NUMBERED OBSERVATIONS ON A GAMEDAY IN COLUMBUS
by Orson on Sep 14, 2009 9:26 AM EDT
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1. Uniforms. Columbus, Ohio is the kind of place where people, in one regard or another, still respect the notion of a uniform. This makes sense; this is where Professor Hayes wore a short sleeve white button down, a tie that appeared to be fitted for a man a full foot shorter than Hayes, geek glasses, a black hat, and pants pulled up to his navel no matter the weather, all the while wondering what particular handbasket the world had decided to go to hell in, and how he could put the hippies in it and send it to Gay Commie China or wherever the hell they wanted to take this fine, red-blooded America to in the first place.
Columbus is still the kind of place where people wear a uniform, and not just a code.
In the SEC, sure, there's a code. There are floppy-haired Alabamian fraternarians in white oxfords, ties, and slacks, accompanied by women in the sundress of the moment, the bubble dress, and wearing equally bubbly sunglasses.
(If I may have a Project Runway moment: the bubble dress is the least flattering dress we've ever seen adopted en masse by large groups of women. On a woman with curves, the dress bunches into the great divide, something that should be titillating for a male viewer, but is instead just calls attention to swamp ass, or worse still, the notion that your ass is devouring the dress in whole bites. On skinny women, it looks like you've just wrapped them in a tablecloth.)
There is a difference, though, between a code and an out and out uniform. The cops wear the uniforms featured on policemen in children's books, a white-capped, well-ironed ensemble just beaming with civic responsibility. Contrast this with a Sun Belt city like Atlanta or Miami, where police uniforms make the Protect and Servers of this world look like HVAC repair techs with guns.
These are people who like uniforms, formality, order. Buckeye fans follow suit: nine out of every ten Buckeye fans wear a not-inexpensive Buckeye jersey, a scarlet OSU kit with a custom number. The number matters: within the uniformity of it all, the digits tell a lot about you. A "36" implies Spielman-type tenacity and grit, while the more classically-minded don the "45" or Archie Griffin. A woman in our group had on a Herbstreit, met with a jovial "What the fuck are you wearing that for?" by another group of Buckeye fans. To the man we saw with the Clarett "13," well, cheers to your immense testicularity and devotion. The guy in the Art Schicter jersey salutes you in brotherhood.
2. The Wash 'n Tan in Columbus is ready when you are, cracker. Consider the infinite loop created here: greasy and smeary from fake tanner or the residue from a fresh broasting in a tanning bed, you carry your clean clothes home and wear them, thus covering them in a thick layer of bronzer or suntan lotion. So you go back to the laundry, then decide to tan while you're bored and soon you've lost your house to your unfortunate obsession with tanning and hyper-clean laundry. These people will own their own gold mines filled with charismatic dwarves soon enough.
3. Columbus is second in the nation in "number of sketchy men of questionable means orbiting the city center on bicycles." The first is St. Petersburg, Florida. Columbus has a fair number of sketchy men period hanging out on the street, including two gentlemen we passed on the way into campus who had this conversation/piece of street theatre in front of us:
Man One: Say something smart like that I will bust your fucking lip open, motherfucker.
Man Two: [ICY GAZE]
Man One: Yeah. Bitch.
Man Two: [ICIER GAZE]
We could all assume this was genuine, or we can assume this was a stirring rendition of a scene from The Wire practiced by a plucky street improv troupe. We'll assume the latter.
4. Buckeye fans are, on the whole, a civil militia in all senses of the word civil. Civil in their adherence to rule, to order, to their devotion to Ohio State football. It is complete and undying, as anyone who saw the red horde bellowing for four quarters against USC would attest. We couldn't get into the game for less than a wallet-scorching sum, so we ended up trekking the two miles back to the house off King street where a complete stranger had invited us to stay. (Again: civil, see definition. He had bathrobes and meth-grade coffee ready in the morning. This was not atypical of the treatment.)
From the front porch you could hear the missed field goal by USC in the first half. Despite a subdued pregame environment, they showed up in fierce, committed, and organized numbers, even when we suspect many of them knew Jim Tressel would get a five point lead and work it like he was sitting on fifty points against Tulane. (And he did.)
