THE TIM TEBOW CONCUSSION WATCH
by Orson on Oct 1, 2009 9:19 AM EDT
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Our national crisis needs its meter, and thus we introduce the Tim Tebow Concussion Watch. Despite suffering a nasty concussion in the game against Kentucky Saturday night, Tebow performed well on tests administered to him following Tuesday's practice, though he cannot watch television or read yet per doctor's orders, so we'll move him up to EMMITT SMIFF CLARITY, not totally lucid, but certainly vastly improved from where he was Sunday morning and able to make garbled. commentary on NFL broadcasts for ESPN.
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Ohhhh….the meter reads right to left. Was awfully confused there for a sec
by Darkknight on Oct 1, 2009 9:36 AM EDT reply actions
Nothing goes beyond Busey. Not even Glenn Beck?
by UkraineNotWeak on Oct 1, 2009 9:38 AM EDT reply actions
No, nobody tops this guy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iaNlobvJMY
by Biggus Rickus on Oct 1, 2009 9:40 AM EDT reply actions
How to make a lame political joke in a football blog: + “not unlike/even like” + “?”
by cantcatchuf on Oct 1, 2009 9:42 AM EDT reply actions
Now, now. We’d like to think that Glenn Beck’s brain damage transcends any political considerations or preferences here. Incoherence is incoherence, no matter the affiliation.
by Orson Swindle on Oct 1, 2009 9:46 AM EDT up reply actions
bleh, forgot the posting cuts out most symbols. To repeat:
How to make a lame political joke in a football blog: (imply something is crazy/stupid) + "not unlike/even like " + (Keith Olbermann/Glenn Beck (depending on political preference)) + “?”
by cantcatchuf on Oct 1, 2009 9:44 AM EDT reply actions
If Tebow gets anywhere north of McConaughey, he’s golden!
Seriously, the leap from McConaughey to Gladwell is light years on the human mental evolutionary scale.
by decemberist on Oct 1, 2009 9:48 AM EDT reply actions
After watching last night’s game (La Tech/Hawaii), I think I woud put Mr. Bill as being smarter/more cognizant than Lou.
by hobeg8r on Oct 1, 2009 9:48 AM EDT reply actions
It should be noted the above scale is like the Richter scale: it works in multiples of ten, so you get coherent really fast, and lose coherence at the same rapid rate.
by Orson Swindle on Oct 1, 2009 9:48 AM EDT reply actions
I was in Florida when The Event occurred. I believe this meter should not so much indicate type of concussion as it should indicate casualty counts.
by domer.mq on Oct 1, 2009 9:49 AM EDT reply actions
On first glance, I thought that Tebow was approaching Bubb Rubb on the concussed scale. The spread offense goes woo wooooo!
by gosouthgohard on Oct 1, 2009 9:59 AM EDT reply actions
This article suggests that Tebow might need to take it easy for longer than some would want:
by Keith on Oct 1, 2009 10:01 AM EDT reply actions
Yes, Keith. That article quotes some of the most august experts in the field of Tebow studies. /pops collar
by Orson Swindle on Oct 1, 2009 10:09 AM EDT up reply actions
Keith: Using Kyle Turley as an example is probably not the best. He was a head case before his concussion. /throws helmet – makes obscene gesture – ensures Saints’ loss.
by hobeg8r on Oct 1, 2009 10:11 AM EDT reply actions
if Tim Tebow could craft dubious but convincing conclusions based on his stats half as well as Malcolm Gladwell, the Heisman would be over within seconds.
by bj on Oct 1, 2009 10:21 AM EDT reply actions
Before I checked a neurologist’s credentials, I’d check to make sure they didn’t owe any bookies . . . glad that Slate knows the top references, Orson, I always check EDSBS before healthjournalism.org.
by Cal/LSU Rose Bowl on Oct 1, 2009 10:23 AM EDT reply actions
Amazingly “The Event” in Lexington was magnitudes bigger than the now somewhat diminished “Tunguska Event of of College Football” that occurred 9/1/07 in Ann Arbor. http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/?s=tunguska. Soon, Bryant Gumbel will expose how racism was a major contributing factor to The Event.
