THE TIM TEBOW CONCUSSION WATCH
Our national crisis needs its meter, and thus we introduce the Tim Tebow Concussion Watch. Despite suffering a nasty concussion in the game against Kentucky Saturday night, Tebow performed well on tests administered to him following Tuesday’s practice, though he cannot watch television or read yet per doctor’s orders, so we’ll move him up to EMMITT SMIFF CLARITY, not totally lucid, but certainly vastly improved from where he was Sunday morning and able to make garbled. commentary on NFL broadcasts for ESPN.
Loading ...
1
DoubleDawg05 says:
That Emmitt Smiff link sure is funny!
October 1st, 2009 at 8:35 am
2
Darkknight says:
Ohhhh….the meter reads right to left. Was awfully confused there for a sec
October 1st, 2009 at 8:36 am
3
UkraineNotWeak says:
Nothing goes beyond Busey. Not even Glenn Beck?
October 1st, 2009 at 8:38 am
4
Biggus Rickus says:
No, nobody tops this guy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iaNlobvJMY
October 1st, 2009 at 8:40 am
5
cantcatchuf says:
How to make a lame political joke in a football blog: + “not unlike/even like” + “?”
October 1st, 2009 at 8:42 am
6
cantcatchuf says:
bleh, forgot the posting cuts out most symbols. To repeat:
How to make a lame political joke in a football blog: (imply something is crazy/stupid) + “not unlike/even like ” + (Keith Olbermann/Glenn Beck (depending on political preference)) + “?”
October 1st, 2009 at 8:44 am
7
Orson Swindle says:
Now, now. We’d like to think that Glenn Beck’s brain damage transcends any political considerations or preferences here. Incoherence is incoherence, no matter the affiliation.
October 1st, 2009 at 8:46 am
8
decemberist says:
If Tebow gets anywhere north of McConaughey, he’s golden!
Seriously, the leap from McConaughey to Gladwell is light years on the human mental evolutionary scale.
October 1st, 2009 at 8:48 am
9
hobeg8r says:
After watching last night’s game (La Tech/Hawaii), I think I woud put Mr. Bill as being smarter/more cognizant than Lou.
October 1st, 2009 at 8:48 am
10
Orson Swindle says:
It should be noted the above scale is like the Richter scale: it works in multiples of ten, so you get coherent really fast, and lose coherence at the same rapid rate.
October 1st, 2009 at 8:48 am
11
domer.mq says:
I was in Florida when The Event occurred. I believe this meter should not so much indicate type of concussion as it should indicate casualty counts.
October 1st, 2009 at 8:49 am
12
gosouthgohard says:
On first glance, I thought that Tebow was approaching Bubb Rubb on the concussed scale. The spread offense goes woo wooooo!
October 1st, 2009 at 8:59 am
13
Keith says:
This article suggests that Tebow might need to take it easy for longer than some would want:
http://www.slate.com/id/2230822/
October 1st, 2009 at 9:01 am
14
Orson Swindle says:
Yes, Keith. That article quotes some of the most august experts in the field of Tebow studies. /pops collar
October 1st, 2009 at 9:09 am
15
hobeg8r says:
Keith: Using Kyle Turley as an example is probably not the best. He was a head case before his concussion. /throws helmet – makes obscene gesture – ensures Saints’ loss.
October 1st, 2009 at 9:11 am
16
bj says:
if Tim Tebow could craft dubious but convincing conclusions based on his stats half as well as Malcolm Gladwell, the Heisman would be over within seconds.
October 1st, 2009 at 9:21 am
17
Cal/LSU Rose Bowl says:
Before I checked a neurologist’s credentials, I’d check to make sure they didn’t owe any bookies . . . glad that Slate knows the top references, Orson, I always check EDSBS before healthjournalism.org.
October 1st, 2009 at 9:23 am
18
Hunker Down Dawg says:
Amazingly “The Event” in Lexington was magnitudes bigger than the now somewhat diminished “Tunguska Event of of College Football” that occurred 9/1/07 in Ann Arbor. http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/?s=tunguska. Soon, Bryant Gumbel will expose how racism was a major contributing factor to The Event.
