YE GODS, MAKE WAY FOR A TRUE WIZARD
by Orson on Oct 16, 2009 1:00 PM EDT
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PrintAn enchanted meadow. In Missouri.
Oh, Knights of Auldwyn! You shall ne'er triumph against our merry troupe, assembled from only the most enchanted wooded glens and dales? Forsooth, relent in thine advance or taste our magick, the strongest in all creation and Boone County!
Knaves of Auldwyn, more like it! The Tigers Templar hath a boot steak for your dinner, for this be our land you hath traipsed upon!
We shall avenge the disastrous dealings of when last met, and reclaim the Sword of Everlasting Wisdom!
They brandish $55 broadsword purchased at flea market.
Nay! The Sword of Everlasting Wisdom remains ours thanks to our new and powerful wizard!
We see no new wizard among your ranks! And don't be a dick, Steve. You know you can't bring a new member in without advance warning. Total dick move, especially when by rule we're playing a level down thanks to last week and with no real magical capabilities now that our elf broke his leg.
'Tis not our fault your elf can't hold his mead, and hath taken a grievous fall in the parking lot of yon Outback House of Steak. Indeed, if your elf were so magical he would heal himself, no?
THEY LAUGH A MERRY LAUGH.
So not cool, Steve. There's fucking pins in it. He looks like a busted-ass cyborg.
Anachronism! That's a one hit point foul on Knights of Auldwyn! Note it! Note it!
My children, please. A great wizard has come to bring harmony to these woods by whipping your asses. I CAST SNUGGIE OF IMMORTAL PROTECTION.
That's not even a real magical item in our multiverse!
Oh, I don't think you can get realer than this, bitch. I CAST ASTRAL ERECTION SPELL! BOOSH!
He waves his hands dramatically.
You mean "astral projection?"
No.
RETREAAAAAAAAAT!!!!
Huzzah! The Great Wizard hath made the Tigers Templar victorious again!
(HT: PunkOnDeck and Doc Saturday.)
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They brandish $55 broadsword purchased at flea market.
The only people who buy swords are 1) people who really know how to use them or 2) people who really hope they’ll someday be in a position to use one.
/S.P.Y-d’d
by Land of Os(borne) on Oct 16, 2009 1:08 PM EDT reply actions
That is exactly how much I paid for my broadsword (made in Pakistan!). And I definitely fall into category 2, with a slight smattering of category 1.
by I'm A Lasagna Hog on Oct 16, 2009 1:11 PM EDT reply actions
‘Tis not our fault your elf can’t hold his mead, and hath taken a grievous fall in the parking lot of yon Outback House of Steak.’
Good God man…..
by BurritoBrosShits on Oct 16, 2009 1:13 PM EDT reply actions
This is about how I imagine the bwblv group picking a barfight.
by Larchlion on Oct 16, 2009 1:20 PM EDT reply actions
I work on a federal site that logs all internet activity. I really hope a bored IT guy starts surfing through people’s browsing lists and comes across this.
by wfguiteau on Oct 16, 2009 1:28 PM EDT reply actions
Today’s Thing That I Did Not Know Yesterday:
The onomatopoeic spelling of getting an errection is “BOOSH”.
by CincySooner on Oct 16, 2009 1:43 PM EDT reply actions
The only “real” wizards in Missouri are the trash that run meth labs.
/Every week is Hate Week.
by KennyGregoryRockThaCradle on Oct 16, 2009 2:09 PM EDT reply actions
Hello Halloween Costume!
/casts Snuggie of Immortal Protection
BOOSH!
by Yakko on Oct 16, 2009 2:13 PM EDT reply actions
are there really two girls nerdie enough to hang with that crowd? whoa…
by WarChiziken on Oct 16, 2009 2:27 PM EDT reply actions
I feel like watching some episodes of The Guild now…
by Philip on Oct 16, 2009 2:42 PM EDT reply actions
" I CAST ASTRAL ERECTION SPELL………RETREAAAAAAAAAT!!!!"
The shwarze is strong with that one. Can anyone teach to cast the astral erection spell?
Eh, nervermind.
by tzubear on Oct 16, 2009 2:50 PM EDT reply actions
@ #9
If we die in our jean shorts at least we will die free men.
by Bullgator on Oct 16, 2009 3:14 PM EDT reply actions
If you want to cast the astral erection spell, you first have to find the fabled Elixir of Vy Arr’gra.
by Jackwraith on Oct 16, 2009 3:32 PM EDT reply actions
Verily, this maketh me laugh heartily. Strong work indeed.
by gman on Oct 16, 2009 3:43 PM EDT reply actions
I wasn’t sure where this one was going, but, before I got to the jump, I was expecting to see “[A GREAT RUMBLE OF BASS AND MUCH SHAKING].”
by DevilGrad on Oct 16, 2009 4:22 PM EDT reply actions
In that pic on his Twitter page, what’s Witherspoon struggling to bend? A stale strip of licorice?
by Billy Sims 'Fro on Oct 16, 2009 4:23 PM EDT reply actions
I feel like I’m watching The Gamers and Dorkness Rising all over again. In fact, maybe I will.
by sweat in 1080p on Oct 16, 2009 6:29 PM EDT reply actions
@10, nerd girls are easily the best out there.
by I'm A Lasagna Hog on Oct 16, 2009 8:09 PM EDT reply actions
The funny thing is that the Ren Fest is going all month in KC.
by comoprozac on Oct 17, 2009 9:53 AM EDT reply actions
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