WEEK FOUR PICKS WITH A VERY SPECIAL GUEST

“I GOT THE TITANS AND A SWAN THAT RAPES THINGS IN THE DEAL. IF YOU HEAR FLAPPING WATCH YOUR ASS, BY THE WAY. HAVEN’T SEEN HIM IN A WHILE.”

+100 to you OS, chalk up more beverage destroyed computer goods to your prose.

Miami is Ray Liotta in “Wild Hogs.”

Smotabulous!!

a swan that rapes things +100

COTG isn’t the only Tiger fan (c’mon…everyone knows COTG is a Corn Dog) that thinks there could be an upset in StarkVegas.

Oh, and what do Ole Miss and Brett Favre have in common? Brett Favre is still number 4.

Nice work, Orson, once again.

re: Jevan Sneed.

Ah, I thought that Eric Norwood had a bit of an Old Testament bounce in his step Thursday night.

Jevan Sneed has weak Bama Bangs game. He needs to cut that shit off if he wants the respect of his teammates again.

@ 5-

You totally screwed that up, didn’t you.

And Crazy Old Testament God said to the Irish fans, "Verily, thou art My Chosen People, and for thine loyalty and devotion I shall rain upon thine heads a torrent of debilitating injuries at key times, mediocre coaches, and even worse announcers. Yea, and the Trojan hordes of the west shall burn your dwellings to the ground, and sow salt in your field, such that no program will ever flourish there again. For this is My will. The campus bookstore is nice, though."
A reading from the Book of Charles. Amen.

Actually, Jackie worked out OK for us until he decided to go the thug recruiting path around 1999-2000. Take the points & MSU, Orson.

I wish I still lived in Mississippi to hear all the excusus today. And tomorrow. I was in Cola, and Ole Piss just got their ass whipped, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Ellis Johnson & the Chix have damn great D. And floating Matthew McConnaghey didn’t screw up Garcia until the 4th qtr.

And lo, on the fifth day, OS beheld his labors and it was awesomeness indeed. Blasphtabulous, in fact.

You’d think Ole Miss would have been safe from the whims of COTG… I mean, after all, aren’t we all reasonably sure of the fact that Houston Nutt prays to COTG daily for inspiration.

I guess therein lies the essence of COTG… Have Faith, and know that the docu-drama that is your life could turn into a Japanese gameshow at any moment.

A swan that rapes things. That’s kind of cool. I would think that was funny if Tojo hadn’t shot my shins off.

I wonder if search engines have tools that pick out improbable queries such as “rape swan” to be reviewed for future amusement.

Best of All Time. Orson, RETIRE NOW.

(so says COTG.)

Rape swan: The comedic gift that keeps on giving. And raping.

@11

When it came around, i was more than happy to sign the student petition that got Jackie and his crazy clown sweaters out of starkville. Other than raiding JuCo’s for a few years successfully, trouble with the NCAA was about all he brought to State. Then when Croom came in to “clean house” of all things thug life, that was all we had left!

Did you hear Mark May at half time of the game last night, and then after? Don’t get me wrong, i was glad they lost, but he took it to an unexpected level of hate about their #4 rating.

Rape swan: Gamecock Eric Norwood chasing Jevan Sneed.

Isn’t the Miami mascot just a rape swan with competent legal counsel?

I’ve often wondered if some of the literary / mythological references were going over other people’s heads in the same way some of the sports references go over mine.

Don’t worry. I’ll catch all the Leta references you let fall and other readers can feel superior when I’m scratching my head about who the hell Bob Stoops is.

At least we all seem to have read Dixieland Delight. There is hope yet for world peace.

You may refer to them as the “Corina, Corina” years, I refer to them as the “Operation Dumbo Drop” years, AKA “Oh God, I almost became Rob Lowe.”

Oh now, come on…you’re giving Tedford way too much credit. Cal has been masters of the faceplant since at least the 1960s.

I hope COTG is wrong on Cal and Tedford. Dear New Testament God please allow Cal to win and go the Rose Bowl for the first time in 50 years! Please! And get our special teams figured out if you can (one miracle at a time)!

Karl Marx with a crown? W.G. Grace is not amused.

“I must return Jevan Snead’s talent to him….”

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

@ 21

Yeah, that divine winged deviant is straight outta the second most important narrative in the Western literary tradition. But would it be pedantic for this English grad student to point out that “Leda” not “Leta” was the name of the girl that Swan-Zeus raped? Okay, I won’t then.

Dude. Take an Awesomeness-Reduction Pill, like, soon. You are in serious danger of becoming an OrsonSpencer singularity and destroying all of Atlanta in your massive gravitational flux.

Or something.

But seriously, that rocked.

I’ll need to see the original Hebrew text of what COTG had to say, because I suspect the phrase that was translated “Jackie Sherrill” would have been more accurately translated “Sylvester Croom”.

In thirteen years (in ten years really, if you discount the last three like they were Rocky V), Sherrill took State to six bowl games and won an SEC division title. Before Sherrill, State had been to five bowl games since WWI and last tasted SEC glory with their national championship team in 1941, the year the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor.

