GOOD MORNING, LIFE.

A couple of quick announcements before we conclude today’s service.

One, would the owner of the cardinal red Mercedes – bumper sticker "Surf or Die" and license tag "LIFEWINR" please refrain from parking in the fire lane. This is your third and final warning.

Two, please remember to attend next week’s Pancake Breakfast. All funds go to support the ACC Stadium Expansion program.

/moves to front of altar

/sprinkles congregation with bourbon
In the name of the Father, Pop Warner
/sprinkles congregation with scotch
In the name of the Sonny Lubick
/sprinkles congregation with beer
In the name of The Galloping Ghost

Let us pray.
Dear Football Gods,
May all our quarterbacks remain healthy, our running backs remain academically eligible and our coaches off the proverbial "hot seat".
Most importantly, may all our tailgates remain cloud and police-free. The latter allowing the underage coeds among us to freely drink of the beverages of the Earth you have graced us with, without fear of repercussions.

Now, please join Mrs. Kiffin in singing today’s exit hymn, 5-7 in your hymnal, "Shall we gather at the (Tennessee) river?".

Our service has ended; let us go eat 8-piece.

/makes signal for "Personal Foul, Roughing the Passer"

AraParseghian, AraParseghian
Amen.

Fuck, my hair just caught on fire. ITS GAMEDAY MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOO

Glitter,glisten
gloss,floss
I catch a beat running like Randy Moss

FOOOOOOOTBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!

Can we get a time estimate for the Fulmer Cup writeup so I don’t just refresh the page all day?

/tardstruts

I’m even thankful for the visual puke explosion that is Oregon’s unis on the Smurf Turf tonight.

FOOOTBAW!!!

I LiiiiiIIIIKKKKEEEE

(borat voice)

My bowels just violently emptied in eager anticipation of the damage to be done in the near future to my digestive track.

and so tonight the world spins on greased grooves again

@1

In Tebow’s name we pray, Amen.

/FOOBAW!!!!

Tonight, and tonight only, Troy v. Bowling Green means something…………………….

Over/under on flung visors tonight: 2.

I’ll take over; don’t harsh our buzz, Stephen Garcia.

I’m vibrating, and for once it’s not due to the DTs.

Dear Footbaw Gods: If you spare my corneas tonight and deliver the goods in the late ESPN game, I’ll stop delivery of that kitten’s head in a box to Greg Paulus.

Any chance Stephen Garcia makes it to the 2nd half?

I am very, very happy today. No longer untethered, adrift…

Pitchfork says “B.O.B.” is the best song of the decade. I fear disagreeing with them would result in a mind-numbing retort full of references to Pavement, Eno, skinny jeans, and the influences of the post-album musical generation.

In true SEC game day fashion, I will spend my day listening to an inexplicable mix of 90’s hip hop and 70’s country.

YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rips off clothes, paints self in school colors, streaks through Drill Field ringing cowbell (and I’m not even a State fan, just work here) and shouting Hotty Toddy and Rammer Jammer, gets tackled by bicycle campus police, explains to dean later why she should still be considered for tenure

Wow, football is this close at hand? You couldn’t tell it by listening to Raleigh sports radio. Yesterday we had the pleasure of listening to discussion about round-ball scheduling in the morning and, in for those rabid, southern hockey fans, we listened to Carolina Hurricanes update. Hip hip hooray for living in ACC country!

I take this as a sign from above…Outkast to begin the season…I have a lovely pic of myself with Andre Benjamin in the Scottsdale Denny’s following the Buckeye depantsing.

Sweet.

(Needless to say, my parents had no idea who he was.)

I’m so jacked right now. If you cut me, my blood would kick your ass and sleep with your sister because FOOTBALL, BITCH.

I was wondering how I was going to make it till five o’clock today so I could run home and light the grill….Thank you for BOB…I will now spend the rest of the day making reconciling statements and making journal entries to the spectacular sounds of Outcast, Usher, Beastie Boys, Kanye, TI and quite possbily a Chingy song. Then i will fill the last thirty minutes with Mitch Hedberg just so I don’t have to think and can sit at my desk and giggle.

THANK MOTHERFUCKING GOD!!!!…FOOTBALL IS HERE!

I just received my unemployment check in the mail today…and I’m putting it ALL on South Carolina +5. Don’t let me down Ol’ Ball Coach!

@7 Shit I didn’t even think about that…. Ohh god is that going to SUCK out loud!

Much love to the house for getting us through to this glorious, glorious day. We couldn’t have done it without you.

Is it wrong to love this day more than the day when the Baby Jeebus was born? Because I do.

Is it wrong to want a toddy in red solo cup RIGHT FREAKING NOW even though it’s not yet noon? Because I do.

HOLY SHIT!!! IT"S FINALLY TIME!!! FOOTBAW IS HERE!!!!