Civil can also mean friendly, cordial, which the man in the picture above certainly was. Buckeye fans as a rule are either young, iron-pumping men who wear baseball caps backward and look suspiciously at men who say more than ten words at a time, or they are the older, thicker-necked, cigar-smoking men those younger men become in their middle age. This guy was the latter, and was quite nice when we asked him to take a picture with us. How nice? This was the conversation we had during the taking of this photo.
Facepaint guy: Are you an Ohio State fan?
Orson: No. I went to Florida.
Facepaint guy: Ahhh. I punched a Florida fan once.
Orson: Ah. [/desperately tries to remember anything he might have learned from getting ass kicked by an MMA guy, discovers jackshit on hardrive under this tab.]
Facepaint guy: Don't worry. I'm not gonna punch you.
See? Perfectly civil people in every respect of the word. They didn't even punch a Florida fan. (The t-shirt also came courtesy of Peter, who insisted we wear it. It got rave reviews, though we questioned the approving looks, which either meant "Yeah, Wahoo is a racist mascot!" or "Yeah, white people!" It came from here, if you're interested.)
5. An immense, Bowling Green-orange H2 sat gorging premium gasoline from a pump at a gas station near campus. On the way out from purchasing hideous amounts of low-grade American beer in cans, we peeked into the cab and noticed this:
I was about to ask him what he was doing with a bottle of premium vodka and champagne sitting in the front seat. (After all, the champagne goes in the glove compartment in a bag of ice.) This question died in my mouth before I could really ask it, but the owner beat me to it, pointed at them, and said "That's what cupholders are for."
6. The aforementioned hideous amounts of beer in cans consumed in a single weekend at Ohio State.
Wisconsin fans probably consume more alcohol in a single weekend per capita, but that's because they are from Wisconsin, and thus drinking industrial grade solvents stolen from local businesses after they run out of beer. Ohio State fans have to lead the nation in canned domestic beer, something Michigan fans will mock by asking you when you tell them you're bound for Columbus "You gonna get a suitcase of Bud Light?" This is because Michigan fans are obviously the commies Professor Hayes shook his fist at from his fiefdom in Columbus, consuming fancy microbrews from bottles expensively purchased at the rate of six at a time.
Ohio State fans buy beer in bulk, and lug 12 and 24 packs to the tailgate like Tokyo salarymen checking into the office for the day. They also drink it like marathoners chugging electrolyte solution, albeit in red cups, because for some reason the police insist on playing wink-wink, nod-nod by enforcing open container on cans, but not on "the mysterious red solo cup of plausible deniability." This creates twice the trash for no reason whatsoever, but remember: order is the theme here, until it's not, of course, which is why Buckeye fans sometimes get pepper-sprayed by police, and why Germans (otherwise staid, orderly people) make the worst soccer hooligans.
7. USC fans have expensive eyewear. In fact, take the photo above to be an illustrated guide to the younger USC fan, albeit in a strange, foreign ecosystem where they get called "fag" a bit for that carefully chosen expensive eyewear.
(Ohio State fans lag behind the kings of homosexual taunting, Miami Hurricanes fans. If you were in a duel with a Canes fan and got the draw on him--which you would, because they would be toting a gun far too large to pull quickly, and most likely tucking it in the band of some shiny gym shorts--his last words clutching his mortal wound would be, quietly and with his last breath, a hissed "...fag..." before expiring. No one calls you a homosexual with greater frequency or intensity than a Miami fan, a special delight since they come from a city where they are surrounded by flamboyant and unapologetic homosexuals.)
