ANOTHER REASON RICH BROOKS RULES SO HARD

by Orson on Sep 25, 2009 11:38 AM EDT

Link: here.

Excerpted from Rich Brooks' innovative hard-boiled third-person autobio:

He stared out the window. Miami. Again, Miami. He came to all the places in his life by accident except Miami. He drank the whiskey from the glass. It was good. Four cubes of globe-shaped ice died to make this whiskey as good as it was, he thought. Like four decades of life spent chasing dreams that wore pretty dresses and told even prettier lies once the lights went off. He drank the whiskey. Because it was good.

The breeze blew through the windows. It kissed his cheeks like a whore kisses a schoolboy. It passed over the bed.

The empty bed.

Oh, well, he thought. You can always find another one, he thought. Another one to tell pretty lies. Another one who was always sick, either in the heart or in the head. Another one to leave you with an empty bed and the mistress in the bottle who always stayed faithful. He would have cried if he had tears. He was past that now, though. He looked out at the beach and saw an ocean. It was full of dead sailors' tears. No shortage of those, he thought.

He drank the whiskey, which was good, and thought about ordering some eggs. He was in need of a clean white shirt and a dirty brown woman to samba away the night with while the stars looked down on them without pity or judgment.

--From Rich Brooks' third person autobiography, Rich Brooks: Life's a Bastard Chasing After Bitches In Love With Other Bastards So You Should Just Have a Grim, Relaxing Glass of Scotch. This is your weekly reminder that life is pain, and Rich Brooks is a fucking badass. (HT: SB Nation.)

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Comments

i love you, Coach Brooks, don’t ever change. And that’s not just the bourbon talking…..
…it’s also the scotch.

by worstfan on Sep 25, 2009 11:47 AM EDT reply actions

And I will be drinking for tomorrow’s game starting at roughly dawn. Orson, if you’re in Lex, let me know and I will provide frightening quantities of liquor, virgins, and the kind of legal counsel only Raoul Duke can maintain.

by BourbonSouth on Sep 25, 2009 12:00 PM EDT reply actions

Rich Brooks thinks teams fighting amongst each other is OH SCREW IT THIS JOKE IS OLD.

by JD on Sep 25, 2009 12:01 PM EDT reply actions

Seriously, Orson, I think you could give John Swartzwelder a run for his money…

by Philip on Sep 25, 2009 12:01 PM EDT reply actions

Orson, you may be wasting your time at a blog – that type of talent needs to be exposed to the world.

by DanF on Sep 25, 2009 12:04 PM EDT reply actions

You enjoy Robert Parker books, don’t you, Orson?

by You should go to Vanderbilt, son, you'll make more money on Sep 25, 2009 12:17 PM EDT reply actions

You need to expand this entry into a book. It’ll give you something to do during baseball season.

by mlmintampa on Sep 25, 2009 12:19 PM EDT reply actions

well, at least now i know how a whore kisses a schoolboy.

by ed on Sep 25, 2009 12:22 PM EDT reply actions

I believe Schnelly wrote the forward to this book, did he not?

by Grady on Sep 25, 2009 12:28 PM EDT reply actions

Had a call from Coach Self and he is glad we get to keep our final four wins, unlike a coach from some other big school. Our guys all enjoy looking at the national championship trophy together.

by PeteJayhawk on Sep 25, 2009 12:34 PM EDT reply actions

Rich Brooks would like to remind you that there is only one rule to Fight Club…

by THEBIGFISH on Sep 25, 2009 12:46 PM EDT reply actions

I lost it at “full of dead sailor’s tears”. My day is done. Time to pull the Bushmills sout of my filing cabinet.

by BullisaGator on Sep 25, 2009 2:10 PM EDT reply actions

I want a glass of scotch.

by TCOAN on Sep 25, 2009 2:15 PM EDT reply actions

Trust me, those stars were judging. Damn stars, always looking down on us with their twinkles and bright yellow eyes thinking they’re something special.

by Weagle on Sep 25, 2009 5:20 PM EDT reply actions