EDSBSGPS: WHERE WE AT, WEEK 3

“I got myself a plan!!!”

Cal @ Minnyhaha
Nebraska @ Va Tech
SMU at Wazzu (radio)
Tech at Texas

I am dreading this game more and more…every day we lose another defender. Flipping my tix on Stubhub for an 80% profit is looking like a wise move.

From in front of the out-of-town in-laws’ huge HDTV and dish:

Cal-Minn (dawn patrol)
Florida-Al Qaeda
Vanderbilt-MSST (assuming ESPN360 works over VPN back to the office)
ND-MSU
West Fuckin’ Virginia-AU

@ the Grove in Oxford drinking a bloody mary and watching Urban Meyer reenact the torture scene from Casino Royale on Lane Kiffen,

Where else would I be during Hate Week’s climax? Section 6, row 31, seat 25 of the center of the universe for the VOL-O-CAUST.

UNC vs ECU – drankin’ at da house
BC vs Clem’s Son – drankin’ somewhere else
Aubarn vs West F’n Virginia – drankin’ with the WVU Alumni at Matty’s
All goes down in ChuckTown South Cakalacki, thank you.

Well, I’ll be AT the Auburn v. WVU game, cheering on the Mountaineers!

I will be attending the Hogs game. Kickoff is at 6:30 PM, so I’ll be spending the morning reciting an intense imprecatory prayer against Georgia. We need the win, and pirates hate ninjas.

Nachos and rice tacos at Marlow’s Taco shack pair perfectly with snuck-in scotch.

Glood luck all! (not Georgia, natch)

- East Carolina @ UNC
- Wofford @ Wisconsin (potential cheeseocalypse)
- Ohio State vs. Toledo in Cleveland

It Might Get Loud @ The Modern, Fort Worth

- Kiffykins @ Florida
- Dantonio Face @ Frontbutt
- Nebraska @ Virginia Tech
- FIU @ Rutgers (on the hopes a nuclear warhead will be detonated during the game)
- Cincinnati @ Oregon State
- West Fucking Virginia @ Auburn
- Texas Tech @ Texas

Games I will not be watching:

- Florida State @ BYU, because I have DIRECTV and therefore no Versus – not that I mind. Fuck you Comcast.
- Charleston Southern @ USF, because we were supposed to play FIU and then Rutgers stole them out from under us at the last minute (see comment about nuclear warhead above). This game will not be televised. At all. You have to pay $10 to watch it online. Not worth it.

-Cal@Minnesota seat 8C en route to Austin
-Tennessee @ Florida from the tailgate
-Texas Tceh@ Texas sec 107, Row 48, seat 15

Hook ’Em.

Early- Cal @ Minn, Louvul @ Kentucky

Midday- Hatefest, Sparty @ ND

Early evening-FSU@BYU (Comcast FTW!), UGA@Arkansas

Late nite- ULM@ASU, Floyd Jr vs whatshisnameIcantremember

Here’s to hoping ASU’s tide doesn’t ge rolled.

Spending the AM – 2ish: In the library outlining Torts (HOORAY!!!)
3:30 – TILL THE FIELD IS COVERED WITH DAY GLO ORANGE: Volocaust/“Rivalry Game”/Blood Bath/I want to see blood. GO GATORS!!!!
UgA@Piggies
Pirates@BBQ

May I say now, it will be fucking GLORIOUS to hear Uncle Verne tomorrow. BE STILL MY HEART!!!!

Had I the equipment/drive, I’d make a fortune tomorrow selling Kiffin-shaped creamsicles.

From Buenos Aires, Argentina — P2P gods willing — I will look in on Florida-Tennessee, a tasty appetizer for the main course of Texas-overmatched opponent. . . . It will be accompanied by a lovely steak, full bodied malbec, and for dessert the entrails of Tech receivers. Yummy.

From the synagouge, I will attempt to start the New Year off right by being humble and contrite.

That will last until 12:31, when I’ll be watching the UNC @ ECU game.

Saturday’s Agenda (all times MST):

5:00-5:30: Remove pork butt from brine, apply rub, place in oven
5:30-7:59: Pretend to sleep, resist urge to touch self to Tebow GQ cover
8:00-10:00: Guzzle coffee, quietly loathe Herbstreit, covet Fowler’s job
10:00-13:30: Seethe w/anticipatory rage, pretend to care about Cal-Minny, Pirates-Heels
13:30-17:00: HATE HATE HATE (mainline pig drippings and bourbon) HATE HATE HATE HATE
17:00-??: Pick fights, joyfully taunt Vols, make series of questionable life choices, pass out in pool of indeterminate liquid with huge shit-eating grin on face after 56-3 Gators win

Section 8, Row 11

Hopefully sporting a Hello, Kiffin! t-shirt procured somewhere along University Ave..

In any event, the Bride and I will be wielding matching “Marry Me Tebow” posters.

From a couch in Philadelphia and constantly checking scores on the computer.

