRockThaCradle says:
The only “real” wizards in Missouri are the trash that run meth labs.
/Every week is Hate Week.
October 16th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
8
Yakko says:
Hello Halloween Costume!
/casts Snuggie of Immortal Protection
BOOSH!
October 16th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
9
ChasingMizzou says:
meth labs: Missouri::jorts:Florida
October 16th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
10
WarChiziken says:
are there really two girls nerdie enough to hang with that crowd? whoa…
October 16th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
11
Philip says:
I feel like watching some episodes of The Guild now…
October 16th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
12
Big Head says:
This would spice up McLovin’s LAIRE.
October 16th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
13
tzubear says:
” I CAST ASTRAL ERECTION SPELL………RETREAAAAAAAAAT!!!!”
The shwarze is strong with that one. Can anyone teach to cast the astral erection spell?
Eh, nervermind.
October 16th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
14
Bullgator says:
@ #9
If we die in our jean shorts at least we will die free men.
October 16th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
15
Joshua says:
Oh hey look, Poltergeist is on.
October 16th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
16
Jackwraith says:
If you want to cast the astral erection spell, you first have to find the fabled Elixir of Vy Arr’gra.
October 16th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
17
gman says:
Verily, this maketh me laugh heartily. Strong work indeed.
October 16th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
18
DevilGrad says:
I wasn’t sure where this one was going, but, before I got to the jump, I was expecting to see “[A GREAT RUMBLE OF BASS AND MUCH SHAKING].”
October 16th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
19
Billy Sims 'Fro says:
In that pic on his Twitter page, what’s Witherspoon struggling to bend? A stale strip of licorice?
October 16th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
20
Bourbon Dawgwalker says:
Is that Joe Cox on the left?
October 16th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
21
sweat in 1080p says:
I feel like I’m watching The Gamers and Dorkness Rising all over again. In fact, maybe I will.
October 16th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
22
I'm A Lasagna Hog says:
@10, nerd girls are easily the best out there.
October 16th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
23
SonOfBuckeye says:
Is l-l-r-H elvish for O-H-I-O?
October 16th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
24
comoprozac says:
The funny thing is that the Ren Fest is going all month in KC.
October 17th, 2009 at 8:53 am