Get well soon Tim. And by soon, we mean early November.
October 1st, 2009 at 9:32 am
19
TJ says:
THE MOST IMPORTANT GRAPHIC IN THE HISTORY OF MAN.
October 1st, 2009 at 9:40 am
20
Grady says:
So, an ad for “Best Bars in America” brought to you by Trojan prophylactics is buddying up with the Tebow Concussion Meter. Timmy is sans reading material and TV in addition to not attending practices…..just making an observation.
October 1st, 2009 at 9:46 am
21
CincySooner says:
It should be noted the above scale is like the Richter scale: it works in multiples of ten, so you get coherent really fast, and lose coherence at the same rapid rate.
/LogScal’d
October 1st, 2009 at 9:54 am
22
wfguiteau says:
*sees black guy who kinda looks like other black guy, except he doesn’t at all*
*rummages through trunk in attic*
“ah, a bubb rubb reference.” *blows mound of dust off* “like a fine wine…”
October 1st, 2009 at 10:00 am
23
Barbecue Hashmark says:
Dr. Manhattan can see your bubble screen forming while your team is still on the bus.
October 1st, 2009 at 10:06 am
24
blazin says:
if Keith Olbermann was to be included in some type of “human issue” scale, then it would be calabrated with past and present members of “The View”
October 1st, 2009 at 10:07 am
25
Orson Swindle says:
Sure. We’ll throw The Big Lead in there, too.
October 1st, 2009 at 10:08 am
26
Not You says:
@23:
Yes, but Doc Manhattan was also quoted as saying:
A football team running a bubble screen under [COACH REDACTED] has the same number of molecules as a football team running a bubble screen under Urban Meyer. Structurally, there’s no difference.
Clearly, the man just doesn’t understand football.
October 1st, 2009 at 10:16 am
27
Ed says:
It’s surprising Mr. Bill is so dumb when a close relative of his is smart enough to run Jack In The Box.
October 1st, 2009 at 10:51 am
28
Chi Town Tressel says:
So your saying…when I am watching the spit and drool come out of Lou’s mouth I can say to myself…”it could be worse”? Not sure… Busey was pretty good in “Undersiege”..I mean sure no question Seagal carried the movie but Busey efforts were Oscar worthy IMO…
October 1st, 2009 at 11:14 am
29
Not the Mama says:
I’m no doctor. That meter thing looks like science to me, though.
October 1st, 2009 at 11:25 am
30
BullGator says:
Gary Busey is the hudred year storm. RIP Patrick.
October 1st, 2009 at 11:53 am
31
Emmitt Smith says:
I feel honored and Humboldt to be included on such an inedible list.
Is anyone going to eat those pancakes? I’m Flemished.
October 1st, 2009 at 12:17 pm
32
JimHalpert says:
Didn’t Troy Aikman have about fiftyeleven concussions?
October 1st, 2009 at 1:02 pm
33
4.0 Point Stance says:
OK someone *please* explain to me who all those dudes are because I completely don’t get this joke and feel dumb.
October 1st, 2009 at 1:19 pm
34
jwgator says:
Slightly OT:
What’s the difference between Tim Tebow and Jesus?
It only took Tebow 3 minutes to rise.
See you all in hell.
October 1st, 2009 at 1:47 pm
35
tOSU_radar says:
Damn, I was kinda hoping to see Carrot Top on the meter.
October 1st, 2009 at 2:45 pm
36
NRBQ says:
If it can be found, “Carny” with Robbie Robertson (of Dylan’s Band), Jodie Foster, and Nolte was excellent. Nolte appeared not at all to be brain-fucked. Circa 1980.
October 1st, 2009 at 8:42 pm
37
andthevalleyshook says:
From left, to up, and then to right and to down:
Dr. Mahattan from Watchmen (considered the epitome of lucidity and intelligence”)
Malcolm Gladwell from The New Yorker
Matthew McConaghey (sp?)
Emmitt Smith
Lou Holtz
Mr. Bill
Gary Busey (relentlessly incoherent)
October 1st, 2009 at 8:55 pm