CURIOUS INDEX, 10/8/09

by Orson on Oct 8, 2009 8:23 AM EDT

Burn down the mission. Thematically appropriate for so many reasons this week. One, because of the mobs at Florida State wanting to burn down the mission, see where the fat stock hides, and get whatever the future there is going be underway, since they've been stuck on a 2002 repeat for the past seven years and have trustees doing odd, un-trustee-like behavior in the name of football coupdom. Two, because like the protagonist in the song, we'll be watching something burn down this weekend--namely our rental car, our last route of escape out of Baton Rouge. To the Winchester, then!

Dez Bryant Stars In Very Important Episode of The NCAA Freaks Out on Your Lying Ass.
Dez Bryant will likely return after a few weeks of suspension for lying to the NCAA about visiting Deion Sanders in the offseason, but in the meantime let's chalk up another bizarrely bipolar response. Program violation, rubber mallet; individual violation, orbital death ray, deployed. The next three weeks are manageable without him: TAMU, Mizzou, and the dessicated corpse of Baylor's season await before the Cowboys meet Texas in T. Boone Pickens Enormous Proxy Penis of a Stadium Far Richer and More Fantastic Than Even the Glitziest of Your Sad Prole Dreams. (Oxygen rights belong to T. Boone; pay $7 breathing fee at gate.)

We get less Kosher and vegan in the snap of one ACL. The pancake-pounding Kosher vegan long-hair wearing, book-a-week devouring oddball of Florida's offensive line, Matt Patchan, is out for the year after snapping the Always Crumbling Ligament in his right knee in non-contact drills. He will heal well, since he has already survived a leg injury last year, a scooter accident earlier this year, and being hit by a stray bullet in Tampa his freshman year. (Oh, you like him already. Don't deny it.)

Patchan was not a starter but had seen significant playing time on the line. He will be replaced in the rotation by, among others, freshman Nick Alajajian. Can't go wrong with an Armenian on the line, especially if we can convince him that Rahim Allen is part Turkish.

Gator Lock. Go ahead. We dare you to call. Urban Meyer feels so secure about his identity you can call away, LSU fans.

No interviews, please. Bart Eddins may be in the process of losing his job on the Auburn offensive line, but at least he's still chipper about his lack of stardom.

"I’m sorry guys, I don’t have time for any interviews today," he’s said on more than one occasion, drawing guaranteed guffaws from the gallery. He usually follows it up with some sort of urgent homework emergency: "I’m a student and an athlete."

If you are familiar with the academic demands made of Auburn football players, it gets even funnier.

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What happened to you Elton

by DanF on Oct 8, 2009 8:46 AM EDT reply actions

“If you are familiar with the academic demands made of Auburn football players, it gets even funnier. "

If our academic standards for football players were that much lower than our SEC bretheren, we’d have out-recruited you all the past couple of years.

by sevenDs on Oct 8, 2009 9:05 AM EDT reply actions

If Dez is suspended for visiting Deion Sanders, what will happen to Noel Devine? He lives with him! NCAA archaic rules strike again!

by Crabapple Buck on Oct 8, 2009 9:07 AM EDT reply actions

Speaking on behalf of the Miami delegation, we do not “like” Matt Patchan, and never will. Not that we want him to snap his ACL, but if he came to Coral Gables, he’d have three ACL’s by now. We have a hook-up in Little Haiti. Looks like someone made a poor choice…

by MiamiMagic on Oct 8, 2009 9:10 AM EDT reply actions

If room-in-my-jorts isn’t a real site, it should be!

by Jonathan on Oct 8, 2009 9:12 AM EDT reply actions

I’ll call Corch Irvin Meyers after the game…what ever the outcome and whatever my alcohol induced state is.

by Kevin@LSU on Oct 8, 2009 9:13 AM EDT reply actions

For those of you Tiger fans who feel compelled to waste inordinate amounts of time calling the cell phones of assorted Gators, I quote the immortal William Shatner from a classic SNL skit: “GET A LIFE,PEOPLE!”
And I’m a Tiger fan.

by Buck Ditkus on Oct 8, 2009 9:17 AM EDT reply actions

Where in the world did you find that picture of Meyer in full-on, beaming smile? DId he have to upload a “happy” program to do it?

by Darkknight on Oct 8, 2009 9:23 AM EDT reply actions

That’s not a full-on, beaming smile. Just the sun in his eyes.

by Tim James on Oct 8, 2009 9:35 AM EDT reply actions

Nah, I think he’s just got gas.

by commodore_dude on Oct 8, 2009 10:01 AM EDT reply actions

Much like the Maryland Terrapins, Deion Sanders shows up at completely unpredicatable and downright strange times.

by Counter Trap on Oct 8, 2009 10:25 AM EDT reply actions

Big ol’ Giant Catfish & Hello Kiffin, they get shredded in the Aubarn blog where they point out the success of B.J. Coleman at UTC, which ain’t D-3 level, although UTC has played on that level for a umpteen years in the SoCon (1-AA).

So Coleman’s a soph in 2009, you’ve already finished 2009 recruiting. So, you sign a hotshot FR for 2010. He needs a RS year to mature, so he’s a RS FR when Coleman’s a SR and plays part time learing on the field.

Sounds like a solid plan to me. But, I’ve never been fired as HC of the Oakland Raiders. What do I know.

by yoyofutbawl on Oct 8, 2009 10:45 AM EDT reply actions

yoyo – can you provide a cheat-sheet for that post, please?

by Beef on Oct 8, 2009 10:58 AM EDT reply actions

….PRANK CALLS ARE GAY

also concussed Tim Tebow > Jordan Jefferson

by prankcallsaregay on Oct 8, 2009 12:08 PM EDT reply actions

I may be Uneducated at AU, but I’m Undefeated against FU.

by Bart Eddins on Oct 8, 2009 1:49 PM EDT reply actions

it would probably be easier to convince the armenian florida lineman that the LSU DE is Rahim Alem and not “Allen”. but you probably wouldnt want him to know that three years ago he went by his given name Al Jones.

by gumborue on Oct 8, 2009 4:37 PM EDT reply actions

Tumbleweed Connection = BEST ELTON JOHN ALBUM EVAR

by sabalo on Oct 8, 2009 8:58 PM EDT reply actions

Is anyone surprised that LSU students incessantly call football players? What else is a drunk fool supposed to do after they piss themselves? I mean, even for a drunk bunch of douchebags, one can only watch Les Miles say “alafuckinbama” on youtube a few hundred times before they get tired of it and need something new to amuse themselves.

LSU fans are not much more intelligent than the cast of the great Mike Judge movie, “Idiocracy.” I bet you a $100 bucks that if you knock on dorm rooms tonight 70% of the responses would be " GO AWAY, BAITIN!!!!"

GEAUX TO HELL LSU. Can’t wait til Saturday night when the West is all wrapped up for Alabama.

by alex hamilton on Oct 8, 2009 9:36 PM EDT reply actions