CURIOUS INDEX, 9/14/09

by Orson on Sep 14, 2009 10:47 AM EDT

Morning Wood, SEC Style. UF Mike, thank you:

Image: Kevin Cox, Getty Images.

Other notable image juxtaposition may be found here, Thrilla-in Manila style.

Tennessee coaches lack the textbook on how to be a former coach. Read between the line here, and you will see two very clear sentences written in red donut frosting:

"We didn’t have a very good season last year. I certainly take full responsibility for that. And now it’s (Kiffin’s) turn to do it as he thinks he needs to do it. But the problem in this league is you’re going to play great football teams every week once you get into the Southeastern Conference schedule. So, if you’re going to be brash, you’d better be able to back it up."

One: "I'm going to be just as bitchy in retirement to my successor/usurper as Johnny Majors was to me," and two, "ME WANT HAM DONUT NOM NOM NOM NOM." Kiffin, to his credit as someone who can affix proper adjectives to reality, called Tennessee's performance "embarrassing," and recognized in a post-game show that the Vols had no ability to pass the ball whatsoever. Giant catfish is on the bench, just waiting or his chance, Coach. HATE WEEK STARTS NOW.

Let's just all go overboard now WHHEEEEEE. Two passes do not a legend make, and Matt Barkley's decent-to-good performance against Ohio State was owed more to the devastating blocking of USC's o-line late than Barkley channeling Elway late. His march toward instant enshrinement as THE GREATEST QB EVAR may already be in jeopardy due to a bruised shoulder, which may force him to miss the Washington game. Aaron Corp and his only slightly fractured leg will take over. No one seems to be very concerned by this, because they are USC and concern does not help you win forever.

UW's Quentin Richardson, meanwhile, guaranteed a win by UW over the Trojans. Go big or go home, indeed, though he and running back Chris Polk have their reasons. You don't just get away with photoshopping someone as Al Bundy, Trojan fans.

"They put my face on Al Bundy’s body," he said, referring to a character from the 1990s television show Married With Children. "So I feel like I’ve got to prove myself."

That's fucking right, USC fans. No way you accuse him of being America's most beloved failure of a shoe salesman, or of having a stacked Amazon of a wife in gold lame pants. (Peg Bundy can get it, too. Anytime, even now that she's divorced Al, moved to rural Utah, and taken up with a biker gang.)

Headscratchy. Eleven Warriors gets itchy metaphorical scalp over some of Jim Tressel's gametime decisions. No better contrast between Carroll and Tressel can be found outside of the last USC drive of the first half. Sitting with :48 on the clock, Pete Carroll elected to maximize the time on the clock and go for points. The Trojans got a field goal where Tressel would have squatted on the clock, and Pete Carroll put Tressel's checkers into check mate.

We have this tattoo on our ass. Except on us, it reads "God's Gift" (to Dockers suppliers and other makers of pants designed for the bigger-butted man. Holla at Dave Barry!)

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Comments

Can we stop calling tOSU an elite team now?

Shouldn’t elite teams actually beat other elite teams every now and again?

tOSU is elite-team fodder.

by NewAZTiger on Sep 14, 2009 10:54 AM EDT reply actions

Something unique and rather disturbing happen with the confines of several bars Saturday night, and that was the fine folks in Baton Rouge, became, if not for a fleeting moment in time, full fledged buckeye fans. My sister, an OSU alum, found it heart warming. However, LSU fans will come out in full force in their support for the Huskies next week, because until Brent Musberger and the gang at ABC stops sucking USC’s collective dick, LSU fans will not stop, praying for USC downfall. A win for Washington would mean a win for mankind.

by Kevin@LSU on Sep 14, 2009 10:59 AM EDT reply actions

Corndogs, your tears of frustration are like the finest wine to us.

by oc phil on Sep 14, 2009 11:14 AM EDT reply actions

@ 3…

And your once a year fall to a inferior team are as sweet as a hunoey baked ham, wrapped in bacon, stuffed in a chicken, which is stuffed in a turkey, marinated in a delicious broth for 3 days, then broiled to perfection in a homemade, outdoor oven. Delicious indeed.

by Kevin@LSU on Sep 14, 2009 11:18 AM EDT reply actions

There’s blood in the water motherfuckers!!!!

GO GATORS!!!

by MrRedDevil on Sep 14, 2009 11:28 AM EDT reply actions

A decent weekend of college football, imho. The only really noteworthy thing I saw was in the Michigan/Notre Dame game. Think of all the people you’ve known in your life, and then think of the number of people named “Tate” on that list. Few, if any, right?

And then UMich/ND had Tate Forcier and Golden Tate

WEIRD

by UFmegood on Sep 14, 2009 11:41 AM EDT reply actions

Great quarterbacks start with great hair and let the game performances come later in their careers. However, they do not fall to the ground and hurt their wrists like nerds after social studies class. I feel as if I could break Barkley’s forearm like a twig.

by Tim on Sep 14, 2009 11:45 AM EDT reply actions

Kevin @4 : You should be excited for this weeks USC game then. The most dangerous game for USC has been the first Pac 10 road game. You have seen firsthand that Washington isn’t the same team they were under the previous regime. And when you you consider that USC not only lost OC Sark but DC Holt to Washington there is truly grounds for concern for the USC faithful.

On the other hand, following the sine curve of USC losses, it seems they are due for an undefeated season. If we look at loses per year since Carroll got things back on track we see:

2002: 2
2003: 1
2004: 0
2005: 1
2006: 2
2007: 2
2008: 1
2009:

by oc phil on Sep 14, 2009 11:48 AM EDT reply actions

For Richardson… worth noting that Ed O’Neill, while watching football, actually tucks his hand under a Gracie BJJ black belt rather than the standard Bundy trousers. This is not so lame:

Al Bundy BJJ Black Belt

by devinlansing on Sep 14, 2009 11:48 AM EDT reply actions

Orson, wrt the end of the first half, Tressel had the option of running the clock out and denying SC the ball. Instead he did exactly what USC did and threw the ball to get some points. Unfortunately for him, those throws to open WRs were off the mark. Tressel actually made the same decision that Carroll did. His players just failed to execute those plays successfully.

There really were no decisions that USC’s staff made that exceeded OSU’s. They just had a great O-line that could get a yard easily on 4th downs. And Joe McKnight. :)

by Dan Isaacs on Sep 14, 2009 11:52 AM EDT reply actions

@ 8…

Good point but technically, that’s a cosine curve, since it doesn’t start at zero.

by Kevin@LSU on Sep 14, 2009 11:57 AM EDT reply actions

@8 & 11

Now now, let’s not go down that tangent.

by BK on Sep 14, 2009 12:16 PM EDT reply actions

Math humor? Arp! NEEEEERRRDDSSSS!

by Philip on Sep 14, 2009 12:43 PM EDT reply actions

Nerds or not, #12 was my favorite comment of the day.

by AL on Sep 14, 2009 12:52 PM EDT reply actions

T-minus six days and counting until we find out if the scoreboards at the Swamp can handle the Gators hanging 100 points on Kiffykins.

by JD on Sep 14, 2009 1:26 PM EDT reply actions

“No one seems to be very concerned by this, because they are USC and concern does not help you win forever. "

-hilarious!

I also like the math humor. Cocktails to the e for everyone.

by Tzubear on Sep 14, 2009 1:48 PM EDT reply actions

I found myself pulling for Ohio State too, or at least not openly laughing at them . It’s probably because, aside from a couple of Alabama grads, they were the only group in the sports bar that seemed to actually care about the outcome of their game.

During the ND-Michigan game, a guy in a Michigan shirt tried to explain to me why he really wouldn’t mind Notre Dame winning because the game was more important to them, while it wasn’t even a conference game for the Wolverines. No wonder they can’t muster the enthusiasm to do more than jangle some keys.

by chg on Sep 14, 2009 3:29 PM EDT reply actions

I’d rethink whose butt was supplied in the Georgia-SC game. Spurrier’s offense was on the field for 35 minutes, ran over 80 plays and got … five field goals. You can rationalize two or three — but five? If you think that’s accidental, you’re not paying attention.

by Tommy on Sep 14, 2009 3:55 PM EDT reply actions