MIAMI SHORT ON SAFETIES, LONG ON SCOUT TEAM GENIUSES

Supposedly Whipple was kicked out of UMass. Got caught squeezing the Charmin, who is the Student Life Dean’s 13 year old daughter. Roman Polanski would be proud.

FUCKING-A ORSON! “blown vas defrens”!?!?!?!!! I think I might get fired now for laughing while I should be working. That’s hilarious! That was totally worth losing my job in this shit-pot economy though.

Pun intended, I’m sure.

landry jones’s stache is so powerful that it injures safeties before the game even starts

@1

Yeah, it is wasn’t like he was “squeezing” squeezing.

Kicked out, or otherwise realized, “this NFL QB thing isn’t going to work out. Might as well get a head start on coaching while I can.”

PS…cheesecake is back

http://uspresswire.com/image/3959583

Are people in the South really that excited about the warm weather? I mean, doesn’t the consistently documented national highs in poverty, obesity, bottom-tier public schools, incessant racism, homophobia, crime, pollution, and all the rest, doesn’t that sort of thing counter-weigh the bump in temperature? Not to mention maybe, the life shattering, all-shit destroying hurricanes? The warm weather means that much to you guys? No accounting for taste.

Matt, I’m not seeing any negatives in that list, other than big city crime.

OH NO I’m surrounded by homophobes!! I wish I lived up north.

Correct me if I’m wrong, Orson, but I think the term you’re looking for is occupational hazard, not opportunity cost.

Matt:
The Southernor’s preference for “warm weather” is, basically, a preference for weather conditions that do not cause his women to look and smell like brie every November through April, as is typically the case with the womynfolk in Michigan, Minnesota, and all those other “M States,” as Lewis Grizzard would say.

I mean, doesn’t the consistently documented national highs in poverty, obesity, bottom-tier public schools, incessant racism, homophobia, crime, pollution, and all the rest, doesn’t that sort of thing counter-weigh the bump in temperature?

Let us see…no. Weather still wins out here.

Matt-

+100 to you, sir.

Boston is well known for being a crime-free, postracial paradise.

Hey Matt…if your list could convince all the “transplants” down here to mosey on back northward…you would have my eternal gratitude.

Since that won’t happen guess I’ll just send you a new ice scraper for your windshield instead.

Enjoy!

4.0 Point Stance…indeed you are correct sir.

Just wait, Orson, you’ll be cursing the day you decided to live in the south when you have to send your kids to bottom-tier public schools.

The obesity will be a given, of course. The kids will get a few boxes full of McDonalds on Thursday afternoon and it will have to last until Sunday morning.

I definitely haven’t seen any obese people in Pittsburgh.

“where your most serious injury might be a blown vas deferens due to overuse?”

1000 cocktails to you sir for this line….and a smart move by that kid. Should I spend my fall semester at UMass or on South Beach??? Hmmm…..

The bottom-tier public schools (and they really are terrible) haven’t really held me back. You know how they say you can’t coach speed? Well you can’t teach smart.

Also, we have a good reason for the obesity – really, really good food. Even after the heart attack at 40 it will have totally been worth it.

Tim—zoned for excellent schools! Viva la property tax!

Hey Matt! Don’t forget our extremely inexpensive cost of living! Man it sure sucks being able to afford stuff and paying only $2 a gallon for gas! Oh well…

I concede the $2 gasoline point and I’m sure you do have excellent food down there. I’ve also heard you have Corn Syrup drinking fountains, but that might be only speculation.

Yes, the North is cold, that is undeniable; but we’ll always maintain the fond memory of warmer, even blazingly hot-scorched earth times.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/March_to_the_sea

Did our interstate-clearin’ for us! HOO-WEE MYRTLE BEACH IN THREE HOURS, CLETUS!

We don’t really focus on the past down here Matt, just not our thing…

This thread has somehow derailed and landed on a totally awesome and entirely separate rail.

Outstanding.

4.0 Stance—

NO ONE DENIES THIS!

I’m curious to know what an nyu.edu type is even doing on a college football site, but don’t mind me, I’ll just be over here in my see-through sundress, in October. WHAT.

Matt,
I like my women in sundresses. I like my women to have that cute little accent and I like their year round tan. I like that they care how they look when they go out and meet new people and I like when they look classy even when they’ve drank a few to many. Hell, I even like that they want me to open doors for them and don’t particularly like when I swear in front of them.
I like golfing in January and watching baseball in February. I like cold spells that dip in the low 50’s. I like 300 plus days of sunshine and a cool refreshing sweet tea. I like the relaxed lifestyle and I like our social seasons. I like treating my neighbors as family and I like cooking by the gallon. I like having my boat in the water, all year long and I like watching the sun fall slowly towards the horizon, its warming rays peeking through the thick groves of ancient cypress trees.
Do we have hurricanes? Sure we do, every once in a while. Haven’t had one this year. But I’ll take a bad hurricane once every 10 years than a bad blizzard once every year. Although, I sure do enjoy the rare occasion we get snow. We got 4" of the white stuff last December. Man, did we have fun playing in the snow, reliving the days of our youth. But, good things come to an end and the snow couldn’t handle the 60 degree weather we had the next day. It did slow those greens down.
I like being able to have a garden year round. In fact, we have two growing seasons in my neck of the woods. It does take some work to keep up with it though. However, you can leave the citrus trees alone because they take of themselves. Nothing like fresh squeezed OJ in the morning from a fresh picked orange.
So, to answer you question Matthew, and a mighty fine question it was, sir; does not the consistently documented national highs in poverty, obesity, bottom-tier public schools, incessant racism, homophobia, crime, pollution, and all the rest, doesn’t that sort of thing counter-weigh the bump in temperature? We sir, all valid arguments but, along with the other points I discussed, well I am obliged to say that it does.

