EDSBS CASTING COUCH PICKS, WEEK 3

by Holly Anderson on Sep 18, 2009 3:26 PM EDT

#11 Ohio State @ Toledo
Ohio State IS Johnny Cash IN Walk the Line. Jim Tressel, you can't just keep doing the same songs over and over? And you sure as hell can't do it in front of a rabid crowd of people who've killed people? You are incorrect, record executive/football pundit. Sweatervest will trot out his shufflin', two-note bass line lovin' Tennessee Trio of an offense again and again until someone puts his head in the John Cooper memorial guillotine, confidently plowing ahead with convention in front of an audience condemned to imprisonment.

(Cleveland, San Quentin. Equivalencies of a sort.) Toledo may cover, sure, but Ohio State football is about beating people by seventeen points, max, be they Michigan or Toledo. His sidewalks are not meant for fancy walkin' in the least.

Holly: Aaron Opelt IS The Brave Little Toaster IN The Brave Little Toaster. The toast (sorry) of the MAC brings his flingin' arm up against its first real defensive test of the year. Will the Buckeyes rebound from last week's debacle when faced with a team that should by all rights be an easy target? Hayll, no. Toledo will cover that unconscionable 20.5 line at the very least, and in fact, let's pick them to win outright, because they're named "Rockets" and because if I picked against them, Toledo fans wouldn't send me poorly veiled and spellchecked death threats. Got a long car trip this afteroon, and I'll need the entertainment.

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Nice job avoiding the easy pop of “Lane Kiffin IS Ned Beatty in ‘Deliverance.’”

Brandon Spikes IS Anton Chigurh in “No Country For Old Men.”

by Silver Britches on Sep 18, 2009 3:35 PM EDT reply actions

ND vs Sparty Prediction:

Michigan State will win (again) at ND because they have better coaching.

Weiss, the fifth-year intern (who failed last week’s assignment) will be clowned again by another team with supposedly lesser talent.

Now this Pear Bryant is the real “Ned Beatty from Deliverance character”. Or, it could work the other way too…."Ned Beatty is ND’s administration (or student body) or ND fandom and Charlie Weis is the inbred rapist….

by Stacy Kiebler Luvs Me on Sep 18, 2009 3:44 PM EDT reply actions

Lane Kiffin,at least for the first half, is gonna play the role of every death scene from Final Destination 1-4, and as a encore for the 2nd half, will be every guy Charles Bronson kills in Death Wish 1-4….of course Urban Meyer plays the part of Death in the First Half, and Charles Bronson in the second, complete with leather Members Only jacket and a nickel plated Colt Police Positive .32 caliber gun.

by Mr.Pelican Pants on Sep 18, 2009 3:55 PM EDT reply actions

Holly, where did you get the “All Tomorrow’s Parties” tagline from? The book or the song?

by El Sombrero Grande on Sep 18, 2009 3:59 PM EDT reply actions

“The County Assessor will decide what real estate you can afford, Mr. Crompton. Considering your credit rating, it looks like you can afford nothing in the ZIP code of 32601. "

^
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Awesome.

by ALGator on Sep 18, 2009 4:06 PM EDT reply actions

Where’s the WVU vs Auburn pick? Pitt vs. Navy? Are you effing kidding me?

by eers2snow on Sep 18, 2009 4:11 PM EDT reply actions

Richt has lost two Western Division road games in 8 years, to eventual national champion LSU in ‘03 and eventual 13-0 Auburn in ’04. Just sayin’.

by Biggus Rickus on Sep 18, 2009 4:12 PM EDT reply actions

Did you just trash Johnny Cash? Seriously? FUCK YOU!

SC-UDub: perfect. So, in ‘11 Sark will drag a wheezy Pete Carroll out of a burning Rose Bowl? Or something? Old Pete could use the animatronic Darth body, though, from the sound of that Esquire profile the other day. He’s one creaky competitor!

Holly, I always found Theodin uninspiring. He’s sort of morose. “We can’t win” say the boys, and the king responds “No, we can’t, BUT WE WILL MEET THEM IN BATTLE NONETHELESS.” Truly inspiring. Much more so than St. Bobby’s rambling “pep-talk” from a crumpled piece of notepaper. Nice job.

by Gen. Stoopnagle on Sep 18, 2009 4:13 PM EDT reply actions

Holly will you marry me swoons

“Holly: Tate Forcier IS Pete IN Pete’s Dragon, with a special guest appearance by Rich Rodriguez as HOLY SHIT A DRAGON. "

by Chris from Gainesville on Sep 18, 2009 4:22 PM EDT reply actions

so you’re saying National Championship for the Hogs this year, Biggus?

AWESOME.

by Jerkwheat on Sep 18, 2009 4:26 PM EDT reply actions

Did you mean to say Bo Pellini is Alec Baldwin in THE EDGE?

by They call me......Tim on Sep 18, 2009 4:28 PM EDT reply actions

Texas IS The Member IN Tech Takes It Up The Shoot.

by allaha on Sep 18, 2009 4:35 PM EDT reply actions

So if Bowden is Theoden, is Jimbo Fisher Wormtongue? And Christian Ponder Eomir?

And does that make Bronco Mendenhall… Saruman? BYU Coach: Mormon; white sorcerer.

by CanuckDawg on Sep 18, 2009 4:36 PM EDT reply actions

Josh Nesbitt IS Sam IN I Am Sam

by Chris from Gainesville on Sep 18, 2009 4:41 PM EDT reply actions

This just in, “California will visit Austin, Sept. 12, 2015…In 2016, Texas will travel to Cal for a Sept 10 game.”

http://www.statesman.com/blogs/content/shared-gen/blogs/austin/longhorns/entries/2009/09/18/texas_adds_minn.html

GO BEARS!

by Anonymous IV on Sep 18, 2009 4:44 PM EDT reply actions

I don’t think I can possibly pick against Texas Tech on Talk Like A Pirate Day. This is “planets aligning” shit, here.

by TJ on Sep 18, 2009 5:02 PM EDT reply actions

Picking against UGA? Really?

Hmm.. need to go back and catch up on my stats for this year

by Red and Black on Sep 18, 2009 7:07 PM EDT reply actions

“And you sure as hell can’t do it in front of a rabid crowd of people who’ve killed people?”

As a sidenote, everyone kills people.

by Goblue98 on Sep 18, 2009 7:18 PM EDT reply actions

tOSU beat Michigan 42-7, Sir Orson. And Holly, someone will be along with haphazardly written, grammatically incorrect death threats shortly.

by Buck Nasty on Sep 19, 2009 12:06 AM EDT reply actions

Orson—Thanks for the pick/insight on the Hogs game. Hope you are correct. Really hope so.
A side note: consider Mitch “Fall Camp Facial Hair” Mustain this next Wednesday.

http://www.trojanwire.com/images/mitch-mustain-mustache.jpg

by Hogg o Hoggins on Sep 19, 2009 12:54 AM EDT reply actions