The USC fans above display what happens when Los Angeles meets college football.
a.) Designer eyewear. Straight men unapologetically wearing designer eyewear. There's Dolce and Gabbana on them there noggins, something Ohio State fans would, when not being totally polite 90% of the time and saying things like "Welcome to Ohio!", point and note by suggesting they were gay for wearing. The Buckeye fan next to these guys held up his own knockoff Oakleys, took the cigar out of his mouth, and proudly announced "Fiftten dollars at a gas station!" That's how men buy sunglasses, dammit.
b.) Campy but fashionable individualized wear. The older Trojan fans stuck to what older guys wear to games--golf shirts, windbreakers, or branded hats--but younger SC fans had to carve out their own brahsomeness with custom gear: a USC scarf worn out of the back pocket of hundred dollar jeans, customized t-shirts, a spendy fitted worn Soulja Boy style. If Ohio State fans dress for service in the Buckeye militia, USC fans think of the game as an opportunity to accessorize.
c.) Hurr, did. USC guys have exactly as much metrosexual hairdo on their skulls as you would expect from Los Angelenos. By contrast, Ohio State fans seemed to depend on a hairdo we would call "a baseball cap." This consists of mashing a baseball cap over your bedhead, cracking a can of beer, and pronouncing yourself armed for the day's action.
d.) A deserved amount of noblesse oblige. They really do approach the game as a kind of polo match between betters and inferiors, cruising along with a brahsome cool garnered from years of watching Pete Carroll teams roll into exotic locales, get on their horses, and decimate the competition. To their credit, they are no more or less gloaty before or after the game; the USC fans we saw congratulated Ohio State fans and vice versa, though in USC's case it came in the manner of a British general taking a surrender while sipping a glass of sherry. "Oh, nice show. Now if you would, please...your full surrender, sir.
8. God looked down and said, "O-H, I-am going to keep you on the Job track, fortune-wise." Usually following a loss, a college town is filled with an ambient sullen rage. Columbus after the game seemed resigned to fate, however; around Short North, OSU and USC fans drank and ate contentedly. Down toward campus, no tear gas, no hooligan anger, no riot police wandering suspiciously, no incidents of dumpsters bearing the brunt of raging fans after the game. The result was clearly not offensive, if not satisfactory, to Ohio State fans, who took the whole thing in stride.
The following morning, scrambling to make the last flight out, I threw myself into a yellow Chevy Aveo and sped toward the airport. On the steps of a slightly dingy apartment house, an OSU student stood in his underwear with a fellow student in a Buckeye t-shirt. He'd just gotten something out of his car, but for a moment he stood like Woody Hayes did from time to time in the locker room after a loss, naked to the world and just daring you to ask him something.
I was clearly the interloper here, like a reporter pestering the pantsless Woody after a loss. There are things as an outsider I clearly didn't understand about Ohio State. That there are rules to be respected, a way for thing to be done, iso runs to call up the middle, sweatervests and ties to be worn. That in an army, nothing changes but the names. That's how you keep the troops marching, no matter the weather or outcome. Ohio State fans march on in straight rows, no matter the weather, because that is precisely how the Professor would have wanted it.
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Girl-outfit of the moment in Knoxville seems to be sundress with boots, cowboy or otherwise, plus obligatory bubble-glasses.
This has been your Monday Knoxville Fashion Blast. Haaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy!
by NativeSon on Sep 14, 2009 9:49 AM EDT reply actions
O, did any Buckeyes go “oh shit, lying mFer” after they went into the Dollar Tree and found out there was no tree?
by yoyofutbawl on Sep 14, 2009 9:50 AM EDT reply actions
That is the best thesis I have ever seen written about us. The Buckeye Army awards you our highest honor… a pair of golden pants. Come back anytime!
by bucksfan on Sep 14, 2009 10:02 AM EDT reply actions
I only had one guy lower his shoulder and try to knock me on my ass when I wasn’t looking while walking down the street in front of the Varsity Club after the game. It was probably my fault because I was wearing my SC baseball hat…overall it was a great time and the Buckeye fans were a lot of fun.
by chuy on Sep 14, 2009 10:07 AM EDT reply actions
My wife spent two years in grad school at OSU from Fall ‘07 to Spring ’09, and from that I can tell you that things have really cooled off regarding the Gators. She’d get harassed by random strangers for wearing her Florida hoodie near campus. It trickled off, especially after the title game loss to LSU, but it never fully stopped.
