CURIOUS INDEX, 9/25/09

by Orson on Sep 25, 2009 10:22 AM EDT

Inspired madness. Every week Joe takes the jersey or cap of Oregon's opposition for that Saturday, gets his camera, and does terrible things to it. This week's prey on Duck Voodoo: Cal. Warning: the following image contains graphic violence and extreme cruelty.

We're sorry you had to see that. The Utah series is also particularly demented. Nailing a hat to a plank with two nails is fastening one object to another; doing it with fifteen nails is art.

That's one content turnstile. If you watched the Ole Miss/South Carolina game last night, Bradley Sowell, now deceased after dying of embarrassment early this morning (we presume,) did have these parting words on the upside of his team losing a high-profile conference game on national television while wearing a 4 ranking.

"I'm glad it's gone," left tackle Bradley Sowell said of the high-intensity spotlight, "so we can just get back to basics and win ballgames."

Red Cup Rebellion has some words for you, sir..

Get the fuck out of my University, you weak sack of shit. You lost the game. You did. I feel sick. Have fun watching the coaches scramble to replace your sorry ass in the starting lineup. Nice quote, you sad, sad loser. Seriously: if you feel relieved of the pressure because your miserable performance led to a loss... I don't know what to tell you. I'm no athlete, but when I fuck up and let other people down, I at least have the decency to feel bad about it. Ugh.

You're really being too hard on the kid. Hey, look! Now that the walls have burnt down, the view of the neighborhood is fantastic from the living room Prison? Ample free time to catch up on reading. Robbed in broad daylight at a busy intersection? Really makes you value a green light. Prostate cancer? Been so much more active now that we can't sit. It's all about upsides, sunshine.

Plague days, cont'd. Paging Dr. Rieux: Urban Meyer may be the stoic existential hero here, putting IVs in players arms and tending the hospital underneath the uncaring eye of a godless sun. Camus may be in order as Joe Haden and Major Wright both missed practice due to the swine flu this week leading up to the Kentucky game. We're just glad this is happening now; Florida could soldier through this, take a bye week, and get everyone's antibodies up and running for the big trip to LSU on October 10th. Until then, it's Pedialyte and happy thoughts.

Please use some of these. Kyle Field has a text message assist system. This is something Barking Carnival probably didn't need to know about.

Text: I JUST SAW LEE GRIMES CLOG A TOILET IN THE WOMEN’s BATHROOM HIS TURD WRAPPED THE BOWL LIKE A COBRA BUT THERE IS NO FLUTE THAT WILL MAKE IT RISE

Read the rest, if only to enjoy the exotic notion of a real live stadium with a migratory bat problem.

USC and Texas IN THE YEAR TWO THOUSAND. Scheduling, flying car-style.

Tweet Comment 25 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

The Swamp now has a text message alert system as well. They should collect and publish the best ones, IMO.

by zzgator on Sep 25, 2009 10:26 AM EDT reply actions

The Barking Carnival texting is truly inspired.

I also like Meyer’s 4th grade quote quote in the swine flu article:
""Haden will (play)," Meyer said. “If Haden doesn’t go, I’m not going.”"

Meyer also asked you to stop looking at his goddamned controller when he’s choosing plays in Tecmo Bowl, or he’s going home.

by dogtown gator on Sep 25, 2009 10:47 AM EDT reply actions

Back to the cellar, Ole Piss. See ya in 40 years.

by Buck Futt on Sep 25, 2009 10:58 AM EDT reply actions

I was truly surprised that Fowler & Company didn’t bring up the Spurrier voting fiasco in last night’s game.

From the really dumb department: Craig James didn’t remember that Fowler wasn’t with him during the NC State/USC game because Fowler was at the US Open. At one point, I think James was even confused as to whether or not he had called the game.

by hobeg8r on Sep 25, 2009 10:59 AM EDT reply actions

Who’s the man next to Bette Midler?

by meatybob on Sep 25, 2009 11:14 AM EDT reply actions

I think it’s Samuel L. Jackson, meatybob

by Mich-Placed Gator on Sep 25, 2009 11:27 AM EDT reply actions

Poor Cal jersey. But, isn’t being forced to watch The View cruel & unusual punishment and punsihable by fines and/or imprisonment?

A quick rule of thumb for both Mississippi SEC teams – when we’re suppoed to be good, we aren’t. When nothing is expected, we surprise everyone. The parallels between MSU 2000 & Ole Piss 2009 are eerily the same, down to the balloon being popped in Williams-Brice.

by yoyofutbawl on Sep 25, 2009 11:28 AM EDT reply actions

I’m still waiting to hear the Ole Miss folks touting their moral victory a la Tennessee…oh, wait, they can’t appreciate a loss? I thought kiffie was the new cool…

by sb on Sep 25, 2009 11:28 AM EDT reply actions

Clausen to play despite turf toe on his right foot. From the WWL: “Weis said he worked with Clausen this week to tweak his throwing motion to help take pressure off his right foot.”

Charlie “Decided Schematic Advantage” Weiss isn’t qualified to tell anyone how to keep pressure of the feet! Because he’s fat! Get it?!?!?!