Get well soon Tim. And by soon, we mean early November.
by Hunker Down Dawg on Oct 1, 2009 10:32 AM EDT reply actions
So, an ad for “Best Bars in America” brought to you by Trojan prophylactics is buddying up with the Tebow Concussion Meter. Timmy is sans reading material and TV in addition to not attending practices…..just making an observation.
by Grady on Oct 1, 2009 10:46 AM EDT reply actions
It should be noted the above scale is like the Richter scale: it works in multiples of ten, so you get coherent really fast, and lose coherence at the same rapid rate.
/LogScal’d
by CincySooner on Oct 1, 2009 10:54 AM EDT reply actions
sees black guy who kinda looks like other black guy, except he doesn’t at all
rummages through trunk in attic
“ah, a bubb rubb reference.” blows mound of dust off “like a fine wine…”
by wfguiteau on Oct 1, 2009 11:00 AM EDT reply actions
Dr. Manhattan can see your bubble screen forming while your team is still on the bus.
by Barbecue Hashmark on Oct 1, 2009 11:06 AM EDT reply actions
if Keith Olbermann was to be included in some type of “human issue” scale, then it would be calabrated with past and present members of “The View”
by blazin on Oct 1, 2009 11:07 AM EDT reply actions
Sure. We’ll throw The Big Lead in there, too.
by Orson Swindle on Oct 1, 2009 11:08 AM EDT reply actions
@23:
Yes, but Doc Manhattan was also quoted as saying:
A football team running a bubble screen under [COACH REDACTED] has the same number of molecules as a football team running a bubble screen under Urban Meyer. Structurally, there’s no difference.
Clearly, the man just doesn’t understand football.
by Not You on Oct 1, 2009 11:16 AM EDT reply actions
It’s surprising Mr. Bill is so dumb when a close relative of his is smart enough to run Jack In The Box.
by Ed on Oct 1, 2009 11:51 AM EDT reply actions
So your saying…when I am watching the spit and drool come out of Lou’s mouth I can say to myself…“it could be worse”? Not sure… Busey was pretty good in “Undersiege”..I mean sure no question Seagal carried the movie but Busey efforts were Oscar worthy IMO…
by Chi Town Tressel on Oct 1, 2009 12:14 PM EDT reply actions
I’m no doctor. That meter thing looks like science to me, though.
by Not the Mama on Oct 1, 2009 12:25 PM EDT reply actions
Gary Busey is the hudred year storm. RIP Patrick.
by BullGator on Oct 1, 2009 12:53 PM EDT reply actions
I feel honored and Humboldt to be included on such an inedible list.
Is anyone going to eat those pancakes? I’m Flemished.
by Emmitt Smith on Oct 1, 2009 1:17 PM EDT reply actions
Didn’t Troy Aikman have about fiftyeleven concussions?
by JimHalpert on Oct 1, 2009 2:02 PM EDT reply actions
OK someone please explain to me who all those dudes are because I completely don’t get this joke and feel dumb.
by 4.0 Point Stance on Oct 1, 2009 2:19 PM EDT reply actions
Slightly OT:
What’s the difference between Tim Tebow and Jesus?
It only took Tebow 3 minutes to rise.
See you all in hell.
by jwgator on Oct 1, 2009 2:47 PM EDT reply actions
Damn, I was kinda hoping to see Carrot Top on the meter.
by tOSU_radar on Oct 1, 2009 3:45 PM EDT reply actions
If it can be found, “Carny” with Robbie Robertson (of Dylan’s Band), Jodie Foster, and Nolte was excellent. Nolte appeared not at all to be brain-fucked. Circa 1980.
by NRBQ on Oct 1, 2009 9:42 PM EDT reply actions
From left, to up, and then to right and to down:
Dr. Mahattan from Watchmen (considered the epitome of lucidity and intelligence")
Malcolm Gladwell from The New Yorker
Matthew McConaghey (sp?)
Emmitt Smith
Lou Holtz
Mr. Bill
Gary Busey (relentlessly incoherent)
by andthevalleyshook on Oct 1, 2009 9:55 PM EDT reply actions
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