PAINTBRUSH EXPLAINS THE UNIVERSE: WHY OHIO STATE IS UNFAIRLY SINGLED OUT

Can’t argue with that logic.

Quality response Orson

Map don’t lie

Buckeyes. Epic Dickishness since 1997.

Now that you explained it THAT way…(nodding head, rubbing chin)

Ass vindaloo? Damnit Swindle, how can I go to an Indian buffet EVER AGAIN?

I grow frustrated when people act like OU doesn’t win big games. How about last year? Beat No. 2 Texas Tech. Beat No. 11 Oklahoma State on the road in prime time. Beat Missouri for the Big 12 title in prime time. Beat Big East Champ Cincy.

Sure, OU has failed in BCS bowl games as of late, but it’s not like OU doesn’t win ANY big games. And also keep in mind, Bear Bryant lost seven straight bowl games with a tie in the middle. Tom Osborne lost seven straight bowl games before winning three National Titles. Teams lose in big games. It happens. When you’re not playing in the Independance Bowl and instead taking on other conference winners, games aren’t easy to win. It’s not an excuse for being 0-5. It’s reality.

Apparently, this cartographer is an Hawaii atheist. I am sure he just rants and raves about how we are all stupid to believe in Hawaii, that Pineappleism is evil, and he knows this because of his sociology or some other soft science degree.

Ass Vindaloo is my favorite. It looks the same coming out as it did coming in AND is accompanied fantastically by garlic naan.

If Adam Rittenberg thinks OU is getting a pass, then the only conclusion I can arrive at is that Adam Rittenberg does not own a TV or radio.

Royce,
I wasn’t aware beating Texas Tech counted for shit? Nor Oklahoma State.

meatybob,

I have a similar theory about Belgium.

I think the Buffet/Trump analogy fails, herewith: Trump courts the media, loves the spotlight and is actually somewhat of a fraud financially. Conversely, Buffet, while no hermit, puts far less energy into getting his puss on the tube and in print and has a sterling rep.

Royce, you’ve also lost to all of the following teams in big games:

Kansas State, by 28 points when you were the clear #1 team
Boise State
West Virginia, against an interim coach
Texas Tech, in 2007
USC, by about 700 points
Texas A&M, in 2002 when you were ranked #1

That’s not counting the honorable losses to Florida or LSU or any of the games against Texas.

Are you sure you want to include serial killer tips with this group?

Great analysis.

The critcism from me started when Ohio State and Michigan were #1 and #2 when they CAME TO YOU LIVE from THE BANKS OF THE OLENTANGY. Apparently, these 2 teams had great defences but preceded to run all over them during this game, which of course meant, OMG BEST OFFENSE EVAR!!!!

Then we heard how Michigan should’ve gotten a shot at the title in a rematch game and then both OSU and Meeshigan shit their pants and wet the bed simultaniously. Which got people thinking, maybe the Big 10 sucks, right.

Now it’s just coming full circle.

JD,

I believe that’s called college football. I don’t think anyone has ever gone undefeated for life. We’re talking about perceived “big games” that has national attention. If we’re only talking about bowl games, then why does anyone give a shit Ohio State lost to USC twice?

at #11 and 14…

You missed Royce’s point… If you are going to lay out all the big game losses, then you have to lay out all of the big game wins as well.

I would like to invite everyone to look at the arguement in the comments section on ESPN. It appears the big 10 people have skipped the acedemic arguement and have gone straight to LARGEST ENROLLMENT RANKINGS where the Big 10 ranks supreme

Warren Buffet lives in Omaha. He’s all we have.

I hate Oklahoma a good deal more than anOSU

And all this time, I thought it was just people’s natural hatred towards sweater vests. Thanks for the clarification.

So I know this is only tangentially related to football at all, but given that ESDBS is the epicenter of Internet-based Kenny Chesney hatred, I would like to relate that I am listening to the Drive-By Truckers and they might just restore my faith in American country music/Southern rock. Sample lyrics:

“Don’t piss off the boys from Alabama
You know they won’t let it slide
They might find your body in the Tennessee River
or they might not find you at all”

As a Georgia fan, I know this is true.

Also, Kenny Chesney can kiss my ass.

As you were.

Cartography and geography aside: I have not watched an Oklahoma game where one gets the feeling the playbook is a single page…written in crayon…that morning at 9AM over IHOP waffles…for both offense and defense.

For those who doubt this is an accurte portrayal of the Vest’s game planning practices I refer you to this year’s USC game for a recent example and the 2006 NCG ’gainst the Gators for the example that, were this physics, would sew up the unified theory of everything in six or seven easy steps.

The real team that gets a pass every year are the Teflon Trojans. If they had PSU’s schedule they might go 8-4 out of boredom. If we could get an MS Paint/Mac Paintbrush explaination for that, it would unlock cold fusion.

I prefer the ass biryani. Comes out much more solid.

Ok then, if OU met OSU in the Title game – who comes out on bottom? My gut feeling is OSU but I’m sure there is a MS Paint solution to the problem.

meatybob @ #8,

Gotta touch a state to be a state.

@23, I fear this for my Razorbacks this weekend…especially our “defense”.

1. -

The point is that Oklahoma has lost their fair share and maybe more than their fair share of big games. Their record isn’t quite as lopsided as Ohio State’s, but they’re also not Florida, who probably wins four out of five big games, or USC, who wins just about every big game and then blows the little ones.

Science!

http://bit.ly/2Jd2PF

Once Old Tressel employes the Chewbacca Defense, all that dick stuff will stop.

Trust me.

Are there no great truths that cannot be illustrated perfectly in MS Paint? I submit to you the following additional evidence:

http://i45.photobucket.com/albums/f78/help_two/stoops.jpg

+1 on the ass vindaloo observation. That there is some quality writin’.

I envy your geospatial skills.

Stupid Pill Dept:

Looks like the Crabster took a handful of his stupid pills again today. Teflon Trojans? Gimme a break. I was going to let this hangin’ curve go, but could not resist taking an easy whack at it….

USC is the only program that has had 7 consecutive 11-game winning seasons. Could USC extend it to 8 this year? (Not sure.)

And USC’s 14-2 record against traditional rivals under Pete C is not too shabby either.

I’ll take Cheer-Leader Pete Carroll over Cheaty-McSweater-vest Tressell any day of the week.

Now back to our discussion regarding which program gets more bad publicity for sucking the big one, tOSU or OU.

Can’t argue with the logic in that Orson.

Quick reminder: Ohio State beat Kansas State in 2003 (Fiesta Bowl) – the same Kansas State team that pasted OU 35-7 in the Big 12 Championship Game.

Ohio State is also 28-5-1 all time against the Big 12 conference.

I want to see Crabapple Buck and SKLM have a good ole fashon duel

Greetings Dept:

Greetings TAFKastOSUB! Glad to read your commentary again. Makes much more sense than the Crabster’s delusional rantings.

1. - I’d beat Crabapple quite easily. But, He/She would probably shoot himself/herself first sort of like Plaxico Burress of the NY football Jints (who is getting 2 years for that act of stupidity)

I would add:

Visceral hatred of all things Big Ten that has forever existed in the Southeast. OSU became an easy focal point.

2002 media gushing over OSU that started right after the Texas win. Some of us that followed OSU knew better. We had a pedestrian defense, at best, shaky line play, and Mr total lack of adjustments at the helm. Predictable result against an excellent, fired up UF team.

A shitty system for determining a college football “champion” that leaves fans of a lot of teams justifiably enraged about being left out of the discussion.

meh… all of the great ones suck at something.

Know why it’s called an Achilles’ Heel? Because it’s named after fuckin’ ACHILLES.

I will say that in a previous career, I was doing IT support for a nonprofit maker of fine documentary films (and purveyor of nativistic pornography to callow youth) and worked with somebody making a film about Muay Thai. They got it in their head that Jason Statham would make an ideal narrative voice-over. As it turns out, Statham was highly enthusiastic and did the voice work gratis just so he could say he’d been in National Geographic.

His agent, however? COLOSSAL dick. So by the transitive property, your pic will do nicely.

Also, Chokelahoma.

The Oracle of Fargo? Really?

that’s it. i’m packing up and moving to omaha.

i’m not sure if i’m going to be a billionaire or a serial killer, though. i guess i’ll decide when i get there!

Yes, but this theory doesn’t account for Florida. If the population is heavily weighted to the east and west coast, one could deduct that Florida would have slipped in the rankings as Tennessee helped to point out the fallacy that is the 2009 Gators.

However, once you get into the backwaters of Gator country, rapid localism would have to play into the formula.

The formula would go something like this:

(x – y) n
-——
Z

In which:
x = number of eyes watching said dick (ie. Florida)
y = number of teeth held by y
n = residence of x
z = level of dickness of coach

And while one would think that since in Florida’s case, since Z is from Ohio that would in turn lower the level of dickness, this theory returns a false positive. Although Z did get his master’s at Ohio State, unlike most of the great college football coaches (Pete Carroll, Bo Schembechler, the list goes on), Z did not coach at Ohio State.

And while BGs got a great hockey team but that has little to no bearing on z.

As usual, SKLM in his infinite ability to evade the question points out how Pete’s knob tastes great and fills him less. Which might explain why he gets a pass, because “fans” like you don’t demand it of him, just every other team. I guarantee if Tress were to lose after every big win, he would have to wear asbestos underwear. As great as ComPete’s record is, he has lost some real head scratchers. Thems the facts.