Also, I’m surprised you only saw 24 packs of beer. At the CVS at High and Lane, they sell 30 packs of Natty Light and PBR. The students at the apartments near there throw their empty cans on the lawn for the homeless people to collect for recycling money the next day. Pretty nice of them, actually.
by Year2 on Sep 14, 2009 10:10 AM EDT reply actions
Glad you made it out alive. Nice Piece
I’m not surprised that there were no riots in Columbus after the game….OSU fans are used to losing big games
by haybeav on Sep 14, 2009 10:10 AM EDT reply actions
After seven years spent inhabiting the wasteland that is Los Angeles, I can say that the picture of the SC fans is…just…about…perfect. (IMO the messenger bag is the piece de resistance…could be a camera bag strap, but I’m viewing it as a messenger bag a.k.a. the murse.)
by zzgator on Sep 14, 2009 10:12 AM EDT reply actions
Orson,
Subcommandante Wayne says fuck you and you don’t shit about columbus………………………..did you at least have a good time?
by justanotherbuckeye on Sep 14, 2009 10:19 AM EDT reply actions
Excellent post. I must comment on the bubble dress issue: I don’t get it. I mean, easy access is great, and I’m sure they’re supremely comfortable, but on 95% of otherwise very attractive women, they’re just not flattering.
by CKGator on Sep 14, 2009 10:20 AM EDT reply actions
Orson,
PLEASE tell us where you got that “Caucasians” shirt. I want it, and I want it NOW
by Dave on Sep 14, 2009 10:25 AM EDT reply actions
I respect your analysis and found your conclusions credible…I do, however, wonder how the structure required to meet the “osu uniform standards” can allow for a penchant to masturbate in libraries. If you could discuss your thoughts on this matter I would greatly appreciate it.
by sb on Sep 14, 2009 10:31 AM EDT reply actions
Great work Orson — I waited all weekend for this — the beat marches on in Columbus; football didn’t start in January of 2007 for Ohio State and 150 years after I am dead and gone the troops will continue to march. I wish you could have entered the stadium and felt the electricity – this was the loudest, most insane crowd I have ever seen. Even USC said it was the loudest and toughest place they have ever played.
by TAFKastOSUB on Sep 14, 2009 10:32 AM EDT reply actions
This column is a fraud. Orson’s Friday locator arrow was directed at DAYTON. Though I suspect the Wash and Tan is a statewide franchise, so the two locales are easily confused.
by Counter Trap on Sep 14, 2009 10:42 AM EDT reply actions
I am really glad you survived without injury or witnessing any high crimes or misdemeanors. You should have told me you didn’t have a ticket.
When I was leaving from Dayton to fly back home to Atlanta, a USC dad and son, who was about 8, were walking into the terminal. I mentioned that his son hasn’t lived thru a season of adversity, only the Carroll years. He probably has a skewed vision knowing only wins in big games, except for Texas. The dad assured me that the young Trojan fan is reminded of pre-Pete, but he will have to find out for himself what it is like. Dad thinks it may happen sooner than later, like possibly at Cal.
by Crabapple Buck on Sep 14, 2009 10:43 AM EDT reply actions
TAFK – “This was the loudest, most insane crowd I have ever seen”
Here’s hoping the Gator Nation takes a cue from the OSU crowd and provides the same atmosphere for TN. Except, of course, with a different outcome.
by hobeg8r on Sep 14, 2009 10:46 AM EDT reply actions
You forgot the clash at hineygate between the old Catholics rooting for the Golden Domers and the young ones that realize a UM win might silence Mark May. For 5 seconds.
Thank you for doing my town a service. You’re welcome back anytime.
by Beeps on Sep 14, 2009 10:48 AM EDT reply actions
Well captured snapshot.
I kind of loathe the “maid” shirt because it’s a divide that, for all intents and purposes, exists less and less in the L.A. universities (I know plenty of well-off douches who went to Westwood).
by Signal to Noise on Sep 14, 2009 10:48 AM EDT reply actions
Excellent post. It reminds me of the time I spent in Ohio. I got my fair share of verbal assault from the Buckeye nation as an LSU fan but, Columbus is a true college town in a big city.
