HAPPY LABOR DAY FROM CHRIS RIX
by Orson on Sep 7, 2009 11:54 AM EDT
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PrintThe EDSBS team has several updates. First: Chris Rix sucks forever, but since his tenure overlapped with NAME REDACTED's reign of error over Florida football, we cannot offer many substantive highlights of him sucking against Florida. It's the little things like this that make Missouri dropping a safe on our former life curse/coach on Saturday so pleasing. Blaine Gabbert, doing the lord's work one embarrassingly easy pass at a time. Tebow thanks you, son.
In lieu of this, please accept the Seventh Floor's touching tribute to Rix, starring the Miami defense, failure, and a disturbing man-baby with deep compassion and a cherubic face.
Second, the Alphabetical returns for installment one of the 2009 season tomorrow morning. That should blow a good morning's dawdling, so you can thank us in advance for blowing an eighth of your four day work week. You're welcome.
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As far as your “Life Curse” is concerned…pawning off the Zook-ster on those of us in Big Eleven, er, Ten country is kinda like letting your dog shit on our lawn. So we’d appreciate if you would get a baggie on your hand and clean that up. Thanks.
Oh, and you need to start wearing boxers under your robe when you get the paper in the morning…
by JW on Sep 7, 2009 12:20 PM EDT reply actions
In honor of #16, I’ll drop a chicken wing on my way from the grill to the table and also toss a beer to my neighbor in triple coverage at his party next door instead of to my friend who’s calling for it and wide open 10 yards away from me.
Depending how drunk I get, I may also allow the police to sack me later today.
by She Blinded Me With Violence on Sep 7, 2009 12:28 PM EDT reply actions
It still burns me that of the absurdly small sample size of that a-hole’s competently played games, all of them were against UF. Thanks [Name Redacted] with special kudos to Ron “What The Hell Is A Fumble?” Cherry.
by Claws on Sep 7, 2009 12:42 PM EDT reply actions
After watching the ACC soil themselves all weekend long, I hope ESPN runs some kind of warning before tonight’s game like they do in those commercials for pills.
by JD on Sep 7, 2009 1:32 PM EDT reply actions
The Chick-Fil-A special today is the greatest thing I have ever been a part of. I think I’m going twice.
by KYGator on Sep 7, 2009 2:48 PM EDT reply actions
Chris Rix is the thinking man’s Brandon Cox. But without sand in his vagina.
by yoyofutbawl on Sep 7, 2009 3:02 PM EDT reply actions
The winner of tonight’s Miami-FSU matchup: Montana, who just happened to be in the area and flood the field at halftime armed with gallons of rugged DI-AA football whoopass.
GRIZZLIES ARE ACROSS THE OCEAN!
by King Cockfight on Sep 7, 2009 3:53 PM EDT reply actions
Well Rutgers is on the ass end of an old fashioned ass whipping.
by Anonymous IV on Sep 7, 2009 5:36 PM EDT reply actions
Cincinnati looks a lot better than some of the teams that were ranked before the season.
Oh look, there’s another INT thrown by Rutgers. They’re getting shitcanned, I love it.
by JD on Sep 7, 2009 5:39 PM EDT reply actions
Losing Teel, Underwood, & Britt > Losing 10 defensive starters
by She Blinded Me With Violence on Sep 7, 2009 5:55 PM EDT reply actions
Brian Griese in the booth… dare I say he’s been pleasantly enjoyable? Not loud. Not a know-it-all. Not an ass. Got a good rhythm. You can dance to it. I give him an 8.
Sounds a lot like his old man.
by She Blinded Me With Violence on Sep 7, 2009 6:35 PM EDT reply actions
It is time for Rutgers to put a burqa on that abortion that they are calling a game.
by Anonymous IV on Sep 7, 2009 6:50 PM EDT reply actions
Rutgers just scored with the fat girl right before the bar closes. But UC still leads by 30.
by Anonymous IV on Sep 7, 2009 6:51 PM EDT reply actions
Are we sure that all these FSU players are eligible?
by roaminggator on Sep 7, 2009 7:44 PM EDT reply actions
So that’s what Carrot Top would look like if he took steroids.
by bevonyc on Sep 7, 2009 8:15 PM EDT reply actions
Who has a screen grab of the Golden Girl and Fiona Shrek?
by NewAZTiger on Sep 7, 2009 9:51 PM EDT reply actions
Wait a second. Decent Quarterback play by both FSU and Miami? Did somebody do the Time Warp?
by SuperJew on Sep 7, 2009 10:03 PM EDT reply actions
^ Naw – you got late hits, chop blocks – typical Miami/FSU play.
by roaminggator on Sep 7, 2009 10:13 PM EDT reply actions
Not totally. Lovett is one of the DC’s. His Swiss-Cheese Secondary still lives.
by NewAZTiger on Sep 7, 2009 10:13 PM EDT reply actions
Christian Ponder: Every errant throw or mistake results in him looking at the sideline with a goofy look on his face.
by roaminggator on Sep 7, 2009 10:19 PM EDT reply actions
whew
That’s a relief. I don’t think I can handle a world where Ponder isn’t throwing dead ducks into double coverage or Harris overthrowing his man on a WR slant.
by SuperJew on Sep 7, 2009 10:19 PM EDT reply actions
He should host a Food Network show, that Todd Blackledge.
by SuperJew on Sep 7, 2009 10:21 PM EDT reply actions
Nice underarm fuzz on that FSU Cheerleader
by roaminggator on Sep 7, 2009 10:22 PM EDT reply actions
Did anyone tell that Miami girl that the gold isn’t the best color to wear when playing FSU…?
