CURIOUS INDEX, 10/5/09

WHAT AN EGREGIOUS ACT OF UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT.

The part that really got AJ Green in trouble there was probably the "suck it!" gesture combined with the six-minute choreographed dance routine. Who knew he could do the "Single Ladies" routine with complete and total accuracy? Smoke machines will get you fifteen yards every time, even if they are a nice touch. And the cameo by Gucci Mane really is too much, even if not explicitly forbidden by NCAA rule. This would all be right and good if any of it happened, but it didn't, and like every other celebration call ever called in the history of ever, this is complete bullshit.

Not that it affected the game in the least, thanks to two blown tackles on Charles Scott and bad kick coverage, but still: complete bullshit, and that is the correct word. Speaking of correct words, Mr Brando, we do not think abolished means this thing that you think it means, nor do we think SEC refs are calling more celebration penalties because they're racist. They're calling them because they are hamstrung by a poorly written rule. David Hale puts it best: a billion dollar league, and five cent officiating that almost makes the ACC's look competent. (Almost.) (Ron Cherry.)

[QUARTERBACK REDACTED] Juice Williams will be benched at Illinois, yielding to Eddie McGee, who will fluster about until he is replaced by Juice Williams, who will dither around until his extremely enthusiastic and energetic coach is energetically fired in an enthusiastic manner, and WE TOLD YOU SO BUT YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE US WHY DIDN'T YOU BELIEVE US ILLINI FANS? Somewhere, an innocent snack machine will pay for this with a vicious headbutting from [COACH REDACTED].

Your latest Tim Tebow Concussion Watch.....will officially be updated at noon when Urban Meyer has a press conference. We predict a rating of Matthew McConaughey, with appearance by shirtless Tebow discussing his beach workout routines and his agreement to be in [DEPLORABLE ROMANTIC COMEDY] with [DEPLORABLE ACTRESS].

Big Game Bob. Really still is Big Game Bob, though right now is probably not the best time to revisit that particular moniker. He's still ahead of Switzer and Wilkinson against ranked opponents. While we're haphazardly discussing coaching comparisons: how's Butch Davis doing versus Randy Shannon in terms of a rebuild?

Grandpa says his car doesn't work anymore. More metaphorical car/old person musings on this in the Alphabetical, but in the meantime you should know that FSU is this close to taking Grampa's car keys away from them after he drove it through a crowd in Boston this weekend.

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