PROTECTING TIM TEBOW: PREDICTIONS AND SUGGESTIONS

NE Brady Dept:

Put a pink skirt on Tebow so no one touches him.

(Even the Nimrods from LSU would not hit a lady…well…I take this back.)

If the pink skirt were in conjunction with the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Walk for the Cure, we may be on to something here.

Every UF game on TV, when the camera shows Brantley on the sideline they talk about how awesome he is, how the gators won’t miss a beat next year, blahblahblah. Against an LSU team that squeaked by Miss. St. by the tiniest of margins, why not let Awesome Jr. take over and have Tebow relax for another week.

get NFL refs perhaps…

Considering LSU’s non-existent pass rush, Tebow should be safe if he just stays in the pocket.

You forgot “Decoy Rhino”, in which an actual baby rhinoceros is fitted in with Tebow’s jersey and trained to catch the ball in his mouth. It might lead to a few fumbled snaps, but out of a Pistol formation this has the potential to work. The few times the rhino does catch the ball, it would result in a touchdown and a severely depleted LSU defense.

Of the other suggestions, the Mike Leach approach might be the best option. Bubble screens and quick slants running over them in a spread offense would wreck havoc on the LSU defense, and with the kind of speed Florida is dealing with LSU would have to dedicate extra folks to cover those plays.

Because sitting Tebow would be an affront to his holy warrior spirit!

Why is it that LSU thinks they can go after the baby Rhino and be successful in shutting him down? It hasn’t worked in the past and has made opposing players sound and look stupid when predicting such overstated estimations of their ability ( see Ricky Jean Francoise, last year). Remember it was an ill-placed OG’s knee which caused Tebow’s concussion…not a crushing blow from the DE. Tebow was the victim of friendly fire, and if he plays Saturday, I expect he will “do what Tebow do”…

Oh ye of little faith! You should know that Tebow HAD to accept his concussion for the sins committed by offensive lineman now and forever. Trying to prevent the next concussion, which may be to wash away the sins of defensive lineman or half-assed-blocking running backs, only thwarts Tebow’s destiny.

Maybe Nike will let Tebow wear their Bubble Wrap jersey originally made for Oregon at the beginning of the year.

They’ll switch out the center for the long snapper and have Tebow 15 or so yards behind the line of scrimmage. Hand offs will be tricky, but they’ll figure it out.

I propose another form of protection. Just have Verne Lundquist cradle Tebow in his arms to provide a cushion during the entire game. Ask Verne…it’s been his fantasy for quite some time now.

UnderArmor skull cap, duh.
 
Or one of these…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YFC0O393DQ

There is a strange level of excitement coming from the baton rouge camp for this camp. the same feeling that was felt in ‘97. there’s just a buzz about the place.

it could be the booze though

Cover his uniforms with pages from books. We know how Corn Dog Nation feels about reading.

@ 15

That was pretty bush league Harris. Mighty Big 10 of you.

@Kevin I’d say the booze definitely has something to do with it. But, yes, based on careful analytics of my Facebook feed, our beloved corndog nation is weirdly FIRED UP. I hope our team can live up to our rabid fandom this year. If so, it would be sweet justice for last year, when the Tigers left me sitting deep in Gator territory explaining to my beleaguered girlfriend why we MUST continue cheering and stay until the end even as baby rhino™ and co. anally violated our “defense” to the tune of 50. If Crazy Old Testament God is in fact a fan, please let it be revealed Saturday night in Tiger Stadium.

@Harris Really? That’s the best you can do? Have you seen us play this year? There are about 4,786 actual football-related failings you could use to make fun of this team to hilarious effect, and you choose a “corndogs can’t read” joke? Sad, man.

Sports Radio Maniacs Dept:

Just heard on the local sports radio show that Tebow is “out there” practicing right now.

oh, oh….(I do not know for who. though…LSU or FL)

What, you think I’m going to put effort into insulting LSU? Talk to Swindle if you want Shakespeare. Much like your offense, I’m just here to enjoy the labors of others.

Place a cell phone in a pouch visible on Tebow’s hip. LSU players and fans will be so enthralled by sending him hilarious text messages and voice mails that he will have time to escape any danger.

I think in addition to the red jersey, we must also consider the idea of a giant novelty helmet. It can provide more cushion for blows to the head, and fitting it with truck towing mirrors (available at fine Baton Rouge gas stations, restaurants, and churches) means he will be able to see a blindside pass rush.