What got me from this post is when you mention the word “fag” being thrown around. Which is ironic because you stayed on King Street, which, correct me if I’m worng, the center of the Columbus gay community, rivaled only by San Fransico.
by Kevin@LSU on Sep 14, 2009 10:53 AM EDT reply actions
“you actually gonna wear that purse or are you just fuckin’ with me?”
“it’s where i keep all my things. i get a lot of compliments on this. plus, it’s not a purse; it’s called a satchel. indiana jones wears one.”
by hungover on Sep 14, 2009 10:53 AM EDT reply actions
Awesome! Orson, please continue to attend games that have otherwise don’t matter to you. This article was Awesome. I also agree with your neutral yet home teamer attire! Sweet man, sweet. I am so wearing your t-shirt to TWLOCP.
by EDSBS Dawg on Sep 14, 2009 10:57 AM EDT reply actions
Orson,
An excellent read. If I may say so, numbers 7 an 8 were quite Hunter S Thompson-esque. You were only missing a mescaline trip and a bowie knife. Maybe next time.
You have successfully displayed the beauty of college football. In order to understand a people, you have to understand the nuances of their lives. This is the anti-Musberger approach, and we’re all better for it.
by Gov. William J. LePetomane on Sep 14, 2009 10:57 AM EDT reply actions
In regards to the bubble dress, I am sure there is an disgruntled designer who whispers in the Sorority Hive’s ear about what will be hip, then laughs once they actually start to wear it and it spreads like wildfire.
…and there werent any EDSBS fans to hook a brotha up for the game? tsk tsk tsk….
Dude, if you ever come this way for the Senior Bowl, holla at me. In fact, there should be a petition to erect an EDSBS Tailgating tent, with a shrine to Tebow, complete with live DJ, and a big ass banner, bar, and autograph table to rope unsuspecting former NFL players in with Swindles press credentials.
As far as the game, I cant make head or tails of it. I cant tell if they are both mediocre since losing so much talent to the NFL, or about the same talent level on both sides. I know Taylor Mays and Joe McKnight are big names, and Terrell Pryor on the other side, other than that, I think both teams will get losses on down the line…
Oh, if you miss any SEC games and want to see the replays..
www.secdigitalnetwork.com has all of them
by Mr. Pelican Pants on Sep 14, 2009 10:59 AM EDT reply actions
Fantastic. Incredibly well written, insightful, observant, and damned hilarious.
An observation, though: some tings you failed to mention in describing the interior of the Coach O wagon include the pill bottles, Marlboro reds, and black ‘n’ milds tucked in the center console. Also, if you look in front of the gear-shift, you’ll see something which the untrained eye could easily mistake as a crackpipe.
by The Ghost of Jay Cutler on Sep 14, 2009 11:05 AM EDT reply actions
Excellent job Orson!
As a graduate of both universities, I have to say that you nailed the essence of both the tOSU and USC fanbases there. And Columbus really is that surreal of a town.
by oc phil on Sep 14, 2009 11:30 AM EDT reply actions
Knoxville Fashion Blast question: Who are these ladies in the orange skirts and white blouses who sit next to the recruits? Is there a name for these kind volunteer escorts?
by Eric on Sep 14, 2009 11:39 AM EDT reply actions
Was that Mo’ Claretts H2? Where did he keep the guns?
And BTW, when did Auburn vs MSU become the Big 12 shootout of the week?
I miss the 3-2 days……..
by Mr. Pelican Pants on Sep 14, 2009 11:44 AM EDT reply actions
As a student at BOTH OSU and UF, and a witness to UF’s first official SEC championship in 1991 as a freshman, the behavior at UF and Gainesville wasn’t (and still isn’t) much different from the way you described OSU and Columbus. I don’t know whether you were complimenting or insulting the OSU fan base, but Gator Nation is about the same, sans the different jersey numbers (it’s all 15 in Florida now).
And in my years living in and visiting Columbus, I have never seen a group of fans take as much verbal and physical abuse than FSU fans in Gainesville (though I remember it being just as bad in Tallahassee). I saw a lot of violence before and after the UF/UT game in 91 as well. I never saw anything that bad in C-bus in the 90s (granted I haven’t lived in the area since 2001), and the Navy game, my first in 10 years, was far and away the most fun college football atmosphere I’ve ever experienced, which includes a few OSU/UM games as well.
