I have to confess, everyone: I was wrong. There was a time, early in the first quarter at the stadium on Saturday, when the Notre Dame defense had allowed a few runs there and there to the Nevada Wolfpack, that I really thought about giving up. After all, I called for the firing of Head Coach Charlie Weis just one short year ago. Those were hard times, and I thought that rather than finding the silver lining, those gray clouds just above our heads would just stay where they've been for most of Charlie Weis' tenure: right above our head and raining.
Turns out I was as wrong about that as I was wrong about Coach Weis, since the only thing raining down on the stadium Saturday were touchdown passes from Jimmy Clausen to Golden "Hands" Tate. For the first time, I really think I can say this:
Wake up the echoes, because we're back, baby!
NOTE TO EDSBS.COM EDITOR: Should I say that? Baby makes me sound like a Miami fan, and I don't want to come off as thuggish. I am embracing a more "street" look these days, and have been hitting the shoulders pretty hard at the gym. But I don't want that to influence my writing on the University. They are not subject to the fashions young men have to adopt to fit in from year to year, and until I settle down, I will adopt the modes and looks of the day. But then again, my writing about Notre Dame should be "fresh" and "contemporary," right? A bit of slang in there doesn't demean what I feel toward my alma mater, and its soaring gold dome, emblematic of so many good things to me and all of the other lucky enough to get into our very selective university that Michigan tried to strangle in its cradle? It's just a style question, and though you're not quite the writer I am, I do respect your opinion. So what do you think? I would never consider calling Charlie Weis "bro" or anything like that, but it's just a question. I'm interested in what you think about it.
Cut this before you post. It is not part of the piece.
I certainly respect what the Nevada Wolfpack did, but they just couldn't hope to keep up with the brilliant scheming by Charlie Weis and his offensive staff. The energy in the stadium was unreal! I saw several alums even stand during plays because they were so excited, though they did sit down quickly and courteously when the ushers came along to settle things down. You can't blame them, ushers: Charlie Weis football in its full glory has that effect on people.
Now that he has his team and system really installed and operating, it is time for the Irish to assume their rightful spot at the head of the table in college football, and that all starts next week with our big game against scUM. (Sucks!)* The Skunkbears think they have turned around their disaster of a program by beating Western Michigan. Please, Skunkbears! When you play a team that finished last year in a three-way tie for second in the WAC, we'll talk. In the meantime, you can hope all you like, but Charlie Weis and his strategic advantage will make you hate the site of Tate and Floyd running down the field almost as much as Fielding Yost hated Catholics. (Rich Rod is from West Virginia. Are you the only people in the U.S. that go to West Virginia for brainpower? I mean no respect for my three classmates from the Wild and Wonderful state. They did all go to private school, though. I just think that should be noted.)
After we humiliate DickRod, the rest of the schedule is a breeze, including Fredo and U$C. They're playing a freshman at quarterback? The sign of a program on its last legs for sure. Poodle must be getting desperate.
You're probably wondering: who do I want to see them play? Well, I say bring on the Gators, and we'll show Urban Meyer what a 40 year mistake he really made by not coming to his real home at Notre Dame either as a student, or as a coach. (Though I don't think he could have gotten in with his test scores. He also decided to coach at Florida, and that is failing a crucial admissions test right there, IMHO.**)
In other news, I've decided to go to law school after deciding that finance, though very exciting, was not for me. Where am I going, you ask? Notre Dame law, of course, meaning I'll be at every game this fall rooting for the Irish with all my heart. I realized three months ago that becoming a lawyer has been a lifelong dream of mine, and hope you'll understand why I had to leave Spalding and Currant and their lucrative trading house in Chicago. I'd love to talk more about it, but I am forbidden to discuss ongoing litigation, and can only say that the truth will out when the case goes to its civil trial. It's like an internship where I get to testify, and that's part of the fun.
I'm on Facebook, so if you like you can contact me with tailgate info, law school meetups, networking opportunities, or if you just want to hang out with another ND alum who understands just what you love about Notre Dame.*** Until then, GO IRISH, and see you in Pasadena!
*You can take that out if it's too offensive. It's a running gag and a stylistic device, a way of stopping and starting the argument to let the reader know that even though you are writing this editorial, you aren't above being a fan and joshing with them a little bit. It's like this thing I wrote in skit night once, a piece where we did called "Borat comes to South Bend." I did an edgy line where Weis--my buddy Carlyle--came in, and as Borat I said "This coach is NOT BLACK." We didn't think we'd get away with it, but everyone laughed and it worked out just great. I miss those days.
**"In My Humble Opinion," a frequently used acronym and bit of internet shorthand.
***Unless you have questions or comments about the ongoing civil case against Spalding and Currant and my actions as a trader there, in which case you will be blocked and referred to my attorneys.