I have never heard a good story from a returning gator about what happens at the stadium/baton rouge for this game. Not speaking of the loss of the game, but the getting spit on, stuff thrown at, cussing out of old ladies, and various other shitty behavior of tiger fans in and around the stadium. I know I know that every team has their asshole fans, UF not excluded, but I have heard positives about every school(even AU, and UGA) except for LSU. I definately admire the starting of drinking/ cooking on Wednesday, and loud raucus stadiums, as I have been a Gator my entire life, but if I saw a Gator fan spit on our visiting fans here in Gainesville, I would punch him in the fucking face. All that said, I will be at the game, with more than a solid buzz, screaming for the orange and blue and the Baby Rhino to smash that night streak and throw it in yalls nutria infested bayou.

Florida is strong enough to play without Tebow. Also he is valuable enough to protect for atleast a week. Sitting Tebow vs. LSU would be the best decision for Florida.

Protection issue is way overstated. If Tebow is cleared to play, then he is cleared to play period. If there is still an increased chance of brain trauma because he is not fully recovered then in no way should he be cleared to play.

Hogtown @ 22

I was there in 1993 and it was quite pleasant. Of course, we beat ‘em 58 – 3. Hard to talk shit and be an arsehole after that kind of whippin’.

Don’t laugh.

Tressel-ball.

Punt on 3rd down. Play great defense (which Florida should be able to do against LSU’s top-100) offense.

Finally, Tebow throws at least 1/3 of his passes out of bounds a la Craig Krenzel.

Put Jesus at right tackle.

@ 22

You need to come for a visit and judge for yourself. I think you
ll have a great time. Everyone else seems too.

Hogtown @ 22

I was there in 2003 (in the marching band, so can’t speak much to the tailgating) and it was one of the nicer enemy crowds I can remember. Of course, getting the shit beat out of you by Ron Zook tends to mellow a crowd out, so that may have had something to do with it.

Also, the UF band director got so any respectful thank you letters from Tigers fans thanking the band for being respectful and friendly that he posted them in the music building. Pretty much the opposite of the Tennessee crowd in 2004 when we were doused with… various liquids after the game-winning UT field goal.

From a sociological standpoint, as a Gator fan you will be called out by the coon-ass as you pass…if you are defensive, you’ll get a derisive and challenging retort and potentially a less than positive interaction. If you wear your Gatordom with pride and accept each comment with a positive reaction and a decision to enjoy the repartee of opposing fans you will be treated to an experience that is better than any you will find anywhere else. The coon-ass is looking for fun and an enjoyable verbal gambit. If you take offense and are looking for trouble you will find it but not because anyone else is looking for it, its just that culturally there is an expected give and take…if you do not know this you will end up the poorer. For example:

1. In Red Stick, only colors I wore were a Gator hat with an “F”, I got “Hey, a f@#$ing Gator! What you drankin’?” My response, “Nothin’ yet, what you got?” As a result, my buddies and I got Tanqueray and tonics for the entire game in this coon-ass’s box seats…I had apologized for being an ass-hole and he said…“You ain’t no ass-hole, son, you just got a colorful personality!”

2. In Atlanta at the Hooters in Buckhead a Florida frat-bro and I were watching the Florida v LSU game and a wedding party (guys only, in tuxedos, all over 6’3") came in to watch the same game. They saw us Gators and they hauled us over to their table and made us drink with them and fed us wings. A reFSU guy was cheering louder than the LSU guys when LSU did something good, and told the LSU guys not to deal with those f@#$ing Gators and the LSU guys told him that we were SEC and having a good game and if he said anything else they’d all be happy to go outside…the reFSU guy soon left and we had a great time, even with the Gator loss, with those LSU guys.

It resembles life…you can accept each comment from a positive standpoint or be defensive and look for problems. Chances are someone is trying to make a connection…it is up to you how you handle it. Make it good and everyone is better off. Choose the negative and you get it. Go Gators, and remember, the coon-ass is looking for positive interaction. Good luck, stormtroopers.

Pouncey (don’t remember which one) and Adazio told WRUF reporters last week that Patchan was supposed to block down on the play where Tebow got concussed. The protection is designed for the defense’s R end to come free, and it was TEbow’s responsibility to make a quick read and get the ball out in a hurry. That was on the record. What I’ve heard outside the media is that Tebow was a little greedy and was trying to take a shot downfield instead of hitting the dump route.

