EDSBSGPS: WHERE WE AT, WEEK 1

Since I cant make it to the Clemson/MTSU game, I’ll be watchin it on the SECSPN monopoly.

Along with Bammer, Gawja, and LSU to finish the night

Mrs. Fact and U will be at the Swamp watching parallel universe Tebow’s fatwah until halftime; then it’s across University Ave to watch the second half of Bama-VT.

(The season tix, btw, were a gift from Mrs. Fact. I think I’ll keep her.)

I plan to start the day watching Scotland lose to Macedonia – AGAIN – to make sure that the Tartan Army’s dreams are once again dashed. (To say nothing of the revenue projections of South African bar owners).

If I’m feeling ambitious I might watch SC – San Jose State live but it’s more likely that I’ll DVR it and focus later on the creation of terrapin soup and the mayhem of LSU fans on the loose in Seattle.

Grillin’ burgers and swillin’ Steel Reserve at the awesome gameday party of my boss. Watching Joe Cox transform into a insectoid monster in Stillwater and eviscerate Oklahoman linebackers with his mandible.

I will be at the Swamp as soon as they can figure out how to scan my ticket (hold the ticket barcode up and toward the usher – they helpfully tell us!) and let me in. And unlike the fairweather Facts (see #2)…I will be there till the bitter end to take the first ever final score pictures on the ULTRA STATE OF THE ART SUPER MEGA NEWFANGLED SHOULD HAVE FRICKIN LASERS SHOOTING OUTTA THEM VIDEO SCREENS!

And then I’ll be on a plane to NYC at 7:35 am Sunday.

Joy.

And oh yeah…I’ll be drinking Diet Pepsi…the official calorie free soda of the University of Florida Athletic Association. (See 7:35am flight, above.)

Noon: Whatever mid-major or I-AA team is surprising a Big Ten team. (You know it will happen)
3:30: Georgia at Oklahoma State / Nevada at Notre Dame / Missouri vs. Illinois
7:00: BYU vs. Oklahoma
8:00: Alabama vs. Virginia Tech
Whenever Bama/VT ends: Maryland at Cal / LSU at Washington

Noon: Liberty @ WVU (because it’s West f’n Virginia, that’s why)
1pm: Jacksonville State @ GT (missing a GT home game in person for the first time in 4 years – graduation’s a bitch)
When that ends: A prolonged session of cursing at the WWL for not offering OSU-UGA coverage here in Maryland. Followed by…Baylor-Wake? Or maybe Nevada-ND, whichever looks more interesting at the time.
7pm: BYU vs Oklahoma
8pm: Alabama vs VT
When that ends: Either Maryland @ Cal or LSU @ Washington (probably the former since there’s actually a small chance that’ll be competitive)

This Saturday starts with a competitive round of golf at 7:40 with wagering encouraged and mandatory.

Home for the noon game of Navy @ The Ohio State University. A trained eye will be kept on Minnesota to cover 7 points over Syracuse during commercials.

The 3:30 lineup features UGA @ the other OSU, but more attention will be paid to the Fighting Redacteds covering 6.5 over Mizzou. And the coup d’grace, Western Michigan delivering the embarrassment and winning outright despite getting 13 over Michigan.

At 6:00 Stanford will get no attention as they cover 16.5 @ Wazzu, except for checking a gamelog to see progress of Harbaugh’s boys.

Alabama-VT will be enjoyed without extra incentive. But at 10:30, LSU will dismantle Washington and cover 17.5 to remind Husky fans why they fired Ty Willingham three years too late.

Watching Michigan smack down (if the good baby Jesus has any mercy) at 2:30 CST while finishing a fifth of bacardi mojitos, then sleeping to OSU/Georgia.

*smack down WMU. Sorry.

Well Nicholls State at Air Force, of course…

then it will be home for the evening games until 830 when I can watch the alma mater begin the Steve Sarkisian era. (please keep it close)

1 p.m., watching with an intimate throng of option aficionadoes, as Paul Johnson unveils Nerdbone 2.0 against a Div. I foe missing their qb. Puppy, meet truck; truck, puppy. KFC or Popeye’s will be served, depending on how spicy I’m feeling.
Postgame until Jonathan moves the RV, watching the mutts, whom I suspect will give Okie State what fer. Line play is all in my book, and Georgia’s loaded on both sides with senior talent.
The evening depends on how much I’m regretting the JD and Trader Jose’s; possibly vegetating at home with Bama-VT, possibly socializing downtown with DragonCon geeks.

@13. Make that a Div. II foe. Jacksonville (not Florida) State Gamecocks (not South Carolina). Their band, however, is AWESOME. Unfortunately, no hammer-and-sickle show this year.

Watching the beginning of Year Paulus while swilling some wonderful Mother’s Milk (a brew local to the area), with a erm…. skull of Crystal Skull vodka for continued late-night drankin’.

12:00: Ohio State-Navy, with the other TV muted on whichever of the other B10 games or Kentucky-Miami is close

3:30: A rotation between Georgia-Oklahoma State, Nevada-Notre Dame, and Missouri-Illinois

8:00: Alabama-Virginia Tech

Late game: LSU-Washington

Monday Night: Student section of Doak Campbell Stadium(free tickets!) for FSU-Miami

Lunchtime game: Minnesota-Syracuse, with an eye on OSU-Navy until Tressel goes into lockdown mode up 21-3.
Mid-afternoon: Missouri-Illinois, regular check-ins on whatever the ESPN2 game is (not sure if we get WMU-Mich or Georgia-OkSt here) and Nevada-ND
Dinner hour: I could watch the beginning of BYU-Oklahoma, but I hate Oklahoma and they’re going to slaughter BYU, so fuck it. Mythbusters time.
Primetime: Bama-VT.
The late show: Cal-Maryland, may check on LSU-Washington if it looks interesting, but that’s unlikely unless LSU’s new QB makes Tigah fans wish for the days of Jarrett Lee.

11am: Minnesota reminding Greg Paulus why he choose basketball and Navy vs. tOSU.
2:30pm: Georgia vs. Oklahoma St and Nevada vs. Blessed Mother of Cheeseburgers
7:00pm: Alabama vs. Virginia Tech and BYU vs. Oklahoma
9:45pm: LSU vs. Washington

The difference between last Saturday and tomorrow? More whiskey. That, and Greg Paulus will have Simoni Lawrence helping him fall down instead of letting a strong breeze knock him over.

11:00 am—Minnesota-Syracuse
Noonish—Melanie Oudin-Maria Sharapova: “If Only They Had a Frontcourt”
2:30 pm—UGa-Okie State, Nevada-Notre Dame, SJS +33.5-USC
6:00 pm—BYU-Oklahoma
7:00 pm—US-El Salvador, Bama-Va Tech
9:00 pm—Mexico-Costa Rica
9:30 pm—LSU-UDub

At HQ Control here in the Metroplex. As always, chock full of the hotness in key precincts.

The main event:

Mark Emmert Bowl (LSU @ Dawgs) – Hoping that Locker doesn’t run loose in LSU’s secondary.

The undercard is below.

Morning Session:

Navy @ tOSU

WKY @ Vols

Afternoon Session:

UGA @ Wind Turbines

Nevada @ ND

San Jose State @ USC

Night Session:

BYU @ OU – If a College punter hits the JerryTron, the NFL needs to rethink allowing Jerry to let his shit hang that low.

Charleston Southern @ Florida

Wofford @ Sterger

’Bama @ Hokies

On The Menu: Grilled Flatiron Steaks, washed down with a beverage to be named later.

I will be drankin the Carolina’s finest liqura, Sweet Tea Vodka from Firefly.
Then watching OSU vs Jawja, then onto VT vs Bama. Depending on how much excitement is had and how voice is doing, and celebrating if the game deems it so, we will be going to local watering hole for drunk dancing and singing aloud, tone deaf and oblivious to any critics. Anyone taps me on the shoulder to get the Karoake mic away from me will receive some “sweet chin music”….

Beer.

Lots of beer.

Then to the Coliseum to thrill to the overworked, slave-driven Army of Barwis crush the NCAA-compliant pansies of Directional Michigan.

Then, oh, I dunno, beer.

Inexplicably in Seattle, despite no attachment to Washington or LSU and having no tickets. Will be wandering around with the wife, sampling very good beer and trying to survive breaking in a new pair of DMs.

However, avidly checking on the iPhone: Bama-VaTech, Vandy-Western Carolina, Cal-Maryland, Georgia-OSU, and Nevada-ND.

Being nine hours ahead of the Eastern Time Zone and working a flight to Istanbul and back overnight, I will be opening my college football season on archived ESPN360 on a Sunday bender spiced with some USA/El Salvador World Cup Qualifying soccer.