by cantcatchuf on Sep 7, 2009 10:24 PM EDT reply actions
This sure isn’t the Miami Defenses of old…..porous secondary.
by roaminggator on Sep 7, 2009 10:27 PM EDT reply actions
Two straight passing plays on the second yard line? Then being stuffed on third down? Ibis weeps.
by SuperJew on Sep 7, 2009 10:36 PM EDT reply actions
Special teams at Doak Campbell: no need to tackle.
by cantcatchuf on Sep 7, 2009 10:39 PM EDT reply actions
Both teams are weak over the middle. Tebow would eat this up!!!
by roaminggator on Sep 7, 2009 10:44 PM EDT reply actions
I’m confused if this is a decent game with decent teams or just an entertaining cripple fight.
by SuperJew on Sep 7, 2009 10:45 PM EDT reply actions
At first I thought it was a decent game. But now I realize someone kneecapped both secondaries just before kickoff.
WTF STOP THE KENNY CHESNEY AAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH
by cantcatchuf on Sep 7, 2009 10:47 PM EDT reply actions
Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii(x10)ce.
by cantcatchuf on Sep 7, 2009 11:04 PM EDT reply actions
Oh, this has to rank up there on the worst possible scenario for Randy Shannon.
And the ACC Cripple Fight rage on.
by SuperJew on Sep 7, 2009 11:09 PM EDT reply actions
To FSU: this isn’t flag football. Tackling is allowed.
by cantcatchuf on Sep 7, 2009 11:18 PM EDT reply actions
Why in the hell do I need to know that Bobby Bowden had shingles?
by cantcatchuf on Sep 7, 2009 11:22 PM EDT reply actions
Greg Reid: Another badass extraordinaire who shuns the Bulldogs for a team with uglier colors see Berry, Eric… F MY LIFE.
by BoboSoCrazy on Sep 7, 2009 11:22 PM EDT reply actions
The 2003 Florida-Florida State game was the biggest screw job in the history of organized sports, bar none.
Oh, and Chris Rix can suck my dick.
by Brewdog on Sep 7, 2009 11:24 PM EDT reply actions
I think I just saw a Ned sighting in the secondary.
by NewAZTiger on Sep 7, 2009 11:33 PM EDT reply actions
These defenses are terrible, just terrible.
And yes, “The Swindle in The Swamp,” as I think it’s called, was really quite a spectacle if you try to ponder just how large the debt owed by the ref(s) must have been. You can get away with one or two calls, certainly. But watch that game and tell me it wasn’t refereed by men fearful that some hideously aweful demise might await them in the parking lot, give or take a few points. Maybe I’m just bitter because that game robbed me of some ray of sunshine during the the time [Redacted] infected my undergraduate years, but admitted homerism aside, that game was a fucking robbery.
by JackP3 on Sep 7, 2009 11:45 PM EDT reply actions
Wow.
Christian Ponder: We knew who we thought you were.
by SuperJew on Sep 7, 2009 11:52 PM EDT reply actions
Sweet Jesus, this weekend couldn’t have ended any better. One play to win it for FSU and they nearly complete the pass for the game-winner? Shit, that’s how we draw it up.
Jacory Harris is either dead or the coolest motherfucker this side of Bobby Drake.
by Harris on Sep 7, 2009 11:54 PM EDT reply actions
Did anyone else notice the appearance of the compassionate man-baby just before ESPN’s coverage ended? He flagged Christian Ponder over and the consolation was palpable. Highlight of the night.
by Orchard Park on Sep 8, 2009 12:10 AM EDT reply actions
That’s what we call a motherfucking football fucking game.
by BurritoBrosShits on Sep 8, 2009 12:17 AM EDT reply actions
> 0 seconds left after FSU receiver drops the pass. Y/N?
by As on Sep 8, 2009 12:19 AM EDT reply actions
I’m amazed that every time there’s a brutal, crotch-kick loss in this series, it’s always Florida State on the short end. Let’s see, 1987, 1988, 1991, 1992, 2000, 2002, 2004 (in the Orange Bowl game), and tonight.
by JD on Sep 8, 2009 12:21 AM EDT reply actions
What I shall take away from tonight’s matchup is we have two coaches: one who constantly wears a headset yet never utters a single word into it. And one who wears a headset only to utter a single word into it: “Whahappened?”
That, and the fact that F$U’s linebackers and secondary seem to have no earthly idea why they are standing around on a big field all dressed alike.
by NativeSon on Sep 8, 2009 12:39 AM EDT reply actions
Re: 49 — yes, it is remarkable that during the last sideline conference between the OC and QB — the one where the final play would be called, which in turn would determine who would win — Bowden did not participate in the conversation; he couldn’t even be bothered to walk the short distance to where they were standing and listen.
by allaha on Sep 8, 2009 1:56 AM EDT reply actions
this ain’t enough. it’s labor, git to laborin. first weekend of Division frickin one man. it’s DIVISION FRICKIN ONE. Now give it to me like you forgot our safety word, dammit!!!!
by bustya in the ass on Sep 8, 2009 2:13 AM EDT reply actions
Jacory Harris, promptly after winning, sought out Christian Ponder and then ATE HIS BRAIN.
by headsigh on Sep 8, 2009 9:22 AM EDT reply actions
Damn, I was at least looking for one sucker punch so I could say " Now, that’s what I’m talking about. You come into our house, you should get your behind kicked. I was about to go down the elevator to get in that thing."
by Mr. Pelican Pants on Sep 8, 2009 10:30 AM EDT reply actions
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