My point: OSU and UF aren’t that different. Both have great student support, have loud, boisterous stadiums, and are crazy about their football teams, some a little more wacky than others. I know this is a UF centric and SEC biased blog, but if you’re going to call out OSU fan for being a little nuts (pun intended), look in a mirror.
by DJ on Sep 14, 2009 11:54 AM EDT reply actions
My earlier post came off a bit too defensive of OSU fan and that wasn’t the intent, sorry about that. I consider myself a part of both school’s fan bases, so take it for what it’s worth. Glad you had a great time up there; it really is one of the great college atmospheres in the US.
by DJ on Sep 14, 2009 12:07 PM EDT reply actions
Orson,
Thank you. That was fun to read.
Russ
woof
by Russ on Sep 14, 2009 12:13 PM EDT reply actions
the Wash and Tan is cool, but I prefer Dirty Dungarees where I can enjoy some Natty Light or Milwaukee Beast while my #13 jersey gets laundered.
by buckeyejohn on Sep 14, 2009 12:15 PM EDT reply actions
Whewwww Dept;
What a nerve wracking game…glad USC was able to get that drive in the end…
Great comments on tOSU’s jersey wearers. There is a very small percentage of USC fans that wear OJ’s #32 jersey. I think wearers of that jersey are giving both groups (opponents and USC fans) the middle finger.
by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me on Sep 14, 2009 12:31 PM EDT reply actions
Annie Arbor is a _ vs. Columbus Dept:
Having been to neither of these college towns…would like to know:
Which town is better – Anne Arbor or Columbus? Or, saying it better:
Which town sucks less than the other?
by Stacy Keibler Luvs Me on Sep 14, 2009 12:35 PM EDT reply actions
Dang,
I dunno about this younger generation. No over-turned cars, boarded up store windows or fires? I’ll tell you, back in the day we… uh, forget it!
OSU ’77
by Tom on Sep 14, 2009 12:37 PM EDT reply actions
An eloquent and elegant statement on tOSU community. Thanks, Orson.
by Cleveland Frowns on Sep 14, 2009 1:01 PM EDT reply actions
“…no incidents of dumpsters bearing the brunt of raging fans after the game.”
Not to quibble with a well written piece of word-mashing, but—this being Columbus—there were indeed several dumpsters offered in flame to the angry gods of early season non-conference losses.
by E Gordon Gee on Sep 14, 2009 1:49 PM EDT reply actions
the bubble dress—which gives the “for-heavens-sake-lay-off-the-cookies” essence does present a wonderful function
as a cloak for multiple flasks of bourbon. Or maybe a 30 pack of domestic. Or maybe a whole ’shine distillery
by RAW on Sep 14, 2009 2:32 PM EDT reply actions
[reads item 7a]
[adjusts Paul Smith glasses nervously]
I suppose at least I don’t have to worry about the hair products issue, being bald, but the double helping of noblesse oblige probably over-rides that small victory.
by dc trojan on Sep 14, 2009 2:41 PM EDT reply actions
@26 Based on my visits to UT, I think they are from Knoxville College. The new coaching staff is doing it wrong. They obviously didn’t see Blazing Saddles.
by chg on Sep 14, 2009 3:15 PM EDT reply actions
Actually they closed the dumpsters off on my street (12 Ave) though we were all too bummed out to burn them anyways
by Kevin on Sep 14, 2009 3:27 PM EDT reply actions
It is worth noting that tOSU students are not yet in session and, as such, a fair amount of them probably were not around. That probably played a major factor in the post-game demeanor. Excellent and accurate analysis!
by Josh on Sep 14, 2009 3:55 PM EDT reply actions
Great piece except for one thing – binge drinking is now completely under control in Wisconsin…
by JW on Sep 14, 2009 4:34 PM EDT reply actions
@33 – Michigan’s often morose fan-base and sometimes arrogant alumni annoy me, but everyone I know who’s ever lived in or visited Ann Arbor has good things to say about it. Dissing an Ann Arbor or a Lawrence, Kansas, or any other nice college town without having ever visited it (or being able to spell it correctly, for that matter) is an excellent way to advertise your own ignorance. Fight on!
