CURIOUS INDEX, 9/23/09


Flugelhorns. Cowbells. Anything with a spit valve. We assure you: no one would have noticed a random person slipping in with the Gator band. It's just too hot, and you're wearing a uniform which will weigh ten pounds thanks to absorbed human sweat by the time the day ends.

It's no Alabama/Auburn falling guy ad, but nice to see the Gator band get some free pub. Hope you didn't film it on the tuba section's bus, because it smells quite bad in there.

Plague Days, Continued. Florida's wide receivers coach Billy Gonzales, he of the 104 degree fever, coached practice with a mask on, and presumably was not very hands-on with his players. His coherence had to suffer, too, if his brain was outside in the Gainesville heatsoup with a raging fever already cooking his brain. "You got to get suppuration with the tongs. Stapler cut it, then express up the tide line. The tide line, dammit! That's how you detroit the scree fence!" "Um, coach..." "Don't quarkstone me, young plan!" "Got it." Six players are down with the flu, and we don't mean like, you know, paw-prints on their chest down, but as in lying on the floor dreaming insane fever dreams where they're wrestling giant animate pretzels to the death in Candy Land.

Given the performance of Florida's wide receivers thus far, we'll take a babbling Gonzales out there with 108 degree fever and fully chargd cattle prod if need be. Deonte Thompson is still nursing a strained hamstring, getting up every two or three hours to turn the vacuum cleaner on, sing to it, and get it back to sleep. In the meantime, Frankie Hammond is getting a look at the X position (Thompson's position,) something we wanted to see after Hammond's massive spring.

Oh, and also from the same article, Brandon Spikes is doubtful with achilles tendonitis. Whee. The only upside is that with recruits watching players fall to the black death working its way through Florida's roster, recruits seem to recognize the opportunity.

Jim Tressel is not Lloyd Carr. He's Bo Schembechler, according to Brian, who will not be posting for the next three days due to injuries suffered in a severe thrashing at the hands of Ghostly Bo Schembechler.

Hardy allegedly hardy. DE Greg Hardy is allegedly a go for Thursday night's game against South Carolina, according to Chris Low. Tony Barnhart calls the matchup "a quality of life game" for Houston Nutt, something you should take as a sign South Carolina is going to make this one close, since Houston Nutt has rarely liked to make anything easy for himself.

Second to no one. Though he is second to an entire team, the SMU Mustangs. Jonathan Crompton is 118th in the nation in interceptions, just ahead of SMU in terms of total times he has given the ball to the other team in a fashion quarterbacks are supposed to avoid.

Trickle-down economics are empirically invalid, unless we're talking about Nick Saban. Businesses in Oxford may depend on gameday income, but they're doubling down for Alabama when they come for their scheduled trip to Oxford this year. Sabanomics!

"We had a $7,000 night on Saturday, which is pretty good," Zorbino said. "When Alabama comes through it should be crazy. We expect a two hour wait by 7 p.m. and will probably have a $15,000 night."

This will benefit everyone but the servers, mind you. From our dismal career as a server, we remember that Georgia fans were acceptable tippers (especially Atlantans,) Tennessee fans were on the low side, and Alabama fans were skinflints no matter how well or poorly you served their table. Perfectly pleasant people, mind you, but horrific tippers. If you are a waiter in Birmingham, we assume you survive by selling crank.

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