LANE PIFFIN
Balls: it is a bar in Gainesville, and also a state of mind allowing you to think of genius Hate Week moves like this:
(HT: GatorSports.) That is a stencil and not a sticker, so it will remain on the urinal until years of focused urine blast it off the porcelain. The average intake at Balls per customer is something around 38 beers per person per night, so this should only be a matter of a few weeks before it fades. Shame; pair it with a toilet stencil of Bobby Bowden with his mouth open at the bottom of a bowl, and we’d have the ideal bathroom for Gator fans everywhere. (Better yet, write “Music City Bowl” for maximum effect on the side.)
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1
TCOAN says:
I don’t know. Looks more like Ed Orgeron than Kiffikins to me.
September 17th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
2
Doctor Strange says:
Toss in a Nick Saban urinal cake and you’d really have something.
September 17th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
3
Claws says:
Sweet. My wife wants a bidet and this may be the compromise she’ll have to live with.
September 17th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
4
mlmintampa says:
Balls has waterless urinals now? I guess this is part of Bernie Machen’s plan to clean up the Midtown bars. First 21 and up only, now ecofriendly toilets.
September 17th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
5
Tim says:
WTF, Gainesville has a “midtown?”
September 17th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
6
Croc says:
Maybe they could stencil the visiting locker urinals at the Swamp. That would be classy.
September 17th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
7
Jim Bob Cooter says:
Midtown IS Gainesville. O, Gator Shitty, how I miss thee…
September 17th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
8
BALLS Patron says:
There is a man in jorts slamming PBRs in a can somewhere in Alachua County right now…and he is officially a published artist. Go Gators.
September 17th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
9
dgdawg says:
@4 – the ecofriendly flushless urinal definately is weak. Got no place in a respectable college dive bar.
September 17th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
10
Chris from Gainesville says:
@ #5:
Yeah all the bars on University Avenue West of about 6th street is considered “midtown.” The bars on Main and University are considered “downtown.” Kinda dumb distinction if you ask me.
September 17th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
11
Bozbo says:
Wait..
This is still considered irony and not actually self-flagellation, right?
September 17th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
12
Never Saw Molly Hatchet says:
Saban urinal cakes would go nicely with Bear shit, in or out of the woods.
September 17th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
13
BoozeHound says:
Correction: The average intake at Balls per customer is something around 38 double bourbons per person per night
September 17th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
14
TampaGatorGal says:
I was going to say, “Aww…that dump is still open. And, nice job!” but then the whole “midtown” thing came up…
GO Gators!
oh, it’s all quite amusing to see and hear how time rolls out in a place frozen in one’s mind (no matter how often you return/visit) Admittedly, I do miss the old Porpoise, and sadly, the epitome of college slop bar, the original CJ’s off 34th and Archer (by the Winn Dixie- wahoo!). I managed to hang on to one of the old hot pink cups, with the infamous tagline up until about a year ago. of course, that’s just missing long ago days…nonetheless, Hate Week is timeless!
September 17th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
15
Kiffin Cakes says:
I think the Midtown/Downtown distinction makes sense. Ever tried to walk (stumble) from downtown back to campus, or the student ghetto? It’s a long ass way.
Balls is great.
Wait…what?
September 17th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
16
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
Being a former college patron of like minded bars, I for one, am glad cell phones with cameras didnt exist back then, and them walls in them bars dont talk.
September 17th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
17
Benny says:
Brilliant but I don’t know if I would want to stencil a dirty ass urinal that’s taken in hundreds of gallons of urine.
September 17th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
18
yoyofutbawl says:
1
No way. He’d be grabbing your thang and burning it. Thermite, baby.
That is JC, er, Jonathan Crompton. He’s too busy looking staring down the CB. And for 5 seconds until he passes. To Him. That’s why he’s there. He’s not going to throw you the ball, Mr Jones.
Even my UT (Miss Florida Majorette of ….. (cant insert year) via Boca Ciega HS, ST Augie) honey pie is PO’ed. But, she sed the giant catfish is more accomplished. And can bi-cycle purty good all the way from the vanoy to dali. Without an interception. And will be a special addition to Ted Peters’ Menu dat night.
September 17th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
19
Lawyer over the line, sweet jesus says:
The Music City Bowl is where quality teams like Vanderbilt play; the ACC runner-up this past season FUCK YOU ORSON IF YOU INSULT THE BOWL MY TEAMS PLAYS IN AGAIN I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU YES THIS IS A WRITTEN THREAT was trounced by that quality SEC team last year. If you have any questions, feel free to email. Hope everyone is having a nice day.
September 17th, 2009 at 11:46 pm
20
TampaGatorGal says:
yoyofutbawl! really? cross the Bay salute! (wait a minute…your honey pie went to a lot of schools!) hmmm….
September 18th, 2009 at 12:06 am
21
UFmegood says:
727/813 Gator crew holler.
Someone bring me a quart of Ted Peters potato salad and a quart of their fish spread for the tailgate Saturday. You will be rewarded handsomely.
September 18th, 2009 at 7:58 am
22
ALGator says:
All these comments and sharing of memories.. bring a tear to me eye… GOD I love football season!
September 18th, 2009 at 8:33 am
23
You Gotta Have Em says:
I work at that bar, and pissed in that urinal last night. And yes, it’s 38 bourbon and cokes….
Let The Big Gator Eat!!!!!!!!
September 18th, 2009 at 9:31 am
24
Jesse says:
I’d hate to be the janitor who has to clean the turds out of the urinal every night.
September 18th, 2009 at 9:46 am
25
Craig says:
The real trajedy here is that Balls patrons will hardly even take notice of the fact that “HEATHER IS HOT” anymore.
September 18th, 2009 at 10:03 am
26
Jack Burton34 says:
That’s a brilliant urine control scheme. Usually there is Dead Sea size puddle of urine sitting on the floor of the men’s bathroom at Balls. Even the drunkest 18 year old will be able to focus for the 37 second it takes him to drain his bladder. Much less mopping will be needed. Check that, Balls uses urine as its floor finish for their bathrooms.
September 18th, 2009 at 10:11 am
27
buddy randolph says:
I see Eric Mangini….
September 18th, 2009 at 10:42 am
28
Rob says:
Looks more like Gene Chizik to me.
…
This isn’t a Rorschach test, is it?
September 18th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
29
DukeOfDway says:
Balls is the kinda bar that you visit with a 20 pinned to your shirt to get some head about halfway through your regiment of double-bourbon-&-cokes
September 18th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
30
Reaganite says:
It looks like they grabbed the Gene Chizik stencil instead of Lame Kiffin, doesn’t it?
September 18th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
31
G8RGR8 says:
Bobby Bowden toilet stencil is not necessary. Gator fans love Bobby Bowden; they just hate FSU.
September 18th, 2009 at 11:28 pm