1000 Cocktails to you Kevin@LSU. Oh and Matt, I have one word for you…..DETROIT!

1. - You have my ax!

The poverty, racism, and crime is why we breed such fast kids down here. NYU ought to think about that at the next bowl game they play.

After Bryan Pata and Marlin Barnes, plz ease up on the ‘randomly killed’ jokes please. Not so funny.

29 KevinLSU, please, stop selling the place! we don’t need anymore people moving here…geesh!
/bitter native rant

This thread had made me hate myself even more for moving from Boca Raton to Colorado Springs.

The low here last night was 26 degrees. It snowed sideways on the last day of summer.

I think im going to cry.

I’m still trying to find the negative on Matt’s list. Gonna be a purty day in Athens tomorrow, what’s the weather like in yankeeland?

man it is threads like this that make me uneasy we’re gonna fight 1861-1865 all over again. Except it’ll be called the Big 10/essseeeecceeee War.

Matt, even though they keep fleeing here from their cratering economic wasteland in droves, we still have about 1000% less smug pricks who aren’t half as smart as they think in this part of the country. You can’t put a price on that.

Holly, Los Angeles hardly counts as the South.

Also, WWOP

I’m in Atlanta. QEDMF.

when i saw that this had 40 comments, i got all giddy thinking it was all about the OU/miami game

but i’ll tell a quick story: about 2 weeks into law school at nd, i was walking into class and held the door open for the girl in my class who happened to be walking behind me – she was from a town an hour outside of pittsburg – she stopped dead in her tracks, told me she wouldn’t let me hold the door open, and then called me a benevolent misogynist, saying she’d seen how i was nice to women in our class and she wasn’t going to let me exert my male domination over her by holding the door open

funny ending: i talked her into coming in b/c it was cold, then kicked her down the stairs and said “who’s benevolent now bitch”

unfunny, true ending: i talked her into coming in b/c it was cold and then we dated for a year and a half

I do not intend to wade into this regional pissing contest, especially as my city was just given a big middle finger by the philosopher-kings of global sport.

However, can Southerners please stop pretending women there are of some different breed that makes them more attractive. Statistics certainly don’t support the idea.

1. is lying. If all it took was crime, poverty, and racism, every lily white, private school soccer player in NYC would run 3.9 forty.

Addendum: a slightly different, more detailed map.

42 ‘Your women are ugly’ is certainly a new one. Apparently the message hasn’t gotten across to EVERY SINGLE GUY IN PHILADELPHIA THAT HAS EVER BEEN TO THE SOUTH, because Southern women is the first thing 90% want to talk about when they recognize where I’m from.

Hint: normalize those results (and many others) for socioeconomic factors and the picture would be quite different.

45, yes poor people are fatter everywhere, but since the south is poorer than most of the rest of the country, that doesn’t really disprove my point.

I’m not saying Southern girls are ugly. I’m saying they’re nothing special, which the GUYS YOU KNOW FROM PHILLY and Kevin@LSU both seem to believe. Like every other region of the country, the South has lots going for it. A female population of unparalleled beauty ain’t one of those things.

While I grew up and lived in the north for – lets just say many – years, I would never move back. Kevin@LSU could have stopped at golfing in January and that was enough. The rest is running it up.

This thread reminds me why I fucking hate Miami and why I fucking hate yankees. Well done!

@37, well, at least the war will be over quickly.

This reminds me of the line about Ole Miss redshirting Miss Americas. Well said, Kevin.

Um yea, the girls up north ARE, in fact uglier. This is fact.

What is also fact is that if you live in a Metro area, one public school is as good as another if they are similiar socio-economically no matter if you’re in Boston, Atlanta, or wherever.

Also fact is that there are fat people EVERYWHERE, haven’t you been to Hartsfield Airport? Don’t think all those people are coming/going to Atlanta, nope.

Additionally, people up north are INDEED angry and bitter for no good reason, with, as mentioned, the whole door holding issue being a great obvious example that I too have recognized.

The best part of all this is that If you start from the far north (Maine) and the most southern (Louisiana, MS) you start off with red neck french/brithish catholics who rely heavily on clawed crusaceans and paper goods for their livelihood, then you move toward waspy bluebloods (atl, charleston, contrasted with boston and NYC), and finally end up where the whole shit storm collides in an awesome explosion called Washington DC, which is oddly northern on one side of the potomac, and delightfully southern on the other side.

USA!

PS…FU California and your incessant and glorious sun soaked climes, and Texas is its own thing.

The ACC is – again – grossly overrated. Miami will get whipped.

Nice call #53.