Sorry, had to beat SKLM to the punch.

by Domer Guy on Sep 25, 2009 11:47 AM EDT reply actions

See the following picture for authentic proof that Houston Nutt did call that play (the fake field goal), brotha!

http://img38.imageshack.us/img38/6420/drawup.png

by d1nonlyhogfan on Sep 25, 2009 12:03 PM EDT reply actions

Note to EDSBS editors: Feel free to use the pic for whatever, but please, PLEASE make sure Houston Nutt gets all the credit.

by d1nonlyhogfan on Sep 25, 2009 12:04 PM EDT reply actions

@ sb:

Houston Nutt reinvented the term “moral victory.” You don’t know how many times we had to hear that term during his 10 year stint at Arkansas. Pretty much anytime a ranked opponent didn’t just destroy us, it was a moral victory.

by d1nonlyhogfan on Sep 25, 2009 12:07 PM EDT reply actions

So, VPI dodges Marcus Fortson? Is this God’s way of apologizing for the fire, and subsequently, the goiter (I forget what it is named)?

Fortson needs to break his jaw again around the Clemson game.

by Coop on Sep 25, 2009 12:14 PM EDT reply actions

Orson:

Your permanent erection for all things Oregon is a serious medical condition. It’s “drug induced, injury related, or caused by disease, not sexual desire.” Permanent impotence may result. Call your doctor right away.

by dgdawg on Sep 25, 2009 12:17 PM EDT reply actions

That quote by Sowell was pretty pathetic, but Red Cup Rebellion needs to wake up and realize Ole Miss lost because Ole Miss sucks. Why they were in the pre-season Top 25 – much less the Top 10 – makes no sense to me. With lock losses against LSU and Alabama, and probable losses against Auburn, Arkansas, and Tennessee, this team will just find their way into a bottom-tier bowl at 7-5 or 6-6.

Don’t get so upset about the loss last night – there are plenty more coming….

by PSUfanNYC on Sep 25, 2009 12:45 PM EDT reply actions

@ 15 Why were they in the top 10?

On the back of one win last year…and ZOMG OGERON RECRUITING…

by THEBIGFISH on Sep 25, 2009 12:54 PM EDT reply actions

@ 15

You do know that Ole Miss went to Baton Rouge and beat the shit out of LSU, last year, don’t you?

Ole Miss is not top 10 good, but one bad game does not deserve the ignorant Yankee hyperbole you just threw out.

Go beat up on the Big Televen and then get your ass kicked by Southern Cal or whomever represents the Pac 10 in the Rose Bowl.

Good day.

by Coop on Sep 25, 2009 1:13 PM EDT reply actions

Houston Nutt shoives a horseshoe up his ass everytime he play LSU. He could coach Temple and keep it close against LSU still.

by Kevin@LSU on Sep 25, 2009 1:54 PM EDT reply actions

dgdawg @#14…permanent erection = priapism…if it lasts longer than four hours seek medical attention…

by sb on Sep 25, 2009 2:21 PM EDT reply actions

or whores…

by THEBIGFISH on Sep 25, 2009 3:06 PM EDT reply actions

@ 15:

A fucking Penn State fan talking shit? For real? Yeah, I wrote the shit about Sowell, because I’m pissed that we have a solid team with one real weakness that may cause us to look really terrible all year. I’ll admit as much. Still, fucking Penn State… We would have beaten your ass last year. And you live in the fucking guido capital of the world. Give me a goddamn break.

by Whiskey Wednesday on Sep 25, 2009 3:43 PM EDT reply actions

@21:

First of all, if you think Ole Miss has “one real weakness” then you don’t know football. The entire team was pretty weak last night, other than the D-line play and some nice individual effort at from your skill players. Otherwise it was just a bad performance. Second, I’ll take my 11-2 BCS team over your team that lost to…heh…Wake Forest.

So, I was called out for “throwing out” “ignorant yankee hyperbole” and told I lived in the “fucking guido capital of the world” in response to 1 perfectly accurate post. Can’t make this stuff up…classic!

by PSUfanNYC on Sep 25, 2009 4:41 PM EDT reply actions

@PSUfuckass:

It’s easy to go 11-2 in the Big Ten and get whipped in a BCS bowl. Just ask Ohio State. Or Penn State. I’d love to hear what you, a Big 10 guy, didn’t like about our linebackers, secondary, running backs, etc. Most of them would probably start for your team. And if I can think of any reason for a PSU fan to be over on a blog that deals primarily in Southern college football, it’s because you’re having flashbacks to last year’s Iowa game. Just worry about having the opportunity to get blown out in a BCS bowl.

by Whiskey Wednesday on Sep 25, 2009 7:05 PM EDT reply actions

this is what made me laugh: “Pierre-Louis walked off the practice field with a mask on.”
seriously?

by TampaGatorGal on Sep 26, 2009 1:51 AM EDT reply actions

Between Whiskey’s complete overreaction to the young OL that grew up an Ole Miss fan, and his exchange with PSU, I’m actually starting to appreciate the Rebels’ loss even more. I thought Ole Miss fans prided themselves on class.

by chg on Sep 26, 2009 11:36 AM EDT reply actions