Even though 2 events (fumble against UT at the 4 when he already had 1st and goal but was trying to punch it int) don’t amount to a trend, I’m waiting anyway for the meme that Tebow is pressing too hard this year instead of letting the game come to him.

Here’s what I really want to know. If Brantley starts, we will probably try to throw more. But do we have anyone on this roster that can get open against SEC DB’s? I think the story of the sputtering Gator offense this year is the total inability of Cooper, Nelson, Hines, Hammond, or anyone else to achieve any kind of decent separation from their man in the first 3-4 seconds of their route. I think this is the biggest impact that Percy had for us.

Bear @#32…I don’t think of it as a trend but more a matter of “trust” re: the known receivers…and if Brantley starts, there is a level of trust between him and several of those guys, so I expect good things. Do you really think that every other SEC team has receivers who are better than ours? Each one of these guys were 4 or 5 star guys and we simply hav eyet to use them extensively…remember Hines had a great day when we bothered to use him.

Bear @#31…I’m not so much thinkin’ its Tebow pushing too hard…more a matter of feeling that the world is your oyster, so eat that fucker…without the cracker and cocktail sauce…but the team isn’t ready yet…he coulda pulled that shit during the last third of last season, but the rest of the guys aren’t on that page yet. (I like to look at things from a wide-open perspective…the world’s round, right? We’ll get there!).

You think I’m going to let anything bad happen to my main man? The first LSU defender that puts an untoward hit on TT gets his proud manhood turned into a baby carrot.

@ 6-the decoy rhino is currently under center at Tennessee. this accounts for fumbled snaps, poor eyesight that cannot differentiate opposing jersey colors from his own team’s jerseys, and a big f@#kin"horn in his line of sight that prevents throwing on target.
however, post game comments are still left to cromps; rhino not THAT stoopid…

Hogtown@22,

By your post, it appears that you are not a dedicated reader of Orson’s Scripture. I’d like to direct you to the following, which might possibly be my favorite blog entry on any subject ever in the history of the interwebs:

http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2007/10/08/edsbs-road-trip-baton-rouge/?cp=all

This pretty much explains it. Come to LSU, take things in stride, have a freaking blast.

sb – pretty accurate analysis of LSU fans. don’t spread the word too much, we still like fucking with assholes.
Hogtown – you have to look no further than this blog almost two years ago to find a great writeup of the LSU tailgating experience from an opposing fan’s point of view. look it up, great read.

way to expose me as lazy by taking the extra step joetiger. asshole.

MJRuffalo1, I think Tebow is a strong willed enough player that he will still try to play. He would try and find a way around the system. The Coach should make the decision to sit Tebow.

beerbaron@38,

Hellyeah! And I did so without throwing batteries, punching old ladies, knocking over Porta-potties, or smelling like corndogs. Miracles do happen.

sb,

Very good advice. By way of illustration, while wearing my orange and blue corduroy pants and white button down with orange sweater tied around my neck (caddy shack style), looking quite dapper for Auburn’s game in Baton Rouge, Coon says, “Nice pants fag. Where did you get those?” I respond, “Your boyfriend’s closet..” Coon’s buddy then borught me a beer, while Coon lifted his in a toast.

At the same time, two years ago, dip was taken from an LSU fans mouth and thrown in my ladyfriend’s hair. That was bad, but when I called the guy out and he started to come down to whip my ass, several coons grabbed him and stopped him.

Roll with the punches and you will have a great time there. But don’t be shocked if something totally vile and disgusting happens. They have just a few more rubes than the rest of us.

Maybe a bit to serious for this site, but why would you want Tebow to play if you had to protect him? Tebow isn’t great because he is the world’s best finese player or accurate passer. What is the point if he can’t be physical beyond all other qbs and most defensive ends?

Amicus –
I’m sure it was an honest mistake, but I’m pretty sure you didn’t want to use the term “coon”. It’s pretty derogatory. I think you meant “coonass” which might actually sound worse, but is in fact much, much better.
While understandably confusing, please note that improper usage could lead to severe ass-whippings, hate crimes, etc.
All that being said your ensemble did sound gay.

Amicus -
Were you by chance sporting a pom-pom?