LANE PIFFIN

by Orson on Sep 17, 2009 5:08 PM EDT Comment 31 comments

Balls: it is a bar in Gainesville, and also a state of mind allowing you to think of genius Hate Week moves like this:

(HT: GatorSports.) That is a stencil and not a sticker, so it will remain on the urinal until years of focused urine blast it off the porcelain. The average intake at Balls per customer is something around 38 beers per person per night, so this should only be a matter of a few weeks before it fades. Shame; pair it with a toilet stencil of Bobby Bowden with his mouth open at the bottom of a bowl, and we'd have the ideal bathroom for Gator fans everywhere. (Better yet, write "Music City Bowl" for maximum effect on the side.)

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I don’t know. Looks more like Ed Orgeron than Kiffikins to me.

by TCOAN on Sep 17, 2009 5:12 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Toss in a Nick Saban urinal cake and you’d really have something.

by Doctor Strange on Sep 17, 2009 5:17 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Sweet. My wife wants a bidet and this may be the compromise she’ll have to live with.

by Claws on Sep 17, 2009 5:21 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Balls has waterless urinals now? I guess this is part of Bernie Machen’s plan to clean up the Midtown bars. First 21 and up only, now ecofriendly toilets.

by mlmintampa on Sep 17, 2009 5:23 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

WTF, Gainesville has a “midtown?”

by Tim on Sep 17, 2009 5:46 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Maybe they could stencil the visiting locker urinals at the Swamp. That would be classy.

by Croc on Sep 17, 2009 6:03 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Midtown IS Gainesville. O, Gator Shitty, how I miss thee…

by Jim Bob Cooter on Sep 17, 2009 6:17 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

There is a man in jorts slamming PBRs in a can somewhere in Alachua County right now…and he is officially a published artist. Go Gators.

by BALLS Patron on Sep 17, 2009 6:20 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

@4 – the ecofriendly flushless urinal definately is weak. Got no place in a respectable college dive bar.

by dgdawg on Sep 17, 2009 6:55 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

@ #5:

Yeah all the bars on University Avenue West of about 6th street is considered “midtown.” The bars on Main and University are considered “downtown.” Kinda dumb distinction if you ask me.

by Chris from Gainesville on Sep 17, 2009 7:25 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Wait..

This is still considered irony and not actually self-flagellation, right?

by Bozbo on Sep 17, 2009 7:32 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Saban urinal cakes would go nicely with Bear shit, in or out of the woods.

by Never Saw Molly Hatchet on Sep 17, 2009 8:51 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Correction: The average intake at Balls per customer is something around 38 double bourbons per person per night

by BoozeHound on Sep 17, 2009 9:05 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

I was going to say, “Aww…that dump is still open. And, nice job!” but then the whole “midtown” thing came up…
oh, it’s all quite amusing to see and hear how time rolls out in a place frozen in one’s mind (no matter how often you return/visit) Admittedly, I do miss the old Porpoise, and sadly, the epitome of college slop bar, the original CJ’s off 34th and Archer (by the Winn Dixie- wahoo!). I managed to hang on to one of the old hot pink cups, with the infamous tagline up until about a year ago. of course, that’s just missing long ago days…nonetheless, Hate Week is timeless! :) GO Gators!

by TampaGatorGal on Sep 17, 2009 9:23 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

I think the Midtown/Downtown distinction makes sense. Ever tried to walk (stumble) from downtown back to campus, or the student ghetto? It’s a long ass way.

Balls is great.

Wait…what?

by Kiffin Cakes on Sep 17, 2009 9:39 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Being a former college patron of like minded bars, I for one, am glad cell phones with cameras didnt exist back then, and them walls in them bars dont talk.

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Sep 17, 2009 10:03 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Brilliant but I don’t know if I would want to stencil a dirty ass urinal that’s taken in hundreds of gallons of urine.

by Benny on Sep 17, 2009 10:47 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

No way. He’d be grabbing your thang and burning it. Thermite, baby.

That is JC, er, Jonathan Crompton. He’s too busy looking staring down the CB. And for 5 seconds until he passes. To Him. That’s why he’s there. He’s not going to throw you the ball, Mr Jones.

Even my UT (Miss Florida Majorette of ….. (cant insert year) via Boca Ciega HS, ST Augie) honey pie is PO’ed. But, she sed the giant catfish is more accomplished. And can bi-cycle purty good all the way from the vanoy to dali. Without an interception. And will be a special addition to Ted Peters’ Menu dat night.

by yoyofutbawl on Sep 17, 2009 11:44 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

The Music City Bowl is where quality teams like Vanderbilt play; the ACC runner-up this past season FUCK YOU ORSON IF YOU INSULT THE BOWL MY TEAMS PLAYS IN AGAIN I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU YES THIS IS A WRITTEN THREAT was trounced by that quality SEC team last year. If you have any questions, feel free to email. Hope everyone is having a nice day.

by Lawyer over the line, sweet jesus on Sep 18, 2009 12:46 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

yoyofutbawl! really? cross the Bay salute! (wait a minute…your honey pie went to a lot of schools!) hmmm….

by TampaGatorGal on Sep 18, 2009 1:06 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

727/813 Gator crew holler.

Someone bring me a quart of Ted Peters potato salad and a quart of their fish spread for the tailgate Saturday. You will be rewarded handsomely.

by UFmegood on Sep 18, 2009 8:58 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

All these comments and sharing of memories.. bring a tear to me eye… GOD I love football season!

by ALGator on Sep 18, 2009 9:33 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

I work at that bar, and pissed in that urinal last night. And yes, it’s 38 bourbon and cokes….

Let The Big Gator Eat!!!!!!!!

by You Gotta Have Em on Sep 18, 2009 10:31 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

I’d hate to be the janitor who has to clean the turds out of the urinal every night.

by Jesse on Sep 18, 2009 10:46 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

The real trajedy here is that Balls patrons will hardly even take notice of the fact that “HEATHER IS HOT” anymore.

by Craig on Sep 18, 2009 11:03 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

That’s a brilliant urine control scheme. Usually there is Dead Sea size puddle of urine sitting on the floor of the men’s bathroom at Balls. Even the drunkest 18 year old will be able to focus for the 37 second it takes him to drain his bladder. Much less mopping will be needed. Check that, Balls uses urine as its floor finish for their bathrooms.

by Jack Burton34 on Sep 18, 2009 11:11 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs