IF SOUTH CAROLINA HAD ANY SENSE OF HUMOR...

by Orson on Sep 9, 2009 3:07 PM EDT

...they would come out to this version of "Thus Spake Zarathustra."

Meanwhile, the Monolith leading Alabama to the next step in evolution, Nick Saban, was given a contract extension through January 31st, 2018. If Saban is still the head coach of the Alabama Crimson Tide at that point, he inherits the rights to all public land in the state of Alabama and all citizens dwelling therein, turning the state government and its lands nto his private fiefdom to rule as he sees fit. It won't happen, but the lawyer just liked the sound of it, and once they get rolling withe the clauses and codicils, it's hard to stop them. If that clause kicks in, all State Capital employees are to report to the conference room for the morning beatings and mat drills. Sorry. It's in the contract.

The contract could pay Saban a total of $4.7 mil annually, or possibly more if/when another school goes bananapants and shells out more for a coach. From Chris Low's report:

The contract guarantees Saban will be among the nation's five highest-paid football coaches or the three highest in the Southeastern Conference, whichever is higher. His pay cannot fall below those averages.

Ball on, Coach Ahab. The contract has been in the works for a while, so it's nice to see Alabama settle the man down for the long haul and make a commitment to a coach clearly harassed and pressured by Alabama fans' refusal to accept only ten wins a year. He can finally start to get comfortable, especially now that they're paying him a living wage at last.

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…from the same source used by finebaum, “Saban leaves bammer before Meyer leaves Florida…”, goes both ways, asshole.

by sb on Sep 9, 2009 3:13 PM EDT reply actions

Great rendition of 2001. Were those former Spurrier SC QB’s playing it?

by Charles on Sep 9, 2009 3:17 PM EDT reply actions

That youtube clip is amazing. It keeps getting worse every time. They keep building up to it and it doesn’t sound awful, and then bam, awfulness. I’m actually amazed that the kids made it through that, and didn’t just give up.

by Greg Dodge on Sep 9, 2009 3:17 PM EDT reply actions

If Saban is still coaching at Alabama in 2018, I’ll eat my Auburn hat. He either will bolt for another job, or if he’s really sincere that he’s in his last job, he’ll get run out of town when his results dip even the slightest bit (Only 9 wins? You’re fired!)

by Mr Dizzle on Sep 9, 2009 3:18 PM EDT reply actions

That clip approximates the sound any fan will make when looking at the Georgia-South Carolina game this weekend when either offense is on the field. The horror.

by Quinton on Sep 9, 2009 3:31 PM EDT reply actions

By “Come out” do you mean out of the tunnel for game time? Mentally I was picturing something else entirely…

by SH on Sep 9, 2009 3:53 PM EDT reply actions

So a coach that never has had back to back 10 win seasons and has never stayed anywhere longer than 5 years is going to be around Textbookaloosa in 2018? Where can I get some odds on that?

by Joshua on Sep 9, 2009 4:02 PM EDT reply actions

And here’s my disclaimer:

I love the guy for what he did for LSU. I have nothing against him from a Tiger perspective.

by joshua on Sep 9, 2009 4:03 PM EDT reply actions

Now we know what Eddie Izzard’s school band sounded like live, I guess…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OE6zXHQ6iRg

by Vandy J on Sep 9, 2009 4:13 PM EDT reply actions

hell, if saban is still there in 2013, he gets to preface his name with “Colonel”.

Of course, he would have to go by “Colonel Saban” at this point. Because “Colonel Nick” sounds gay, and that bird just won’t hunt.

by jd on Sep 9, 2009 4:17 PM EDT reply actions

I’m not a concert musician, so I can have no opinion on the quality of that ‘2001’ performance.

I’d better stop laughing then.

by Barbecue Hashmark on Sep 9, 2009 4:19 PM EDT reply actions

No, if we had any sense of humor, we’d play 2001 on kazoos.

by She Blinded Me With Violence on Sep 9, 2009 4:23 PM EDT reply actions

“dog”

dammit

by jd on Sep 9, 2009 4:24 PM EDT reply actions

After listening to that I punted three small children into oncoming traffic. This is on your hands, Swindle.

by commodore_dude on Sep 9, 2009 4:55 PM EDT reply actions

So what happens when 6 guys (or 4 in the SEC) get that contract? Does their salary suddenly spiral to infinity?