It was much more of a leap of faith to take Croom, a questionably successful NFL “offensive” “coordinator” and “running backs” “coach” than it was to take a guy that had won ten games multiple times at Pitt and A&M.

And having sat through live and in person every game that Crooms “coached”, I’m ready for some rewardation from COTG, though I would happily trade a victory in the rain-drenched mudfest that’s going to happen tomorrow in exchange for keeping alive for another five years the Gators’ 23-year winless streak in Starkville.

Man, Orson, no wonder you’re getting paid to do this stuff.

Well fuck me sideways. No more drinking and commenting for me after lunch.

@17 Kingcockfight

I am still laughing my ass off at that one. Perhaps it is the bottle of wine I’ve polished off, but that is still a very funny, if succinct way of putting it….

Ashleigh McFairydust thinks that Blaine Gabbert is a stupid name.

“COTG: ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE NATION OF AFGHANISTAN? "

Since I’m posting this from Kabul, yes…yes I am. And if Smitesylvania is worse, I suppose it’s only a matter of time before the government sends me there, too. Don’t piss COTG off, Orson, unless you want to be clearing IED-laden donkey carcasses off your roads.

I always envisioned Sebastian as more of a swan that rapes than a normal crane.

Nate, dude…now that is some funny stuff…
be safe.

Rape Swan vs Fuck Lion: who ya got?

A bona fide W.R. Grace reference (#25); another example of the smart reader comments on this site.
Also, the post about ND’s bookstore was dead on and made me laugh.

I wouldn’t be dialing up my bookie on these Bulldogs to beat LSU. LSU will get upset at some point and skulldrug by UA, but MSU is bad, I mean REAL BAD. However, the X factor is the weather. It is pouring down rain and Bulldog paraphernalia is blowing all over town. (Luckily State fans all have Badboy Buggies and 4 wheelers at their tailgates…I’m not shitting you. My car was blocked in last night by a20’ trailer carrying 2 four wheelers with MSU crap stuck all over them as it is every Friday before a home game…thank you asshole redneck elitist neighbors) …and MSU’s field doesn’t have that whole drainage thing and for being an ag school, the shittiest grass is in the field…hell, I think I’ve convinced myself LSU is going down.

I dont know if Houston Nutt is smarter than a 5th grader, but I’d like to find out.

If Alabama blows out Arkansas, everyone is eating pulled pork tonight…..
IF they squeak by Arkansas, Swine flu shots for everyone…who didnt see that coming? I would call Arkansas Def the Swine Flu Defense……you’ll get sick of scoring on it…..

And I hear Tim Tebow is going thru the Trials of Job this morning, with symptons of the flu

Also, after living in Starkghanistan for a few years I would have to say MSU has the most delusional fanbase, at least in September…or maybe bipolar would be more acurate. Reference vhdawg’s 1941 MSU Nat’l Chmpionship team…seriously, if they wanted to play they could have walked their ass to New Orleans

…and now Oregon is rolling Cal. Of course they are.

/checks calendar

//still not certain it isn’t really 2007

Tips for the advice on Oregon v. Cal can go to charity of your choice. /Thunderclap

Just for the record, was COTG tell you to take Miss St outright or against the spread. It’s the difference between him being 2-2 and 3-1.

Damn Orson, COTG almost ran the board if Dan Mullen didnt have flashbacks to last years Ole Miss game thinking he had Tebow as QB for the “Tebow Smash”……and this was for the game, and it didnt work THIS time either! Between the Factor Five and COTG, you should open an online betting side game with this logic……so crazy..it just might work.
COTG went 4-2 vs gurus, giving COTG credit for the Ole Miss and FSU debacles. Its divine work…..I think if COTG would have accounted for the Mullen-owski, he would have been almost perfect sans the Rutgers deal…….Why does COTG give the trials of JOB to Tebow? First the Swine Flu, and now a concussion that will make him more gun shy? Is COTG trying to teach Urban Meyer a lesson about greed? and he gets knocked out against Kentucky? by a white boy? If he cant protect Tebow in a blowout vs Ky, he will get Tebow killed vs Bama….
Was Ky such a high powered offense to come back from a 31-0 deficit? Shula learned the hard way via Prothro, about going for the blowout when the game was in hand……

well, it seems that Whisky Wednesday and the PSUfreakGuys’s posts were deleted…but how appropriate that
after the PSU fan guy talked shit on Ole Miss losing to South Carolina IN COLUMBIA, that Penn St, would lose at home to Iowa….man, irony is a pretty good feeling somtimes

@Smeargle:

Penn State losing to Iowa isn’t irony. Penn State is perpetually overrated in an overrated conference, which is why some gel-haired dickeater from the northeast has no business, ever, talking shit to an SEC team that gets beat by another SEC team.

@PSUlosttoIowaafuckinggainareyoukiddingme: Feel free to come talk shit again; your girlish levels of football knowledge, coupled with an appropriate dose of karma, have entertained me greatly during what has been a bad week to be an Ole Miss fan.

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Do Not Taunt Happy Rape Swan.