CURIOUS INDEX, 9/24/09

by Orson on Sep 24, 2009 10:44 AM EDT

This morning's delays brought to you by Comcast. Comcast: because you have no other choice, peon.

Actual footage of the team meetings between Kansas football and basketball players.

As expected, the two sides made up underneath the banner of the paramount peacemaker and leader of our time, Todd Reesing. There were other names, sure, on the statement...but you know Captain America was behind every word.

"We all wear KANSAS on our uniforms, and we’re proud of that. We need to act like it. We’ve met; we’re all on the same page, and we will move forward together. The football team is ready to get back to work, focused on Saturday’s game against Southern Mississippi, and the basketball team will continue to prepare for another great season."

Reesing/Truckasaurus 2020, the independent ticket rocking the nation senseless in a shower of puppies, boxed wine, and floaty but accurate passes at the crucial issues of our time.

Plus four. Invisible Matthew McConnaughey says you're playing it too safe. South Carolina sits at plus four in the turnover margin department thanks to tidy play from brahsome quarterback Stephen Garcia. Tonight's matchup with Ole Miss will be the first chance for you to see Ole Miss actually play someone, and an additional chance to see South Carolina beat a top 5 ranked opponent, something they haven't done since 1981. Bonus bonus feature: the two most emotive SEC coaches currently working the sidelines having their own private Italian Opera on opposite sidelines. Spurrier: twitch, pick nose, make pained face; Nutt responds with madman face, running hand through hair, rapid pointless clapping. Viewing pleasure: OFF THE CHARTS.

Y'all settle down, now. Mike Slive wants all this a-cussin' and a-fussin' to stop, y'all. Brian Cook suggests the mad notion that despite Kiffin talking, Tennessee remains a losing team on the season very similar to the model rolled out of Knoxville in 2008, and that Kiffin is nowhere close to pulling a Spurrier, because Spurrier won, and then talked.

NUDE PICTURES OF CHASE DANIEL. Apologies--just wanted to make sure search engines picked up on the internet's eighth most popular search term, "Chase Daniel Naked." The Mizzou athletic department's surplus phones have turned up on the open market with Mizzou athletic department data on them, which does not include Chase Daniel nude...yet!

Sometimes they even say mean things. In the conference team draft, the first team out of the Pac-10 drafted by the SEC would be the Oregon Ducks, both for the uniforms and for the maelstrom of noise generated inside Autzen stadium. This week's marketing ploy: retro unis from the "Gang Green" era.

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Kansas getting all Frenchy with the basketball team. Chase Daniel nude.

WHY DO YOU TEASE ME SO, ORSON?

by ChasingMizzou on Sep 24, 2009 10:52 AM EDT reply actions

Really? We (SEC) would take Oregon? Hmmm….

by Philip on Sep 24, 2009 10:53 AM EDT reply actions

Oregon is also chock full o’ rednecks outside of Portland. Makes perfect sense.

by Biggus Rickus on Sep 24, 2009 11:00 AM EDT reply actions

@2: Personally, I think their pain-distributing mascot all by himself puts Oregon on the top of the list.

by TJ on Sep 24, 2009 11:01 AM EDT reply actions

Lane Kiffin is “in Urban Meyer’s Head” the same way “Swine Flu” is:

Sure, it’s an annoyance, but all the right precautions are being taken, and the overriding wish is to get rid of the annoying bastard. Oh, and we’re winning.

by Not You on Sep 24, 2009 11:10 AM EDT reply actions

@ 5

Until you lose. Then Meyer will explain it away that everyone on the team had the Ebola virus.

- Lane Kiffin.

by Coop on Sep 24, 2009 11:16 AM EDT reply actions

FYI -if you going to bet Gamecocks tonight, might as well take the money line.
Either they pull the shocker and outright upset the Rebs. Or Snead throws for a gazillion yards and Ole Miss wins by 30.

by GamecockTony on Sep 24, 2009 11:21 AM EDT reply actions

Lane:Shut Up! (throws a Hot Wheel across the SEC Yukon XL, hits Urbs in the back of the head)
Urb:You shut up! (Urbs picks up Tonka Truck, throws it at Lane, it grazes his shoulder)
Lane:No, you shut up! (Picks up empty soda can, hits Urbs in the arm)
Urb: You started it, you shut up! (takes seat belt, starts to choke Lane with it)

Mike Slive: If you two dont stop, I will be forced to say “stop” again. I mean it. You want me to pull this league over right now? I will! You two can walk home for all I care…if you both end up on the side of a milk carton, I DON’T CARE! I built this league from the ground up, worked my fingers to the bone and this is the thanks I get? The SEC can’t have nice things! Now Lane, you go over there, keep your eyes and your hands to yourself. Urban, you go over there-shush!-dont say another word! Don’t look at me at that tone of voice young man….I WILL SAY STOP AGAIN, I MEAN IT…..I knew letting Lane hang around THAT ORGERON character was a bad, bad, bad idea……

by Mr.Pelican Pants on Sep 24, 2009 11:22 AM EDT reply actions

After 5 years, Florida is probably due a loss to Tennessee so I wouldn’t be surprised by it next season. When no one on your team has beaten one of your biggest rivals, they ought to get pretty fired up about it. See Miami and Georgia Tech.

by Tim on Sep 24, 2009 11:31 AM EDT reply actions

9 – FSU is a better team that UT, has a better coach, and is a fiercer rival to UF. Do you see them winning next year?

by cantcatchuf on Sep 24, 2009 1:06 PM EDT reply actions

Wipe that sardonic smirk off your faces! Todd Reesing is everything that’s right with America! If I could adopt him, I would.

by Eric on Sep 24, 2009 1:07 PM EDT reply actions

I agree that most certainly Oregon would be the top SEC draft pick.

The noise is deafening and as an added bonus, last time I was there an Oregon Safety (TJ Ward) injured a UCLA player and as all the medics were out putting him on a stretcher a fight broke out in the front row and both guys went flying onto the field (a six foot drop) except one landed head first and began going into seizures.

Sadly, there was no real help as most of the medics were helping the player on the field.

The best part was the other guy being led away in handcuffs looking at the chaos as the guy going into seizure’s wife was just shrieking and he had a look on his face that said “well, shouldn’t have messed with me.”

by janus09 on Sep 24, 2009 3:07 PM EDT reply actions

@9:

That totally explains why Kentucky beat Tennessee last year, ending their 22 year losing streak… none of the players were even born yet when Kentucky last won!

Wait… Kentucky LOST? Aww, to hell with it.

by Not You on Sep 24, 2009 4:10 PM EDT reply actions

In case you need fast easy access to your firearms … http://www.cabelas.com/cabelas/en/templates/product/standard-item.jsp?DARGS=/cabelas/en/common/catalog/item-link.jspA&DAV=cat21404ntw8&id=0049045228769a&navCount=0&podId=0049045&parentId=cat602224&masterpathid=&navAction=push&catalogCode=OG&rid=&parentType=index&indexId=cat601233&hasJS=true

If they had only thought to make them in various SEC team colors/logos they’d never be on sale.

by Wozzo the Wonder Dog on Sep 24, 2009 4:12 PM EDT reply actions