I could certainly see a few coaches getting this kind of deal…
Miles
Stoops (think he might already have this)
Meyer
Carroll
Brown
Tedford

Weis or Rodriguez if they can right their ships

by beattherush on Sep 9, 2009 5:53 PM EDT reply actions

O, when you refer to Ahab, is the reference the Ray Stevens song or that fishing tale?

Please understand that a “classical” education in the south entails many sources.

by hlh on Sep 9, 2009 7:17 PM EDT reply actions

PUUUUUHHHHLLLLLLEEEEEEAAAAASSSEEEEE Let UAT go 3-8 this year.

Oh Please!

by Bobby Lowder on Sep 9, 2009 7:48 PM EDT reply actions

I thought my dog was hurt.

by Daywalker trailer park on Sep 9, 2009 9:44 PM EDT reply actions

Orson I’m a tad disappointed in you…typically, you guys are just and even-keeled in your blogging – when you do display the “homerism” for your school, you don’t attempt to guise it as anything else, so I can respect that.

But this post was a bit different…the homerism came off a bit latent…

I am an Alabama fan. I really get tired of people (who just happen to be fans of other SEC schools! Weird!) constantly saying he is leaving, as if they spoon with him on cold nights and whisper their deepest secrets to each other.

Personally I have no idea where he will be in 2017. I don’t see any reason for him to leave at the moment, but hell, I can’t see the future, maybe he will leave. That would suck.

Anyways, to all “If Saban stays there I’ll cut my dick off” posters, search your soul…if this is just a fear of Saban thing, it’s ok, we can talk about this in a civil fashion. We can get you counseling if needed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbW6Q4dVPyU

I link to that not so you can watch the LSU/Bama highlights, its just for the first 30 seconds in the locker room. He is a grade A certified badass. He just is. It’s ok.

We’re getting to the bottom of this now…I know, you wish he was your Coach…and you just remembered that time your Uncle Ken touched you in the bad place…we will get through this…talk to me if you need to, I’m here for you.

by anunaki on Sep 9, 2009 9:50 PM EDT reply actions

The ending to that song made the littler of my two dogs lift her head up and stare me down with this “WTF?” expression. I think she was giving serious thought to attacking me.

by Doug on Sep 9, 2009 10:34 PM EDT reply actions

Ah, the Portsmouth Synfonia. I would love to see the Auburn-MSU game featured in the latest post to be set to their Classical Massacre, a medley of butchered classics such as Zarathustra beset with a disco clap. A pure aesthetic match.

by Cat on Sep 10, 2009 12:07 AM EDT reply actions

#22
You read my mind…it could also be the soundtrack of Auburn football 2008….

by Mr.Pelican Pants on Sep 10, 2009 12:22 AM EDT reply actions

That’s about how I felt about the 2008 season.

by NewAZTiger on Sep 10, 2009 12:27 AM EDT reply actions

Dammit, I thought my Jr HS band teacher destroyed all those old reel to reel tapes of us. We did have one decent musician, however. Greg “Fingers” Taylor. Played in a band with some drunk from Mobile for years.

by yoyofutbawl on Sep 10, 2009 6:58 AM EDT reply actions

I find it amusing that AU and LSU fans hope and pray that Saban will leave Bama… while Bama fans hope and pray Chiznik and Miles stay at their current jobs FOREVER.

by crimsonbarrister on Sep 10, 2009 12:29 PM EDT reply actions

anunaki @#19…actually my original comment was an attempt to provide equal and opposite time to the bammer/feinbaum claim that Meyer intends to depart for ND at the conclusion of the season. Regarding the severing of penises and spooning with your current bear reincarnation, those are activities I’ll leave to you and your scarlett minions who seem to have some level of familiarity with such activities, and the appropriate amount of questionable motivation to do so.

by sb on Sep 10, 2009 2:04 PM EDT reply actions