We can go back and every team has lost games they shouldnt have…OSU, USC, Florida, LSU , OU, etc… The problem is the system and how these losses effect the NC outcome..Because there are only two teams playing for the title the eyes are so much tighter on the wins and who your team has lost to…If there was an eight team playoff for example would anyone care that OSU was beaten by USC in a18-15 nailbiter? Or if OSU was the 8th seed having to play the number one team in the country and lost to them? These so called “big games” wouldnt exist because you are not trying to get to the 1 or 2 spot but just in the top 8…. Would people care that OU stunk it up in the first playoff game? No because you would probably rather play the other team!! See it clearly all goes back to the Damn BCS…

PS- getting to work on MS paint to better illustrate my point!

@45

Ummm…. Urban Meyer did coach at Ohio State in 1986 (TEs) and 1987 (WRs).

Sorry to interrup the delightful bit of hate going between the USC and OSU camps, but Royce, maybe I’m misreading Orson here, but it seems like one of the underlying assumptions of this artfully scientific explanation is that the team do particularly well in conference. To wit: “Oklahoma has a far more impressive resume in the department of championship fail, and mimics O[S]U’s pattern of winning their conference, getting to a BCS bowl, and then depositing a shovelful of ass vindaloo into their collective shorts on national television.” Your list of big wins only includes one non-conference opponent, Big East Champ Cincinnati. No offense (and I’m a Georgia fan, so believe me I mean it), but I don’t know if that’s enough to hang your hat on…

Burn Dept:

Crabster…wow..you really burned me with that last “thems the facts” paragraph. Ha! What a joke.

Must be tough living with the fact that a minnow – UW – took out big fish USC, something your school-marm Tressel could not do, at home, in front of “the largest tOSU crowd evah” in front of the largest ESPN TV audience evah, blah, blah, blah.

Although the UW loss stings, the win over your tOSU i-dotters is looking better and better!!!!

CTT @#47

Are you making the case for or against a playoff? I honestly can’t tell.

Damn eastindy guy. Is there a winning coach out there who hasn’t coached at Ohio State at some point in his career?!

Now I need to go back and rework the formula. The dickness factor seems unusually high in this case throwing off the control.

Its the sweater-vest. It’s like the jagerbomb of douchyness.

@ SKLM – Your comments revealed something I overlooked as to why everyone loves to hate tOSU. You said “largest crowd evah”, “largest ESPN TV audience evah, blah, blah, blah..” Do you think any Buckeye cares about that? I’ve not read/heard any Buckeyes brag about these things. I think I speak for Buckeye Nation when I say we’ll clear out half the stadium and renounce our TV contracts if it meant one big-game win.

So is it jealousy, resentment, disbelief? A big-game losing streak yet there’s no loss of pride or passion. We draw well. Everyone wants tOSU in their bowl. All the while, Buckeye fans are obnoxiously resilient about our plight of big-game losses and overly confident towards our chances in the next match-up. (In Ohio, that’s the definition of being a fan, actually.) I can see why that would rub people the wrong way sometimes, but the hate seems to be excessive these days. Oh, well. O-H…

Response Dept:

#54: BN: USC fans did not make a big deal out of the past two wins over tOSU. I brought it up recently just because I like to whack The Crabster around some after he/she made one or more dumb comments involving the team that has dominated this USC-tOSU series recently.

So, there is no jealousy, resentment, disbelief, etc..over here in USC land. In LA Coliseum is usually sold out, TV ratings over the roof, fans of all shapes and sizes, blah, blah, blah…

College footbaw is better when the traditional powers (tOSU obvioulsy included) are going at it at full strength…especially during bowl season….

Who knows, in the near future Rich Rod might make your series with Michigan relevant again….

@SKLM – Good points. As for UM relevance, it’s overrated. I know it’s only a matter of time, but a guy can dream it’ll never come. In the interim, we’ll take as many Ws as we can get, thank you.

Ohio State’s been overrated for so long they’re now underrated. As anyone who’s bet on the other team to cover the spread in their past couple big games has found out. I’d be mad at them too if they cost me some cash.

@57, when OSU covers/beats spreads, I know shit has gon’ crazy.

@6:

To be fair, I had some palak paneer that, delicious as it was, probably looked better going out than coming in.

In Soviet Russia, spread beats/covers YOU!

So you’re saying we need to move Ohio State to Stillwater, OK and move Oklahoma State to Columbus and by this time next year everyone will be saying how much the Big 12 sucks?
Let’s do it. They wouldn’t even have to change their letterhead (OSU).

A lot of good coaches coached at Ohio State, or are from Ohio, including Meyer, Pete Carroll, Lou Holtz, Woody Hayes, Bo Schembechler, Les Miles, Ron Zook, Bob Stoops, Bo Pelini………I’m sure there are even some more I’m missing.

Back to the topic, Rittenberg is right that OU doesn’t take as much heat as Ohio State, but the real reason(s) for that are because Ohio State is a bigger deal, a bigger school, have more alumni, and are just more relevant and noteworthy than some Podunk ass-backwards hick school in Norman Oklahoma….

Go Bucks!

HD—Founder—BlockOnation