by Featherston on Sep 14, 2009 4:44 PM EDT reply actions
For the record, school doesn’t start for another week and a half, and most of the apartments don’t start their leases until this week…thus the lack of action afterward.
by Rob on Sep 14, 2009 5:05 PM EDT reply actions
@33, @43 – the in-laws live in Ann Arbor, it’s pleasant enough in the summer and early fall, but I would recommend against visiting in the grayer, colder months. I’d imagine that if you were used to a larger metropolitan area, it would start to feel pretty small, pretty quickly.
by dc trojan on Sep 14, 2009 5:08 PM EDT reply actions
@45 – Definitely agree on the size issue. Regarding the weather—and I’ve never wintered in either place—my friends from Minnesota and Michigan actually agree that Michigan winters are worse because they get more cloud cover. Minnesota’s colder, but people actually get out and enjoy winter sports.
Speaking of which, has Dr. Lou had anything to say about the Gophers’ new stadium? He was instrumental in getting them into the dome, which in retrospect seems to have been a bad thing.
by Featherston on Sep 14, 2009 5:40 PM EDT reply actions
They must be saving the coolers of poop for Hate Michigan week.
by Twisted Martini on Sep 14, 2009 7:33 PM EDT reply actions
As a recent alumnus of both schools, I am in awe of how well you captured the spirit of both fan bases.
by Grambo on Sep 14, 2009 8:00 PM EDT reply actions
Re: students not being in session – I was a freshman in ‘02 when the big Michigan riots went down, and was around for the most riot-y years recently. Almost all the jackasses who riot are from out of town. There are plenty of kids that do stupid shit that go to OSU, but most of the riot crowd aren’t at the university.
Those that poop in coolers, well – they’re from all over.
Great writeup Orson. Cheers!
by Denny on Sep 14, 2009 8:59 PM EDT reply actions
Your talk of uniforms brought this to mind: ever notice how the band’s uniforms seem to reflect the football team/school’s attitude towards the game?
OSU’s band dress according to the code prescribed for the students: meticulously and militaristicly identical and in rigid accord with a tradition of success. The result is a band that looks constantly ready to ship out to fight the upstart Krauts in the Ardennes with bayonets and spats.
When I was in Indiana’s Marching Hundred, the uniforms looked like red pajamas, which seem to reflect a campus-wide desire to sleep through the games. Most people, including the team, often did and still do.
The Stanford Band’s uniforms say “Fuck this, let’s go get some margaritas and drink till we can’t feel feelings anymore”
by Cat on Sep 14, 2009 9:09 PM EDT reply actions
Nice article. As a USC fan at the game, I thought the OSU fans were much nicer than my Michigan-grad wife had warned me about. I guess it proves that familiarity does breed contempt.
As for the post-game scene (mellow, to say the least), I think that had MUCH more to do with the Buckeyes losing than the fact that school hadn’t started. Those red-clad fans (impressively loud) left it all in the Shoe Saturday night. When USC scored, all the energy was sucked out of them…it was all they could do to stagger home and pass out. If they had won, it would have been mass hysteria.
by smorris on Sep 15, 2009 1:26 PM EDT reply actions
I have actually washed my clothes at the Wash and Tan. I preferred Dirty Dungarees, though, the laundramat/bar. You captured the game ambiance well, nice post. By the way, you didn’t mention but the “God said OH” is actually in front of a church. I thought it was a little out there actually.
by BRD on Sep 15, 2009 7:47 PM EDT reply actions
Nice write-up. It does make me laugh a little when people characterize us as hicks. The whole “fag” episode is strange, since Columbus is considered one of the most gay-friendly cities in the US. We’ve got a top 10 in the nation gay pride festival, for pete’s sake. Don’t let a few posturing fratboys give you an impression of the whole place.
by Rebecca on Sep 16, 2009 12:36 AM EDT reply actions
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