Noon: California at Minnesota / Shitty Big 10 games
3:30: Tennessee at Florida (For Uncle Verne’s intro if nothing else)
Whenever Florida’s done curb-stomping the Vols: Nebraska at Virginia Tech (ESPN360) Damn you, ABC!! / Michigan State at Notre Dame
Prime Time: Florida State at BYU / Georgia at Arkansas / West Fuckin’ Virginia at Auburn / Texas Tech at Texas
Night cap: Kansas State at UCLA

Noon: Preparing for a wine party.
3:30 : The Tim Tebow Holy Snuff Film Fest
7:30 : Praying that Snidely Whiplash embarrasses the Dawgs

3:30 = “I love the fact that Urban had to cheat and still didn’t get him.”
8:00 = “Crabtree. Pulls free. And, touchdown Red Raiders with a second to go.”

1100 – At BDS, Section GG, row 11, thanks to well connected friends in Monkeytown.
Rest of day – drinking beer on the quad at the tent while watching Urb ruin the pumpkins, dreaming about sloppy seconds in october.

At HQ Control here in the Metroplex. As always, chock full of the hotness in key precincts.

The main events:

ULaLa @ LSU

Vols @ Florida – Uncles Verne and Gary are back! And so is Kissin’ Cousin Tracy. Just in time for the
bloodsport this game will most resemble.

TT @ Tex-ass

USC @ Dawgs – Saw this matchup in person in SEA two years ago, including Rey indoctrinating Locker into
The Wonderful World of Concussions.

On The Menu: Pizza and frosty mugs of beer to quench that thirst.

Don’t forget ’Bama:

http://makefunofmyfriends.com/redneck-friends/you-motorboating-son-of-a-bitch/

In Gainesville, watching this:

http://tinyurl.com/lofqpw

WARNING: Goya cares not for your trite sensibilities.

“Stampede Earl!”

At home drinking & watching the following games:
California@Minnesota
Nebraska@Virginia Tech (Won’t be pretty but should be competitive)
Georgia@Arkansas (Go Hogs Go!)

Other games I’ll keep an eye or two on:
Florida State@BYU
West Virginia@Auburn
Tennessee@Florida (I think Tennessee is Aldeeran in this game)
Connecticut@Baylor
East Carolina@North Carolina (Good chance for ECU to get another big win)
Kansas State@UCLA
Tulsa@Oklahoma (That game could be alot closer than OU is comfy with)
Texas Tech@Texas (It’s Talk Like A Pirate Day!)
Nevada@Colorado State
Utah@Oregon
UL Lafayette@LSU (Is an upset here too much to ask?)
Central Arkansas@Western Kentucky (Go UCA!)
Louisville@Kentucky
Southeastern Louisiana@Ole Miss (Houston Nutt annoys me now)
Arizona@Iowa (Both undefeated so…may be good)
Cincinnati@Oregon State (My pick for one of the best games of the day)
USC@Washington (USC will win but not by as much as they may want)
Indiana@Akron (Indiana is 2-0 and W could mean maybe a bowl season)
Eastern Michigan@Michigan (Tate Forcier continues to roll)
Michigan State@Notre Dame (ND straight up. I just feel it’s time)
Navy@Pittsburgh (Could Wannstache actually have a good team?)
SMU@Washington State (I say bowl season for SMU)
Virginia@Southern Mississippi (And things officially get worse for UVA)

10am: A rainy graveside in Cullman, AL watching an old friend get buried.

after that, Bama on the radio and Irish Whiskey.

Dateline: Omaha, NE
Comestibles: My 8 pepper chili
Libations: Beck’s Dark, Gin and tonic neat
Festivities: Cal covering 14 at Minny; Alabama not covering -39.5 (on the radio); the Volocaust; Barn-Hillbillies (c’mon, guys, you can get over 56.5); probably checking in on the UT-TTU slapfight.

@ #24; Damn tough thing man, Thoughts & prayers.

Coming to you LIVE! from Athens, Georgia…

Gettin’ a haircut, crackin’ a beer (or 2 or 3) and…

Flippin’ ‘tween L’ville @ Kensucky and Golden Bears @ Golden Gophers for appetizers…

Tennessee @ Florida until it gets ugly, then flippin’ ’tween Sparty at ND and the cornchunkers at the Hokies.

Put boy to bed at 7:30.

Georgia at Arkansaw and lots of bourbon. If the Dawgs win, then we’re in good shape… if we lose it’s 4-4 at best going to the Jacksonville Game and I don’t want to think about that.

Prolly catch the tail end of Texas then it’s night cap/pass-out games on FSN: K-State @ UCLA and a little Hawaii action if I’m still conscious.

I’ve got Baylor laying 10, Texas laying 17.5 and getting 9 with the Maroons in Nashville.

I’ll be flipping through multiple games in the morning before heading out to Piscataway for FIU @ Rutgers. And then back to catch most of Texas Tech @ Texas and whatever nightcap game is out there.

Definitely DVRing The Gators stomping all over the Rocky Top Boys because I enjoy hilarity and vengeance in my college football blowouts.