Up early after a night shift to watch Navy/OSU while I cook fried pickles…then I’ll be pounding red beers with my uncles, watching Schnellenberger get his ass stomped for his clueless, stupid luck in ’84.

Wakin’ up and trying to not get drunk before noon nor hyperventilate. Otherwise, hunkering down at the family ranch until after Georgia versus the Junior 3.2ers.

Noon, we’re flipping ‘tween Kensucky-Miami and Ohio State-Navy and again trying not to throw-up all over ourselves before the Georgia kickoff. After the Dawgs – oh, God, I feel sick – then I’m catchin’ a lift over to the sister-in-law to watch Bamer-Va Tech and eat. Hopefully I’ll be able to eat after the game.

WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?

Better question: why did I TRY to watch Tulane-Tulsa?

Oh, and I’m mildly interested in ’Cuse and ’Sota and will definitely pass out watching LSU.

Location: ATL
Beverages: Miller Lite, Beam and Coke Zero
Schedule:

1:00: Jacksonville State @ Georgia Tech — Live! In Person! No Perriloux. Sad face. We’ll see if I make it past the second quarter.
3:00: Georgia @ Oklahoma State
7:00: At the bar for Charleston Southern @ Florida, with a close eye on BYU @ Oklahoma and VT-Bama
Viking Time: LSU @ Washington

Noon: Switching between Navy @ THE Ohio State University and Montana St. @ Michigan State.

1pm: GT unleashes STEVE on the JaxSt. Gamecocks for fun and profit.

3:30pm: Torn between U(sic)GA and the Cowpokes, and Western Michigan @ Michigan watching RichRod play for his job.

6:00pm: MTSU @ Clemson.

7:00pm: BYU @ Ooooooooooooooklahoma. Plus Wofford @ South Flordia. Go Terriers!

8:00pm: VPISU @ Ala’damn’bama.

10:00pm: Maryland @ Cal.

Sam Octoberfest, and Maker’s Mark for me and my crew. Plus, boiling 5 lbs of peanuts this afternoon.

One minute observation: Cowboy Troy still sucks.

Hey, no Kenny Chesney on Gameday. ESPN was just playing a little joke

Noon: Probably still in a car, trying to find a parking place in downtown St Louis that doesn’t cost my firstborn son. If not, then Minnesota-the now de-GERG’d Cuse.

2:40 Central Daylight Time: After copious amounts of alcohol (I am going to a “$20 gets you all you can drink, and we do mean ALL YOU CAN DRINK” tailgate, after all), I trudge to the Ed Jones Dome to see Mizzou put Illinois on the right way to a smack bottom.

Following that, probably back to my house, where I’ll watch a TiVoed UGA-Okie Light game, followed by flipping between BYU-Oklahoma and Bama-Va Tech, ending up with LSU-UDub.

11:00-12 ish…sister arrives, go to lunch, either somewhere in Starkvegas or home. Trek up to the Junction and troll some tailgates. Head up to the nosebleed seats in the upper deck for Mississippi State v. Jackson State, Watch the BIGGEST JUMBOMEGAPORTHOLECOWTRON IN THE SEC plus the most kickass halftime show EVAR featuring the Sonic Boom of the South. Race into the Mississippi evening in time to catch Bama/VT.

Noonish – try to not pass out from combo of heat, excitement, and residual dehydration from last 48 hours while tailgating in swampy Gainesville
1530 – Irish/Wolfpack – Little Throw Peep’s Debutante Ball (Golden Tate is his escort)
1800 – try to figure out how to sneak laptop into Swamp so I can watch US v El Salvador on ESPN360
1900 – Quarkbacks Gone Wild – Urban Meyer fights impulse to test limits of fancy new scoreboards
1945 – reserve JohnBrantley4Heisman.com using iPhone

Shopping for a house in the day with as many look-ins on games as possible…blech. Then Western Carolina-Vanderbilt (inexplicably but awesomely televised here in Baton Rouge — is this a sign of good or bad things to come for Vandy?) and of course LSU-Washington.

Watching the first half of the first quarter of ND, then heading to a wedding where I will be inseparable from the blackberry until the game ends.

Then my night goes one of two ways: get rip-roarin drunk and try to bag a bridesmaid; or get rip-roarin drunk and start Blountin’ fools (I’m in Oregon for the weekend, so its cool).
GO IRISH!

Man. You two are WAY too close together on that map. I don’t like the way this is shaping up AT ALL.